Discussion Do you ever feel you're going mad to the point of no return?

[mpnf]

I do and also feel like a lot of mental anguish with constant negative and realistic thoughts and a pain in my chest that sometimes I think it's my soul screaming for help asking to end it all once and for all.

 

[who doesn't matter]

Yes, almost all the time when reality strikes and politely explains to me just how worthless and insignificant I am. Funny, isn't it? You go crazy when you meet the reality

 

[Wakawaka]

i used to feel like that, for me it would spiral for days and i would feel like doing something drastic to try and find release

 

[Trisolaris]

Yes, I feel like that. I feel I'm going insane from all the suffering.

 

[mpnf]

i used to feel like that, for me it would spiral for days and i would feel like doing something drastic to try and find release

Yeah, the other day just too feel that I can do something that I really want, put myself at physical risk walking in the middle of the night through a deep completely dark forest just to try to feel something different. Looking behind my shoulders all the time and at the same time feeling not scared but accepting that if that was my end there, would be fucked up but it is what it is.

Don't see myself trying again in the near future, though.

 

[BeansOfRequirement]

Yeah, the other day just too feel that I can do something that I really want, put myself at physical risk walking in the middle of the night through a deep completely dark forest just to try to feel something different. Looking behind my shoulders all the time and at the same time feeling not scared but accepting that if that was my end there, would be fucked up but it is what it is.

Don't see myself trying again in the near future, though.

Not sure why walking into a dark and creepy forest isn't listed on the wiki. I can relate to this, especially when I was way more "dramatically suicidal" or what you would call it. I walked into traffic without looking and had the urge to grab a knife and open some blood vessels in my neck. That urge has been coming back as of late, but I have a better method so I better not give in to it lol.

 

[Eurus]

Um,I clicked on this thread to read about going mad cuz I feel like I would like to read others experiences on that topic,as I feel I may have previously experienced "madness" but it recedes and I feel I could always just jump over the precipice into it if I wanted too,alas I don't,anywho,in regards to OP: I feel I must comment because I also walk in the woods at night and day,I'm intrigued you chose to walk in nature,good choice,it's one of the best places to be ourselves and feel any way we choose,more power to you!

 

[Ath]

Yeah.

 

[signifying nothing]

Not recently, but I do know the feeling of teetering on the edge.

 

[Rn110bg101]

I'd love anything other than this emptiness and anger, and trust me, I know how it feels to go mad. I'd rather spend my remaining time in any world other than this one.

 

[Abir_london]

I'm going through this now :(

 

[esoterispeec]

I do and also feel like a lot of mental anguish with constant negative and realistic thoughts and a pain in my chest that sometimes I think it's my soul screaming for help asking to end it all once and for all.

Yes all the time, I feel like I'm on the verge of having a psychotic break I've been under so much stress, anxiety And compulsive thoughts.

 

[GarageKarate07]

Not sure why walking into a dark and creepy forest isn't listed on the wiki. I can relate to this, especially when I was way more "dramatically suicidal" or what you would call it. I walked into traffic without looking and had the urge to grab a knife and open some blood vessels in my neck. That urge has been coming back as of late, but I have a better method so I better not give in to it lol.

I think there should be more public suicides. Mean thing to say but it's a sort of martyrdom that I think is needed. Get others to stop and look at what ignoring the bad things in this world has caused. Is that what you meant? Going into traffic while slicing yourself open? I think jumpers, people who die at train stops, public firearm suicides, and so on would be a better thing than bad. Suicides in the dark corner alone and hiding don't do much except for close family and friends. Make the world stop and fucking look (sorry for cursing)! Look what you fucking people are doing! Does that make sense? Wake these assholes up. Life could be better than this. Work 9 to 5 tomorrow and the rest of our lives again and again? It's a fucking joke! Pull the trigger at an intersection! Have a group of suicides on display either together or online! Jump in front of every train at every stop in town! Make these assholes look and fucking wake up. Children CTB as young as 5 or 9 years old. You think that would be enough? ❤

 

[nasblue]

I do and also feel like a lot of mental anguish with constant negative and realistic thoughts and a pain in my chest that sometimes I think it's my soul screaming for help asking to end it all once and for all.

