Do you feel the need to give meaning to your decision ?

[mavis]

Even if I feel like it's stupid, I still want to attach things to my decision, and I don't know if it's because I'm scared and just telling myself I'm waiting for the right moment, or if I'm actually choosing to give some kind of meaning to it.
I feel like I want to do it in a way that will be linked to who I am. I've chosen to die at 27, for example, because of my attachment to the figure of Kurt Cobain I have in my brain. But as I'm writing this, it just feels so stupid.
I am a survivor of a child trafficking ring linked to a cult. I'm not even sure of what's real anymore.
When I was eight years old, between the torture, a child managed to escape just for a little bit, and stabbed both of her wrists with a kitchen knife.
Me and other kids found her as she was dying, and we weren't allowed to do anything.
I didn't know her, I just called her Blue in my mind, because that's the color her body turned.
Anyway, since that memory came back, I keep wanting to attach that memory to my death, as an hommage almost.
Do you also want to attach anything to your decision ? Sorry if it's very unclear and messy.

 

[WAITING TO DIE]

Sorry you went through such a horrific experience. Its truly an evil world we live in.
I hope the assholes who did this to you die a slow and terribly painful death.
I personally won't be attaching anything to my decision

 

[mavis]

Thank you for your answer <33

 

[mavis]

She was eight years old, and I didn't say she shouldn't have done it, not at all, I just said that event marked me so I wanted to honor her memory in a way

 

[pthnrdnojvsc]

She was eight years old, and I didn't say she shouldn't have done it, not at all, I just said that event marked me so I wanted to honor her memory in a way

I'm not saying u said that. I said many people say that.

I was asking those questions in a rhetorical way not to u explicitly

I don't know ur position on that.

You don't have to state ur position as u might get criticized
I think I might Also honor many that ctb in that way. Some I knew here , Ronnie mcnut, bud dyewer etc

 

[SVEN]

Dying will be meaningfull enough for me.

 

[FuneralCry]

In my case I just want to be forgotten about, I see death as the most normal thing anyway, I see nothing meaningful about the ending of an insignificant existence that never should have existed in the first place and I don't wish for it to be meaningful either.

I just wish to ctb as all that feels rational to me is eternally escaping from all future suffering, there's nothing desirable about having the ability to suffer in this hellish and harmful reality, I see it as better that existence is erased.

 

[tourniquetbunny]

How awful My heart goes out to you and any fellow survivors, what a horrible thing to experience.
Sometimes I think about adding like a funny note, saying something super bizarre or very un-pc, or dressing up in a silly way, just to try to lessen the impact of my death. In reality, I would truly like to be hidden away, with no one to witness my body.

 

[mavis]

I can relate to wanting to left something bizarre or even funny, I realized I had a really weird look hanging

 

[Arachno]

Cult child trafficking? Damn, that's some truly horrible shit, so sorry you had to go trough that.
I will probably attach a short nonsensical note or something like that, nothing deep

 

[F@#$]

I want to exact petty revenge on a few folks first. When I go I plan on making an awful chaotic traumatizing wreck. Something not to be forgotten by all the people who have dismissed me. I haven't worked out the details but it'll be grand.

 

[Raindancer]

I am really sorry that happened to you and you have to deal with the aftermath. I think if you want to attach that, you should, or attach anything you want. If I had something that would be impactful I would do that, but right now I honestly don't.

 

[hi-okbye]

i'm so sorry you went through all of that, many hugs to you
i find it so beautiful how you want to commemorate her, i wish you luck on that.
i'm not sure about my death, but a lot of things i do i relate to my partner who passed.
it may be part of my OCD, but a lot has to do with numbers. numbers i see, time numbers, just anything that relates to him.