Do you feel like you have no other option than to ctb?

[BlazingBob]

For me it's either be homeless with serious debilitating physical health issues or ctb. I'm going broke and disability just isn't an option even if I were approved because it wouldn't even be enough to pay for a room for rent.

I'm wondering how many others on here feel like their back is against the wall. I can't be the only one. It's a very scary place to be in. (And being over 50 doesn't help)

 

[アホペンギン]

Yes, i see no other option for myself. nor do i see myself having any decent future. ever. At a very young age, my father completely destroyed my mental health, my self esteem and my ambitiousness. I used to try to do better but his abuse really affected me over the years. Now i can't bring myself to do anything to fix myself… He and my siblings made me believe that i'm useless and incompetent and now that thought is staying with me and it probably won't leave. My only choice is ctb but i might even screw that up because of my incompetence.

 

[bedhead_baby]

Yes. Every day at work reminds me that this is all I have to look forward to for the rest of my life. The cruelty never ends, the hoarding cases come in one after another, and people still think it's okay to breed more puppies just to be left on the street. I could get a new job, but what would I do? I'd like to do something I find somewhat meaningful. Long hours and little pay will be the norm anywhere I go. Keeping this up while trying to care for my body, when I was never taught how, is seeming more impossible by the day. I'm tired.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I'm sorry OP that life brought you to this point. I'm personally not with "the back against the wall" yet but to avoid this I personally consider CTB earlier before that happens because I already know that my life may not turn to a birght future anymore. So I'd say CTB is inevitable for me.

 

[BlazingBob]

Yes, i see no other option for myself. nor do i see myself having any decent future. ever. At a very young age, my father completely destroyed my mental health, my self esteem and my ambitiousness. I used to try to do better but his abuse really affected me over the years. Now i can't bring myself to do anything to fix myself… He and my siblings made me believe that i'm useless and incompetent and now that thought is staying with me and it probably won't leave. My only choice is ctb but i might even screw that up because of my incompetence.

My dad is awful too. My mom isn't much better. My parents hate each other and hate their kids, and probably themselves, who knows. Growing up was absolutely hell on earth and at 50 years old I'm as screwed up as ever, despite all kinds of attempts to fix myself. Kids need love and encouragement and unfortunately I got neither. What I did get was horrendous violence inflicted on me both mental and physical. I could fill pages with examples. I have two older brothers. One has done well financially but is totally miserable and as he puts it is just waiting to die. My other brother is a meth head and heroin addict.

 

[Fktw0rld]

Absolutely. My only other option is a future of loneliness, pain, suffering and memories. Which to me, isn't an option. Leaving me with only 2 choices in life. SN or partial.

 

[imustgo]

My dad is awful too. My mom isn't much better. My parents hate each other and hate their kids, and probably themselves, who knows. Growing up was absolutely hell on earth and at 50 years old I'm as screwed up as ever, despite all kinds of attempts to fix myself. Kids need love and encouragement and unfortunately I got neither. What I did get was horrendous violence inflicted on me both mental and physical. I could fill pages with examples. I have two older brothers. One has done well financially but is totally miserable and as he puts it is just waiting to die. My other brother is a meth head and heroin addict.

So sorry to hear this mate.

 

[helpmepls]

i have a choice between watching all of the people i love turn on me, my mom going from stroking my hair yesterday to wanting me to die, and having no hope of a civilized life ever; or simply dying. And i have a time limit of one week! :)

 

[mob]

I really hate how money controls the world. No money? No home. No food. Nothing. I completely understand that you feel like your back is against the wall. So sorry to hear that :(.

Personally, no, I don't feel like my back is against the wall, but I believe I won't ever get better. I've been in constant suffering mentally since I can remember. I remember that now all that lies ahead of me is work until I retire.
I used to love going out and drinking, but now I can't even muster up the energy to do that. Everything feels like a waste of time - eating, sleeping, working, meeting friends, etc. Even my relationship feels like a chore. Every time I try to climb out of this hole, it yanks me right back in. I'm 100% certain I will leave this life by ctb.

 

[Red Moon]

Yes, I don't see much hope other than to ctb. I don't have much of a future, I can't really cope with gaming anymore because the flashbacks keep coming back and their isn't anything new I want to play since finishing Final Fantasy xvi a few weeks ago, I'm just losing interest in games and I might have had narcissistic parents.