I've felt like I've passed that point but now I have moments again where I not only appear normal on the outside but genuinely worry or rejoice at completely trivial infantile things so I don't think there's a point of no return, unless you're legitimately psychotic.

 

[WornOutLife]

Yes, I do! I thought I was gonna go mad for real last month.
Now that I've quit alcohol, I'm less depressed but these two last days were hell. I don't know if I will be able to keep on living but I will make sure of ctb before going crazy.

 

[booray]

Yes, though my madness was much worse when I was in the throes of addiction and experiencing psychosis. Back then, my brain had literally been hijacked by drugs and I engaged in behaviors that I never would have had I not been using. Now my madness is of a different kind altogether. I'm subject to constant panic attacks and bouts of uncontrollable crying because all I can think about is how much of a mess I've made of my life. I'm a miserable wretch and everyone around me knows it. It's incredibly isolating and I feel like an animal on display at the zoo.

 

[loopylou]

Happened a while back just riding the wave now

 

[nasblue]

I think there should be more public suicides. Mean thing to say but it's a sort of martyrdom that I think is needed. Get others to stop and look at what ignoring the bad things in this world has caused. Is that what you meant? Going into traffic while slicing yourself open? I think jumpers, people who die at train stops, public firearm suicides, and so on would be a better thing than bad. Suicides in the dark corner alone and hiding don't do much except for close family and friends. Make the world stop and fucking look (sorry for cursing)! Look what you fucking people are doing! Does that make sense? Wake these assholes up. Life could be better than this. Work 9 to 5 tomorrow and the rest of our lives again and again? It's a fucking joke! Pull the trigger at an intersection! Have a group of suicides on display either together or online! Jump in front of every train at every stop in town! Make these assholes look and fucking wake up. Children CTB as young as 5 or 9 years old. You think that would be enough? ❤

I'd agree if I thought it would actually work but I don't. People have collectively and voluntarily genocided and enslaved each other, including children, and fucked up the entire planet. So I don't think they'll care about any number of suicides unless it's the majority of the population and even then they'll only care for practical reasons.

 

[wait.what]

Over the summer I had to isolate myself in my house because of murder/suicide urges. I couldn't walk through a store without frightening urges to attack and kill random humans, just because I hated us as a species. I really wanted to just open fire on a crowd, or even go bonkers and bite and claw people werewolf-style. Then I'd either blow my own brains out, or arrange for a suicide by cop. And this shit was AFTER they discharged me from the hospital, feeling even worse than the day I entered.

So yeah, I couldn't be in public for about 6 months. It's "better" now in that I don't want to kill anyone but me. It's not even a rage quit thing anymore. I'm just so, so tired of existing. Just the burden of keeping a body alive is exhausting to think about, let alone going through that experience while perceiving, remembering, anticipating, and the whole shit show that makes up consciousness. What even is the point of making a pile of organic molecules aware that it exists? I mean, actually I don't believe in gods or that the universe has a meaning, but even in a meaningless universe, consciousness seems like a particularly stupid thing to have evolved.

 

[BandAddict]

I've had days or moments like this. I've lost track of time, but some Mondays ago I legitimately fucking snapped. Running around the house yelling and crying, screaming to myself. Hurt my hand and head, they're mostly better now, but... Ever since then I feel like I just know that I'm fucked. I'm meant to die, it's inevitable.

It's sort of like some people said on this thread, how "reality" hits and it really breaks your mind. It's like a realization that just destroys all hope.

