do you ever wonder what would happen after you killed yourself

[Claymore7274]

I fantasize about it every day, but in the end it's not like i'll get to know, but i bet mom and dad would be sad. the rest of my family have gone through other family members suicides so ig it wont be that bad for them

 

[Clovurr]

My mom has trauma from her brothers suicide she would hate me forever and probably end up taking her own life too but I can't help but flirt with the idea of dying anyway, I was thinking of ending it when I get a little older and more insufferable to be around

 

[sadman1897]

It'll be an emotionally charged shitshow. I love my family and they love me, but I can't keep suffering like this for much longer. It's so bad…and it'll be horrible for them. I feel like such a terrible person and I'll be remembered as one by some. Rightfully so, in some ways, but they can never understand how torturous my existence is everyday. I have brain damage from medication and I'm stuck on said medication. Been riding this merry go round for a year now and it's only getting worse. I'll be remembered as a selfish mother for hurting my child like this but it hurts so much to stay alive. I truly feel awful!! . I never should have had a kid. if I knew this was going to happen to me ,I never would have. i used to be such a great mom; these poisons have robbed me of everything. I just want to rest in peace, I'm never at peace now, just pumped full of anxiety.

I'm in the same boat . For some reason SSRIs have destroyed my mind. My brain has become mush and it has destroyed me .

 

[UntitledUser]

I know my sister, my dad and my best friends will be ruined. But I expect they eventually forget me. I'm afraid of what they can find about me when I'm gone…but certainly I'll be dead and won't be to see what happens after ctb. But I don't know how other people will react. My coworkers? Old foes from high school? I wish we could decide freely about our destiny and no one else get hurt for my actions.

 

[idiotmother]

I'm in the same boat . For some reason SSRIs have destroyed my mind. My brain has become mush and it has destroyed me .

I'm so sorry you're experiencing this too, it's a truly horrific curse. I was first injured by Effexor and now I'm on anti-psychotics which have made me so sick. Because of my hypersensitive brain state I cannot safely taper them either so I have no choice but to ctb. No one gets it, they think I can heal and get through it but it is so horrendous, there's no way I'm making it out alive.

 

[sadman1897]

I'm so sorry you're experiencing this too, it's a truly horrific curse. I was first injured by Effexor and now I'm on anti-psychotics which have made me so sick. Because of my hypersensitive brain state I cannot safely taper them either so I have no choice but to ctb. No one gets it, they think I can heal and get through it but it is so horrendous, there's no way I'm making it out alive.

I'm so sorry that you are struggling . It feels almost impossible to heal from , like it's at a point of no return and becoming the person I was is not even possible .

 

[idiotmother]

I'm so sorry that you are struggling . It feels almost impossible to heal from , like it's at a point of no return and becoming the person I was is not even possible .

I feel the same way;(. It does feel impossible to heal from, so much damage already done. It's so painful to think of how and who we used to be.

 

[kipstriesagain]

i believe that after a week or two everyone will move on

 

[braintorture]

Do you want to die or people to know how much you suffer?

 

[mittymittens]

I always say I'll be pissed if there are more than like… five (?) people at my funeral. Where were they when I was alive? If I was not worth your consideration in my life, I do not want your pity in my death.

yeah the thought of people suddenly only caring of your existence only after death pisses me off too.
you can talk about suicide all you want with these people and they won't care but will moan and cry when they find you were serious about it.
as for funerals, i don't even think i would have a funeral, funerals are expensive in my country and my mom wouldn't have money for that.

Do you want to die or people to know how much you suffer?

both but leaning towards just death. both because there are def people who see depression/mental health as being dramatic. which angers me

 

[Forever Sleep]

I do wonder about people's reactions. Will they be shocked or, will it be something they were in some way expecting? I hope it wouldn't really upset anyone but, it's so hard to guage. I'm mostly estranged from friends and family but still, certain things can still really affect us.

 

[schatzbunny]

Back in the Roman and Greek rule/times there was a fascination on the topic of suicide. Contrary to current Western perception, it was seen as an extraordinarily brave act. Sometimes is a means of atoning for one's despondency and an honorable way to go.

In this current Western age it's more neutral and bizarre.

When you're an old enough adult you stop giving two shits about what they say or think or the prevailing narrative.

In the end everyone will face the same fate. The suicidal only has the advantage of time and choice, while all others are compelled to expose themselves to a broad variety of harms which are only increasingly likely to arise in the future and then ultimately old age, the greatest evil, depriving life of all of its pleasures and leaving one only with the appetite of them and bringing with it all of its sufferings and loneliness with lesser and lesser autonomy.

this goes so hard

 

[bliss.bmp]

i've thought about it a lot, but i think the only person who would truly be impacted is my mom. i barely see the rest of the people in my life, i wouldn't want them to be so attached to someone they never truly knew. the rest would probably mourn for a day or whatever and move on, but just thinking about how my mom would feel makes me tear up. that's why i'm waiting for her to die or for me to move away before i end it all.

 

[woodlandcreature]

it'll take a while for me to be found since no one cares to check up on me. the people who lead me here will throw a hissy fit for a while and then they'll get over it and i'll be forgotten.

