Do you ever feel like there's no point in trying?

[sirciroc]

I haven't been here in weeks. Not since the week I made this account. I actually started a recovery journey. But it honestly feels like a waste of time. I just spent two hours trying to get a new prescription for my antidepressant from a different pharmacy, because the version from my current one is absolute shit. It doesn't work, It does nothing for me. I spent almost two hours on the phone with the new pharmacy (mind you, this was the fourth time i called in two weeks) just to be told they cannot refill it until damn near the end of April.

I am in so much fucking pain. I am so, so miserable. So devoid of energy and optimism and filled with nothing but constant thoughts of inadequacy and failure. Jealousy and rage and hopeless 24/7. I want it to stop. I'm actively trying to get it to stop, just to be told I have to remain miserable for almost another month. That I have to live with these horrible thoughts for another 20 something days while also navigating work I hate and a body that actively fails me. And then pray to god that this pharmacy's new version works. I don't know what to do if it doesn't.

What am I doing? Is there a point? As soon as I finally sit and take baby steps to feel better and not sabotage myself, life comes along and fucks me up and sabotages shit anyway. It's like someone out there relishes in how much I hate myself and doesn't want me to be happy.

I can't live like this. I won't make it to the end of the year. I'm so tired. So tired.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

In my case, yeah, I don't see any point in me trying as what I dislike is existence itself and how I have to perpetually work hard everyday for the rest of my life all because I'm alive. It's just so exhausting for me to stay alive

 

[sirciroc]

In my case, yeah, I don't see any point in me trying as what I dislike is existence itself and how I have to perpetually work hard everyday for the rest of my life all because I'm alive. It's just so exhausting for me to stay alive

Literally. Like...I have to keep doing this? Forever? I'm not ready. I'm already drained. I have to do this for another 50 or so years? Really? I won't make it.

 

[sserafim]

"Life is a pointless, undeserved, unnecessary pain."

In my case, yeah, I don't see any point in me trying as what I dislike is existence itself and how I have to perpetually work hard everyday for the rest of my life all because I'm alive. It's just so exhausting for me to stay alive

Same. The most annoying thing is that I never asked for any of this. I hate the burdens, responsibilities and obligations that existence forces and imposes upon you. I hate the fact that I was dragged into this procreational pyramid scheme and system of wageslavery (against my will and without my consent). I hate the fact that you have to work just to survive. Fuck this world (and society, system and reality). I hate it so much. I wish I could go to a different planet with new or no rules

 

[Forever Sleep]

I'm sorry you are in such a bad place.

But yes. I do feel like there's no point in me making any more effort. In my case, it's because I feel like I've already tried a bunch of stuff. I'm 44. I've worked out what I like and don't like about life. I don't think the good bits are worth the effort. I don't think the massive changes I made in life ended up making much difference. I can't be bothered to try and tackle my core problems because it would be unpleasant and again- I don't see the end result being worth the effort. Why would anyone put in a whole bunch of effort if they thought the end result wouldn't be worth it? We need to believe in what we're working towards. Nothing in life has proved to be worth it so far- why would that change now?

 

[sirciroc]

"Life is a pointless, undeserved, unnecessary pain."

Same. The most annoying thing is that I never asked for any of this. I hate the burdens, responsibilities and obligations that existence forces and imposes upon you. I hate the fact that I was dragged into this procreational pyramid scheme and system of wageslavery. I hate the fact that you have to work just to survive. Fuck this world (and society, system and reality). I hate it so much. I wish I could go to a different planet with new or no rules

Sometimes i like to imagine myself on a different planet or universe. Where I'm a cooler, more intelligent, powerful version of myself that has crazy powers. It's silly, and maybe its the anime/fiction fan in me. But its a nice escape compared to the draining reality of capitalism and jobs I don't really want. Of people leaving me behind. The fact that I can't afford my own apartment and that everything sucks. The fact that I'm a failure that's falling behind and draining the little resources or energy people have left to give me.

