Venting Do you ever feel like you're wasting it?

[not_telling]

This year I decided I wanted to be a doctor, and so I'm studying for entrance exams for free colleges in my country. I have the resourses to pull it off, I'm not that bad with academics and my family is willing to support me with what they can, money, advice, stuff. There's been days I studied non-stop, weeks of inspirational peaks. Then there's been the days I just sat in my chair and wasted time, mostly here on SS. And then, there's today, a day I spent wholely in doing absolutely nothing but lying down in my bed and dreaming of my future, without even finding motivation to come here. I'm not consistent enough, not motivated enough. I want to be a doctor, help as many people as I can, pay back to what others did to me, but still all of it brings me to the same end, it's still all a road to killing myself. I can't imagine another ending, and really all this is just a last stand to try and find purpose, a way to help people not to end up feeling helpless, wishing to end it. Even writing it down makes me feel like that fits, that's a fitting future, one that makes sense, and then I'm free to die whenever I find the courage to do so, but then I just don't get out of bed, don't hop out of the dreaming world. I have everything I need to become apt to saving a person's heart, and it makes me feel the most selfish human being alive to think I'm throwing it all away just because I'm lazy or dismotivated. I could be the one to save a dad or a mother someday, but instead all I do is lay down in my bed. Have you felt like you have everything needed, but just can't bring yourself to be happy, functional?

 

[brokeandbroken]

This year I decided I wanted to be a doctor, and so I'm studying for entrance exams for free colleges in my country. I have the resourses to pull it off, I'm not that bad with academics and my family is willing to support me with what they can, money, advice, stuff. There's been days I studied non-stop, weeks of inspirational peaks. Then there's been the days I just sat in my chair and wasted time, mostly here on SS. And then, there's today, a day I spent wholely in doing absolutely nothing but lying down in my bed and dreaming of my future, without even finding motivation to come here. I'm not consistent enough, not motivated enough. I want to be a doctor, help as many people as I can, pay back to what others did to me, but still all of it brings me to the same end, it's still all a road to killing myself. I can't imagine another ending, and really all this is just a last stand to try and find purpose, a way to help people not to end up feeling helpless, wishing to end it. Even writing it down makes me feel like that fits, that's a fitting future, one that makes sense, and then I'm free to die whenever I find the courage to do so, but then I just don't get out of bed, don't hop out of the dreaming world. I have everything I need to become apt to saving a person's heart, and it makes me feel the most selfish human being alive to think I'm throwing it all away just because I'm lazy or dismotivated. I could be the one to save a dad or a mother someday, but instead all I do is lay down in my bed. Have you felt like you have everything needed, but just can't bring yourself to be happy, functional?

if you don't know my story I was in medical school until I was the victim of crimes by the medical school and illegally forced out. Therefore, obviously not a doctor. But as close to being one without being one I suppose. So I know what it entails.... You just have to take the good with the bad. It's difficult. Somedays you'll crush it and get a ton done. Others it will feel like you are in quicksand. You just have to keep working at it. The more you do it the easier it will be. That said judging by the fact you are here. You can probably see how much pain and ugliness is in the world. How the people you would be helping wouldn't lift a finger for you. So I would never persuade someone not to follow their dreams but.... Before you devote your life to helping people..., Those people won't help you back.

 

[Homo erectus]

One good thing about being a doctor is that doctors know and have ready access to the most effective and peaceful methods. People here have pointed out that doctors do have a higher (successful) suicide rate than most other groups.

 

[not_telling]

if you don't know my story I was in medical school until I was the victim of crimes by the medical school and illegally forced out. Therefore, obviously not a doctor. But as close to being one without being one I suppose. So I know what it entails.... You just have to take the good with the bad. It's difficult. Somedays you'll crush it and get a ton done. Others it will feel like you are in quicksand. You just have to keep working at it. The more you do it the easier it will be. That said judging by the fact you are here. You can probably see how much pain and ugliness is in the world. How the people you would be helping wouldn't lift a finger for you. So I would never persuade someone not to follow their dreams but.... Before you devote your life to helping people..., Those people won't help you back.

I'm so sorry they've wronged you like that. It's infuriating. Your words help, and it does feel good to read from someone who's been on the ship that the waters can get easier with time. Really, I appreciate it, as I'm sure your patients would. I don't care for anything in return, but it pisses me off that people like you get treated like that. I hope you may find the peace you seek, seeing as you are here too.

 

[brokeandbroken]

I'm so sorry they've wronged you like that. It's infuriating. Your words help, and it does feel good to read from someone who's been on the ship that the waters can get easier with time. Really, I appreciate it, as I'm sure your patients would. I don't care for anything in return, but it pisses me off that people like you get treated like that. I hope you may find the peace you seek, seeing as you are here too.

Was is a better way of putting it. I was like I said a *victim* of crimes by the medical school and illegally forced out. Meaning my dream and everything I worked for was stolen. I had undergrad degree where I was pre-med as well. So it was a very long road. I also just said it because in my situation no one cares or is willing to help in anyway. In roughly a year I went from medical student to literally homeless. I can't get hired anywhere because I don't have the salient experience. I was president of the oncology research group... My life is over. I didn't commit a crime, all I did is try to learn and to save lives.... Now mine is over. Everyone is completely okay with me languishing for the rest of my miserable life.... No help nothing.... Gone. Poof. Abandoned . Nothing I could have done. The people doing this still living their best life.... I don't want my story to be yours....

 

[sserafim]

I have a bachelor's degree and come from a relatively wealthy family, I've just failed to launch due to some personal issues like Asperger's/autism, social anxiety, and ADHD. I feel like I'm wasting my potential, yet at the same time, I don't want to have to become a real adult or have to participate in society. It scares me to have to work for a living and support myself. I'm also not fit to deal with life, I can barely do the little things that existence requires. I feel like I don't have a bright future (career or life wise), and the only future, option and destiny for me is to ctb. I don't see myself ever living past 25. I'm just not meant for this world.

