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mutagen5577

Member
May 30, 2019
12
If I see a severely disabled or deformed person on the internet or real life, I wonder how they are not suicidal (assuming they aren't already). There are some circumstances that I could never deal with, and I would most certainly kill myself if I had to live under them. I don't know how people manage to persist through life when on the surface their lives look absolutely terrible. I suppose it just boils down to how much pain you hold. I think some people feel pain much differently than others.
 
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Severen

Severen

Enlightened
Jun 30, 2018
1,819
Evolution. I've studied history most of my life. And most people like us never get to pass on our DNA because life is just never ending warfare. And often times, your option is to be killed or enslaved... And enslavement often leads to pain and suffering because most slave owners do not see their slaves as worthy of a decent life. It's mostly the pro suffering people who pass on their DNA. One day, people like us will become entirely extinct. Many groups of people in the past CTBed to avoid being enslaved(men, women and children). That is DNA that has been entirely purged from our genepool for all eternity. These people have no descendants. Evolution is just a program trying to shape humanity into the best virus possible. The only reason, some people can CTB today is because they had ancestors who were great conquerors, therefore never put in a position where they had to choose death or slavery... Therefore some people still have the ability to CTB, today. Sooner or later, we will be breeded out of existence though.
 
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mutagen5577

Member
May 30, 2019
12
Evolution. I've studied history most of my life. And most people like us never get to pass on our DNA because life is just never ending warfare. And often times, your option is to be killed or enslaved... And enslavement often leads to pain and suffering because most slave owners do not see their slaves as human beings. It's mostly the pro suffering people who pass on their DNA.
It's like evolution is aggressively telling me to never procreate. But I'm here like "all right I got it. It'll never happen. You don't need to worry".
 
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Severen

Severen

Enlightened
Jun 30, 2018
1,819
It's like evolution is aggressively telling me to never procreate. But I'm here like "all right I got it. It'll never happen. You don't need to worry".

Maybe because you are more than just a virus.
 
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Orin

Orin

Experienced
Apr 16, 2019
253
If I see a severely disabled or deformed person on the internet or real life, I wonder how they are not suicidal (assuming they aren't already). There are some circumstances that I could never deal with, and I would most certainly kill myself if I had to live under them. I don't know how people manage to persist through life when on the surface their lives look absolutely terrible. I suppose it just boils down to how much pain you hold. I think some people feel pain much differently than others.

They probably have a very loving and supportive family. If that's the case, then i envy them.
 
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not_a_robot

not_a_robot

"i hope the leaving is joyful, & never to return"
May 30, 2019
2,121
It's the simulation we're in. I know I'm in a simulation designed to test human resilience because every now and then, there will be this little pause in the program and some near-stranger will lean up to me (They always have the same creepy expression and tone when they do it, very predatory) and softly ask
"Every single time in your life that you were ever supposed to be able to ask someone for help, all they ever did was hurt you more.... How do you stand it? How do you go on?"

It is never asked with any kindness or concern, merely cold reptilian curiosity. The repetition of tone and phrasing by random unrelated people I encounter in separate situations and different parts of the country let me know that it's just the researchers, trying to slyly interview me to see how their experiment is going, and trying to gather more info on potential weaknesses they might use to break me, but there's not much left they can do. I have beaten injury, disease, medical abuse, mental illness gaslighting, loneliness, betrayal, isolation, all with NO HELP, just like they say. I have withstood everything they can think of to fuck with me, and I am still alive and smiling (mostly).

What the dumbasses running this program don't understand is, they are just lowly idiot-neurotypicals. They will never figure out how to understand an autistic mind, much less effectively manipulate it. Their endless stupid mindgames are child's play to me. These fuckers will never break me because I don't break; I break other motherfuckers.

(and there you have a sample of a little pep-talk I use to keep myself going. The truth is, I am basically helpless in this simulation and as a test-subject, I can be terminated at any time. They are just keeping me alive for the brain-mapping, which will later be used in more projects to try to break people like me. The game is set up so that I can never win, merely endure as long as possible. It started when I used to volunteer for brain & psych studies and I turned out to be an "outlier" in the data.)
 
