Do you ever just lose feeling in life?

[Alcatraz_anthrax]

I know that people get sudden urges to just die, to just leave.
I know that people are desperate to ctb.

But do you ever just feel numb to all emotions? It's like your emotions are in a vegetative state.
When you know the best to happen to you would be death. You just want the agony to end.
You aren't really actively thinking about it, you're passive about it but it's always in the back of your mind. Like, always.
You're always just thinking about it.
You look at a building and you wonder you could die if you jumped off.
You look at a rope and wonder if it's strong enough to hold your weight by the neck.

I don't know guys, you just lose feeling. At this point, death would be a mercy.

 

[Alwaysbadtime]

Yes, I look at every building, high rock, tall tree, semi, motorhome, bottle, bridge etc. and think about how I could end it. I'm not numb to feeling hate. I relate.

 

[VicMackey]

I know that people get sudden urges to just die, just leave.
I know that people are desperate to ctb.

But do you ever just feel numb to all emotions? It's like your emotions are in a vegetative.
When you know the best to happen to you would be death. You just want the agony to end.
You aren't really actively thinking about it, you're passive about it but it's always in the back of your mind. Like, always.
You're always just thinking about it.
You look at a building and you wonder you could die if you jumped off.
You look at a rope and wonder if it's strong enough to hold your weight by the neck.

I don't know guys, you just lose feeling. At this point, death would be a mercy.

Yes to all of that.

 

[suisuiforum]

Yeah absolutely. On the surface, apathy seems like the perfect solution to stop getting bogged down by all the fucked up parts of life, but it slowly eats away at your purpose to live. It can be a double-edged sword, because you're truly free when you don't give a shit about anything or anyone, but then you start realizing there's nothing tying you down to survival anymore. I think if I were to actually CTB, I'd have to do it on an impulse, or I would lose the nerve after obsessing over the numerous ways I could fail, but I've already been passively thinking about it for a long time and deliberating over every possible method.

 

[TheUnkn0wn]

Of course. I've been battling depression for years now, however since April when I hit an ultra low, I felt like a zombie with absolutely no emotional feeling. Everything I enjoyed in life, my motivations, my ambitions, my interests, and my feelings were numbed right out, and it continues to this day. There was only one instance when I first pulled my motorcycle out for the season that I felt any spark to life,

Being numb pushes the urge to CTB because I'm not enjoying life in this current state, however as much as I'd press that magical button to be off this earth in a given moment, I truly do want to be happy, to feel loved, and to lose this numbness.

 

[suisuiforum]

Of course. I've been battling depression for years now, however since April when I hit an ultra low, I felt like a zombie with absolutely no emotional feeling. Everything I enjoyed in life, my motivations, my ambitions, my interests, and my feelings were numbed right out, and it continues to this day. There was only one instance when I first pulled my motorcycle out for the season that I felt any spark to life,

Being numb pushes the urge to CTB because I'm not enjoying life in this current state, however as much as I'd press that magical button to be off this earth in a given moment, I truly do want to be happy, to feel loved, and to lose this numbness.

I hope you get to be happy someday. I've wished for that so many times as well, but every single bit of happiness I experience fades away all too quickly, so I'm pretty sure dying is the only way I can finally be at peace.

 

[motel rooms]

you're truly free when you don't give a shit about anything or anyone, but then you start realizing there's nothing tying you down to survival anymore. I think if I were to actually CTB, I'd have to do it on an impulse, or I would lose the nerve after obsessing over the numerous ways I could fail

If there were truly nothing tying you down to survival anymore, you wouldn't obsess over the numerous ways you could fail

 

[suisuiforum]

If there were truly nothing tying you down to survival anymore, you wouldn't obsess over the numerous ways you could fail

The concern about failure is more of a logistical one, since there's always the possibility of surviving the attempt while remaining in a vegetative state so that you're never able to finish the deed.

 

[motel rooms]

The concern about failure is more of a logistical one

No, it's your SI. It's hard to get rid of that bitch

 

[suisuiforum]

No, it's your SI. It's hard to get rid of that bitch

It's so unfortunate how even though you can be almost utterly convinced that you want to die, but there's some primitive motivation of survival working against us.

 

[motel rooms]

It's so unfortunate how even though you can be almost utterly convinced that you want to die, but there's some primitive motivation of survival working against us.

Yeah, it's hell...

 

[t0rnbetween]

Yeah a long time ago I experienced visualizing myself dying in different ways. The thoughts would just pop into my mind. But those types of thoughts went away and haven't returned as of yet. More recently I've had moments where I feel numb. But these feelings wax and wane for me. Sometimes it seems to depend on certain foods I eat, or how much rest I get, stuff like that. There could be something knocking your brain chemistry out of whack. These things can be tested if you can cover the costs.

 

[motel rooms]

Sometimes it seems to depend on certain foods I eat, or how much rest I get, stuff like that. There could be something knocking your brain chemistry out of whack.

Interesting theory. What foods make you suicidal?

 

[t0rnbetween]

Interesting theory. What foods make you suicidal?

processed food can affect mood in a negative way.

 

[motel rooms]

processed food can affect mood in a negative way.

Then most people are fucked. Good thing I only eat raw meat

 

[t0rnbetween]

Then most people are fucked. Good thing I only eat raw meat

Yeah, that's pretty much the situation. And of course processed food is just one issue. I'm pretty sure eating all raw meat or even eating all grass and weeds isn't going to be much better. Point is there is some cause and effect there, where habits and emotions are concerned.

 

[I-can-only-imagine]

That is 100% where I am now. Just numb. To absolutely everything. Ordered SN. But don't feel excitement or relief. Just numb. And everyday gets harder and harder to see any future

 

[nobodyspecial]

I know that people get sudden urges to just die, to just leave.
I know that people are desperate to ctb.

But do you ever just feel numb to all emotions? It's like your emotions are in a vegetative state.
When you know the best to happen to you would be death. You just want the agony to end.
You aren't really actively thinking about it, you're passive about it but it's always in the back of your mind. Like, always.
You're always just thinking about it.
You look at a building and you wonder you could die if you jumped off.
You look at a rope and wonder if it's strong enough to hold your weight by the neck.

I don't know guys, you just lose feeling. At this point, death would be a mercy.

I feel this way quite often. I used to find it a little unsettling but I've just accepted it. I walk everywhere in my city so every time I see traffic coming my way — especially vehicles without their headlights on — I always catch myself thinking about jumping in front of said vehicle last second.

 

[ClownMe]

ive been dead inside for years.

 

[FuneralCry]

I can relate. In a way I feel as though I have already died. Suicidal thoughts are always usually in the back of my mind, they are a part of me. I feel a large absence of emotion.