Do you ever have periods where you feel normal? Or even happy

[marabellasol]

I can't tell if I'm actually suicidal or not - I have long parts where i just want to die and then shorter moments where living isnt so bad, maybe my brain is just wrong and everything is okay with me lol

 

[Onelegman]

Very rarely do I feel normal or happy, some pill finally manages to reach my brain and give me that substance that it cannot create on its own.

 

[Nothing87]

I've been suicidal for years, there are times where I felt happiness but it is only temporary.

 

[FuneralCry]

Normal for me is wanting to cease existing, under no circumstances would I ever wish for something as undesirable and hellish as having the ability to exist, suicide is all that feels rational to me to escape from meaningless suffering in this existence I never would have chose in the first place.

In my case I'd always prefer to not exist, I have no interest in being burdened with this existence for decades longer just to be tormented by old age, it terrifies me how one can potentially exist for so long and suffer so unbearably yet not die. For me death is the only peace and relief, I only find comfort in death, I don't believe in the idea of happiness as for me the problem lies in existence itself, to be conscious and aware in this reality where chance so senselessly determines everything truly is an abomination.

 

[jarik]

Sì costantemente, mi sento sempre anormale e fuori da ogni razza umana. Sono molto chiuso e non ho amici e i miei genitori mi incolpano per questo

 

[outrider567]

No, the only time I am less depressed is when I'm eating

 

[krnaaTh]

I feel the same. Something is weird, and you start doubting yourself: Why am I feeling so bad about this if maybe tomorrow or the week later I'll be the literally opposite? I can be the happiest person for like 2 weeks then come back to my suicide tendencies for 3 weeks where I would try to even kill myself and take terrible decisions in my life to then switch again between those moods in a way that makes me almost invalidate my own feelings as to being unsure about how I really feel (tho the time when I feel awful and depressed tend to be way longer)

 

[untothedepths]

Yeah. Whenever I start to feel better, shit hits the fan and then I suddenly become some sort of psychological combat veteran. I become fearful (like my life is on the line...), super pissed or sad, and self harm (which Im being a lot more abusive to myself). I trust no one and feel like the world is ending. It's so great, I love, which is why I want to leave so badly so I don't get used to the feeling.

 

[onbekend]

Not really, I forget the suicidal thoughts when I'm heavily distracted by something of course but it never truly goes away.

 

[EvisceratedJester]

I remember feeling great during second semester of grade 10, which was ironic since I attempted suicide in the middle of the first semester. I felt really good for the first time in years and my suicidal thoughts had finally stopped for a bit. Just the contrast between my grades from first semester and second semester highlighted this (and the classes I had during my second semester were all the harder subjects too, lol). Even now, while I am feeling better in comparison to a few months prior, I still don't feel anywhere near as good as I did during those several months back when I was 15/16. I have no clue why I felt so good at the time.

 

[EternalSummer]

I am happy when i'm not forced to act like an adult and have responsabilities, i'm a leech, i have to deal with the horrible self image and low perception people have of me though, which is something that bothers me a lot. But the worse part is when i have to work and deal with people, then the psychologial distress becomes unberable. The day when i can't carryon like this anymore is getting closer though, if I could live like a NEET maybe i would give life a chance.

 

[burntboy]

i used to think i knew what happiness was, but i was wrong. food, junk, booze, porn, sex: all these things are not real happiness. they all end, and they all hurt if you use them for enough time. lately i feel like one can't experience happiness as long as one is alive.
sry if i sound corny english is not my 1st language lol

I am happy when i'm not forced to act like an adult and have responsabilities, i'm a leech, i have to deal with the horrible self image and low perception people have of me though, which is something that bothers me a lot. But the worse part is when i have to work and deal with people, then the psychologial distress becomes unberable. The day when i can't carry like this is getting closer though, if I could live like a NEET maybe i would give life a chance.

i also toy with the idea of becoming a neet. life would suck but at least i could rot in peace, alone.

 

[2messdup]

I am happy when i'm not forced to act like an adult and have responsabilities, i'm a leech, i have to deal with the horrible self image and low perception people have of me though, which is something that bothers me a lot. But the worse part is when i have to work and deal with people, then the psychologial distress becomes unberable. The day when i can't carryon like this anymore is getting closer though, if I could live like a NEET maybe i would give life a chance.

