Discussion Do you experience disassociation and what is it like?

[Fadeawaaaay]

?

 

[Oblivion Access]

More often than not. To me it's a feeling of my vision being "zoomed out", staring off into space while looking deep in thought when in reality my brain is just playing the dial up sound. There's also depersonalization which feels like I'm/my body is not real or doesn't belong to me and derealization where everything around me looks fake, like a shitty carbon cutout or a hologram. When going outside I used to get heavy jamais vu (things you've seen before that you should be familiar with seem completely new and foreign) which was pretty disorienting - walking down the same street seeing the same buildings for the 100th time but feeling like it's all new in a way. There's also emotional numbing style dissociation where I am not aware of or in touch with how I feel at all, feeling complete indifference for people I'd be ordinarily quite fond of, for example.

 

[Lullaby]

I usually don't notice until I'm brought out of it, but it feels like being completely disconnected from reality, like nothing is real. If I'm in a conversation with someone, I stop hearing what they're saying and it's almost like I'm underwater? Everything seems so far away and hard to grasp mentally.

It's very jarring. I take public transportation and I have to constantly keep myself aware of everything that's going on so I don't slip out of it.

 

[lostmylove]

Hmm I'm not sure. I often have phases where I'm on 'autopilot' and actively doing stuff where it's just like . Wow I'm actually doing this wtf but still continuing. If that makes sense

 

[ihopethisispainless]

I usually don't notice until I'm brought out of it, but it feels like being completely disconnected from reality, like nothing is real. If I'm in a conversation with someone, I stop hearing what they're saying and it's almost like I'm underwater? Everything seems so far away and hard to grasp mentally.

It's very jarring. I take public transportation and I have to constantly keep myself aware of everything that's going on so I don't slip out of it.

Same. I'm always missing buses because I forget to stand up and I forget to request stops

 

[Lullaby]

Same. I'm always missing buses because I forget to stand up and I forget to request stops

It's the worst. I use this app called Transit and it follows you along your route. So when your a few stops away from your destination, it'll notify you twice. I can't go anywhere without it now.

 

[RandomBeaver]

I often do. Right now I'm so scared of the police being called and bringing me to the hospital that I sometimes isolate in my room and at times barricade myself.

I was so traumatized asking them to leave when I just wanted to be alone and they kept watching me.

I now randomly ask them to go away (while they're not there) hoping my thoughts of them being there will go away.

I also experience dissociations where I no longer know where I am or what I'm doing. I can't have a job because of that right now.

 

[mundanejane]

feels lke im n a weird distnt fog, makes things blurry nd if thres a lot going on its hrd t process informtion

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

Usually when I'm driving, my brain itself tends to go on autopilot. A lot of times when I arrive somewhere I remember nothing about the drive I just had to get there.

 

[rationaltake]

When going outside I used to get heavy jamais vu (things you've seen before that you should be familiar with seem completely new and foreign) which was pretty disorienting - walking down the same street seeing the same buildings for the 100th time but feeling like it's all new in a way.

Never heard it called jamais vu before but it's spot on. I get lost on my doorstep. Don't recognise things.

It's very jarring. I take public transportation and I have to constantly keep myself aware of everything that's going on so I don't slip out of it.

Same. I'm always missing buses because I forget to stand up and I forget to request stops

I haven't been on a bus for ages but I can recognise this. I used to be so unaware that I'd get on the first bus that turned up whatever the route. And I wouldn't notice until I came to and had absolutely no idea where I was.

It's the worst. I use this app called Transit and it follows you along your route. So when your a few stops away from your destination, it'll notify you twice. I can't go anywhere without it now.

The app sound brilliant.

Usually when I'm driving, my brain itself tends to go on autopilot. A lot of times when I arrive somewhere I remember nothing about the drive I just had to get there.

Classic!

You know you've got problems when your driving instructor asks why you just that minute drove straight across a T-junction without stopping or looking and you have no memory of it.

So I'm not considered fit to drive due to dissociation.

 

[Angi]

More often than not. To me it's a feeling of my vision being "zoomed out", staring off into space while looking deep in thought when in reality my brain is just playing the dial up sound. There's also depersonalization which feels like I'm/my body is not real or doesn't belong to me and derealization where everything around me looks fake, like a shitty carbon cutout or a hologram. When going outside I used to get heavy jamais vu (things you've seen before that you should be familiar with seem completely new and foreign) which was pretty disorienting - walking down the same street seeing the same buildings for the 100th time but feeling like it's all new in a way. There's also emotional numbing style dissociation where I am not aware of or in touch with how I feel at all, feeling complete indifference for people I'd be ordinarily quite fond of, for example.

All of this, very nice description. Also, familiar things and places get something scary about them, as if you were walking some deserted shady alley at night, exept it is your own living room.

I particularily hate the part you describe last, the numb dissociation. While numbness sounds preferable to pain, this kind of numbness is just extra pain ready to gang up and hit me over the head. I feel numb now, which is not a good feeling and it prevents me from looking after my needs, it keeps me from getting out of bad situations, etc. Later, the numbness shifts into the feeling I numbed out of, plus the added pain from whatever happened while I was out, all compressed into one blow.

