Do you fantasize about being found dead?

[Apricity]

I keep saying i don't want my wife to find my body, but a dark part of me keeps fantasizing about her seeing me and that she breaks down screaming and crying. She rips the exit bag off my head and keeps telling me to wake up, that she's sorry for hurting me and she loves me. She wants me back, she wants to stay married. Then she realizes it's too late, and it's her fault.

 

[TheHatedOne]

Even tho everyone else irl that I know would be happy because of my death I wouldn't like to be found because of the... awkwardness? I don't know how to explain it.

Edit: Like i'd know that i'd firstly be found by my landlord which is kinda akward istself.

 

[motel rooms]

I keep saying i don't want my wife to find my body, but a dark part of me keeps fantasizing about her seeing me and that she breaks down screaming and crying. She rips the exit bag off my head and keeps telling me to wake up, that she's sorry for hurting me and she loves me. She wants me back, she wants to stay married. Then she realizes it's too late, and it's her fault.

I hope it haunts her to the day she dies. Stupid cold-hearted bitch

 

[Ednospatient]

Sometimes I fantasize about my mom or the staff at where I live finding my body and screaming and panicking and calling the ambulance. And it makes me feel good for some reason.

 

[Dot]

I keep saying i don't want my wife to find my body, but a dark part of me keeps fantasizing about her seeing me and that she breaks down screaming and crying. She rips the exit bag off my head and keeps telling me to wake up, that she's sorry for hurting me and she loves me. She wants me back, she wants to stay married. Then she realizes it's too late, and it's her fault.

Not sure is so much about being found than it is wanting her to be face to face with the hurt/pain you r in and feeling responsibility for it.

Horrible to feel not cared about by them who want love from.

 

[OnlyTheWind]

It's an integral part of my fantasies. It would be so ironic if my crush were to find me (she's a paramedic, I believe). That would be a beuatiful and sad ending. I like to imagine that she would cry once she reads the note and sees the photo of her in 10th grade, which I'll be holding in my lifeless hands. Fingers crossed.

 

[FuneralCry]

I do not think about this really, as I will be gone from the world at that point. It is not my concern. I also do not care if someone else finds me. Yes, it would probably upset them, but it is the fault of the society for not allowing euthanasia.

 

[eternalmelancholy]

I'm the opposite. I actually want to vanish and disappear without a trace. I thought about hanging myself deep in the forest somewhere. But in the end it is probably just another unfulfilled fantasy as I have no clue how to navigate through that kind of terrain.

 

[demuic]

No, that's the worst part of this for me.

 

[Sprite_Geist]

I really do not wish for my corpse to be found, but I still sometimes wonder what it would be like if it was discovered?

 

[Garbage Person]

I've often fantasized about blowing my brains out with a 12 gauge in a very ordinary situation or location, like a supermarket, work cubicle, wedding, etc. It's somewhat therapeutic and comical. It feels like it's deserved in such a disjointed culture. In reality, it would just lead to people recording it, a clean up on aisle 5, and paperwork.

 

[Sakura94]

No... it's been covid keeping me alive really. I might have gone to a hotel last year.
It would be my parents which found me and it seems (my words are failing me these days) unsanctified for a parent to find their child after everything between them. I could never put another person through that. The concept of it would be with me to my dying thought.
Your OP just made the concept so much worse. The notion of hope being extinguished from someone I care for when they fail to resurrect the body.

 

[meetapple]

I've often fantasized about blowing my brains out with a 12 gauge in a very ordinary situation or location, like a supermarket, work cubicle, wedding, etc. It's somewhat therapeutic and comical. It feels like it's deserved in such a disjointed culture. In reality, it would just lead to people recording it, a clean up on aisle 5, and paperwork.

I was just in Walmart today wishing I could do that.

 

[cloudnone]

Not so much being found, but the aftermath certainly. What impact would it have on the people in my every day life? Would it have an impact beyond an "oh he died? That sucks." Who would genuinely mourn me?

It's a question only death can answer.