 

[BeansOfRequirement]

I think there should be more public suicides. Mean thing to say but it's a sort of martyrdom that I think is needed. Get others to stop and look at what ignoring the bad things in this world has caused. Is that what you meant? Going into traffic while slicing yourself open? I think jumpers, people who die at train stops, public firearm suicides, and so on would be a better thing than bad. Suicides in the dark corner alone and hiding don't do much except for close family and friends. Make the world stop and fucking look (sorry for cursing)! Look what you fucking people are doing! Does that make sense? Wake these assholes up. Life could be better than this. Work 9 to 5 tomorrow and the rest of our lives again and again? It's a fucking joke! Pull the trigger at an intersection! Have a group of suicides on display either together or online! Jump in front of every train at every stop in town! Make these assholes look and fucking wake up. Children CTB as young as 5 or 9 years old. You think that would be enough? ❤

 

[LittleJem]

I think there should be more public suicides. Mean thing to say but it's a sort of martyrdom that I think is needed. Get others to stop and look at what ignoring the bad things in this world has caused. Is that what you meant? Going into traffic while slicing yourself open? I think jumpers, people who die at train stops, public firearm suicides, and so on would be a better thing than bad. Suicides in the dark corner alone and hiding don't do much except for close family and friends. Make the world stop and fucking look (sorry for cursing)! Look what you fucking people are doing! Does that make sense? Wake these assholes up. Life could be better than this. Work 9 to 5 tomorrow and the rest of our lives again and again? It's a fucking joke! Pull the trigger at an intersection! Have a group of suicides on display either together or online! Jump in front of every train at every stop in town! Make these assholes look and fucking wake up. Children CTB as young as 5 or 9 years old. You think that would be enough?

A bit of me likes this idea, if it could lead to euthanasia on request for all of us suffering.

 

[GarageKarate07]

A bit of me likes this idea, if it could lead to euthanasia on request for all of us suffering.

I just think when a 12 yo kid suicides in the closet and the parents find them the next morning for school and then hide the whole thing from the press and the town and then even become pro-life or something that this is a disservice to that childs death and leaves an excuse for the bullshit train to keep fucking rolling. The world just killed your kid and your still going to vote and 9 to 5 for them? Like be a fucking grown up. Be a fucking warrior and stand up to this shitty shitty shitty fucking drone on type society. Everyone is fucking sad here. You think that would be the very first clue to not keep doing the same shit. Like the proverb/saying "insanity is repeating but expecting a different result" para phrase. Its just a fucking joke here. Could you imagine a world where this entire group here on SS could just go meet on a beach or field or city and just eat and celebrate and love each other because we all know how hard it is to come to the conclusion of wanting to fucking kill ourselves? Could you imagine the tears of joy that this whole group would receive every time they saw a new member come over the hill to join the group? No bills no votes no passports? We know, KNOW there are kids in here as well as handicapped, non-binary, chronic illnesses, skitzos, BPD, PTSD, rich, poor, and so on. With the large topic at hand of wanting to die we have mostly passed all that judgement shit to come together when the world seems like it tells us not to. What world do we really fucking want? If we want that better world then we have to first voice that shit as loud as we can because the last 1000 year's of the same old shit has obviously caused us nothing but pain as a whole race. It would just be nice to see people get the fuck up and demand to change the fucking record. IMO. ❤

 

[Tortured_empath]

I genuinely think there's always a point of return and reconciliation. Sometimes it's just very hard to see when you're in it yourself.

 

[GarageKarate07]

I genuinely think there's always a point of return and reconciliation. Sometimes it's just very hard to see when you're in it youtheres

There's always a road to recovery. It never goes away. For some it can be hard to take that road though. The grip of depression can be the only safe place for some of us.

 

[Mentalmick]

I do wonder with some of the thoughts that materialize in my head.

 

[avoid_slow_death]

Sorry for reviving this old thread, but, this struck a chord with me as I am going through this right now. I have to threaten myself not to cry, I have trouble concentrating on even the simplest of tasks and I feel like I am watching life through a screen, but not a part of it. Have, on several occasions, almost randomly killed myself with some pretty painful means. So yeah. Am definitely going mad myself and worst part? I can't stop it unless I end my life.

 

[mentalhealthfighter]

Yes, I've gone mad before. Always thinking about how I can be happy but never able to achieve it. Seeking something I can't find.

 

[FuneralCry]

I do not understand how this life doesn't drive people mad. Being alive is tedious. All humans do is repeat the same tasks on a loop until we eventually die. For me everyday is just stress and dread with the same thoughts. I see wanting to escape this life as being perfectly rational. To me, ctb is the only thing that makes sense.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

I certainly feel like I already have hit that point five years ago and have only gone lower ever since.