Do you fear SI will keep you alive

[instormdrains]

My date is tmrw Ive been walking to my spot evey night and I haven't been sleeping. Ive been slaming down monster drinks like crazy. Ive been looking to jump off a cliff for a while but I found another spot at the top of an abandoned building that'll be 100% successful i stood on the edge with no intent to jump and I felt sick to my stomach. I dont really want to kms but I dont want to keep being suicidal. That made no sense but I dont know how else to explain it. I fear SI will get the better of me especially because its at a new location. Yall have any ideas to overcome it. Kinda hoping sleep deprivation will make it easier.

 

[stardewwindceres]

Yes, I am experiencing a lot more SI than I thought I would. I got all of the materials I need to finally get it done and I keep asking myself, this mental illness that I KNOW is not going to get better and a life I can't really start over, plus just how miserable and all of the pain and despair I feel, why is this not enough to overcome the SI? How much worse does it have to get? I'm sorry, I don't have any answers for you. I hope the sleep deprivation helps. Maybe drinking or if you have access to anything to lower anxiety.

 

[braintorture]

treat it like nasty dishes that you don't feel like washing. Force yourself to do the first few plates then you won't care.

Forcing yourself and thinking about what really is the peace that's waiting for you. Personally I'm suffering so much the peace that I'll get from dying is more important than my survival instincts.

It's scary for sure to lock in and say okay I'm actually dying this time - but it's going to be fine.

Good luck with your journey!

 

[natori]

I dont really want to kms

My philosophy is if there's any thought of doubt then I'd personally reconsider if it's what you truly desire. That being said I hope you find peace in whatever your choice may be.

 

[FuneralCry]

If I had a painless, guaranteed way to permanently cease existing and never suffer again then I'd be at peace, it'd only be a relief for me and I'd be long gone, what I'd fear is trying to cease existing going wrong and leading to way worse torture and suffering, I just always suffer from how I cannot just have a death like falling into an eternal, dreamless sleep so finally I can be free from this dreadful, torturous and cruel existence I just always saw as a mistake.

 

[Intoxicated]

I don't believe in survival instinct. There may be discomfort aversion and fear/anxiety, which may demotivate to follow through a CTB process (especially in case if the motivation to CTB is weak), but they are manageable.

 

[Oreki]

If I had a painless, guaranteed way to permanently cease existing and never suffer again then I'd be at peace, it'd only be a relief for me and I'd be long gone, what I'd fear is trying to cease existing going wrong and leading to way worse torture and suffering, I just always suffer from how I cannot just have a death like falling into an eternal, dreamless sleep so finally I can be free from this dreadful, torturous and cruel existence I just always saw as a mistake.

For me, it was a mistake in my early teens, and later, several reasons emerged that confirmed my worldview. Since then, it has been a constant companion, which has only worsened with age

 

[itsgone2]

To answer original question, yes, I'm terrified that it will keep me here.
How to beat it? I don't know. You can slowly overcome things but this is different.
I have a setup ready for fsh and can't do it. So I'm thinking to get a gun. Couldn't even drive to the store on Saturday. Then did Sunday, but couldn't get out of the car. Last night I finally went in. Held the gun I want. So progress is possible. But hold it to my head and pull the trigger?
Fn SI is going to step up. My mind was sort of freaking out as I drove last night. It fights you.
I do agree that fear of pain is a huge factor too.
Alcohol almost certainly would help. It dampens your decision making process. I need to try that at some point.

 

[Oreki]

Yes, I'm afraid it could force me to stay here even when my mind is at peace and I am 100% sure I don't want to anymore

 

[lawlietsph]

it is what keeps me alive every single day. mentally, emotionally, physically i am checked out long time ago. i'm more than ready to die finally, i have no desires, no dreams, nothing anymore, i'm just an empty shell.
the only thing that is keeping me here is the fucking SI. nothing more. i'm a coward, i don't want it to hurt, or to wake up as a vegetable or idk

 

[pthnrdnojvsc]

I don't believe in survival instinct. There may be discomfort aversion and fear/anxiety, which may demotivate to follow through a CTB process (especially in case if the motivation to CTB is weak), but they are manageable.

I think it's mostly taught.

I've seen countless suicide videos on watchpeopledie. and imo the ones I've seen showed no signs of si, hesitation nor fear

Many slowly cutting themselves to Death too

Many jumping off buildings, under busses, in front of trains , shooting themselves etc

 

[NaiveRealist]

I will try to gradually expose myself to the method I'll be using, as you also sort of did. Hopefully this will sufficiently lessen SI so that I can overcome it.

 

[Intoxicated]

I've seen countless suicide videos on watchpeopledie. and imo the ones I've seen showed no signs of si, hesitation nor fear

Many slowly cutting themselves to Death too

Many jumping off buildings, under busses, in front of trains , shooting themselves etc

In addition to that, when people actually experience severe anxiety, it's not necessarily related to self-preservation. Any conscious or subconscious anticipation of an undesirable outcome may trigger fear. For instance, dating anxiety is as real as anxiety that may be provoked by a CTB attempt. These two things have a pretty similar underlying mechanism of action and can be addressed with similar methods, yet a statement like "I avoid dates because my SI kicks in" would sound ridiculously. Besides, suicidal thoughts are typically a manifestation of discomfort avoidance (most suicidal people want to escape some physical or mental discomfort this way, rather than CTB for fun), so aversion to discomfort may be both a life-saver and a killer. The idea that our psyche is survival-centered is too glorified here.

 

[Blueberry Panic]

Sadly only you can overcome si, I've learned that drugs and alcohol help with the fear but in the end its you and yourself. You make the decision hun

 

[Vivissa]

fuc.king SI is my most hated autosabotage form

 

[Redleaf1992]

It's kinda embarrassing but when I just daydream of doing it I semi panic and get SI. No idea how I'd manage to overcome it for real.

 

[Terrible_Life]

The more I suffer day after day .the weaker my si becomes and my braveness and fearlessness gets bigger.

 

[SquanderedCarbon]

I feel like I've been obsessed with the idea of suicide for a long time, and fantasizing about it generally calms me. "There's always a way out. You can escape when you really need to." Sometimes it helps me get through a difficult situation. Sometimes it's tempting and I start to prepare myself for the inevitable. But it's never going to go away, and the comfort of the void calls.

 

[socksnsandles]

saw you have a radiohead pfp:

"Jump off the end, the water's clear and innocent."