Discussion Do you feel bitter?

[Forever Sleep]

I find myself feeling bitter so much. Do you? About so many different things too- the way people behave, how difficult it is to get a job, how companies are run, how the world seems to work. I'm even bitter about the simple fact that I exist! .

I know it's such a waste of energy too because it's not like there's anything I can do about most of it- except, try to accept it I suppose- but it makes me feel bitter that I should need to!

It's odd really. I wouldn't say I was a particularly angry or aggressive person but I suppose I do hold a lot of resentment at unfairness- which I suppose is a type of anger. How about you? Do you find yourself feeling bitter and resentful? How do you deal with it?

 

[NoLoveNoHope]

I feel bitter everyday, I don't really cope with it. I just pray and hope that I'll be able to end it soon.

 

[unnormal9]

No I want to die.

 

[Darkover]

bought alive facing our certain doom who would not be bitter

 

[cgrtt.brns]

yes, quite often and about many of the things you mentioned as well as other trivial things. i cant help but feel bitter when someone i know seems to have an amazing life or have good things happen to them. not because i dont think they deserve it, of course they do, but because i lack the ability to build a life for myself where i can have good things happen to me too. also mostly just how unfair life is. everyone seems to be ok with it, unless they are one of the ones who life is unfair to. even then most people just tell you to get over it and that its uncontrollable. i know its uncontrollable, but why? why must this world be so unfair to those who dont deserve it, and the awful people in this world live perfect lives? life in general just makes me bitter. and i hate it because i know its a limiting mindset to have, but how can i not be bitter when life is just a fucking joke?
im not really sure how i deal with it, i suppose i dont. maybe trying to find things that dont make me feel bitter to distract myself, but even then it always seems to find a way back into my thoughts. like if im watching/doing something that makes me forget the world, i sometimes remember how some people dont have the choice to forget the world or cant distract themselves from all the unfairness, and it just makes me bitter that life is so unfair.

 

[WorthlessTrash]

Towards people whom have what I wish I could have, but can't? You betcha. Absolutely no reason not to feel bitter towards them.

 

[kwho]

No, thank god. I think it's about the worst feeling in the world. Along with jealosy and envy.

I've always felt that bitterness completely obscures your own light. So, ultimately, a person who already has reasons to suffer is only punishing him/herself.

 

[Forever Sleep]

No, thank god. I think it's about the worst feeling in the world. Along with jealosy and envy.

I've always felt that bitterness completely obscures your own light. So, ultimately, a person who already has reasons to suffer is only punishing him/herself.

I'm sure this is true but, how do you stop yourself- may I ask? Do you just naturally not feel bitter about stuff- or, do you stop yourself when you start to have these thoughts?

 

[kwho]

I'm sure this is true but, how do you stop yourself- may I ask? Do you just naturally not feel bitter about stuff- or, do you stop yourself when you start to have these thoughts?

First of all, I am sorry if i sounded condescending - from the bottom of my heart - i do not in any way judge people for feeling bitter; i've just always been extremely thankful, that for some reason, i did not. Thankful for whoever or whatever wired me that way.

As to how to stop? I can only speak from my own experience, i don't know how helpful it would be -

for, i think, about 2 years in my life i felt bitterness in me. Not all the time, but i certainly felt its presence on and off. It was so alien and unexpected, it threw me off balance for a while, but i did not try to stop it. My attitude to everything is - if its there, its there and there is no use to pretend it isn't or try to rationalise it away. "What you resist, persists"?
I just let it be there without surpressing it or judging it, but also without diving into it. I kind of observed it. Whenever it arose, i forced myself not to look away.

But i don't think that's the whole answer. I think loving that light, that i always felt kind of emanating from the center of my being, way, way more than anything that might obscure it (like bitterness), has been the key.
Not any kind of strength of charachter or particular self-control; just that extreme attachement to that light in the middle. Not being able to betray it. Anything else is just not nearly strong enough by comparison and hasn't enough pull over me.

 

[FuneralCry]

I don't really feel bitter so much as I'm aware that this existence was never my fault, I'm just paying the price all because other people were selfish enough to procreate. Instead I just feel tired of being trapped here, it's something truly hopeless and dreadful existing in this horrible world.

