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Tiburcio

Guest
I mean literally broken. I literally feel I have shards of glass inside me which never will be repaired.

After looking at my dreams and being conscient of reality, I decided to get rid of my dreams and goals. The path is too long, the reward was extremely decompensated in comparison. Motivation is a coffin and each goal adds another nail.

Broken means irreparable, when you finally lost all hope definitely. And it's by far better than living on a lie of fake promises. Let's be honest and accept toxic comments and encouragement are harming once at all.

Ignorance creates an unreal happiness, you think your life is good simply ignoring your problems, faking you are happy with yourself and your life, force yourself to put a fake smile pretending to believe you should be happy of being here. Problems will ever be here even if you don't notice them. That actitude is harmful for you and for everyone who is fooled with your lies.

Feeling broken as I said will make me free.

Personally do you feel broken or you would keep going?
 
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BurningLights

BurningLights

He killed himself with his own mind
Jul 2, 2018
709
Ignorance creates an unreal happiness, you think your life is good simply ignoring your problems, faking you are happy with yourself and your life, force yourself to put a fake smile pretending to believe you should be happy of being here. Problems will ever be here even if you fon't notice them. Thst actitude is halmful for you and for everyone who is fooled with your lies.
QUOTE]
I think that's how most of the world is, ignoring their problems, only caring about their perceived idea of happiness, plodding on through the day, possessed by their survival animal instinct to be better than everyone and come out on top, leaving the wounded and broken behind as it no longer serves them. Yeah some people are actually evil, but most don't even know they're doing it.
Compared to others, yeah I'm broken, is there any fixing it, well, I guess I'm trying to figure that out at the moment. But like in my last post, I'm wondering if fixing it will actually change anything, or if I will be another person lying to myself. I'm feeling quite confused at the moment.
 
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BurningLights

BurningLights

He killed himself with his own mind
Jul 2, 2018
709
Looks like my reply got mixed in to the quote, this website still confuses me sometimes!
 
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M

Maggotymaggots

Member
Apr 18, 2018
54
I feel like I'm defective. Like I was set up to fail from the start.

I know rationally there's no way things are going to get any better for me, but I still can't entirely rid myself of the moronic hope that they just somehow magically will. Hope really is a horrible thing. All it's ever done for me is set me up to be knocked down again.
 
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skitliv

skitliv

Le mort joyeux
Jul 11, 2018
485
I feel like I'm defective. Like I was set up to fail from the start.
This is the feeling I get too, specially when I get introspective about my past, it all seems so obvious now, how I never stood a chance
 
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Sundayafternoon

Sundayafternoon

Cosmic panic
May 18, 2018
394
Broken is the word I use most often to describe myself.
 
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FTL.Wanderer

FTL.Wanderer

Enlightened
May 31, 2018
1,785
Like a porcelain bowl dropped from the 50th story onto unyielding concrete far below.
 
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JayZT

JayZT

Member
Jul 12, 2018
96
Broken? Definitely,
I have been ripped apart so many times.
 
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S

Sternum

Student
May 12, 2018
120
I've heard you are free when you have lost everything, like the line in Fight Club, "losing all hope was freedom." I can sincerely say I have lost all hope, and I don't feel free. I just feel empty.
 
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Smilla

Smilla

Visionary
Apr 30, 2018
2,549
This is the feeling I get too, specially when I get introspective about my past, it all seems so obvious now, how I never stood a chance

Never stood a chance is how I would describe my life also.
 
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mattwitt

mattwitt

# 978
Jun 28, 2018
2,307
I feel like I was 10 feet away from finishing a marathon crawling on my hands and knees almost there and then told I had to go another 26.2 miles
 
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Tomasnil

Tomasnil

Mage
Apr 24, 2018
519
Id say i feel more like an empty shell
 
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D

Deleted_9cKnXB34QG

Mage
Jun 26, 2018
501
I feel like a car that should have been scrapped a long time ago.
 
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F

Final Escape

I’ve been here too long
Jul 8, 2018
4,348
Probably more broken than most, some days I feel way way worse than other days. I became trapped in adolescence and never grew up in many ways. It's not a good strategy to just never become an adult.
 
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strained03

strained03

Member
Aug 1, 2018
66
Feeling terrible.
 
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S

shadow11

Wizard
Jul 31, 2018
619
I mean literally broken. I literally feel I have shards of glass inside me which never will be repaired.

After looking at my dreams and being conscient of reality, I decided to get rid of my dreams and goals. The path is too long, the reward was extremely decompensated in comparison. Motivation is a coffin and each goal adds another nail.