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ManWithNoName

ManWithNoName

Enlightened
Feb 2, 2019
1,224
Evolution. I've studied history most of my life. And most people like us never get to pass on our DNA because life is just never ending warfare. And often times, your option is to be killed or enslaved... And enslavement often leads to pain and suffering because most slave owners do not see their slaves as worthy of a decent life. It's mostly the pro suffering people who pass on their DNA. One day, people like us will become entirely extinct. Many groups of people in the past CTBed to avoid being enslaved(men, women and children). That is DNA that has been entirely purged from our genepool for all eternity. These people have no descendants. Evolution is just a program trying to shape humanity into the best virus possible. The only reason, some people can CTB today is because they had ancestors who were great conquerors, therefore never put in a position where they had to choose death or slavery... Therefore some people still have the ability to CTB, today. Sooner or later, we will be breeded out of existence though.
Interesting.

And speaking of enslavement, I thought of this:

 
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Severen

Severen

Enlightened
Jun 30, 2018
1,819
They probably have a very loving and supportive family. If that's the case, then i envy them.
Yeah but outside of their family, you know people will treat them like complete trash.
Interesting.

And speaking of enslavement, I thought of this:



A lot of people were well aware of this in the ancient times, that is why they fought to the death or CTBed or took over. They were basically 100000 times smarter and more knowledgeable than most human beings today. They didn't just go "Life is good!" and bent over for everyone with power.
 
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ManWithNoName

ManWithNoName

Enlightened
Feb 2, 2019
1,224
Yeah but outside of their family, you know people will treat them like complete trash.


A lot of people were well aware of this in the ancient times, that is why they fought to the death or CTBed or took over. They were basically 100000 times smarter and more knowledgeable than most human beings today. They didn't just go "Life is good!" and bent over for everyone with power.
Good point. Today though there is better "bread and circus" (social media www connectivity) to keep the masses entertained, still enslaved, but slightly more entertained to keep everyone in line.
 
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not_a_robot

not_a_robot

"i hope the leaving is joyful, & never to return"
May 30, 2019
2,121
Good point. Today though there is better "bread and circus" (social media www connectivity) to keep the masses entertained, still enslaved, but slightly more entertained to keep everyone in line.
A perfect system of slavery is one in which every slave believes he is participating of his own free will.
Now go buy a car and get a girlfriend, make some babies, be an individual, obey your thirst, DRINK SPRITE!
 
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Severen

Severen

Enlightened
Jun 30, 2018
1,819
Good point. Today though there is better "bread and circus" (social media www connectivity) to keep the masses entertained, still enslaved, but slightly more entertained to keep everyone in line.
Yep, today it's like bread and circuses on steroids, with all the TV shows, movies, video games, music, gadgets, food and debauchery. Just look at all the zombies with their smartphones. Today, the bread and circuses can follow you everywhere you go and can fit in one hand. They don't allow a large percentage of drugs though(like Heroin), because they don't want their slaves to become unproductive.
It's the simulation we're in. I know I'm in a simulation designed to test human resilience because every now and then, there will be this little pause in the program and some near-stranger will lean up to me (They always have the same creepy expression and tone when they do it, very predatory) and softly ask
"Every single time in your life that you were ever supposed to be able to ask someone for help, all they ever did was hurt you more.... How do you stand it? How do you go on?"

It is never asked with any kindness or concern, merely cold reptilian curiosity. The repetition of tone and phrasing by random unrelated people I encounter in separate situations and different parts of the country let me know that it's just the researchers, trying to slyly interview me to see how their experiment is going, and trying to gather more info on potential weaknesses they might use to break me, but there's not much left they can do. I have beaten injury, disease, medical abuse, mental illness gaslighting, loneliness, betrayal, isolation, all with NO HELP, just like they say. I have withstood everything they can think of to fuck with me, and I am still alive and smiling (mostly).

What the dumbasses running this program don't understand is, they are just lowly idiot-neurotypicals. They will never figure out how to understand an autistic mind, much less effectively manipulate it. Their endless stupid mindgames are child's play to me. These fuckers will never break me because I don't break; I break other motherfuckers.

(and there you have a sample of a little pep-talk I use to keep myself going. The truth is, I am basically helpless in this simulation and as a test-subject, I can be terminated at any time. They are just keeping me alive for the brain-mapping, which will later be used in more projects to try to break people like me. The game is set up so that I can never win, merely endure as long as possible. It started when I used to volunteer for brain & psych studies and I turned out to be an "outlier" in the data.)