 

[madwoman]

I do think about this and I'd be so curious about the gossip honestly lol. Like I want to know how everyone I know reacts or what they think about it - but I'd be worried it'd hurt my feelings depending on the reactions. I want people to really understand how much I'm hurting and that's why I've been the way I have been. I wish I could know but not enough to like come back as a ghost to suffer still. I don't want to be put on the news or anything like that though, only for those that know me to know.

 

[Tarantula]

I have friends, and relatives that love and care about me. They would be absolutely heartbroken once I ctb, I feel even worse because one of my friends is already experiencing suicide grief because we both lost one of our friends to suicide, I feel so guilty for having to do this, especially to him, but I have to. I can not bare to live with this pain for much longer, I feel horrible because I witnessed the ripple effect of suicide grief firsthand but life is too much to bare and I'm sick of forcing myself to live for other people

I think I already know what will happen because I experienced suicide grief firsthand, and I know it will hurt them for sure but I do wonder how they would all cope with it. Sometimes I wish I could just ctb for a day so I can see everyone's reactions before I'm ready to leave this world for good. I think alot of my friends wouldn't even be surprised because they've expressed concern about my suicidal ideation, and some of them have already told me that they're worried that I could die any second because of my suicidal ideation and self-destructive habits. Most of them know that I'm a ticking timebomb and I'm sure alot of them have already braced themselves for impact because my suicide is inevitable

 

[legoshi]

I don't see my parents often. I think I seen my dad 2x in the past 20 years. And seen my mom maybe 3x in the past 10 years. I don't talk much it's usually just text here and there. A part of me feels like they are already used to me not being around. If I'm gone it might not be too big of a deal. They maybe they can just think of me however they currently due. Honestly if I CTB I'm not sure if they would even know. I don't know how that works. I don't have anyone on file as an emergency contact, so I'm not sure how anyone would know I'm dead or what would become of me.

 

[whywere]

For me, I have absolutely no one at all. I am so happy for others that have loved ones and at the same time wish so hard to have one or more myself.

This is why I so dislike the Christman season so very much. Seeing friends and families get together for a nice meal, have laughter and good cheer, maybe exchange gifts, hugs and have someone look at you with love in their eyes and heart.

Never had it. Never had a Christmas dinner with friends or family around a table ever., I will forever long for the experience.

I am going to set up a scholarship with left over money and hopefully donate my body to science.

Walter

 

[Oreki]

I spend hours thinking about scenarios of people in my life dying and it's aftermath. Not about afterlife of some sort but rather how others would react to their deaths. That includes my own ctb.

I think my parents would not take that well. They'd be devastated... Which is probably the major reason holding me back. Where I'm from, suicide is a HUGE taboo and they'll probably try to hide the fact my death was a ctb. Dad's gonna be kind of pissed and call me weak for doing it. They'll feel guilty for not being able to 'save' me. There would be something along the lines of "Oh, if only she had turned to god sooner...."

I was not able to form that much of a connection with my younger sibling (15) but I think he'd mourn my death as well and hate me for doing it.

My extended family would probably get over it within months. If we're being generous, my 'friends' and peers might show some semblance of grief but most likely they'd be like "so she finally did it? Good riddance!" I am practicing invisible and insignificant in people's lives so there's the possibility that theywon't even notice my absence for weeks or months.

'Oh, if only she had turned to God sooner,' as though belief were a magic cure for every worry, agony and pain. Something about that thought utterly triggers me

 

[deermeat]

I dread the idea of all the gossip that will happen after I die. I do not like it when people talk about me, even more-so when people misunderstand things about me. I would not have the ability to care about that after I am dead sure. However, right now, living, I can envision what people would think. I do not like that form of attention.

 

[TwistedNightmares]

I know that none of my relatives would care about my death. In fact, they would be more than happy to hear that I died. My mom may get distraught for a little bit, but will quickly get over it. The only person in my life who would care about my death is my partner.

 

[rowcrumble22]

i don't know if i will live a full life. i have bpd or bipolar disorder i have no idea but either way i experience life and emotions way differently it seems than my peers.

if i ended it, i know my mom and my sister would not take it well. it would feel weird if i ctbed when we are all recovering from my fathers death from a little over a year ago. i dont want to put another burden.

but in real life, i am a shy person. so thinking of the attention it would bring that i committed suicide partially doesn't satisfy me, and makes me feel too vulnerable and seen. if i were to kill myself in a perfect reality id think realistically id only want the people who knew me to know. but even the ones who do know me, i dont even like the idea of gossip surrounding, as that happened with my father.

i just want to disappear and for everyone to about forget me

yes i wonder. If its not some black void its going to be hell. No way im ever seeing any pearly gates even if i wanted to.

 

[Blueberry Panic]

People will forget you within months to a year, the only people who will cling to the memories are the people who saw you everyday or actually loved you.

I don't believe anything is after this life , I've flatlined three separate times and I never saw anything that would indicate that a afterlife actually exists.

 

[marksofdespair]

im an only child and im afraid that it would affect my parents really badly, especially my mother since she's depressed herself. i don't really have friends anymore so no one else would care, just the closest family. but i don't wanna keep living for the sake of others.

same. I'll only feel bad for my mom since she is depressed. i've lived for her for far too long though because she never cared as deeply for me as i did for her and i can't do it anymore

 

[Bubba]

Every day, im always having different what if scenarios