Do you ever think to yourself, "Today would be a particularly good day to die"?

[Mixo]

I have this thought routinely. I'm sure many here do too.

It's usually one of two scenarios:
1) An emotionally turbulent day where I feel treated like shit, feel like shit, or just am severely depressed; or
2) An exceptionally calm, quiet day. Nice weather outside. No one around and leaving in a serene state appeals strongly.

Others? What makes you say it's a "good day" to do it?

 

[Itsbeenalongtime]

I actually often feel like that on good days, like end it on a high note

 

[motel rooms]

A sunny spring day in the Alps, so far away from the city. Nobody around for miles, just a beautiful view from a beautiful old bridge.

 

[DasDasDAS]

I thought I was the only one liking the idea of going in a "good" day. No excessive anxiety, no turbulent thoughts...

 

[Nightmare Painting]

The Klingon in me tells me that every day is a good day to die.

 

[FuneralCry]

I never want to be alive, and I want nothing to do with life, so for me I think everyday would be a great day to die. I want non existence and freedom from all suffering. My life is very pointless and empty and I do not see a point to continuing it.

 

[Justsogone]

When I feel overwhelmed and hopeless with no way out to the future.
My brain says: these are good days to die.
I'm fucking done.

 

[NotSureToEndure]

Quite often over the past month. Wish I could just push a button and erase myself, but unfortunately there is no way to do that.

I have the means now, but I need to find the right time to do it, i'm also scared shitless i'll fuck up and have to live with the consequences. Even if I do go I feel a lot of guilt around my potential suicide.

I keep giving it another week and pretending to be normal, but it's tricky eh

 

[Death is beautiful]

Quite often over the past month. Wish I could just push a button and erase myself, but unfortunately there is no way to do that.

I have the means now, but I need to find the right time to do it, i'm also scared shitless i'll fuck up and have to live with the consequences. Even if I do go I feel a lot of guilt around my potential suicide.

I keep giving it another week and pretending to be normal, but it's tricky eh

I am also very afraid to stay alive after failing, then they will start following me and it will be difficult to make a new attempt, maybe I will have to hang myself or something worse. What a horror

 

[Hydrangea]

Whenever I'm at any social occasion. I just want to slip away quietly and disappear.

 

[Versailles]

2) An exceptionally calm, quiet day. Nice weather outside. No one around and leaving in a serene state appeals strongly.

This and I would add the fact of being euphoric, under the influence of alcohol and after having done something crazy like an orgy

 

[Crazy4u]

A good day for me is when it is not crowded outside so I can do it without getting caught. Level of pain/how I feel on that day doesn't matter because I'm a living dead. The way I feel is nothing new and doesn't get better.

 

[gottago222]

not day but this is definitely the year that i gotta go

 

[Mixo]

A good day for me is when it is not crowded outside so I can do it without getting caught. Level of pain/how I feel on that day doesn't matter because I'm a living dead. The way I feel is nothing new and doesn't get better.

Whoa, so you're planning to do it outdoors?

 

[Crazy4u]

Whoa, so you're planning to do it outdoors?

I plan to buy car curtains/cover and CTB in my car. I plan to drive to somewhere isolated but not too suspicious. I cannot traumatize hotel workers, neighbors, landlord, maintenance staff,....etc. The way I think about it: civilians won't break into my covered car when I'm dead. It will be either a police officer or a car thief!

 

[little helpers]

on a calm day when anxiety isn't working in joint force with the motherfucking SI. no matter how desperate I am I remind myself that completion requires a cool head.

 

[lostundead]

A sunny spring day in the Alps, so far away from the city. Nobody around for miles, just a beautiful view from a beautiful old bridge.

I already reserved that spot for myself, go look elsewhere!

 

[motel rooms]

I already reserved that spot for myself, go look elsewhere!

 

[VoidDesirer22]

This rings true to me. Sometimes the particular quality to a day is beckoning me. Almost like I could leisurely end my life, by laying on train tracks, or whatever, and it'd be as trivial as brushing my teeth.

I have to actually remind myself with logic to wait and that pain exists.


*Also on particularly sweaty, restless, sandpapery days, I want to shoot myself. Always shooting. Idk why it just seems like sprayng my blood onto a wall would be the only form of relief in those moments.

 

[ikadasui]

This rings true to me. Sometimes the particular quality to a day is beckoning me. Almost like I could leisurely end my life, by laying on train tracks, or whatever, and it'd be as trivial as brushing my teeth.