 

[imsocold]

this is exactly how I feel!!! over time, this feeling of reluctance to do something even became physical (drowsiness and weakness, like when you are sick, lethargy)... I can't even imagine how I will finish this school year, it has just begun for me.
I wish you to feel better. maybe these are just words, but don't push yourself too hard. you are not alone in this and seek help if you see fit:(

 

[SmollMushroom]

This year I decided I wanted to be a doctor, and so I'm studying for entrance exams for free colleges in my country. I have the resourses to pull it off, I'm not that bad with academics and my family is willing to support me with what they can, money, advice, stuff. There's been days I studied non-stop, weeks of inspirational peaks. Then there's been the days I just sat in my chair and wasted time, mostly here on SS. And then, there's today, a day I spent wholely in doing absolutely nothing but lying down in my bed and dreaming of my future, without even finding motivation to come here. I'm not consistent enough, not motivated enough. I want to be a doctor, help as many people as I can, pay back to what others did to me, but still all of it brings me to the same end, it's still all a road to killing myself. I can't imagine another ending, and really all this is just a last stand to try and find purpose, a way to help people not to end up feeling helpless, wishing to end it. Even writing it down makes me feel like that fits, that's a fitting future, one that makes sense, and then I'm free to die whenever I find the courage to do so, but then I just don't get out of bed, don't hop out of the dreaming world. I have everything I need to become apt to saving a person's heart, and it makes me feel the most selfish human being alive to think I'm throwing it all away just because I'm lazy or dismotivated. I could be the one to save a dad or a mother someday, but instead all I do is lay down in my bed. Have you felt like you have everything needed, but just can't bring yourself to be happy, functional?

To answer your question: no.
The only thing I've ever been above the average (not even the best) are videogames. In everything else I always sucked, no matter how hard I tried.
I've never thought that my existance would have such a big impact on the others, as you stated. Imo, the reality is that even if you won't do it, someone else will just the same as you. There will be plenty willing to save those dads or mothers, if you don't feel to.

 

[scared2death]

totally feel you. i have always been bad at making life plans that lasted more than a year because even when everything is going great i know it's going to end soon so like whats even the point in trying. but i believe that you shouldnt feel guilty about being lazy or not being able to help. humanity will help itself some way, if you wish to contribute thats ok but its not all on you. besides, lazy is just... a vague term. mental and physical conditions will vary everyone's functionality. it's ok to rest and take time off, if you wish to continue the world will keep going and its overwhelming.

 

[dumbgirlonline]

This year I decided I wanted to be a doctor, and so I'm studying for entrance exams for free colleges in my country. I have the resourses to pull it off, I'm not that bad with academics and my family is willing to support me with what they can, money, advice, stuff. There's been days I studied non-stop, weeks of inspirational peaks. Then there's been the days I just sat in my chair and wasted time, mostly here on SS. And then, there's today, a day I spent wholely in doing absolutely nothing but lying down in my bed and dreaming of my future, without even finding motivation to come here. I'm not consistent enough, not motivated enough. I want to be a doctor, help as many people as I can, pay back to what others did to me, but still all of it brings me to the same end, it's still all a road to killing myself. I can't imagine another ending, and really all this is just a last stand to try and find purpose, a way to help people not to end up feeling helpless, wishing to end it. Even writing it down makes me feel like that fits, that's a fitting future, one that makes sense, and then I'm free to die whenever I find the courage to do so, but then I just don't get out of bed, don't hop out of the dreaming world. I have everything I need to become apt to saving a person's heart, and it makes me feel the most selfish human being alive to think I'm throwing it all away just because I'm lazy or dismotivated. I could be the one to save a dad or a mother someday, but instead all I do is lay down in my bed. Have you felt like you have everything needed, but just can't bring yourself to be happy, functional?

Medschool burnout is Painfully common. It's okay to take breaks, don't feel guilty for not having productive days. Everything is a journey.

 

[Lookoutbelow]

I have a bachelor's degree and come from a relatively wealthy family, I've just failed to launch due to some personal issues like Asperger's/autism, social anxiety, and ADHD. I feel like I'm wasting my potential, yet at the same time, I don't want to have to become a real adult or have to participate in society. It scares me to have to work for a living and support myself. I'm also not fit to deal with life, I can barely do the little things that existence requires. I feel like I don't have a bright future (career or life wise), and the only future, option and destiny for me is to ctb. I don't see myself ever living past 25. I'm just not meant for this world.

I can relate. I am intelligent and educated. I have advanced quickly in three separate career fields. Each time I self sabotaged and left myself with nothing. I'm 53 now and never thought I'd live past 30. I am on my final self destruct. There is no rebuilding after this. The world is different now. I am tired. I wish I would have gotten out early.

 

[Ampsvx123]

Can't waste the ephemeral, the pointless. Enjoy the vanities of life so long they worsen not ur soul, lest it lives on.

 

[passivethought121]

Yep. I feel like this right now. With so many things. Is it even worth it I wonder; starting things, finishing things, spending thousands of thousands of dollars, investing so much time. And everyone expects that the investment is worthwhile and I'll come up fully "complete". When I know that likely be the case. I feel guilty knowing that so much is going to waste on someone that won't be around for long.

 

[Iamtired]

Ok. If you are thinking like this to "pay back what others have done to me" then I'd advise you not to become a doctor. Medical governance is real and you'll likely hurt people in the process as well. So please, maybe don't die but reconsider a profession. Doctors are evil.