Do you feel free when you think about suicide? Don't you miss the you left behind? Maybe your self or your skills.

[PaYo]

Do you feel free when you think about suicide? Don't you miss the you left behind? Maybe your self or your skills.

 

[heysunshine]

I definitely feel more at peace when I consider ctb. I actually only feel peace when I consider dying. Life is terrifying, and the thought of living longer even more so. What do you mean by missing "the you left behind"? Do you mean my body? Because my body will likely appreciate being free from my brain and consciousness. Or do you talking about the people, life, personality that will be left behind? Because even then, they will be better off without me. I will make the world better when I go, because this world doesn't want people like me. I don't fit in. I ruin their fun. CTB means I can finally feel like I am all the way me, and not trying to fight for a place where I wasn't wanted to begin with.

 

[lavendermeadows]

I definitely feel more at peace when I consider ctb. I actually only feel peace when I consider dying. Life is terrifying, and the thought of living longer even more so. What do you mean by missing "the you left behind"? Do you mean my body? Because my body will likely appreciate being free from my brain and consciousness. Or do you talking about the people, life, personality that will be left behind? Because even then, they will be better off without me. I will make the world better when I go, because this world doesn't want people like me. I don't fit in. I ruin their fun. CTB means I can finally feel like I am all the way me, and not trying to fight for a place where I wasn't wanted to begin with.

same. when I ACTUALLY think about it I smile and feel free. knowing there's a way out

 

[LittleCupcake]

I might not beble to take my skills with me but I'll have the power to learn it again. Its the experience you take with you along with your sense of self. So no I dont think I'd be leaving any part of myself behind

 

[Unhumanly.]

By the time I just have to get to the exit, I'll be desensitized enough
Time will get me, there will be a time offering what I honed isn't enough to keep me alive

I feel free knowing there's a possibility/chance for an exit when any help couldn't work for me to bear life

An ending is an absolute aspect of life, I can't get away, no matter how I die, old age, or ctb, it's what I'm going through in life that push me to this point, there's no dying that is unnatural

 

[PaYo]

I am wanted by the people who love me, and i am hated by the manipulators and toxic people... i had dreams, i wanted to travel the world... but i lost friends, they were never interested in me, so i wanted travel the world to know thyself and find real friends...
i think im too old for that shit, tho
but neverthe less what i miss the most my drawing skills. im sad i wont be drawing anymore
fuck me i love to draw
and paint

 

[FuneralCry]

In my case I'd be glad to eternally cease existing, I have no interest in the futile and torturous burden that is human existence, it comforts me to think of eternally ceasing to exist. Existence causes nothing but pain and suffering so of course only non-existence could ever be desirable to me, it's beautiful to think of death bringing peace from the abomination that is existence.
What appeals to me about not existing is that it's permanent, existence won't be my problem anymore and I won't be able to suffer. I simply don't wish to exist, simply being conscious and aware is tiring.

 

[sserafim]

What do you mean by the "you left behind"? My self and skills? They will die with me

 

[marchshift]

I feel a lot of pain and fear when I think about taking my life. This is agony.

 

[strangelife]

When I think about it, I feel calmer that there is a way out that can save me from my physical suffering, which causes depression. Yes, I am sorry that everything that I have developed in myself and achieved a lot will be lost

 

[ijustwishtodie]

I used to feel free when thinking about suicide because I used to think that I actually could kill myself. However, now, I feel trapped and like I'm in jail as I don't have any way to actually kill myself and be free from the tortures of being human.

As for the skills I'll leave behind, well, I don't have any skills to begin with. Also, I wouldn't miss me being left behind. I want to kill myself in the first place so that there is no me to begin with hence I can be in peace as I no longer have to suffer

 

[strangelife]

Everything I've done in this world and everything I've achieved becomes meaningless when you're sick

 

[sserafim]

When I think about it, I feel calmer that there is a way out that can save me from my physical suffering, which causes depression. Yes, I am sorry that everything that I have developed in myself and achieved a lot will be lost

I feel sad that I didn't try to achieve more. I didn't reach my full potential because I opted out. I have ASD, so that played a part in my failure to launch as well. I was an ambitious student and went to an elite college, but I just don't see a point in participating in life or society (the capitalist rat race). I achieved enough for me (bachelor's degree). I didn't even think that I would have to live post-college life. I thought that I would have ctb before graduating, so I didn't have a plan for the real world. I never thought that I would have to enter it. I regret that I wasn't successful in this life though.

 

[strangelife]

I feel sad that I didn't try to achieve more. I didn't reach my full potential because I opted out. I have ASD, so that played a part in my failure to launch as well. I was an ambitious student though, but I just don't see a point in participating in life or society (the capitalist rat race). I achieved enough for me (bachelor's degree). I didn't even think that I would have to live post-college life. I thought that I would have ctb before graduating college, so I didn't have a plan for the real world. I never thought that I would have to enter it. I regret that I wasn't successful in this life.

