Do you feel like an alien in a dystopian nightmare?

[foreverfalling]

I feel a kind of loneliness that does not get better being around people, it just makes me feel even more alone. Pretending to be one of them just to survive, everyday, because the alternative is even worse.

In movies, people would be such good friends that they will stick up for the other person even though they are in the wrong. There is no one I can depend on, to have my back. I have recently experienced what I would call a betrayal, spilling out my feelings to someone I considered a good friend, giving them the benefit of the doubt and hoping they'd show some sort of support. Except they turned everything around and blamed it all on me.

It is like I am Winston in 1984. Everywhere I am watched, and I must mask myself as one of them otherwise I will be disappeared. Having such different views of the world makes me feel wholeheartedly like I do not belong. Threads like this especially make me fear that I cannot reveal anything about myself at all to people (https://sanctioned-suicide.net/thre...uly-2022-on-exit-international-website.96477/). Just merely revealing you have dissident thoughts will get you locked up and put on list. If I can't kill myself they will just use the rats on me to kill me psychologically.

There's no motivation to even seek out any connections anymore. I want to talk about this, and work towards the plan that I want to. They tell you to open up to someone, and be vulnerable. Yeah so they can take advantage of you even more than they already do. They will take away everything to 'help' you, when they are really only helping themselves.

Is this paranoia? Building impenetrable walls because of past trauma? Or is this seeing the world for what it is and surviving the best that I can? All I know is I'm lost and I don't want to be here.

 

[want2dienow]

I feel like a burden slug for coming back here everytime i fail

 

[Unworthyoflove]

oh yes, I am totally with on this. This world does feel like a dystopian nightmare to me. like a sick mix of 1984 and brave new world. its often like being alone in a big group of people. even when having a few friends, I still feel that I dont belong here. everywhere I go , people feel very fast that I am different. and then they often ignore me, want to bully me or just say that I am crazy. I still share my views anyway...its like a putting my foot down thing. didnt get in trouble with the "authoritys" yet though because of living in a country where I am a bit " under the radar". for what you are describing, it sounds like you live in china or somewhere similar. really hoping for you thats not the case. that must be awful. you are for sure not having paranoia. this world is extremely fucked up and evil. you are probably an old soul who easily sees through all these agendas of human slavery, brainwashing and torture. dont know you, but I think you are wise and brave to have made it till here and that you are still surviving in this harsh surrounding . hope you find a good and healthy way to cope with this. :)

 

[DisillusionedDragon]

Oh yes, I feel this. I have always felt totally out of place and like an alien. And I really do experience the world and generally think and feel very differently to the vast majority of people.
Interpersonal relationships is one example. I don't understand or like the kind of friendships/relationships most people have. It's mostly shallow and fake. And at this point I think that is all most people have to offer. It hurts to be lonely, but having such a relationship hurts even more, for me at least. Personally I feel very deeply, I love very intensely and I would never do such things you described above. But I realize that I am part of a probably very small minority in this.

Anyway, I am honestly really sorry you had to experience such betrayal and breaking of trust, it is awful, I know.
I am also utterly alone and lost and don't want to be here at all.
Sending hugs

 

[FuneralCry]

In my case, I am not meant for this world in every single way. I really should have never existed at all, me being here is a mistake. I do think that in a world like this, wanting suicide can be perfectly rational. I think that being suicidal is just seeing the world for what it really is, such a cruel place filled with endless pain. All that I want is to be free from everything, peace could never exist in a life like this.

 

[Hope:-)]

Yes I do.

 

[foreverfalling]

for what you are describing, it sounds like you live in china or somewhere similar. really hoping for you thats not the case.

Thank you for the concern. In fact I live in a first world western democracy, the same one in the story quoted, which is why it hit home for me. What do you mean you are "under the radar"? I suppose it's just different problems, in fact many people would consider that I have a privileged and comfortable life. What the last few years has shown me though is that democracy is a lie and that it is no different than living in China, same shit just wrapped in a different way. It nonetheless points out the human condition, what ever you do there will be suffering.

hope you find a good and healthy way to cope with this.

Life is never ending series of copes. I don't have immediate plans but coming here to arm myself with knowledge is certainly one cope, only again to be reminded how cruel the world treats us by denying peaceful methods. As I don't have much hope for people relationships, I'm quite sure I will eventually choose my own way off this planet. It may in fact be the other way round, that because I have these unacceptable views on life, that I know I will be alone, lest I be betrayed over them. For the time being spirituality and philosophy helps to manage the mental turmoil, if only for a while.