Broken means irreparable, when you finally lost all hope definitely. And it's by far better than living on a lie of fake promises. Let's be honest and accept toxic comments and encouragement are harming once at all.

Ignorance creates an unreal happiness, you think your life is good simply ignoring your problems, faking you are happy with yourself and your life, force yourself to put a fake smile pretending to believe you should be happy of being here. Problems will ever be here even if you don't notice them. That actitude is harmful for you and for everyone who is fooled with your lies.

Feeling broken as I said will make me free.

Personally do you feel broken or you would keep going?
Definitely broken,irreparable. Cant live like this.
 
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Gray Wounds

Gray Wounds

A Phantasmagoria
Jun 27, 2018
575
I mean literally broken. I literally feel I have shards of glass inside me which never will be repaired.

After looking at my dreams and being conscient of reality, I decided to get rid of my dreams and goals. The path is too long, the reward was extremely decompensated in comparison. Motivation is a coffin and each goal adds another nail.

Broken means irreparable, when you finally lost all hope definitely. And it's by far better than living on a lie of fake promises. Let's be honest and accept toxic comments and encouragement are harming once at all.

Ignorance creates an unreal happiness, you think your life is good simply ignoring your problems, faking you are happy with yourself and your life, force yourself to put a fake smile pretending to believe you should be happy of being here. Problems will ever be here even if you don't notice them. That actitude is harmful for you and for everyone who is fooled with your lies.

Feeling broken as I said will make me free.

I like your view. It is also strongly said. :)

I don't feel anything anymore. But I had that one time when all that you've said have fitted that certain event. And I can't breathe back then.

Well, to put it, I simply see myself as a monster like the one in my profile picture, chained into my throne of thorns that pierces through my body as I sat there, my crown of time running down my head like sand, darkness surrounding me with the only colour visible is red---my blood that drips endlessly from my pierced body. Yet I feel like a king, sitting at that chair, waiting for those versions of me from the lower tiers of this tower I'm in, anticipating for them to come and grab me down my throne in the 590th tier. But I continue to kill them. Until they ceased to come. Now, all that's left for me to do is to prepare for a battle with the real king in the 600th tier, my MIND. And I know exactly how to win. It, too, knows how it will win. We just need to die to claim our victories, our final thrones in this darkness.
 
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K

KCN

El revisionismo en castillano
Jul 16, 2018
230
Do I feel broken? Isn't everything broken, in a way or another?
 
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S

samhelloall9

Experienced
Jul 16, 2018
297
I mean literally broken. I literally feel I have shards of glass inside me which never will be repaired.

After looking at my dreams and being conscient of reality, I decided to get rid of my dreams and goals. The path is too long, the reward was extremely decompensated in comparison. Motivation is a coffin and each goal adds another nail.

Broken means irreparable, when you finally lost all hope definitely. And it's by far better than living on a lie of fake promises. Let's be honest and accept toxic comments and encouragement are harming once at all.

Ignorance creates an unreal happiness, you think your life is good simply ignoring your problems, faking you are happy with yourself and your life, force yourself to put a fake smile pretending to believe you should be happy of being here. Problems will ever be here even if you don't notice them. That actitude is harmful for you and for everyone who is fooled with your lies.

Feeling broken as I said will make me free.

Personally do you feel broken or you would keep going?

Yes, I sure do. I don't have normal conversation skills, i'm pretty rigid in my daily routines, etc. I've just got a lot of flaws that are not fixable, my choice not to bother trying to either, so yeah. rather than conform to the world, i'd rather just do my own thing and accept it. ah well, i'm broken but i'm only keeping myself going long enough until the bus timetable, cough.
 
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Brokenanddeadinside

Brokenanddeadinside

Specialist
Aug 8, 2018
396
Yes I am broken my life has been one major decline going from one bad thing to the next. Now I just go through life not caring I know I have no good future and my head is too screwed up to ever be fixed. Ive given up on happiness and just try and see how much pain I can handle before I decide to kill myself. I feel completely lost in my life and ive screwed my life up so much.
 
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BlackDragonof1989

BlackDragonof1989

Mage
Jul 12, 2018
526
I feel like I've been broken by others as well as my own realizations about myself and humanity, but like another mentioned in this thread, hope keeps me going, that feeling as well when I get a good day, say, I took the right combination of things, watched my diet, slept fairly well, things can go well in my life for that day. I still have terribly social anxiety and am alone save for some online socializing because I find that to be the easiest, though even to instant message can be overwhelming when I feel I'm losing too much control. Control means a great deal for me, and I find it's true for many others. I've been made more cynical by seeing my own behavior as well as others', but there has indeed been a sort of numbing process of losing my idealism I grew up with to replace it with a sort of depressive realism and rationalism.

