Do you ever get an impulsive urge to just CTB RIGHT this second? Like this very millisecond?

[sincerely dead]

I am sitting in a Starbucks with a friend on our laptops and I literally have this strong, impulsive desire that is telling me to just go jump into traffic, or go hang myself in the bathroom, or some random ass thing. I don't know. I sometimes get so overtaken with the urge it hurts so much.

 

[enough of this]

Oh, yeah. Every once in a while.

 

[Pearl]

I think I'm constantly feeling this way. Today I was crossing the road and the cars were stopped for me but I wish one wouldn't and run me over and rid me of my misery. Everytime I'm driving, even thought it scares me so much, deep in my heart I want to get in a crash that would kill me. Just anything to end the pain that I am too cowardly to end myself.

 

[Pidgeons_Sparrows]

no not really. well sometimes but im unable to act on it. if i had a gun i would be dead 50x over by now

 

[honeydew]

ive gotten that a few times, always around people. i have to sit there and pretend nothing weird is going on while the feeling is almost suffocating. it makes my face feel tingly.

i feel like if i were ever to actually ctb it would be because of that urge because planning is so hard for me.

 

[delusionalgirl]

Yeah several times. I haven't slept in a couple of days. Apparently when that happens you go into sleep psychosis. I've been all over the place in my head. A small part of me snapped out of it because I'm like nope nope 2 weeks in the pretty place.

 

[cami]

occasionally but i doubt it's a good idea to act on it.

 

[Fktw0rld]

lol yes absolutely. At the most random times I'll realize my SI is super low and get rushing thoughts telling me go, do it now, now's your chance. But it's always super awkward timing and makes no sense.

 

[Gonnerr]

Almost everyday , i tell myself why wait, it will happen someday and it might be a long painful disease if i wait.

I got SN from IC, this is the real deal so i could escape any night , i live alone so very easy. SI is such a bad thing.

 

[neveragreedtothis]

yeah they call it cutesy 'intrusive thoughts'

 

[Freedombus'25]

Yesss especially at night after long days... its so hard to resist but I've had attempted in those states of mind & they never per say go well.

They are really hard to cope with tho

 

[MrDarkness]

Not today, but plans have been brewing, some massive changes in life has come up, and I'm not sure if I can handle it I'm so tired of my life despite me being 18. I want out but I want to stay to help others, why did I have to be cursed with such kindness

 

[ChromeCake]

Not in any actionable way. I often think that if I had a gun I would CTB that very instant, but alas I dont. I then start thinking about the horror show I would leave behind, which then gets me thinking about being a corpse in general, being found, carried away, etc. Really very unpleasant to think about. I wish there was an instant incineration button I could just press. There one second, gone the next. No fuss. I would press that button without even thinking about it.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I am sitting in a Starbucks with a friend on our laptops and I literally have this strong, impulsive desire that is telling me to just go jump into traffic, or go hang myself in the bathroom, or some random ass thing. I don't know. I sometimes get so overtaken with the urge it hurts so much.

Currently I'd CTB at any time if there weren't things holding me back. But yes some situations can occure where I get an impulse to just do it right in this moment.

 

[greywings]

absolutely yeah. i'm always so worried about accidentally killing some stranger when i go, or screwing them over financially, so that's the only reason i haven't just jumped out of a car/off the freeway bridge.

 

[Stormy Raine]

I am sitting in a Starbucks with a friend on our laptops and I literally have this strong, impulsive desire that is telling me to just go jump into traffic, or go hang myself in the bathroom, or some random ass thing. I don't know. I sometimes get so overtaken with the urge it hurts so much.

I'm too ashamed to tell you how many times a DAY I have those same urges!

 

[sincerely dead]

I'm too ashamed to tell you how many times a DAY I have those same urges!

Does it interfere with your ability to get through the day? I feel like it gets so overwhelming throughout the day that I cannot even function or finish day to day tasks.

 

[leavingsoon99]

Not really an impulse. But, I am going to move the date up. I'm just ready to go. This world and life are truly lost to me. I feel so sorry for those souls being born into this world at this time.

 

[stillmirenai]

Yup. Whenever I see a tall building, I get the urge to go to its highest floor and jump straight down, headfirst. Whenever I see a car, I think of ways I could make it look like it was a freak accident that I got ran over. I have an unhealthy creativity for suicide.

 

[Stormy Raine]

Does it interfere with your ability to get through the day? I feel like it gets so overwhelming throughout the day that I cannot even function or finish day to day tasks.

It doesn't interfere with my work anymore because I make myself busy and I've convinced co-workers I'm happy so they feel obliged to share their wonderful life stories. I'm also take diazepam twice a day to help me stay calm and that really helps me.

 

[yellowtin42]

it doesn't interfere with my day to day either. it moreso kicks in when i don't have the distraction of work, social activity, etc.

 

[depressed&numbed]

yeah kuroizetsubo i fell ya

 

[numbnesshuman]

Absolutely. Sometimes depression juz like a monster

 

[suicidalloser]

yes—i've been taken off medication because of this reason: recurring overdoses everyday i use what i can to to die i don't think lot about it

 

[Baron]

Everytime I leave my house it's just pain. I imagine myself jumping in front of cars, jumping off of rooftops and slicing my throat or some shit. I don't feel motivated to do anything, since I always feel extremely depressed when I go outside.

 

[LastLoveLetter]

Yes. I do everything I can to avoid acting on impulsive urges because I'd prefer to stick with a plan. However, it's very difficult to experience this intense, intrusive compulsion to kill myself in various ways.

I can't see a knife without wanting to stab myself or a car without wanting to jump in front of it. I can't wash my hands or clean my dinner plate without imagining drowning myself in the kitchen sink. I can't do anything without envisioning all of the potential ways I could end my life and feeling an overwhelming urge to do so.

 

[CTB Dream]

Yea alws want disapre want mthod this all time, wat do not know this injury damage prmnt worse dtriort, only thing make not harm not want vege fail etc ,this awfl cruel wrld no peace mthod

 

[enough of this]

Everytime I leave my house it's just pain. I imagine myself jumping in front of cars, jumping off of rooftops and slicing my throat or some shit. I don't feel motivated to do anything, since I always feel extremely depressed when I go outside.

I have the same kinds of thoughts and feelings.

 

[Unwr!tten]

Yes, on Friday night, I was at a really low point and grabbed my SN and just held it, crying.

 

[dory]

all the time and i never do it so after i just feel a insane amount of guilt like my feelings are pure selfishness, like i shouldn't feel this way because i "have people around me who care" or "are open to resources" even though I've tried multiple and none seem to work. Then after the guilt washes away i sorta hope the feeling of wanting to CTB comes back so I can do it.