Sending hugs

Thank you, I would love to give you a hug as well, fellow alien. Yes I also find it hard to appreciate 'fake' and 'shallow' relationships I see. But on the other hand these people may actually feel content being blind about this. I don't know if it's a blessing or a curse.

 

[The Abyss]

Are some in this thread autistic; I wonder.

 

[DisillusionedDragon]

Are some in this thread autistic; I wonder.

Yes, I am indeed autistic.

 

[The Abyss]

Yes, I am indeed autistic.

It is a rather horrible existence overall I must say. A cat in a dog pound.

 

[Unworthyoflove]

Thank you for the concern. In fact I live in a first world western democracy, the same one in the story quoted, which is why it hit home for me. What do you mean you are "under the radar"? I suppose it's just different problems, in fact many people would consider that I have a privileged and comfortable life. What the last few years has shown me though is that democracy is a lie and that it is no different than living in China, same shit just wrapped in a different way. It nonetheless points out the human condition, what ever you do there will be suffering.

Life is never ending series of copes. I don't have immediate plans but coming here to arm myself with knowledge is certainly one cope, only again to be reminded how cruel the world treats us by denying peaceful methods. As I don't have much hope for people relationships, I'm quite sure I will eventually choose my own way off this planet. It may in fact be the other way round, that because I have these unacceptable views on life, that I know I will be alone, lest I be betrayed over them. For the time being spirituality and philosophy helps to manage the mental turmoil, if only for a while.

Thank you, I would love to give you a hug as well, fellow alien. Yes I also find it hard to appreciate 'fake' and 'shallow' relationships I see. But on the other hand these people may actually feel content being blind about this. I don't know if it's a blessing or a curse.

oh yeah, what a lie this whole democracy tale is. I also grew up in one of these countries . by " under the radar " I mean that I live unregistered and also not in the country I grew up. now its not like everything is so much better here.....but the forests are so much bigger and deeper that it will be easier to hide, if I am still alive when the " zombie apocalypse" begins. but I hope thats not the case. until then, its what you said...keep up with the never ending series of copes.

 

[Life interrupted]

I'm trapped in my nightmare. Daily physical and emotional pain

 

[obafgkm]

From reading NDE reports, it feels like life is a cave diver accidentally trapped in a cave. The brain is the cave that limits consciousness in many ways. When the brain is altered with drugs or is short of oxygen, people often report euphoria and seeing the tunnel to get out again. I want to find out the mechanism how souls are trapped in the caves of life.

 

[gimzero]

Who create that world its like a playground of terror.

 

[StolenLife]

I don't see how anyone has the willpower to make it to old age. I don't understand how some people can just deal with an objectively hellish life. Adulthood is terrifying, especially in this era of living to work. I also hate how we're forced to spend the years when we are at our peak physically and mentally doing things we dislike like working or studying. And in the end it doesn't even matter, when we get laid off of work we are too old to enjoy what we wanted in our youth anyways. For me life in general has much more negatives than positives.

 

[freevoid]

From reading NDE reports, it feels like life is a cave diver accidentally trapped in a cave. The brain is the cave that limits consciousness in many ways. When the brain is altered with drugs or is short of oxygen, people often report euphoria and seeing the tunnel to get out again. I want to find out the mechanism how souls are trapped in the caves of life.

Look into r/escapingprisonplanet on reddit and Akvile Sava & Rich West, Forever Consciousness Research Channel on Youtube. They talk about these kinds of things. I don't believe anything fully, but I'm about 95% leaning towards the concept of earthly existence + human body being a prison by design. It makes too much sense to me. Figure it's better to plan and create strategies for the "worst" than do nothing.

 

[makethepainstop]

If my future lives are gonna be like this, I'd have to tell whoever is in charge I am not going back. No Sir! Not this boy!

 

[AUTIST777]

every living moment because of my mental conditions.
When I would sit at a lunch table as a kid everyone would move away from me and change to a different table because of how weird everyone saw me.

 

[makethepainstop]

every living moment because of my mental conditions.
When I would sit at a lunch table as a kid everyone would move away from me and change to a different table because of how weird everyone saw me.

Im so sorry you experienced that. Humans and especially kids can be so damn mean.