Yes, there is another side that also upsets me very much, I managed to achieve a lot, but everything is in its prime and I so wanted to spend more time with my son and loved ones
At what age did you start thinking about suicide?

 

[hadenough58]

I am a little fearful but mainly crave the peace I hope it will bring me.
It is years since I have heard from my family and so I have no one to miss me.

 

[sserafim]

Yes, there is another side that also upsets me very much, I managed to achieve a lot, but everything is in its prime and I so wanted to spend more time with my son and loved ones
At what age did you start thinking about suicide?

I never wanted to live past 18, I always thought that I would die somehow and never reach it. I didn't start actively thinking about suicide or researching methods until 20 or 21 though. I didn't want to live past college graduation.

 

[Lookingtoflyfree]

There are a few people I'll miss. I suppose the note can to go them.

I think autism has just me realize I'll never have peace, and I'll never have a basic level of survival like employment, so it's caught between hell and earth. The skills like hard work and being kind? They don't matter.

I'm tired of trying. I'm tired of my health failing. I now have almost every day some numbness in my writing hand, so in addition to CTB one of my hobbies is to figure out how to stay healthy enough to have a hand that works to help end my life. The irony, the irony.

I wish I had autistic friends so we could all leave together. They would understand 'why'

 

[outrider567]

Do you feel free when you think about suicide? Don't you miss the you left behind? Maybe your self or your skills.

Because of my girlfriend's death, there is nothing for me to miss, I'm leaving nothing behind, because without her with me here, there is nothing to enjoy anymore.....nothing

 

[deathslament]

Do you feel free when you think about suicide?

No shit.

Don't you miss the you left behind? Maybe your self or your skills.

There's nothing. They only guy I could talk to genuinely normally is gone now (moved and getting his bachelor's degree)
Nothing matters anymore.

 

[damyon]

The skills like hard work and being kind? They don't matter.

Don't want to sound critical, but those skills do matter. They won't carry you alone, that is true unfortunately.

I wish I had autistic friends

True... I wish someone told me when I was at a younger age that I had autism, and I would put in more effort to make friends with people who shared the same psychological traits as I do. Unfortunately, in the country where I was born, people only treat blatant ASD. I feel happy for a few couples/parents who acknowledge it, and at the same time I feel terrified when I see the same approach being used for 15-20 years straight without any progress. Unsolicited rant... I know...

 

[Lookingtoflyfree]

Don't want to sound critical, but those skills do matter. They won't carry you alone, that is true unfortunately.

My mistake was to move to a country where kindness in the work place especially is looked down on, so be as critical as you want. I'm undoing my mistake by moving out of here before CTB so oat least the last year of planning will be calmer that this individualistic, capitalist fuckfest it is here.

 

[trashprincess]

Cry my little eyes out. So many things I wanted out of life. Simple things like dogs and cuddles and dog cuddles. I wanted to write stories. Not even good ones I just wanted to express myself. I wanted someone to cook and clean for. But I just don't have it in me do any of those things. But the brain-fire burns dreams away, until the only dream left is The End.

 

[Blue Elephant]

I am wanted by the people who love me, and i am hated by the manipulators and toxic people... i had dreams, i wanted to travel the world... but i lost friends, they were never interested in me, so i wanted travel the world to know thyself and find real friends...
i think im too old for that shit, tho
but neverthe less what i miss the most my drawing skills. im sad i wont be drawing anymore
fuck me i love to draw
and paint

Lost friends, missed travel opportunities, too old now.. Yeah, I feel your pain, I'm sharing it. I'm so sorry mate! I'm in the same place. I look at the past and I'm not sure what I could have done different to change horrible present into decent present. I don't think it was me though.

Why don't you draw anymore?

Everything I've done in this world and everything I've achieved becomes meaningless when you're sick

Yes, that is true. I'm sorry about your situation! : (

I would like to hug you right now.

I feel sad that I didn't try to achieve more. I didn't reach my full potential because I opted out. I have ASD, so that played a part in my failure to launch as well. I was an ambitious student and went to an elite college, but I just don't see a point in participating in life or society (the capitalist rat race). I achieved enough for me (bachelor's degree). I didn't even think that I would have to live post-college life. I thought that I would have ctb before graduating, so I didn't have a plan for the real world. I never thought that I would have to enter it. I regret that I wasn't successful in this life though.

A plan can always be made but if you refuse to be a rat then there are very few options out there. There are options though. I'm saying that but I'm not taking any of them, I'm too old and too tired for that, I lost my fire.

There are a few people I'll miss. I suppose the note can to go them.

I think autism has just me realize I'll never have peace, and I'll never have a basic level of survival like employment, so it's caught between hell and earth. The skills like hard work and being kind? They don't matter.

I'm tired of trying. I'm tired of my health failing. I now have almost every day some numbness in my writing hand, so in addition to CTB one of my hobbies is to figure out how to stay healthy enough to have a hand that works to help end my life. The irony, the irony.