I have to actually remind myself with logic to wait and that pain exists.


*Also on particularly sweaty, restless, sandpapery days, I want to shoot myself. Always shooting. Idk why it just seems like sprayng my blood onto a wall would be the only form of relief in those moments.

Now that I have access to a gun and ammo(literally under my bed in a safe, though I do keep the keys in another safe elsewhere) I know exactly what you mean. Most days are miserable and then some days are just like getting your hands tied together and dragged by a horses on a gravel road. For me at least these usually are related to my experince when dealing with normal functioning humans. When I'm secluded I can at least occupy myself enough to be content, but when I'm forced to be near others it's just a non stop reflection of all my inferiority and it's insufferable.

 

[Bigpink]

At the end of each day, regardless of what's gone on, good or bad I always come to the realisation I'm alone and want to die

 

[tieiwi]

Good day to ctb for me is your scenario #1. But deep down I'd like to die surrounded by nature. Either in the mountains or a pretty forest. But I know my survival instinct would definitely kick in. My brain always tricks me when I'm feeling good. Makes me think like I actually have a chance to be happy. Then something happens and I get reminded of why I hate being alive in the first place. My life consists of me "forgetting" about my trauma and pain and almost coping with it, but then one event will occur and remind me of why I feel this way and I'll get mad at myself for falling for it.

 

[IconoclasticCultist]

This rings true to me. Sometimes the particular quality to a day is beckoning me. Almost like I could leisurely end my life, by laying on train tracks, or whatever, and it'd be as trivial as brushing my teeth.

I have to actually remind myself with logic to wait and that pain exists.


*Also on particularly sweaty, restless, sandpapery days, I want to shoot myself. Always shooting. Idk why it just seems like sprayng my blood onto a wall would be the only form of relief in those moments.

Something about that split second of violence and then utter peace really attracts me as well. A release of all the tension in an abrupt way. Very appealing. Not a pretty corpse though. That's why I want to do it somewhere far out in the wilderness so nature can take care of what's left of me.

 

[VoidDesirer22]

Now that I have access to a gun and ammo(literally under my bed in a safe, though I do keep the keys in another safe elsewhere) I know exactly what you mean. Most days are miserable and then some days are just like getting your hands tied together and dragged by a horses on a gravel road. For me at least these usually are related to my experince when dealing with normal functioning humans. When I'm secluded I can at least occupy myself enough to be content, but when I'm forced to be near others it's just a non stop reflection of all my inferiority and it's insufferable.

I heavily relate to yours feelings when exposed to normal functioning people. After a few days of secluding to what few things bring me actual joy, I sometimes tease the idea that I could make this life shit work. Then, rather abruptly after coming in contact with other people for extended periods, I fall back into the vortex of anxiety and negative self-talk.

And the fact that life must play out around many strangers just to survive, is a huge reason that my suicide is determined to happen. You're correct that everyone is a mirror. And we are all participating in a sort of stage performance, flexing what social competencies we have to draw attention our way. Dreadful.

 

[uienringptr]

Sometimes I have days where I feel really outgoing and a tad lonely so I'll go through my contacts list and facetime most of my friends or shoot them a text. Then days like that will end and I'll have spoken to the dozen people who tell me they love and care about me and I'll almost always come to the conclusion that a night like that has to be the night that I go. It's like a nice wrap up to a short little novela. A final tour before retirement maybe. My favorite books always tie together nicely at the end and I'll be damned if my life doesn't do the same.

 

[wanttodie]

yes i do

 

[Funeralprincess]

Everyday.

 

[Hope:-)]

Today would have been a pretty good one tbh.

 

[SSGoingInsane]

I have this thought routinely. I'm sure many here do too.

It's usually one of two scenarios:
1) An emotionally turbulent day where I feel treated like shit, feel like shit, or just am severely depressed; or
2) An exceptionally calm, quiet day. Nice weather outside. No one around and leaving in a serene state appeals strongly.

Others? What makes you say it's a "good day" to do it?

really only the first case. get treated like an absolute shit, and then all I think about for the next couple of hours is ending a few lives, then my own

 

[kindalone]

It's always days when I feel overwhelmed by everything and have too many tasks that are just piling up. Suffering will be unbearable and there's probably no bigger wish than to ctb. Ironically, today is a day like that. Unfortunately, I haven't done any preparation. Life truly sucks.