Discussion Do you feel like you have a perfectly good body going to waste? That you're destined for more, but don't want to see it through?

[Codieb1]

Now this is by no means any attempt to brag or anything, I'm ugly and I have no skills.

However my body DOES NOT want to die. It's unbelievably resilient to sickness, bone breaks, pain, can heal at an unheard-of rate, metabolism that lets me eat absolutely anything and not gain weight, and absolutely nothing is wrong with my body. With this in mind I'm pretty damn scared of attempting suicide in fear it'll fail. I can drink triple my recommended dosage for medicine and it'll barely just work as intended, I can jump from a fourth floor of a building and have nothing but a few scratches, I can tolerate freezing or hot temperatures for an unnaturally long time. I don't know my limits but I'm scared to find them. I'm planning on taking SN very soon, but will my body just shrug it off the next day?

So I'm curious to hear about your reasons for being on this site. Are you proud of who you are, but are just caught in unreasonable circumstances you can't escape? Do you feel like you need to go further in your life, but it isn't worth it in the end?

 

[joshe]

Yes but i don't feel bad for this, it's just a genetic lottery and I am doing what is natural for my brain to do

 

[JoeFailure]

While I have to work harder to maintain a good body with exercise and relatively healthy eating, yeah my body would be a waste.

I don't know if I'm destined to do something great. I want to. My reasons are purely financial. And some mental health with pretty bad adhd that I never had diagnosed, but it explains so much about how I've always had a hard time keeping jobs long-term.

I'm actually socially totally fine too. People think I'm a smart person. But I wasn't at all when it came to money and career. I was devastatingly stupid about that.

I'm firmly a member of the "don't want to die but see no way out and just don't want to feel the pain anymore" club.

 

[Bagger]

Not really. I do appreciate complexity and beautifulness of bilions physico-chemical processes that happen in my body, but not this joke that emerge from them.

 

[Weems]

Yeah. I was a serious athlete not long ago, tall-ish and handsome too. Also: high IQ, good test scores, supportive parents.

I think the problem is that I developed a sense of superiority when I was very young. This led to stupid and shameful decisions in adolescence because I thought I was "above it all" and would cruise to success without effort and without respecting other people.

I have a spare tire now and haven't really lifted in a year. I'm 30. Still, yes, my death would be a waste of a good body. Wish I could give it to some disabled person.

 

[Oblivion Lover]

Nah, I absolutely hate this body. Many things on it, including my brain, are defective and refuse to work properly. Also, even if my body worked completely fine or was even superior to the bodies of other people I'd still hate it. Everything on the human body is so gross and stinky and fragile. I feel trapped in this gross meat sack. If I wanted to keep living I'd do everything possible to become a cyborg. Those arm and leg prosthetics with sense of touch currently being developed looked very interesting to me.

 

[stupidmansuit]

Nah, my body gave out in pursuit of my goals, and basically cannot be mended at this point, I know there's nothing more i could have done, i laid everything out there, but am now just a shell of myself.

 

[not_a_robot]

Nope. That feeling is just part of the chemically driven animal-instinct meant to make us "feel special" so we'll keep plodding along in search of our "destiny". Breeding all the while, ideally; that's it's real purpose. Twenty years later you're just another dissatisfied suburbanite parent, bitter about how greatness passed you by and life is so unfair, using Facebook to plan secret affairs with in-laws and cousins.
Nope. Destiny is bullshit. We all have the same destiny: breed and then fucking die. Some people get a little luckier than others in the process, but it's really all the same. Breed and die.

Nah, I absolutely hate this body. Many things on it, including my brain, are defective and refuse to work properly. Also, even if my body worked completely fine or was even superior to the bodies of other people I'd still hate it. Everything on the human body is so gross and stinky and fragile. I feel trapped in this gross meat sack. If I wanted to keep living I'd do everything possible to become a cyborg. Those arm and leg prosthetics with sense of touch currently being developed looked very interesting to me.

Yes! organic life is just slimy and wet and painful! GROSS!
I used to fantasize about a higher plane of consciousness but now I will settle for just exiting this slimy pile of goop that requires constant feeding and emptying. I dream of the last shit I will ever have to take, and being done.

 

[dreamsofdestruction]

It's not pretty, but it's functional. I have no physical health problems at all. I think it would serve me well until old age.

Kinda of a pity to throw it away, yes.

But we'd have to reset my brain to factory defaults and turn back my age a decade or a bit more to be able to go on.

 

[Pistolero114]

Nah, my body gave out in pursuit of my goals, and basically cannot be mended at this point, I know there's nothing more i could have done, i laid everything out there, but am now just a shell of myself.

I have had one natural talent all my life but was told you'll never make a living with that; you're wasting your time with that; go get a real job and support your family. That talent is music. I can read write and have just always had the ability to glance at written music and play it on a variety of instruments. Why am running off at the mouth about? Simple. I just found an idea for a song in some of your words; "a shell of myself". While I am wait for inspiration to strike on ctb maybe I'll muse that over and see what floats to the surface..thank you. Seriously thanks.

