Discussion Do you consider your reason(s) for wanting to CTB solvable?

[WearyHSP]

Have you tried things like ketamine? I know so-called endogenous depression as you seem to have described is very frustrating. But it seems like you are still in college so perhaps when you graduate and start posts college life things might improve?

imcurious - Just to chime in here: My life vastly improved once I got out of college, and started working. Though, my suicidality was from childhood abuse and getting some empowerment was key to feeling hopeful. I didn't have endogenous depression though, just situational. I can't imagine how hard that would be to manage all the time. I'd LOVE to be able to be treated with ketamine (it's beyond my budget.)

 

[notlongnow]

The addiction element of my life is solvable, tho it wouldn't be easy. The other elements that have haunted me most of my life not so much.

I've always known I was here for a good time not a long time, the good times are no more meaning the end is near.

 

[WearyHSP]

I really tried. I worked incredibly hard to improve my situations. I had hope.

Now all the doors that offered hope have closed.
I'm too sick to work. I am utterly alone. I'm almost 60, so I've become invisible. I've lost all my friends... and more than anything, noticing the repeat patterns that stem from childhood trauma that inexorably repeat despite 35 years of inner WORK, show me that it's all downhill. No doors are opening.

And really, what is quality of life when you're old, alone, without any social life, have an untreatable, invisible, disabling illness that no one understands, and horrible, horrible PTSD that only gets worse. Oh, and no money. No resources that could open doors. No one who loves me.

I would be happy if my life had ended 20 years ago. Or earlier. Now I'm just watching tv to distract myself until I can die.

 

[S like Siren]

They have to do mainly with my persona,and i'm not fixable.
The only way to have peace is eliminate the source of the problem,me.
I'm too tired to fight anymore,no strenght left.
It has been ten years now of this bad shit plus all the years before living in insecurities and lonliness and other problems...
I'm getting old without even enjoyed some period of my life...i think it's enough.
I want give up.

 

[waitingforrest]

Whether or not others agree, whether or not the way to solve things is within your grasp, I'm wondering how folks see their situation. I feel like this could go a lot of ways and I'm very curious.

For me...it's hard to say. There are some circumstantial factors that are fairly realistically changeable (isolation, lack of sense of purpose in life), and I think, if they were otherwise, I might be able to better manage the things that I don't see as changeable (physical health issues, inherent cruelty of existence). Or maybe, at this point, I wouldn't. Hard to say.

I could go into more detail but I have elsewhere and am more wanting to see others' perspectives.

I think some are solveable, but I always have a knack of creating more problems for myself when trying to solve old ones.

 

[jamie_]

i mean yes, they can be solved. anything can happen. will it? nope

 

[WorthlessTrash]

No, but other people seem to think transitioning would solve it, even though I have really high standards and want to have been born a cis-female for a reason.

 

[Gustav Hartmann]

In a world without aging and without my autassassinophilia I would have no reason to kill myself. So, with other words, no. And I am graceful for my pharaphilia because it makes it much easier to commit suicide.

 

[blue_muse]

No. I've been dismissed by too many health professionals; refused to acknowledge the impact of a rare condition I have and deliberately witheld treatment options to cover themselves.

As for people in real life; I say no to being manipulated, ostracised, gaslit, abused (verbally and mentally), alienated, patronised, neglected, ridiculed and so on. I don't expect this world to adapt to me and I have no plans to adapt to this world, when I've often previously said and done what's expected of me to be considered normal. CTB is my way of cutting losses and moving on.

 

[hellispink]

No. There is no way out for me. I have bdp, so yeah. And the world is disgusting itself, governments and politicians stealing all the money, and kids dying from hunger, abuse, crime and more is the everyday to go food. This world exists for the evil the selfish the abusers and injustice only.

 

[anxious_depressive]

Unfortunately, my problems are unsolvable.
I feel like a hunted animal.
I have no health (mental and physical) and no future.

 

[Sniffer]

No, I have exhausted all medical treatments for my condition including consulting and visiting the worlds top experts. It is terribly debilitating but not life threatening. My life is over even though I am still living. No treatment, no cure, no hope. Can't live like this. It's 1% of the life I used to have.

 

[Idontmatter]

No, I tried fixing my mental issues but nothing works so I've given up on treatments and life

 

[imcurious]

I guess I assumed you had really tried medications to no avail but you haven't tried one. Which I understand your reluctance about. There are positive and negatibe and anecdotes about any drug. Maybe just seeing a doctor to suss things out would be a good idea? Not trying to sell you on anything; hate the idea of you missing out on potential relief.

Since this comment, I am making efforts to be evaluated and diagnosed. Whether that is being medicated, or attending simple talk therapy, I hope there is at least some relief, if not a lot, out there

imcurious - Just to chime in here: My life vastly improved once I got out of college, and started working. Though, my suicidality was from childhood abuse and getting some empowerment was key to feeling hopeful. I didn't have endogenous depression though, just situational. I can't imagine how hard that would be to manage all the time. I'd LOVE to be able to be treated with ketamine (it's beyond my budget.)

I am really glad life improved for you after college. I can only imagine how freeing it was to be independent and support yourself after so long. I wish you luck.

I really hope I can afford medication one day. Any kind honestly.

 

[Rounded Agony]

Just checking back in on the results after a while...interesting to see that nearly a third of responders don't consider their reasons absolutely beyond the influence of change. But whether or not they themselves could do anything about it, well...

Wouldn't it be nice if we could at least briefly live out the scenarios in which we things might be better, so that we'd know whether it'd be worth the work to TRY and make them a reality or just get on with it and quit this game? Sigh.