Do you ever feel like the bad person in every situation?

[andy69]

Do you ever feel like the bad person in every situation? I do. No matter what I say or do. No matter what good intentions or effort I make. I am still a bad person. Someone who is not good enough. Someone who is always wrong. If I feel bad about something, like losing a job, I am told to not let it bother me. When I try to stand up for myself in face bullies or lairs or bigots, I am the bad person. I do not get a modicum of respect. My partner of fifteen years leaves me for someone else and doesn't even bother to tell me, (ghosts me for two weeks), I am the one to blame. I am the one who is making it difficult for being upset.

If I am viewed as such a bad person, why shouldn't I just end my life and make everyone happy. Does anyone else feel this way?

 

[azucaramargo]

Do you ever feel like the bad person in every situation? I do. No matter what I say or do. No matter what good intentions or effort I make. I am still a bad person. Someone who is not good enough. Someone who is always wrong. If I feel bad about something, like losing a job, I am told to not let it bother me. When I try to stand up for myself in face bullies or lairs or bigots, I am the bad person. I do not get a modicum of respect. My partner of fifteen years leaves me for someone else and doesn't even bother to tell me, (ghosts me for two weeks), I am the one to blame. I am the one who is making it difficult for being upset.

If I am viewed as such a bad person, why shouldn't I just end my life and make everyone happy. Does anyone else feel this way?

Oh Andy69, you sound like you are writhing in pain! Yes, it's easy to feel downtrodden. Honestly, what you describe sounds like me before taking antidepressants. Of course I still self-flaggellate and blame myself, but I no longer think I am pond scum.

One time in college I was going to a swim meet in another state. Lots of time on the bus with my team and coaches & I'd just been jilted by a long-time love. I was beside myself. Sobbing like a bereaved parent and blubbering to anyone I could find. The assistant coach (Dawn), when I wailed to her, "It was all my FAULT! If only I hadn't done XYZ! I should've known better!"

And, Dawn said, "Well, when the right person comes along you'll be allowed to make a mistake without getting cast off to the wolves."

That's always stuck with me. Don't accept this condemnation--not from you nor from anyone else.

Do you have any kind of support network during this difficult time? People around you who treat you with love?

 

[woxihuanni]

I have the pressure to feel the same way, but also know that I shouldn't.

Do talk to people here, openly without hiding the flaws you perceive in yourself. Everyone has the right to ctb, but it would be heartbreaking if you did it because you feel you deserve to die because there is something wrong with you. It's not true.

 

[sadgirl2002]

I'm the most awful person to ever exist. I'm not good enough and I'm simply a piece of scum who deserves to suffer and die. I was honestly a good person throughout my teen years of being 13-17. I was kind to those who bullied me, I endured the abuse in my home, I was such a good person. I'm not even boasting or being big headed. I was very humble all those years, thinking that I have to strive to be better and I still have a lot to improve on. I cry thinking to myself, what happened to her? After things started getting extremely bad, at 18, I became rebellious and evil. I became a bad person, I've lost everything I tried to hold onto. I was so kind, soft, pure and good-hearted and the world crushed the feather I was and made me bitter, ruthless and vile. I get distressed when small things happen to me. I am broken and nothing can mend me. Maybe, love will make me happy; but at times, I don't think that will fix me. I just need the girl I was back or death. I try not to think about it but I can't take it.

 

[Darkhaven]

Oh, yeah. Definately. And the people around me always make me feel like it too.
I guess i am too extremist and unflexible to the average person, when it comes to defend my life's decisions.

 

[Wayfaerer]

I no longer care about being a "good" person or a "bad" person anymore.

 

[Sweet emotion]

Yes I've been feeling like that for a while now. I have Complex Regional Pain Syndrome which is the highest ranking pain condition in medical history. So whenever I accidentally hurt myself or if I'm hurt by someone else I feel like the blame should go on me because there was something that I could have done or should have done better. This disease has made me hate myself because my body has turned on me. I know my body isn't who I am but it's really made me have a lot of self loathing.

 

[Susannah]

Yes I've been feeling like that for a while now. I have Complex Regional Pain Syndrome which is the highest ranking pain condition in medical history. So whenever I accidentally hurt myself or if I'm hurt by someone else I feel like the blame should go on me because there was something that I could have done or should have done better. This disease has made me hate myself because my body has turned on me. I know my body isn't who I am but it's really made me have a lot of self loathing.

I also developed CRPS after an accident, and I feel just like you. I can't rely on my body/mind anymore , if I were to fall or burn myself. I feel either extreme pain or it just stings. I'm now trying to accept my condition, and I have to use all of my mental "tools" for derivation.

I use happy music, tai chi, breathing excersises, "call a friend", reading and posting with you guys;). I go for a walk, take a drive, I cry. I relax in bed, watching Netflix. Everybody think I'm way too restless, but I don't care anymore, what others might think. I know I'm a good person.

 

[Sweet emotion]

I also developed CRPS after an accident, and I feel just like you. I can't rely on my body/mind anymore , if I were to fall or burn myself. I feel either extreme pain or it just stings. I'm now trying to accept my condition, and I have to use all of my mental "tools" for derivation.

I use happy music, tai chi, breathing excersises, "call a friend", reading and posting with you guys;). I go for a walk, take a drive, I cry. I relax in bed, watching Netflix. Everybody think I'm way too restless, but I don't care anymore, what others might think. I know I'm a good person.

Would you private message me? I'd like to talk to you about your crps. I don't meet many people who have it so I'd like to talk a little bit about it. Mine is very rare and I've had it for 14 years.

Do you ever feel like the bad person in every situation? I do. No matter what I say or do. No matter what good intentions or effort I make. I am still a bad person. Someone who is not good enough. Someone who is always wrong. If I feel bad about something, like losing a job, I am told to not let it bother me. When I try to stand up for myself in face bullies or lairs or bigots, I am the bad person. I do not get a modicum of respect. My partner of fifteen years leaves me for someone else and doesn't even bother to tell me, (ghosts me for two weeks), I am the one to blame. I am the one who is making it difficult for being upset.

If I am viewed as such a bad person, why shouldn't I just end my life and make everyone happy. Does anyone else feel this way?

I think you really need to see someone like a really good therapist as well as a psychiatrist. You can figure things out and they can steer you in the right direction. You're not a bad person. Your brain is just tricking itself into thinking that.