Where once I had trouble accepting the idea of many things in this world, if not everything, being based on competition, survival of the fittest, behavior being based on biology and not a reflection of good or bad so much, that perhaps indeed we have far less agency than many religious thinkers and boot strappers seem to like to think (I find this is a sort of self-righteousness people like to exercise, to say, an Inmendham put it in a video I watched of his recently, that if things are okay or worked for me, they should also work for so and so, or because so and so has this condition and does just fine, or came from such and such deprivation and made themselves into a self-made millionaire, everyone else can do it if they just have x, y, or z, or do or believe this, etc.).

I have been able to somewhat rid myself of what I consider these biases people hold which are full of ego stroking of the self and those in one's social circle, and see that we're perhaps biologically and evolutionarily prone to these reasonings, and we like to try to find systems of predictions and patterns and explanations, such as with religions and philosophies, because it helps us put order and control into our lives, and some are better controllers of themselves and others, while many are controlled by a relative few, the classic hierarchical power structure, both real and imagined. Sorry to ramble on without much point, just basically in agreement with others here. I always liked that line from the Don Henley song "End of the Innocence" where he says that we've been "poisoned by these fairytales." Because isn't that what procreation and the perpetuation of life is? A sort of optimism bias, thinking that if we believe and do such and such, we'll be fine. If I tithe God will bless me, or if I practice this meditation or ritual Satan or various guardian demons will protect me and guide me, so on and so forth. Not to say these things aren't true, for I'm unable to disprove them, but the sheer existence of so many beliefs seems puzzling at best, and indicative of the whole affair being an outgrowth of psychological variance as a result of nature and nurture; again, largely factors at least somewhat out of our control, especially the nature aspect.

But I try to see myself as a free agent in this day and age in the ability to learn, always learn, but one has to be of a healthy enough psyche and physical body to find this worthwhile. The real tragedy is how much we as a species judge and condemn one another before we try to empathize and see ourselves as victims of our own ignorance. Almost paradoxically backwards sometimes it feels like, at least from my limited knowledge and at this level of intelligence, that's all the more detail I can put into it, someone else may be able to articulate what I'm trying to say much more accurately and succinctly. Everyone has essentially said in fewer words what I am trying to expound upon, which is why I like this forum for its depressive realism and pessimism, it's very grounding and healthy in a way to me. Sorry to write a book again, I guess my ego waxed hard lol.
 
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D

Dip

Student
Jul 27, 2018
171
More bitter than broken.
 
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S

shadow11

Wizard
Jul 31, 2018
619
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LoverofDeath

LoverofDeath

Member
Aug 11, 2018
91
I no longer have any hope in life or myself. I had such big dreams and it tears me apart how I can no longer achieve them. I can't keep going on after this.
 
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S

shadow11

Wizard
Jul 31, 2018
619
I no longer have any hope in life or myself. I had such big dreams and it tears me apart how I can no longer achieve them. I can't keep going on after this.
I feel the same
 
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L

Lavendel

Member
Aug 11, 2018
14
Not broken but dead. Even though I used to call myself broken a lot.
I've had a psychosis and trouble concentrating on things. Realizing that what I want to achieve will never happen for me. Not because I lack the brains but simply the will and strength to keep going and to endure.
When I'm talking to people it's more like only the shell of me is talking. The dead part in me is not getting/ feeling it all. Living a life as an actor. Just to not make anyone worry. Tired.
 
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L

lv-gras

fledermausßßßßßßßß
Jul 27, 2018
617
yes
 
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icky

icky

Member
Jun 14, 2018
46
I'm incapable of succeeding. Even if I had the resources to live comfortably, it wouldn't make up for the fact that I'm stupid and lazy and fucked in the head. Some days I still have hope that I can stop being useless, or I wake up agonizing over what I'll never see or achieve because of myself.

Most days I'm just numb. I'm accepting that I can't be fixed. Now I'm just shopping around for nice, cheap locales to off myself and distracting myself with books or video games.
 
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Xmac000

Xmac000

Somewhere...
May 23, 2018
102
Yes i do. I'm like a unrepairable, broken piece of software. A discombobulated toy. A doll. A zombie. A vegtable. Emotionless, cold and empty.
 
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