Yes, I consider suicide to be one and only goal... or at least I did before I realised that I can't access a suicide method and therefore I'm trapped in existence until natural death. However, if I could access a suicide method and it was guaranteed to work, that would be my one and only goal. I personally don't see death as a bad thing or as a lesser evil compared to life because it isn't evil at all. I personally have the Epicurean view of death that death isn't bad for the person who dies though I go one step ahead of that and conclude that an earlier death is better than a later death for me.
I'm anti suffering to the highest degree and the only way for me to suffer as little as possible is to die as early as possible. I consider a successful suicide attempt to be suffering prevention and thus self care for me. I see death as just permanent non existence and thus permanent non suffering. A lot of people, even on here, seem to be unable to comprehend permanent non existence but I understand it perfectly and it sounds so beautiful to me.
I believe that the only way I can be at peace is via death. Just to clarify, I'm saying this metaphorically as I know there will be no me after death thus I can't feel peace but what I'm actually referring to is that I consider the scenario itself to be peaceful, not me. There's scenario A where I'm alive and perpetually suffering. There's then scenario B where I'm dead and no longer suffering. I may not be there in scenario B but that doesn't change the fact that scenario B itself is real and I consider that to be peaceful relative to scenario A. Sure, if life never existed, I can't technically feel peace but, since life does exist, I consider the absence of life to be peaceful in comparison to if I were to exist (which I do now unfortunately).
There's nothing in life that I care about other than being dead. I don't feel happiness from anything, not even the small things. I have not once cared about anything in life. I never had any other goals or interests. Usually, people have some sort of goal in life (other than being dead) that is related to work, education, relationships or some other specific life goal but I never had a goal like that. I have always wanted to be dead though it's only recently where I tried to find a way to kill myself and coming to the unfortunate conclusion that I'm trapped in existence.
I think it's difficult for people to comprehend what it's like to have never had a goal or interest in life other than to be dead. For me, suicide is a preferred choice rather than a last resort as I don't want life at all. It was imposed on me and I want to undo the imposition