 

[dandan]

Actually my life could've been so much more,
but so much more! I mean, really , physically I've got everything, plus good looks.
I could've been VERY happy

but some emotional , social, financial, Big mistakes, and recurring thought of how my DAD used to insult me
this is what I dont like
but many many many people live life successful despite of what has happened to me

I just dont know if I WANT to live a life where I can lookback and remember how VERY different my life could've been,
how other people actions fucked me up and how I want revenge and fucking them up, making their lives hell
but I think that would be very difficult and miserable, so maybe I rather die?

I want to die, because my life could've been awesome
and now I have to live a life not awesome , but a little under average, and very under the environment I grew up in.
what a shame, almost a shame

 

[Scribble Fan]

There's nothing wrong with my body. I haven't been participating in any self-care rituals recently but I could reverse that, I just don't want to. I'm not necessary throwing away my body which, yes, is still plenty usable. I'm getting rid of my life and unfortunately my shell has to go along with it.

 

[Leonfreak17]

I feel bad because I know i'm smart and good and all that shit but it just doesn't matter to me. It makes me cry that i've been through so much and learned so much but its all for nothing because I will kill myself some day.

 

[Pistolero114]

I feel bad because I know i'm smart and good and all that shit but it just doesn't matter to me. It makes me cry that i've been through so much and learned so much but its all for nothing because I will kill myself some day.

Do you play any musical instruments by any chance?

 

[Leonfreak17]

Do you play any musical instruments by any chance?

No, But I love to sing, lately my singing voice has been shit because I've been smoking a lot of weed.. it helps a bit but not enough, obviously

 

[omoidarui]

I have had one natural talent all my life but was told you'll never make a living with that; you're wasting your time with that; go get a real job and support your family. That talent is music.

have you considered teaching, or if you're a pianist and good sight-reader as you say, accompanying

 

[Morphinekiss]

Nah. I'm a fat piece of shit since I stopped dancing in my 20s. I've got a pretty face though, and am smart, but who cares about intelligence when the rest is crap?

 

[ManWithNoName]

I'm firmly a member of the "don't want to die but see no way out and just don't want to feel the pain anymore" club.

I'm think I'm a member of that club.

 

[Mbound]

Now this is by no means any attempt to brag or anything, I'm ugly and I have no skills.

However my body DOES NOT want to die. It's unbelievably resilient to sickness, bone breaks, pain, can heal at an unheard-of rate, metabolism that lets me eat absolutely anything and not gain weight, and absolutely nothing is wrong with my body. With this in mind I'm pretty damn scared of attempting suicide in fear it'll fail. I can drink triple my recommended dosage for medicine and it'll barely just work as intended, I can jump from a fourth floor of a building and have nothing but a few scratches, I can tolerate freezing or hot temperatures for an unnaturally long time. I don't know my limits but I'm scared to find them. I'm planning on taking SN very soon, but will my body just shrug it off the next day?

So I'm curious to hear about your reasons for being on this site. Are you proud of who you are, but are just caught in unreasonable circumstances you can't escape? Do you feel like you need to go further in your life, but it isn't worth it in the end?

No, my body is absolute shit and is the reason I've never been able to and will never be able to have a normal life. It's only getting worse too. If I had a body like that I would not ctb, but I have it good in a lot of other ways so I'm not trying to say you don't have your reasons.

 

[Pistolero114]

have you considered teaching, or if you're a pianist and good sight-reader as you say, accompanying

Actually I have instructed in the past.....followed another avenue and of course got stuck there paying bills. I sight read piano is a somewhat slower fashion than reading my guitar tablature and I'll leave it at that. Guitar(s) have always been my passion and the mainstay of my resume and repertoire. Any genre of the song speaks to me. Currently have several hundred original pressing vinyl records in everything from original Johnny Cash to some more modern artists....vinyl came to a screeching halt about mid 90's. (Similar to my marriage). I suppose in that fashion I may still have a purpose... something new to think about; thank you...

No, But I love to sing, lately my singing voice has been shit because I've been smoking a lot of weed.. it helps a bit but not enough, obviously

I hear that.

 

[Pistolero114]

Actually I have instructed in the past.....followed another avenue and of course got stuck there paying bills. I sight read piano is a somewhat slower fashion than reading my guitar tablature and I'll leave it at that. Guitar(s) have always been my passion and the mainstay of my resume and repertoire. Any genre of the song speaks to me. Currently have several hundred original pressing vinyl records in everything from original Johnny Cash to some more modern artists....vinyl came to a screeching halt about mid 90's. (Similar to my marriage). I suppose in that fashion I may still have a purpose... something new to think about; thank you...

I hear that.


You know Janice smoked a lot of weed and she sounded awesome. Same goes for Bob Marley. Just a thought. Didn't say it was a good one.

 

[TimeToDie]

My body is quite bad. I'm obese and middle-aged and my teeth absolutely horrible. I'm so out of shape that mowing my lawn took two tries yesterday with a break of 30 minutes+ in between and still I got less than half the lawn done. High blood pressure, high cholesterol, high triglycerides, low T, ED, low back pain, cervical ridiculopathy, etc... I had no clue how (relatively) good I had it 20 years ago.