 

[Forever Sleep]

First of all, I am sorry if i sounded condescending - from the bottom of my heart - i do not in any way judge people for feeling bitter; i've just always been extremely thankful, that for some reason, i did not. Thankful for whoever or whatever wired me that way.

As to how to stop? I can only speak from my own experience, i don't know how helpful it would be -

for, i think, about 2 years in my life i felt bitterness in me. Not all the time, but i certainly felt its presence on and off. It was so alien and unexpected, it threw me off balance for a while, but i did not try to stop it. My attitude to everything is - if its there, its there and there is no use to pretend it isn't or try to rationalise it away. "What you resist, persists"?
I just let it be there without surpressing it or judging it, but also without diving into it. I kind of observed it. Whenever it arose, i forced myself not to look away.

But i don't think that's the whole answer. I think loving that light, that i always felt kind of emanating from the center of my being, way, way more than anything that might obscure it (like bitterness), has been the key.
Not any kind of strength of charachter or particular self-control; just that extreme attachement to that light in the middle. Not being able to betray it. Anything else is just not nearly strong enough by comparison and hasn't enough pull over me.

It doesn't sound condescending at all. I appreciate your response. Yes, I have a feeling gratitude is the way to balance out bitterness. As you mentioned though- I feel like emotions need to be genuine. I think it can feel very imposed when you try and make yourself feel grateful. I also strongly agree that emotions need to be worked through and felt- rather than repressed. The inner light thing I think I understand too. I like to hope that I'm more or less, a good person. It makes sense that feelings towards anger can obscure who we are- or, at least- hope to be.

I like the way you look at yourself and the world. Thanks for your response.

 

[kwho]

I think it can feel very imposed when you try and make yourself feel grateful.

Yes. I think may be that's why people so often fail at making progress - they mostly try alternatives just to get rid of "unpleasantness" and it can never work, like masking bad smells over with perfume.

I like to hope that I'm more or less, a good person.

I am sure that most of us, especially on this forum, are way better people than we ourselves imagine.

 

[jazzcat]

all the time, usually my bitterness, jealousy and resentment get mixed together into this awful overwhelming feeling
I'm bitter because the world is cruel and hard to navigate, I'm bitter because I can't stop hating myself and no one can truly help, I'm bitter because other people are able to study, get a degree, a job, someone that loves them etc. and my brain just won't let me be normal like them
it sucks, and anyone that can relate to this I don't know, I hope we can learn how to deal with this better or find some peace somehow

 

[Kyrok]

I used to. In fact, I think I spent most of my life feeling that way, and increasingly so.

Then about 5 years ago I did something out of bitterness that demonstrably made my life worse. I did it. Motivated by bitterness.

That got me to rethink my life: how much of what I've been bitter about was the result of my being bitter?

That's not to say it all started unfairly, that what first led me to be so negative was my own doing. But from then on, my bitterness led to worse outcomes than what I could have had were I less bitter, angry, resentful, etc..

Now, at 57 years old, I feel like the life that I wanted was possible, but from my 20s onward, ie once I was an adult, what I failed to achieve was mostly my fault.

Hence, rather than dwelling on what has been done to me, on unfair situations, etc., I now dwell on my failings, my responsibility, the litany of mistakes I've made.

It's harder than being bitter. But I feel it's a kind of moral progress nonetheless.

 

[Zegers]

A prolonged bad situation leads to bitterness.
A life where everything that happens is a shit-storm leads to bitterness.
A prolonged good situation leads to joy. That's how it usually is.

Schopenhauer said that the only possible human happiness was hedonism, but how are you going to have a shred of that happiness if your state is so adverse? who knows how to deal with that.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

Like horseradish.

 

[The anhedonic one]

I have always been very unlucky in life. I am bitter for very good reasons: childhood abuse, school bullying, betrayal etc. I have realized that the bitterness will always be there, just like my mental illness and suicidal thoughts.
Trying to change the way I feel is useless.
Accepting this has actually made me more at peace in a strange kind of way.