 

[Fox of June]

My days are filled with nothing but thoughts of CTB and now feels the intensity and desire to commit to it grows and grows and likely will be soon. The opportunities to change left along time ago, now the option I have is to CTB. This mental anguish has made me suffer far too long.

 

[Sweet Tart]

Yes, I don't see much hope other than to ctb. I don't have much of a future, I can't really cope with gaming anymore because the flashbacks keep coming back and their isn't anything new I want to play since finishing Final Fantasy xvi a few weeks ago, I'm just losing interest in games and I might have had narcissistic parents.

Have you considered XIV, the mmo? I'm sorry if you've been asked a million times already. I was asked many times before I came around and got into it. I am not a social person and avoided it for a long time, but it has seemingly endless content and is my nightly reprieve.

I actually also have narcissistic parents. I'm sorry about that, too. It's a nightmare & I know it can be much worse even than what I am dealing with.

For the past few years, I've felt that there is no option but to ctb. I can see no future for myself and no way out of this depression. Meds haven't worked. Changing what I could change in my life hasn't worked. And I'm stuck staying with emotionally abusive family with no imaginable way out.

Too depressed to work, barely able to care for myself, and no one wants me around. They want me to "get better" and use manipulation and threats to try to force me to do things they think will help. But they don't even know me and are just causing me to panic and worsen my depression. Rn they're on vacay and I feel peaceful but they will be back in a few days and the torture will resume.

 

[Red Moon]

Have you considered XIV, the mmo? I'm sorry if you've been asked a million times already. I was asked many times before I came around and got into it. I am not a social person and avoided it for a long time, but it has seemingly endless content and is my nightly reprieve.

I actually also have narcissistic parents. I'm sorry about that, too. It's a nightmare & I know it can be much worse even than what I am dealing with.

For the past few years, I've felt that there is no option but to ctb. I can see no future for myself and no way out of this depression. Meds haven't worked. Changing what I could change in my life hasn't worked. And I'm stuck staying with emotionally abusive family with no imaginable way out.

Too depressed to work, barely able to care for myself, and no one wants me around. They want me to "get better" and use manipulation and threats to try to force me to do things they think will help. But they don't even know me and are just causing me to panic and worsen my depression. Rn they're on vacay and I feel peaceful but they will be back in a few days and the torture will resume.

No, I have yet to play XIV it's kind of overwhelming with all of the expansions and stuff that i missed but I'm willing to play it. I'm not a social person either.

Sorry about your situation.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

I don't see any other option for me. either. I'm in my 50s, completely alone, have witnessed first-hand the misery that aging brings, and have absolutely no desire to see how this "movie" called My Life ends in some natural way. I don't want to end up with some insidious disease, or a heart attack, or stroke and have to end up living in a nursing home being spoon fed and having my ass wiped. I have to go before that happens. I just hope I can get the things I need to do finished before anything happens. Life has really made the decision for me (to CTB).

 

[BlazingBob]

I don't see any other option for me. either. I'm in my 50s, completely alone, have witnessed first-hand the misery that aging brings, and have absolutely no desire to see how this "movie" called My Life ends in some natural way. I don't want to end up with some insidious disease, or a heart attack, or stroke and have to end up living in a nursing home being spoon fed and having my ass wiped. I have to go before that happens. I just hope I can get the things I need to do finished before anything happens. Life has really made the decision for me (to CTB).

I already have an insidious disease. I also refuse to grow old and decrepit. I'm almost 51 and don't have a pot to piss in. I'll be homeless soon. Totally alone. Life has made the decision for me too.

 

[Sweet Tart]

No, I have yet to play XIV it's kind of overwhelming with all of the expansions and stuff that i missed but I'm willing to play it. I'm not a social person either.

Sorry about your situation.

Just fyi, none of the content goes away and the majority of it can be played solo. For some duties, you have to be in a party, but the game has a matching system. There's usually no talking beyond 'hi' at the beginning or if someone asks for help. People are generally kind and happy to help new players. There are venues for socializing that are separate from playing the story, so it's no pressure to interact.

 

[Livingvsdying25]

Yeah, I cant work. To gain the supports I would need to work I'd have to be on my asshole of a father's insurance & that's limited as well anyway.