What would be the point in learning about human resilience today consider the majority of human beings aren't resilient to anything...
 
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not_a_robot

not_a_robot

"i hope the leaving is joyful, & never to return"
May 30, 2019
2,121
Yep, today it's like bread and circuses on steroids, with all the TV shows, movies, video games, music, gadgets and debauchery. Just look at all the zombies with their smartphones. It's like, bread and circuses that follow you everywhere you go, that can fit in one hand. They don't allow a large percentage of drugs though(like Heroin), because they don't want their slaves to become unproductive.
And welfare and Obama phones are not free "gifts" for the poor. They are insurance against revolution, a social contract to keep the poor fed so they won't riot and eat the rich. Freud wrote about it. The addition of the free phone is just for monitoring purposes. Foodstamps were intended to keep the poor supplied with basic nutrition because the poor who signed up to fight wars were too malnourished to fight, so it's not charity, it's keeping the future army fed so they can carry rifles.
 
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Severen

Severen

Enlightened
Jun 30, 2018
1,819
And welfare and Obama phones are not free "gifts" for the poor. They are insurance against revolution, a social contract to keep the poor fed so they won't riot and eat the rich. Freud wrote about it. The addition of the free phone is just for monitoring purposes.

I wonder why they made welfare in the USA almost useless and are trying to destroy welfare right now in the USA though? Perhaps because at this point, police officers and soldiers could just shoot people rioting and Americans wouldn't give a shit? The U.S. government slaughtered protesting American WW I veterans and got away with it, a long time ago and most Americans back then actually had morals.
 
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inconsequential

inconsequential

Enlightened
Jun 1, 2019
1,011
I wonder why they made welfare in the USA almost useless and are trying to destroy welfare right now in the USA though? Perhaps because at this point, police officers and soldiers could just shoot people rioting and Americans wouldn't give a shit?

People are so desensitized, and honestly so useless, that yes. They will stare at their televisions and computer screens and watch, until it's their turn to be shot. Or until it's their turn to shoot someone. I don't believe America has the balls nor the brains for a riot at this point in history.

Everyone is a dumbass who just plays into the status quo. It doesn't matter what side of the political spectrum they lean on; they all play into the stupid game that increasingly feels like a massive, unfunny joke.

Also, threatening to take welfare away is just more political distraction.
 
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Severen

Severen

Enlightened
Jun 30, 2018
1,819
People are so desensitized, and honestly so useless, that yes. They will stare at their televisions and computer screens and watch, until it's their turn to be shot. Or until it's their turn to shoot someone. I don't believe America has the balls nor the brains for a riot at this point in history.

Everyone is a dumbass who just plays into the status quo. It doesn't matter what side of the political spectrum they lean on; they all play into the stupid game that increasingly feels like a massive, unfunny joke.

Also, threatening to take welfare away is just more political distraction.

I agree with you 100%. Some of them might even point and laugh at the people getting gunned down. That's why I've lost all faith in the USA and in Americans.
 
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not_a_robot

not_a_robot

"i hope the leaving is joyful, & never to return"
May 30, 2019
2,121
I wonder why they made welfare in the USA almost useless and are trying to destroy welfare right now in the USA though?
Pretending they are trying to "destroy welfare" is part of the bread and circus. The news is no longer just commentary on the bread and circus, it is the bread and circus. Republicans pretend to fight Democrats just like Macho Man pretended to fight Hulk Hogan. It's all for show, to keep people engaged, keep them feeling like their opinions matter, that people in power care what happens to them.
The Republicans and Democrats pretend to fight to distract the idiot public from the ways they're both robbing us blind. It's really just the rich fucking the poor on both sides, they just keep us riled up with dumb shit like abortion and guns Every time a democrat wins, the Republicans scream "they gon take ur gunz!" but it has never happened. Every time a Republican wins, Dems scream "they will destroy welfare!" but it has never happened. It's all part of bread and circus, just keeping people riled up and dumb and distracted.

Republicans live for war (dems too they just sell it softer). The rich know that the armed forces are filled by poor kids trying to escape poverty. Poor dumb kids will not be strong enough to kill at war without proper nutrition.So they will never "destroy welfare".
Yep, today it's like bread and circuses on steroids, with all the TV shows, movies, video games, music, gadgets, food and debauchery. Just look at all the zombies with their smartphones. Today, the bread and circuses can follow you everywhere you go and can fit in one hand. They don't allow a large percentage of drugs though(like Heroin), because they don't want their slaves to become unproductive.