That's just how I feel!

 

[LostinTime24]

For those of us on meds that cause memory problems I think will relate. You forget enough and can maybe pretend everything is okay for a day or a couple but the memories always come back.

 

[divinemistress87]

I will feel happiness like a few times a year but it ends up being a tease

 

[combatcuteness]

Yes, they're one of the reasons I'm still here. I have 3+ mental illnesses and been suicidal most of my life. and yet I've had days where I don't have any symptoms. It's pretty amazing I can even manage those days given the shitshow that's my life. It gives me hope but it feels more of a fluke. My life is like a Galton box. No matter how many times you turn upside down the device, the Law of Frequency of Error will ensure my lifelong suffering.

 

[Cinnamorolls]

When I'm working, I'm so focused on the tasks at hand that I don't have time to think about being depressed or suicidal. Not really happiness, more like pure distraction. But it hits me again as soon as I get home.

 

[Hystearical]

Nope

 

[Promised Heaven]

After months of dissociation, it's hard to think of normal as anything that isn't dissociation. And when I'm not dissosiating, I feel overwhelmed. When I'm happy, my body physically laughs, I feel energized, but mentally, I feel numb, I feel nothing. And it hurts so much because I am experiencing happiness and everyone thinks I'm happy but I'm screaming at myself for not feeling it, but my screams mean nothing, for I'm not feeling anything.

Once in a blue moon I break through with feelings of genuine happiness, but it takes something abnormally powerful for me to feel it, like a friend cuddling me or a really REALLY good song when I'm in a specific mood (looking at you, in the aeroplane over the sea). But as quick as they come, it lasts a few hours max, and I'm back to where I started.

 

[thealteredmind]

well let's see... until 2021 I was """"ok"""". not happy. not normal. but wasn't in extreme pain. but it was better than now. MUCH BETTER.
then in 2023 when I was medicated I was... closer to happy or normal for like 1 month and 3 months to a lesser extent.

then extreme pain started... never ended... maybe it's a bit lower but... I'm not the same anymore...

then an anomaly happened one day... a couple months ago. I woke up and for 6hs I just feel like I was medicated... like a 10% improvement on my depression or even more. don't know how the hell this happened, never managed to reproduce it again.

so... well... happy? normal? never... just got a bit closer, that's it.

 

[permanently tired]

No, if I'm not angry or depressed I usually feel emptiness (nothingness?) as I trudge through the day. Even if I'm distracted by doing smth I still feel nothing.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

Frequently. That's the trouble. It's actually really easy for my mood to involuntarily shift back to some semblance of happiness even when in the back of my mind I'm still seeking death.

 

[rozeske]

I used to have those intense happy happy periods, to the point where my heart feels about to explode with excitement for no apparent reason at all. Only to be replaced with this gloomy depressive mood. Now those happy periods are quite short and not as intense but I still miss them to give me a break from my depression and anxiety. Fucking brain chemistry. Fml.

 

[Ash]

My mood changes several times a day - and that's without any external events or triggers helping it along in any direction. I can experience "four seasons in one day" or bleak nothingness or mild changes or a bit of everything or lots of not very much. It's impossible to predict and that in itself contributes to my suicidal feelings and makes me impulsive, hence my numerous failed attempts.

It's very odd, sitting here, reading other people's experiences and realising that mine isn't the norm!

 

[_AllCatsAreGrey_]

I have little glimmers of happiness. The duration of the feeling varies. For me the impulse to ctb isn't about not being happy. It's more about the continuous existential discomfort I experience - uncomfortable bodily sensations, confusing and inconsistent interpersonal dynamics, economic coercion, and a world that seems to be eating itself - politically and ecologically. These feelings often overlap. Even if I feel happy or "normal", that dread is there. It seems not existing is the only remedy for that.

 

[Coconut blue]

yeah but the happiness never lasts, i go back to being suicidal, and when I'm in my "normal" state i can't even remember the feeling of being happy

 

[thebelljarrr]

I'm always in a state of nothingness but the ephemeral happiness while can do what I like still makes me feel I'd be happier when I choose suicide