I wish I had autistic friends so we could all leave together. They would understand 'why'

I wish you had peace, I wish we all had it. I also wish you had autistic friends too, but there are others who understand you. We don't have to be autistic to understand and feel, I think it's a choice.

What has happened to your hand? I had some problems with my hand due to precision and repetitive work and I fixed them by doing some exercises and taking vitamin B. B helps the nervous system.

Because of my girlfriend's death, there is nothing for me to miss, I'm leaving nothing behind, because without her with me here, there is nothing to enjoy anymore.....nothing

She was my world, and then my world died. You have to experience a world dying to understand, but before that you need to love, most people don't know how to love. I wonder if we were lucky to experience it or if it would have been better not to experience it, to live a long and shallow existence lying to all around us and ourselves.

Hmm .. no, I chose pain over ignorance and I will die knowing that I made the right choice.

Cry my little eyes out. So many things I wanted out of life. Simple things like dogs and cuddles and dog cuddles. I wanted to write stories. Not even good ones I just wanted to express myself. I wanted someone to cook and clean for. But I just don't have it in me do any of those things. But the brain-fire burns dreams away, until the only dream left is The End.

Dogs are like a sun that's always there for you so even in the days gray they will bring light to your soul. Dogs are pure, perfect goodness! <3

You just expressed yourself in this paragraph and it is beautiful story, it is a good one! I love stories too! : )

I didn't want someone who would cook or clean for me, I wanted someone to cook and clean with. So many of us want this .. such a simple thing to want and yet so difficult to find. Sadly I don't have it in me either, to keep looking I mean. I'm sorry that things did not work out for you. : (

I'm waiting for The End.

 

[strangelife]

Yes, that is true. I'm sorry about your situation! : (

I would like to hug you right now.

Thank you for your understanding and kind words

 

[Lookingtoflyfree]

What has happened to your hand? I had some problems with my hand due to precision and repetitive work and I fixed them by doing some exercises and taking vitamin B. B helps the nervous system.

I'm hoping it's just RSI from using a computer, but my health the past couple of years has been so random and I'm terrified of doctors. I need to make an appointment and mention it so that hopefully it's just something that can respond better to a new mouse; I also have occasional numbness down to my leg. If my health goes a lot more it will be one more reason to not be here. I hope a CAT scan can help. I haven't been taking care of myself lately so my eating and sleep are all fucked up because of my health or my health is inflammed by them.

 

[TiredOfAllThis]

Skills I have come with autistic traits that I am really tired of.

 

[winamp]

I feel stuck when I think about it or like I won't be able to escape (sometimes)

I can imagine it but

I can't do it either because of fear or because I don't want to get caught or fail
and other times if things are really bad (or if I feel nothing) I feel like I could do it because I wouldn't really care about severity/pain, the afterlife, failure, or what the people around me must do after I am gone/the responsibilities they are left with, or getting caught

and then there's that thought that the future may get better and things may improve for myself after one good thing happens every once in a while

the only time it makes me feel free are in intense daydreams or imagining how I could kill myself somehow in a setting that any other person couldn't see the dangers in I guess
or when coming up with "new" places/ways to do it out of desperation

 

[Blue Elephant]

I'm hoping it's just RSI from using a computer, but my health the past couple of years has been so random and I'm terrified of doctors. I need to make an appointment and mention it so that hopefully it's just something that can respond better to a new mouse; I also have occasional numbness down to my leg. If my health goes a lot more it will be one more reason to not be here. I hope a CAT scan can help. I haven't been taking care of myself lately so my eating and sleep are all fucked up because of my health or my health is inflammed by them.

I'm sorry I don't know what RSI is. What do the letters mean?

Speaking of mice, have you tried using the Logitech Lift? It might be good for you, it keeps your hand at a more natural angle. I'm not sure how you would game with though, if you do game at all.

I haven't been taking care of myself either. It's a pain, I mean why should I take care of myself when I'm going to CTB at some point? But then that's the problem, I don't know when I'm going to CTB so just as you keep eating, washing your face in morning, brushing before sleep then I will keep doing walks outside and light sport activities when the sun is out. I try to suffer less until the end.

 

[Lookingtoflyfree]

RSI is repetitive strain injury - and yes, the better mouse is a good suggestiion.

 

[Sad_Autistic_boy_101]

In a strange way it gives me hope. Professionals always say that you need something to feel hopeful about but for me it's CTB. I see it as a way to stop my constant suffering. I don't get why we are made to feel guilty for wanting to leave a world that we never asked to be part of. I never asked to be born, and especially not with my disabilities and mental illnesses. I don't get why it's ok for physically ill people to be considered for assisted dying and yet anything in the brain or lifelong doesn't count.

If there's not enough services, funding or supported living areas for people like me - Then why doesn't our views count because being made to stay in a room 24/7 is not living. It's just separating us from society. That is no way to live. So yes Suicide gives me hope that maybe I can finally feel at peace with myself instead of constantly feeling hopeless and having no belonging.