What would be the point in learning about human resilience today consider the majority of human beings aren't resilient to anything...
lol the projects are just jerkoff material for government sadists, the only thing they are meant to learn is "can government lackeys fap to this?"
I wonder why they made welfare in the USA almost useless and are trying to destroy welfare right now in the USA though? Perhaps because at this point, police officers and soldiers could just shoot people rioting and Americans wouldn't give a shit? The U.S. government slaughtered protesting American WW I veterans and got away with it, a long time ago and most Americans back then actually had morals.
No, there were no "good old days." People have always been shitty. You're just longing for a time before you knew they were shitty.
 
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Divine Trinity

Divine Trinity

Pugna Vigil
Mar 20, 2019
310
Evolution. I've studied history most of my life. And most people like us never get to pass on our DNA because life is just never ending warfare. And often times, your option is to be killed or enslaved... And enslavement often leads to pain and suffering because most slave owners do not see their slaves as worthy of a decent life. It's mostly the pro suffering people who pass on their DNA. One day, people like us will become entirely extinct. Many groups of people in the past CTBed to avoid being enslaved(men, women and children). That is DNA that has been entirely purged from our genepool for all eternity. These people have no descendants. Evolution is just a program trying to shape humanity into the best virus possible. The only reason, some people can CTB today is because they had ancestors who were great conquerors, therefore never put in a position where they had to choose death or slavery... Therefore some people still have the ability to CTB, today. Sooner or later, we will be breeded out of existence though.
You're not 100% wrong. I think from an anthropology perspective humans are gradually becoming more patient and empathetic like Bonobos, that being said we still have the aggressive and impulsive tendencies like chimps. Homo S. Sapiens seem to be naturally inclined to express docile behavior, but if we experience major stress and/or trauma (especially early on, or pro-longed periods) we "revert" back to that anti-social behavior. This may partially be why our environment has such a dramatic effect on our behavior. Overall, anti-social people (or rather anti-social behavior/habits) are more likely to die pre-maturely (ex: gangsters, soldiers, meat-consumers) than the opposite.

What's considered anti-social? To answer, ask what's considered social? Communalism, Common history, empathy, tolerance, solidarity, intimacy, kinship, curiosity. Essentially the stuff you hear from left-wingers. To go against our innate desire for these things requires trauma and chronic pain, whether physically apparent or internal.

In my personal view, I think we failed as a species and are headed towards extinction via one of many environmental catastrophes
or a nuclear exchange between Pakistan and India or US and Russia. Our "intelligence" has been a catalyst that caused changes via technology too fast for us to adapt to.
 
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deltahead

deltahead

Student
May 28, 2019
160
it makes me feel so incredibly immature. i've met people who've suffered so much, everything from abuse to incest (and all it's forms) to kidnapping. people who really by all accounts shouldn't have survived as long as they did, as the world they were in was literally built to destroy and kill them before they ever had the chance to become anything. most of them were suicidal and self-destructive at some point, but they all remained strong through it. nowadays they're all better. they're young and in love and seem so happy and well-adjusted (but also somehow vaguely tribal, cruel and menacing like all other "normal" people?). i haven't suffered like they have. i probably never will, due to my sheltered upbringing. yet i can't bring myself to even get out of bed. i can only focus on suicide, despite me having total freedom. i haven't "earned" any of this. there was no character arc, i never learned anything or gone through anything, yet i want to sit here pretending my life's unbearable and no one understands me. still, i don't understand how they are the way they are. it seems freakish and kind of unnatural, the way they "heal" and adapt to life. i just don't see any of the things they see. they're terrifying and incomprehensible to me sure, but who am i to judge them or their life? who's to say i'm not in the wrong here?

it's because of this, among other reasons, that i just cannot see myself as a good person, or someone tragic. "manchild" is the only fitting descriptor.
 
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Divine Trinity

Divine Trinity

Pugna Vigil
Mar 20, 2019
310
People are so desensitized, and honestly so useless, that yes. They will stare at their televisions and computer screens and watch, until it's their turn to be shot. Or until it's their turn to shoot someone. I don't believe America has the balls nor the brains for a riot at this point in history.