 

[seekingoblivion]

No. I've had allergies since childhood and I've always been susceptible to infections. I'm overweight. I'm perpetually fatigued. I'm destined for death if you ask me.

 

[dandan]

It's all good here, physically, just crippling social issues, like self esteem and that shit but not because of self esteem itself , but because since young I had a pretty fucked up socializing abilities, thinking abilities, maybe wrong perceptions, and even when I was already suicidal I lost a ton of money in top of that ... Ridiculous

 

[262653]

By good body you mean suitable for a living? Better in stats that promote life? You mentioned a strong constitution. Is that a good stat to have if you're fixated on dying?
Apparently my body isn't good enough for a living because I look persistently in the opposite direction. Some might think I've learned my strengths and weaknesses by comparing myself with others all my life, but nope... I think I'm fundamentally flawed in some crucial aspect... the way I deal with life's bullshit is a disgrace.
For a long time I was considering myself very smart but now I'm not sure... Not sure if it matters. I often entertain myself with a thought that my life would be worth living if some of my mental attributes were higher... But that only reinforces my longing for death. I'd like to keep rolling for a 90+ attribute score in the sum, I'm patient enough.

 

[color_me_gone]

my body DOES NOT want to die. It's unbelievably resilient to sickness, bone breaks, pain, can heal at an unheard-of rate

That's me, buddy!
I am not allergic to anything, seldom get sick, if I do get sick, I recover quickly.
My blood pressure is always low, my BMI is excellent.
I am muscular without going to the gym.
I have fallen several times without the slightest injury.
I'll be 67 this month, but feel like 25.
I have no aches or pains.
Other than depression, I don't suffer from any other ailment.
My doctor tells me I am very fortunate.

With that said, I cannot trust using meds or poisons to ctb.
I am absolutely sure my body will find a way to survive.
I feel I can't even trust the reliables like N or SN.
Even with the best anti-emetics, I am sure my body would puke up whatever I take.

So my chosen method is inert gas/exit bag.
No matter how amazing your body is, it cannot survive without oxygen.
So as long as you follow the method carefully and correctly, the body can't fight it.
It is peaceful and painless.

I would never attempt SN, and I highly discourage you from using that method.

 

[Codieb1]

That's me, buddy!
I am not allergic to anything, seldom get sick, if I do get sick, I recover quickly.
My blood pressure is always low, my BMI is excellent.
I am muscular without going to the gym.
I have fallen several times without the slightest injury.
I'll be 67 this month, but feel like 25.
I have no aches or pains.
Other than depression, I don't suffer from any other ailment.
My doctor tells me I am very fortunate.

With that said, I cannot trust using meds or poisons to ctb.
I am absolutely sure my body will find a way to survive.
I feel I can't even trust the reliables like N or SN.
Even with the best anti-emetics, I am sure my body would puke up whatever I take.

So my chosen method is inert gas/exit bag.
No matter how amazing your body is, it cannot survive without oxygen.
So as long as you follow the method carefully and correctly, the body can't fight it.
It is peaceful and painless.

I would never attempt SN, and I highly discourage you from using that method.

There's very little consequences from a failed SN attempt, I don't see much to lose honestly. I cannot go through with oxygen deprivation methods, my SI kicks in like fucking crazy. The thought alone of Exit Bag scares me

 

[Catch_The_Beaver]

My perfectly good body didn't exist a couple of decades ago, yet the world kept moving. There is no difference in dying or living, no matter how perfect our body is now, according to us, it is no better than when it ultimately decomposes and/or burns. Nothing is ever wasted.

 

[NostalgiaOnFire]

If I really delved into this answer I could talk for decades. My life has been such a roller coaster, and I've made so many mistakes because of how I've tried to self-medicate through my disabling mental illnesses. (C-PTSD, bipolar disorder, panic disorder, generalized anxiety disorder, ADHD, auditory hallucinations).

Most importantly, I feel incredibly sad that through this suicide process I'm going to be throwing away a lot of good organs that could be used by somebody who actually wants to live. If I knew of a way to kill myself that would allow my organs to be harvested for transplant to save others I would definitely do that but it's not easy.

I have 2 bachelor's degrees, both in helping fields, but now I can't use them because of my criminal record and mental illnesses, and I just can't do this anymore.

I am a Christian and I am horribly afraid that I might go to hell because I killed myself, but I know my God is a God of mercy and he knows my heart. I think he understands. I just wish I could have done more with this life because I had a lot to offer in some ways.

 

[Alec]

Physically I'm not perfect but I'm pretty good, I'm wouldn't complain if it wasn't for the circumstances of my life. If I had the opportunity I want so bad then I wouldn't complain about the bad physical things I have, I would keep inspiring myself to beat them. But my circumstances can't seem to be beaten so....but my body resists bad things pretty good so now I'm afraid how it will resist SN or N when I drink it. But maybe I will still die, I'm pretty sure I will. Plus from what I'm reading here if I survive SN there won't be any permanent too serious damage, so that's good.