Do you ever think of what your parents/loved ones would think/say if...

[DefinitelyReady]

Do you ever think of what your parents/loved ones would think and say if they read your posts/comments here?? I can't help but think of how mine would view this place and my place in it... feel guilt-tripped. Justified in my case. Others it may not be.
Just fruit for thought.

 

[ADBoy777]

Never thought about it actually.

I guess they will kinda blame themselves for not noticing I was depressed even though every single time I write for them I keep saying it's not their fault at all.

 

[CatLvr]

Well, since I don't have anyone who loves me (I only have people who tell me they love me so I will give them what they want) I never considered it.

 

[AbsentMindedHuman]

I think my parents would be sad, and probably angry, and confused. Obviously they arent going to understand the things I post on here. But they will never know about sasu so I dont need to worry about it.

 

[EvisceratedJester]

My mom would barge into my room and start searching through my phone and interrogating me on my different posts on here while I stood there awkwardly, too terrified and uncomfortable to say anything. Then, she would end up becoming more and more angry at me because of my silence. She would also probably end up calling me lying dad, telling him about it, ans then put me on the phone to talk to him. I would really love to not have to go through any of that, so I hope that she doesn't ever find out. The stress alone would just make me even more suicidal.

 

[AmericanMary]

Mine would argue ever single sentence I have ever written on here.

 

[Downdraft]

1. They can't do shit.

2. If they get angry, I'll laugh at them, they don't have any power as I'm independent. How they feel is the least of concerns.

Some of you need to remember you aren't underage anymore, and it's time to care more about yourselves.

 

[BecomingTired]

Do you ever think of what your parents/loved ones would think and say if they read your posts/comments here?? I can't help but think of how mine would view this place and my place in it... feel guilt-tripped. Justified in my case. Others it may not be.
Just fruit for thought.

Put the blame all on me, call me an unfilial son and never contact me again.

 

[sleepingrabbit]

Do you ever think of what your parents/loved ones would think and say if they read your posts/comments here?? I can't help but think of how mine would view this place and my place in it... feel guilt-tripped. Justified in my case. Others it may not be.
Just fruit for thought.

My family once did something a bit like that to me, though surprisingly not entirely intentionally. What they found ended up being music i listened to that expressed how depressed I felt. They got uncomfortable after the first song played out in full and left me alone with the device. We never spoke of it again.

Something like this would probably start a massive fight, but I don't think the response would be dissimilar to what happened then. They might try to take my devices but I'd find other ways again. Besides that, we'd spend a week being passive aggressive w each other and not talking about it. Then it would be quietly forgotten to keep the peace, though my mom would surely bring it up to scold me in front of doctors or psychiatrists. Or they'd mock me, use it against me in arguments.

I wouldn't want them to see it because this is vulnerability I'd never share with them. Here is the most open I've ever been.. bitter, angry, resentful, and loving, worried, and thoughtful. But it never ends well for me to express vulnerability with them and it's never been worth it to try.

Don't let this discourage you or others from talking about how you feel if you need that and it's safe to. We each have our own situations in life.

 

[DefinitelyReady]

Mine would argue ever single sentence I have ever written on here.

I'm sorry, that's kind of funny :/

 

[pomcustard]

They'd probably be sad but will definitely immediately tell me to just pray more

 

[DefinitelyReady]

My family once did something a bit like that to me, though surprisingly not entirely intentionally. What they found ended up being music i listened to that expressed how depressed I felt. They got uncomfortable after the first song played out in full and left me alone with the device. We never spoke of it again.

Something like this would probably start a massive fight, but I don't think the response would be dissimilar to what happened then. They might try to take my devices but I'd find other ways again. Besides that, we'd spend a week being passive aggressive w each other and not talking about it. Then it would be quietly forgotten to keep the peace, though my mom would surely bring it up to scold me in front of doctors or psychiatrists. Or they'd mock me, use it against me in arguments.

I wouldn't want them to see it because this is vulnerability I'd never share with them. Here is the most open I've ever been.. bitter, angry, resentful, and loving, worried, and thoughtful. But it never ends well for me to express vulnerability with them and it's never been worth it to try.

Don't let this discourage you or others from talking about how you feel if you need that and it's safe to. We each have our own situations in life.