 

[lemonbunny]

i do the same thing, i daydream my ideal life to cope with the misery of living in such a dog-eat-dog world

 

[Spaztism]

Sometimes i like to imagine myself on a different planet or universe. Where I'm a cooler, more intelligent, powerful version of myself that has crazy powers. It's silly, and maybe its the anime/fiction fan in me. But its a nice escape compared to the draining reality of capitalism and jobs I don't really want. Of people leaving me behind. The fact that I can't afford my own apartment and that everything sucks. The fact that I'm a failure that's falling behind and draining the little resources or energy people have left to give me.

I often like to fantasies about that stuff. I have been sectioned in the past and was doing really well but now I'm back to how I once was. I'm stuck in a dead end job atm and I've been busting my ass to get to where I want since last year but no one will give me light of day or even take me on with what I'm passionate about or studied for. everything seems to loop back round. Sorry you're feeling like this

 

[halleyscomet]

the world is cruel, i find it hard to be optimistic too, mainly because there's not much to be optimistic about. most of your happiness relies on factors outside of your control. its fucked. and everyone wants to say suicide is the "easy way out" as if its not hard enough living in a world where you're devoid of any hope and compassion. i really do hope that you find at least one little bit of joy before you make a decision. sending my love to you <3

 

[sserafim]

i do the same thing, i daydream my ideal life to cope with the misery of living in such a dog-eat-dog world

Escapism is the way. I wish I could live in my dreams instead of reality

 

[divinemistress36]

If there is no reward for all the suffering there is no point in continuing to try

 

[sserafim]

If there is no reward for all the suffering there is no point in continuing to try

There is no reward. It's all so pointless and meaningless. The end game (for everyone) is death

 

[nightlygem]

One of the toughest parts of recovery is finding the right medication for you. It's all trial and error, unfortunately. May I ask what med you're taking? I know everyone is different, but I may be able to provide insight.

p.s I love to see another Itadori enjoyer here!

 

[druggedonsurvival]

Yes, literally all the time. I'm so tired of trying and failing, hoping and being disappointed. No energy like I'm just tired of living. Personally I hate indulging in entertainment and fantasy because it just feels like I'm lying to myself like a coward, but sometimes it feels like I have to because what the hell else will I do at this point?

 

[OhWellDerp321]

There is only so much you can try. I mean. Would I keep trying if I might eventually end up homeless? No. "Never give up" is only said by people in good situations.

 

[EmpathyMinded]

Outside of the medication bit I feel like you wrote the thoughts out of my own head. I want things to get better but I'm giving up lately. It's like there is this rule of the universe of inverse karma in my life. The better I try to be and do, the more bad shit happens to me. I can't take it much longer.

 

[Camper]

There is a point... but it involves unlearning a lifetime's worth of bad habits.

 

[sirciroc]

One of the toughest parts of recovery is finding the right medication for you. It's all trial and error, unfortunately. May I ask what med you're taking? I know everyone is different, but I may be able to provide insight.

p.s I love to see another Itadori enjoyer here!

Haha I love itadori

It's bupropion. But it was two different generic versions and the second one was ass. I managed to get some today though! My doctor came through and actually double my dosage at a place with my original manufacturer. It's only day one of taking it again so we'll see how the next few days go

I'm going to make sure I can get this script next time

 

[sirciroc]

One of the toughest parts of recovery is finding the right medication for you. It's all trial and error, unfortunately. May I ask what med you're taking? I know everyone is different, but I may be able to provide insight.

p.s I love to see another Itadori enjoyer here!

Very late, but it's burpropion. It was doing good months ago but now idk. I took it to have more energy and to avoid the boner killers that are SSRIs because I have a partner. But idk…maybe that's what I need. I don't know

 

[AllMyDreams]

I can kind of relate I don't want to try and fail so I just sit in my room. I don't even have a job or partner like you do (though I used to have a well paying job, but was depressed)

I have tried to just not GAF what others think or expect of me and I think being in this situation has honestly shown me life can't ever be perfect and you will inevitably waste a lot of it so just try

It sounds like you compare yourself to others or desire to impress others? If so it will be work to break the habit but if you can… might do wonders

 

[sirciroc]

I can kind of relate I don't want to try and fail so I just sit in my room. I don't even have a job or partner like you do (though I used to have a well paying job, but was depressed)

I have tried to just not GAF what others think or expect of me and I think being in this situation has honestly shown me life can't ever be perfect and you will inevitably waste a lot of it so just try

It sounds like you compare yourself to others or desire to impress others? If so it will be work to break the habit but if you can… might do wonders

I have 0 self worth, and the only reason I'm still here is cause of the guilt i felt years ago over leaving. My entire identity lies in the persona I have amongst others. I also feel like a failure because I have no accomplishments at my age, which my mother reminds me of (and has informed me she will withhold all support for me if I don't get it together).