Plus the amount if health issues my body is producing is just too fucking much for any kinda person.... Everyone but my stupid father & brother acknowledges that it's alot. Like yeah Ik creating chosen family when ur family is shit but I'm tired of the impact their abuse has had. I have to attend therapy I can't fucking afford to actually get passed all of it.


So yeah ima be honest as of late it's def feeling like I don't have any options but to CTB. My own feelings around everything which is being sick of this shit fucking life is forcing me to needa CTB. My own needs within my disabilities that I can't afford has left me with revelation of needing to CTB.

Like even in a country like Canada. Healthcare coverage is getting worse and worse. I can't take this shit anymore.

 

[Hunter2005]

Yes I am tired of this cruel ass world. I have spent the last three years trying to heal for my trauma but unfortunately it keeps getting worse.

 

[DunnoWhyButYeah]

Yup nothing works for me so I'm kind of hopeless atm.

 

[BlazingBob]

Yes I am tired of this cruel ass world. I have spent the last three years trying to heal for my trauma but unfortunately it keeps getting worse.

Not to be discouraging, but I've spent over 3 decades trying to cope with trauma and abuse and am just as screwed up as when I started

 

[jbear824]

You an I are in the same position OP. I am also facing homelessness and destitution. For me, it's mental illness instead of physical stuff. Though I do have pretty difficult GI issues, which I have no idea how to handle without access to a bathroom, so that's going to be interesting. But I know exactly how you feel.

At this point I know its my only way out of a life like that. But I have people I can't leave behind which has the lovely side effect of making me feel trapped.

I'm sorry these things are happening to us. Homelessness shouldn't even exist. It shouldn't happen to anyone.

 

[Hollowman]

I feel like a cornered animal, I should've hung myself decades ago.

 

[BlazingBob]

I feel like a cornered animal, I should've hung myself decades ago.

One of the worst decisions I made was not ctb when I was 25.

 

[embrace_release]

I'm getting backed into the corner as well. My inability to find a way for me to make money is gonna leave me with no other option than to quit life all together. No way I'm gonna drag out this sad existence longer than is has to be. I wouldn't say I'd enjoy life if my financial situation was different, given that I'd still have to deal with my mental hurdles, but I certainly would be more at peace with myself. Do things to distract me. Find a home where I feel safe. Pursue things I'm interested in.

money certainly can't buy happiness but it can buy you options for leaving rock bottom.

 

[SlenderM]

For me it's either be homeless with serious debilitating physical health issues or ctb. I'm going broke and disability just isn't an option even if I were approved because it wouldn't even be enough to pay for a room for rent.

I'm wondering how many others on here feel like their back is against the wall. I can't be the only one. It's a very scary place to be in. (And being over 50 doesn't help)

I feel like I can't ctb yet, I understand why people would, but I currently have no desire to. My life has been pretty bad, but I still try to keep hope in desperate situations.

- S

 

[Szinuus]

Im 23, have my own apartment, very supportive parents but I just feel so worthless. I cant find a job, because there is always someone better. My studies probably will give me no job in the future except education that is so low paid in my country that no one wants to do this. I feel like burden and want to end this misery. I have easy access to SN in my country so its just a matter of time.

 

[Captive_Mind515]

Yes, I cannot honestly see any other way out of my cursed existence. The walls are closing in.

I try to keep putting effort into life, just for the tiny percentage chance that I could actually turn things around… but in reality I am just barely managing not to drown everyday!

I have resolved in my mind, that this cycle cannot go on indefinitely. I refuse to live the rest of my life this way. So CTB will likely come to my door in the very near future!

 

[isthisit?]

I probably could turn my life around but I've dug myself in way too deep so it's not worth the effort getting out of it and I'm probably gonna fall in again so what's the point. And even if I could get myself out I don't like this place so yeah.

 

[shantyizlit]

It's either go on with this miserable experience or ctb. I'm not literally forced I could just keep on living a life that I have no desire to live.. but I can't really do that actually. So I feel quite forced to ctb, I hope a heroin overdose is awesome.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I feel so bad for your situation. I don't quite feel like my back is against the wall. I suppose I feel more like an ant looking up at Mount Everest with the rumour that there's one grain of sugar at the very top and I'm thinking- it really doesn't seem worth the effort for something that may not even be there at the end.

It's got to feel so frightening though- to feel like you're being forced into it. I'm sorry.