@AmericanMary
This is more or less how my youth went on the few times my mom would be included in my therapy. Once we finally got to a period where we weren't fighting, then the guilt/shame started setting in because I just never got "better" despite her always being there.

This is most certainly a plausible scenario unfortunately. They take it too personally and feel attacked at their parenting because you're in pain. They can especially feel blamed when they feel they've provided such care, despite leaving out the emotional care that you may of only wanted in a lot of cases. Parents often give what they didn't have to their children and overlook what that specific child actually needs. Some aren't capable of giving more because they never were cared for properly. I think a lot do the best they can though. That's apart of the tragedy of mental illness, just not being able to "help" enough even if you actually attempt to.
It's a multi-factor problem imo. Created by the perfect storm. This will lead me down a Darwinian road saying CTB is nature's way of keeping the species alive and thriving

 

[AmericanMary]

@AmericanMary
This is more or less how my youth went on the few times my mom would be included in my therapy. Once we finally got to a period where we weren't fighting, then the guilt/shame started setting in because I just never got "better" despite her always being there.

This is most certainly a plausible scenario unfortunately. They take it too personally and feel attacked at their parenting because you're in pain. They can especially feel blamed when they feel they've provided such care, despite leaving out the emotional care that you may of only wanted in a lot of cases. Parents often give what they didn't have to their children and overlook what that specific child actually needs. Some aren't capable of giving more because they never were cared for properly. I think a lot do the best they can though. That's apart of the tragedy of mental illness, just not being able to "help" enough even if you actually attempt to.
It's a multi-factor problem imo. Created by the perfect storm. This will lead me down a Darwinian road saying CTB is nature's way of keeping the species alive and thriving

Why did you tag me in this

 

[rozeske]

If it happens to be when I'm around, I will be dragged to church for prayer and a wash with the holy water, to expel the demon in me, that is after a drawn out conversation at home i never want to imagine. If it's after I'm gone, they will probably end up doing what most loved ones do when they find out about this site. Avoid taking responsibility and blame the site for making me do this or for trick me in to killing myself. That if I hadn't found this site I would be happily alive.

 

[Saturn_]

I've given it such a hard think and I really can't even begin to comprehend how they would react (or have already reacted since I cut out my friends completely in pursuit of suicide months ago). All I know is that it would absolutely ruin my dad, and I don't want to do that because I do care about him, and he's suffered more than enough.

 

[DefinitelyReady]

Why did you tag me in this

Because this person said it would cause a massive fight and I responded to it. Thought it provided more context as your reply was similar.
Maybe it was just the way you worded your reply that was funny-ish. My bad.

I've given it such a hard think and I really can't even begin to comprehend how they would react (or have already reacted since I cut out my friends completely in pursuit of suicide months ago). All I know is that it would absolutely ruin my dad, and I don't want to do that because I do care about him, and he's suffered more than enough.

You're more exempt to this thread than the rest... but that's good, albeit sad to know. Hopefully he'd just hurt for you and feel helpless :/

 

[AmericanMary]

Because this person said it would cause a massive fight and I responded to it. Thought it provided more context as your reply was similar.
Maybe it was just the way you worded your reply that was funny-ish. My

I commented on my own experience. I interacted with nobody else: this was not my situation to be a part of. Thx.

 

[SteamaHorns]

They'd probably be sad but will definitely immediately tell me to just pray more

I could totally imagine my aunt doing this too along with my immediate family blaming my current point in life on the fact that I'm no longer religious. They would probably also just give me a generic speech of staying hopeful and the like. I wouldn't hold the latter against them though.

 

[tsykoais]

i don't have any loved ones

 

[ijustwishtodie]

My parents would make my living conditions comparable to jail. They would take my phone away from me and always spy on me to make sure I won't do anything to kill myself. At the same time, they will force me to watch a ton of islamic videos talking about why life is beautiful and why suicide is bad. They will also try to use more toxic positivity sayings because they think that my views have arose from mental illness. Also, they would browse all of my SS posts (and also all of my devices in general) to understand me more and perpetually interrogate me about it. My parents will also be crying a lot as they don't want to lose their child. All in all, it'd be absolutely hellish if they found out the true me

 

[sleepingrabbit]

This is most certainly a plausible scenario unfortunately. They take it too personally and feel attacked at their parenting because you're in pain. They can especially feel blamed when they feel they've provided such care, despite leaving out the emotional care that you may of only wanted in a lot of cases. Parents often give what they didn't have to their children and overlook what that specific child actually needs. Some aren't capable of giving more because they never were cared for properly. I think a lot do the best they can though. That's apart of the tragedy of mental illness, just not being able to "help" enough even if you actually attempt to.