I wish I couldn't gaf. But it impacts my livelihood. If I can't get it together, I don't see a reason in staying and showcasing to everyone how I failed them all

 

[AllMyDreams]

I have 0 self worth, and the only reason I'm still here is cause of the guilt i felt years ago over leaving. My entire identity lies in the persona I have amongst others. I also feel like a failure because I have no accomplishments at my age, which my mother reminds me of (and has informed me she will withhold all support for me if I don't get it together).

I wish I couldn't gaf. But it impacts my livelihood. If I can't get it together, I don't see a reason in staying and showcasing to everyone how I failed them all

What did you leave exactly?

Your mother needs to understand that you were born with genes and circumstances (including the way she raised you) that you can't change. And you're doing the best you can in spite of that. And you have a job and a partner which in this economy and age of isolated people is a heck of an accomplishment.

 

[sirciroc]

What did you leave exactly?

Your mother needs to understand that you were born with genes and circumstances (including the way she raised you) that you can't change. And you're doing the best you can in spite of that. And you have a job and a partner which in this economy and age of isolated people is a heck of an accomplishment.

Oh, I meant leave as in CTB. The guilt is why I didn't try

Eh…it's a bit much to get into here but she's not entirely wrong. But I don't think she truly understands how I feel. I confessed pretty much everything about a month ago…it's gone nowhere. There's been no change. She seems to think my "sad phase" is over with and it's time to move on. I don't believe she really understands how bad it is, and I'm knock sure she will unless the police come knocking on her door. And I don't even talk to my dad

I appreciate the sentiment. But there's nothing I can do. I'm torn between ending it, and getting my shit together so I can leave ASAP. I love my family, I don't want to make them out to be villains. But they really don't get it. And I don't see the point in talking anymore

 

[AllMyDreams]

Oh, I meant leave as in CTB. The guilt is why I didn't try

Eh…it's a bit much to get into here but she's not entirely wrong. But I don't think she truly understands how I feel. I confessed pretty much everything about a month ago…it's gone nowhere. There's been no change. She seems to think my "sad phase" is over with and it's time to move on. I don't believe she really understands how bad it is, and I'm knock sure she will unless the police come knocking on her door. And I don't even talk to my dad

I appreciate the sentiment. But there's nothing I can do. I'm torn between ending it, and getting my shit together so I can leave ASAP. I love my family, I don't want to make them out to be villains. But they really don't get it. And I don't see the point in talking anymore

Maybe then, if you have been honest with your family and they still can't be supportive and loving toward you, it might be time to take a break from them. You don't need guilt in your life you need people who will give you encouragement and help.

Sometimes walking away temporarily is a self loving thing to do. But of course leave that door open so they can try to understand and meet you halfway.

 

[sirciroc]

Maybe then, if you have been honest with your family and they still can't be supportive and loving toward you, it might be time to take a break from them. You don't need guilt in your life you need people who will give you encouragement and help.

Sometimes walking away temporarily is a self loving thing to do. But of course leave that door open so they can try to understand and meet you halfway.

I live with them, so I don't have that option. I would like to earn money or win enough in a lottery to find a place for myself within the next couple years

 

[greebo6]

Practically always

 

[AllMyDreams]

I live with them, so I don't have that option. I would like to earn money or win enough in a lottery to find a place for myself within the next couple years

Ah I see. Well... just do your best. That is literally all you can ask for. You will fail sometimes because everyone does because that's life. So don't be too hard on yourself, just set goals and try to achieve them, and don't let other people set goals for you