Familiar smells have always remained familiar to me. I wonder if this is true for everyone, give that the sense of smell is the least processed in the brain. When I am sufficiently far out of dissociation to fight back I can use this to help get back into reality.

"Jamais vu" is a great way to put it, thank you for expanding my vocabulary!

 

[lili]

Feels like you are watching a movie.

Everything feels very distant. Like your not really experiencing anything but it's all so far away.

You see things in front of you like a computer, but you don't interpret as a computer but something else, as if you are not experiencing it with your own eyes.

I've seen my body in third person walking. As if I'm not there anymore someone else is.

It's hard to explain these things. I don't know how to even put words to it.

But your brain is a block for sure or you no longer feel attached to your own body. Either option.

 

[WorthlessTrash]

I mean i just lay in bed and have no motivation to do anything. None of my hobbies interest me at all. Ir's like what is the point?

 

[rationaltake]

I often do. Right now I'm so scared of the police being called and bringing me to the hospital that I sometimes isolate in my room and at times barricade myself.

I was so traumatized asking them to leave when I just wanted to be alone and they kept watching me.

I now randomly ask them to go away (while they're not there) hoping my thoughts of them being there will go away.

I also experience dissociations where I no longer know where I am or what I'm doing. I can't have a job because of that right now.

This is so hard to deal with. I sometimes don't know where I am or what I'm doing.

Being worried about the police turning up sounds awful.

 

[NobodyKnowsMe]

Usually when I'm driving, my brain itself tends to go on autopilot. A lot of times when I arrive somewhere I remember nothing about the drive I just had to get there.

I do this all the time and it scares the shit out of me.


When I was a child, whenever the bad stuff happened, I'd float on my ceiling and watch myself, as if I was watching a stranger. As I got older, I learned to just go into auto-pilot for many things. I remember so little of my life, that I have no doubt that I have dissociated through much of it, but it is all so automatic and subconcious that I haven't a clue how it actually happens.

 

[summertimestars4]

yeah, i get derealization and depersonalization, likely stemming from trauma.

derealization feels like you're experiencing life while looking through a thick glass pane at all times, and everything around you is fake. like you're in a movie and nothing is real, a dreamlike state. it's very eerie and feels like there's something off with your perception.

depersonalization feels like you look in the mirror and it's not you. you're not attached to yourself and your life/actions don't seem to be your own.

both are very creepy feelings, especially if you remember what it's like to not have those.

 

[rationaltake]

I do this all the time and it scares the shit out of me.


When I was a child, whenever the bad stuff happened, I'd float on my ceiling and watch myself, as if I was watching a stranger. As I got older, I learned to just go into auto-pilot for many things. I remember so little of my life, that I have no doubt that I have dissociated through much of it, but it is all so automatic and subconcious that I haven't a clue how it actually happens.

My experience is very similar.

 

[unimaginativelamp]

A lot of the time, it's like looking at the world through glass; there's something separating me from everything else, and everything, including myself, feels less real.
Sometimes, it's just losing time.

 

[BetweenRadioStations]

I feel like there's multiple parts in me wanting different things and pulling in different directions to the degree that many things I say although feeling true also feel like lies and hypocritical.

Sometimes I feel I am separate from the world, separate from myself. An observer.

 

[Need2BFree]

I've noticed I'm always in a heightened state of fear due to debilitating anxiety. With derealization do you find it hard to trust? I feel very wary of people but that could be down to my intense anxiety and anhedonia. I know I'm not experiencing my surroundings as I should, I know where I am but I'm not fully present. I look around my area where I live, it's not that I don't like where I live, I'm just not feeling it. It's like my brain isn't giving me enough information to tell. When I look at a tree, a building, flowers etc... they all feel the same to me. As I can't really tell if I like them or not. There is this weird atmosphere but I don't know how much is that due to anhedonia or derealization? Or both!

 

[willitpass]

to me it feels like i'm in a lucid dream, where i know of my consciousness but it doesn't feel like it's actually happening. textures feel weird, it feels like i'm floating anytime i move, and if i become too aware of it, it feels like the people i interact with aren't real and neither am i. i'm in an almost constant state of disassociation to varying degrees and have been for year

 

[coyotestark]

I experience the classical symptoms associated with the disorder. From the Mayo clinic:


Symptoms of derealization include:

• Feelings of being alienated from or unfamiliar with your surroundings — for example, like you're living in a movie or a dream
• Feeling emotionally disconnected from people you care about, as if you were separated by a glass wall
• Surroundings that appear distorted, blurry, colorless, two-dimensional or artificial, or a heightened awareness and clarity of your surroundings
• Distortions in perception of time, such as recent events feeling like distant past
• Distortions of distance and the size and shape of objects

Symptoms of derealization include:

• Feelings of being alienated from or unfamiliar with your surroundings — for example, like you're living in a movie or a dream
• Feeling emotionally disconnected from people you care about, as if you were separated by a glass wall
• Surroundings that appear distorted, blurry, colorless, two-dimensional or artificial, or a heightened awareness and clarity of your surroundings
• Distortions in perception of time, such as recent events feeling like distant past
• Distortions of distance and the size and shape of objects