Yeah that's what makes it suck so much too. It's not like I've just rolled over and decided to die after ages of doing nothing to get better. I've put in the work my whole life to try and improve my situation and it's just never helped me. Sometimes therapy and other stuff works for people, but sometimes it doesn't and forcing a person to engage it again doesn't help. Now I'm too tired to care. I don't have the energy to keep fighting a downhill struggle.

I go back and forth between not blaming my family for the cycle of abuse and struggling not to resent my family for not supporting me enough in my struggles (we all know sending someone to therapy isn't the same thing as actually validating the way they feel. In my case it always made me feel like a problem being handed off to someone else, like my parents didn't know how to deal with me and so decided to make someone else do it for them.)

You're totally right.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

I would want my father to see my posts and the hopefully good role I've played here. There shouldn't be any surprises though.

 

[Kusogaki]

Call the cops.

 

[sugarb]

Do you ever think of what your parents/loved ones would think and say if they read your posts/comments here?? I can't help but think of how mine would view this place and my place in it... feel guilt-tripped. Justified in my case. Others it may not be.
Just fruit for thought.

I don't really think about it.

If/when they read them- I make diary posts with times/dates here, so if they remembered how I acted on those days and contrasted them with the corresponding diary entry's content, they'd be shocked at how just how separate my external and internal selves were. "He was thinking of suicide even while laughing or watching a movie with us? He only wanted a driver's license so he could go get a gun easier? How did he hide it so well?" Etc.

probably they'll decide I was just extremely mentally ill and blame themselves somewhat for not checking my devices

 

[abchia]

I never thought about this before. They'd likely raid my room trying to find the SN I mentioned having laying around. My mom would probably be shocked and concerned, and ask me for clarification on my posts. I believe she can be pretty understanding even though I've never witnessed it. My dad would get really angry, saying i'm overreacting, that I havent even struggled in life yet, and say theres something wrong with me,

How would I react? distance. distance myself as much as possible, request my account be deleted/disabled, make a new one.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

They'd probably get all mad or sad about it but that's why they don't get to know about any of it.

 

[astr4]

not like my parents aren't super hyper aware of everything i complain about. they insist they did their best and can't help it and so i should just accept it and move forward. they'll half acknowledge their role but never take any responsibility or validate my feelings which is the biggest thing for me.

after 3 suicide attempts they don't even take it seriously anymore. i'm like the boy who cried wolf. when i say i feel suicidal i get an eye roll and a sigh.

 

[N33dT0D13]

The only person who's opinion I care about would be sad but likely accept that my pain was a lot and he couldn't do much. I have faith he'd move on, he's pretty grounded and low in emotionality.

Dad would be sad I guess, mom... Might celebrate lmao, I feel like she'd be sad not for me but abstractly for losing her only child but also glad her ungrateful lil shit is finally gone and can't embarrass her anymore. I think my first ex would feel nothing and the last ex would either be happy or distraught depending on his perception of me that day, maybe both lmao... Kind of wanna kill myself on cam for him, I think he'd get a kick out of that but if it happened I'd need it to happen quietly... Everyone else would hella forget, hella quick lmao

 

[fleetingnight]

I think a lot about it. I have a fear someone I know will somehow end up browsing the site, somehow see my profile, and somehow figure out it's me. I'm careful with what exactly I say, so I don't think I need to worry so much.

There's a lot I don't say because of that, though. (Or I make a profile post, so I can delete it when I get scared, lol)

I'm sure some of them would say that I'm exaggerating a lot of things. That's why I'm usually pretty vague about the things I've been through. I get told I remember things wrong all the time, or directly accused of lying. I'm sure I don't remember everything right, but I'm also pretty sure some of that is textbook gaslighting, lol

 

[Rhymester]

They would probably pull of a Pikachu face.