 

[HYMMYH]

Acho que toda pessoa que ja consolidada em CTB já existe isso
é uma mistura de não saber como seria a reação das pessoas e como você queria que elas se sentissem
isso sem fala que acredito que muitas pessoas ainda tem dúvida se gostariam que as pessoas soubessem que realmente foi suicídio, é uma dúvida cruel, mas não existe suicídio sem rastros assim como não existe morte sem reação

 

[ScaredToLive]

Yea all the time, I love it

 

[NotStrongEnough]

My uncle CTB. I wish I had the courage to do what he did. He went out to some cabin that they owned, and shotgunned. If I had the strength, I'd do the same. Make sure that I was nowhere where anyone I know could find me, in some secluded place and just go, by whatever method. I wish I had the strength to do it period.

I don't want people to find me, because I'm not looking to inflict hurt. But I can completely and totally understand wanting to have the source of your pain recognize what they did and suffer for it. I've thought about how my exhusband would react. Would he care? Would it matter to him? Would his little (insert terrible names for dude husband affaired with here) feel any remorse? But knowing my ex, he's such a fuck that he'd probably think it was a good thing.

At the end of the day though, this feeling has been around far longer than when I met him, let alone it be the sole reason.

I say, if it makes you feel better thinking about hurting those that hurt you so drastically, I can't really argue against that. I'd even venture to say that it's normal.

 

[Bookscover]

I keep saying i don't want my wife to find my body, but a dark part of me keeps fantasizing about her seeing me and that she breaks down screaming and crying. She rips the exit bag off my head and keeps telling me to wake up, that she's sorry for hurting me and she loves me. She wants me back, she wants to stay married. Then she realizes it's too late, and it's her fault.

Used to fantasise as a kid that people would be sad and so on. I don't know why but the fantasy doesn't appeal to me anymore. Like... There's nothing great about me XD.

 

[RazzleDazzle]

I'm mostly really uncomfortable with the idea of causing other people distress. But, I mean, I cause other people distress by being alive, so.... I guess that it's just sorta ripping the bandaid off and getting it over with.

I have a couple of friends who will miss me, and people who knew me will be sad because death is sad, but I'm not exactly going to leave a hole in anyone's life. I assume that people will just kinda feel bad for a bit and then get on with life. I won't be missed tremendously, nobody's going to be wailing and gnashing their teeth over me when I go.

 

[Sans]

I agree completely with OP, except since no one's ever loved me, replace "my wife" with everyone around me who hates me.

I've often fantasized about blowing my brains out with a 12 gauge in a very ordinary situation or location, like a supermarket, work cubicle, wedding, etc. It's somewhat therapeutic and comical. It feels like it's deserved in such a disjointed culture. In reality, it would just lead to people recording it, a clean up on aisle 5, and paperwork.

Oh yeah, this too. If I go out that way, I'd want to do it in the middle of an open area in a public place, during the night. That way, people won't see it until the next day, and there'd be a much lower chance of some jerk ruining my plan.

 

[Tempest]

I have mixed feelings about this. I told my partner as he was moving out that I would likely end my life now that we didn't have a future living together because that was the only thing I'd been sticking it out for. He didn't really get it, but he was compassionate and didn't try to have me institutionalized. He said that he's been where I am now, with a knife in hand trying to come up with reasons not to die. I said that his situation was nothing like mine because I'd never even consider using a knife; that's just desperation and not rational and serious intent to die. This inability to separate my thoughts from his past feelings made him unable to see that I was sincere about my intent to die. When he finds out that I'm dead via exit bag, I hope he has a moment of, "wow, I guess she was serious. I should have listened."

I don't like the idea of my parents finding out I'm dead or having to look at my body, or my close friends. But when I wrote my suicide note I found solace in the idea of them reading it.

 

[LetMeGoPlease]

Sometimes I do and it feels fucking amazing. But when I am actually considering it I feel like I really just want to be dead and I feel sad that my death has to shock and hurt people.

 

[RazzleDazzle]

But when I am actually considering it I feel like I really just want to be dead and I feel sad that my death has to shock and hurt people.

Yeah, that's how I feel about it. I don't have any fantasies about anyone's response, I just want to be dead and I'm sorry for the distress that'll cause people.