Everyone is a dumbass who just plays into the status quo. It doesn't matter what side of the political spectrum they lean on; they all play into the stupid game that increasingly feels like a massive, unfunny joke.

Also, threatening to take welfare away is just more political distraction.
The US was/is/will be a totalitarian state, the government historically oppresses its people so grotesquely that even nazis (who were heavily influenced by and recieved support from US) refused to incorporate things like Jim Crow in Germany from an ethics argument. They consider Bernie Sanders, who is at best a left-leaning centrist, a radical "far-left" extremist. The empire is headed toward fascism, and is already amidst an irreversible decline that will return them to the backwater 3rd world shithole it was before stealing/plundering Latin America and Europe's wealth (Who stole it from Africa and Asia) during the World Wars.
 
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inconsequential

inconsequential

Enlightened
Jun 1, 2019
1,011
The US was/is/will be a totalitarian state, the government historically oppresses its people so grotesquely that even nazis (who were heavily influenced by and recieved support from US) refused to incorporate things like Jim Crow in Germany from an ethics argument. They consider Bernie Sanders, who is at best a left-leaning centrist, a radical "far-left" extremist. The empire is headed toward fascism, and is already amidst an irreversible decline that will return them to the backwater 3rd world shithole it was before stealing/plundering Latin America and Europe's wealth (Who stole it from Africa and Asia) during the World Wars.

We're well on our way to being a theocracy, not merely a totalitarian state. The people crying to impeach Trump don't understand Mike Pence's history very well, or haven't studied up on it.
 
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Divine Trinity

Divine Trinity

Pugna Vigil
Mar 20, 2019
310
it makes me feel so incredibly immature. i've met people who've suffered so much, everything from abuse to incest (and all it's forms) to kidnapping. people who really by all accounts shouldn't have survived as long as they did, as the world they were in was literally built to destroy and kill them before they ever had the chance to become anything. most of them were suicidal and self-destructive at some point, but they all remained strong through it. nowadays they're all better. they're young and in love and seem so happy and well-adjusted (but also somehow vaguely tribal, cruel and menacing like all other "normal" people?). i haven't suffered like they have. i probably never will, due to my sheltered upbringing. yet i can't bring myself to even get out of bed. i can only focus on suicide, despite me having total freedom. i haven't "earned" any of this. there was no character arc, i never learned anything or gone through anything, yet i want to sit here pretending my life's unbearable and no one understands me. still, i don't understand how they are the way they are. it seems freakish and kind of unnatural, the way they "heal" and adapt to life. i just don't see any of the things they see. they're terrifying and incomprehensible to me sure, but who am i to judge them or their life? who's to say i'm not in the wrong here?

it's because of this, among other reasons, that i just cannot see myself as a good person, or someone tragic. "manchild" is the only fitting descriptor.
The idea that childhood trauma and extreme poverty "builds character" is fucking stupid. Go look how often I curse on here. Those people never "move on" or recover, they learn to cope with addiction then pass the torch to their kids with nothing to offer them.
We're well on our way to being a theocracy, not merely a totalitarian state. The people crying to impeach Trump don't understand Mike Pence's history very well, or haven't studied up on it.
I'm telling to people get out now, the smoke came at Vietnam, the windows bursted after 9/11. Recession is in the air, there's no feasible way we can recover from another one. Another major wealth transfer via QE would destroy what remains of the US' international reputation, and cause civil unrest.
We're well on our way to being a theocracy, not merely a totalitarian state. The people crying to impeach Trump don't understand Mike Pence's history very well, or haven't studied up on it.
The problem with the US being a theocracy is that "theocratic government" has the word "government" in it. The US has no rule of law, otherwise every presidential administration for the last 80-100 years would've been executed or rot in prison.
 
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Severen

Severen

Enlightened
Jun 30, 2018
1,819
The US was/is/will be a totalitarian state, the government historically oppresses its people so grotesquely that even nazis (who were heavily influenced by and recieved support from US) refused to incorporate things like Jim Crow in Germany from an ethics argument. They consider Bernie Sanders, who is at best a left-leaning centrist, a radical "far-left" extremist. The empire is headed toward fascism, and is already amidst an irreversible decline that will return them to the backwater 3rd world shithole it was before stealing/plundering Latin America and Europe's wealth (Who stole it from Africa and Asia) during the World Wars.

The USA is destined to be the Nazi Germany of the 21st century.
 
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not_a_robot

not_a_robot

"i hope the leaving is joyful, & never to return"
May 30, 2019
2,121
We're well on our way to being a theocracy, not merely a totalitarian state. The people crying to impeach Trump don't understand Mike Pence's history very well, or haven't studied up on it.

I'm binging Handmaid's tale right now, you are freakin me out. But you are right. America wants to be just like oppressive Muslim countries.
 
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Severen

Severen

Enlightened
Jun 30, 2018
1,819
I'm binging Handmaid's tale right now, you are freakin me out. But you are right. America wants to be just like oppressive Muslim countries.

The USA in Handmaid's Tale is going to look like Disneyland compared to what is coming.
 
not_a_robot

not_a_robot

"i hope the leaving is joyful, & never to return"
May 30, 2019
2,121
The USA in Handmaid's Tale is going to look like Disneyland compared to what is coming.
lol you are so scary. Can we ctb before that happens? Poison me, I'm scared!
 
Scribble Fan

Scribble Fan

I'm out!
May 30, 2019
815
Sometimes I wonder how everybody isn't suicidal. Have they seen the world they live in..?
 
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Severen

Severen

Enlightened
Jun 30, 2018
1,819
Sometimes I wonder how everybody isn't suicidal. Have they seen the world they live in..?

From what I noticed, they purposely tune it all out. Every time I try to reveal to them, evil and doom, their brain instantly tunes it out to avoid the pain. This is what I call, a slave's brain. Because only a slave, would have such an ability to ignore reality like this otherwise, he or she would not be able to be a slave. Because being a slave goes against animal instincts so humans would have to bury their heads in the sands to counter this. If one can't just bury his or her head in the sand, he or she would have a mental breakdown. How come humanity hasn't tried to enslave chimps? Because they can't... That's pretty much why, chimps are just ignored or studied. You can't turn a chimp's life into hell and then convince the chimp, everything is fine... And chimps are really strong. They would make good workers when it comes to hard labor. Technically that makes me more chimp like than most people... Perhaps I'm simply less evolved than most human beings. Because keep in mind, being more evolved is not always necessarily a good thing. And evolution will weed people like me out, sooner or later. Every time, humans experiment on monkeys and literally make the lives of monkeys, hell on Earth. You don't see the monkeys, smiling, dancing and doing Yoga. They are very aware of what is going on. You can see it in the video footage put out by animal rights activists. Yes, some monkeys have been enslaved to provide entertainment but if they are not treated well, they eventually turn on their master, violently.

 
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not_a_robot

not_a_robot

"i hope the leaving is joyful, & never to return"
May 30, 2019
2,121
From what I noticed, they purposely tune it all out. Every time I try to reveal to them, evil and doom, their brain instantly tunes it out to avoid the pain. This is what I call, a slave's brain. Because only a slave, would have such an ability to ignore reality like this otherwise, he or she would not be able to be a slave. Because being a slave goes against animal instincts so humans would have to bury their heads in the hands to counter this. How come humanity hasn't tried to enslave chimps? Because they can't... That's pretty much why, chimps are just ignored or studied. You can't turn a chimp's life into hell and then convince the chimp, everything is fine... Technically that makes me more chimp like than most people... Perhaps I'm simply less evolved than most human beings. Because keep in mind, being more evolved is not always necessarily a good thing.
It's the societal brainwashing of Positive Psychology (which was developed through animal torture and Nazi experiments). It has poisoned every corner of the American mind.
 
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Severen

Severen

Enlightened
Jun 30, 2018
1,819
lol you are so scary. Can we ctb before that happens? Poison me, I'm scared!

Well unless you plan on living a long life, I wouldn't worry about it. Such a transformation will take time. And they know humans resist sudden changes.
It's the societal brainwashing of Positive Psychology (which was developed through animal torture and Nazi experiments). It has poisoned every corner of the American mind.
It didn't really work on me though. I knew something was extremely fucked up with society and the country since I was a young teen. Maybe I'm just too chimp like or monkey like. LOL
 
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exhausted froggy

exhausted froggy

Member
Jun 13, 2019
23
GOD YES. how the heck do people wake up every morning??? or go to sleep at night???? and how are they not constantly under the impression that death is right around the corner?? i couldnt imagine going day to day without suicide as a crutch. its just not possible.
 
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