Discussion Do you blame others for how you've turned out?

[Forever Sleep]

I think, the older I've gotten, weirdly the more I've started to blame others for how I've turned out. I think it's supposed to be the other way around. I always get the impression that blaming others is seen as a sign of immaturity. As we grow up, we 'ought' to be taking responsibilty for our own lives and, working on the things that hold us back.

I do of course take some responsibility. I haven't made enough effort in some areas but truthfully, I'm at a point where I don't particularly intend to anymore! Why work at a future you don't intend to be here for?

Maybe it's because wanting to suicide and end life is a rejection of responsibility. I'm tired of trying to get over the shit that's happened in my life. I'm tired of carrying on. I'm tired of having to challenge myself to change into a stronger person. I'm tired of all the expectations placed on us. Ultimately- because we didn't agree to any of this shit! We just found ourselves in this situation and were just expected to cope with it. I know the excuse is- it's the same for everyone. But it's like- that's bad right? You saw that that was bad- so- why have children?

I think I'm at a point where I'm like- this person and this situation contributed to me being like this. I can't be arsed to try and change that now. I'm just going to carry on with this boring pity party privately while I carry on trying to high function in actual life.

I think that's the thing isn't it? Pitying yourself, even seeing yourself as vulnerable I guess strips us of power and self determination. So, in 'normal' life or recovery, we're maybe encoraged not to do it but when you have no more fight, or simply don't see the point in fighting anymore, it's maybe just easier to slip in to.

 

[ZeroM24]

I don't really blame them, but I can say I definetely always tried to give my best but it was never enough to be happy in this world. I met many, many horrible people who harmed me greatly. But the older I get the more I realize that it makes no sense to expect anything from the humans around me. I'm one of 8 billion, and not special in any way. I am totally replacable to everyone else, thats why my worth is zero to them.

 

[frog problems]

I don't really blame people for my current situation. Although I have been hurt a lot by many people, I think the reason why my life is over is mostly due to circumstance and innate mental illness. But for that I really wish my mentally ill parents had used a fucking condom ffs. It was determined from the moment that my genes were selected that I was going to be some kind of fucked up in the head.

 

[Alexei_Kirillov]

I don't really blame people for my current situation. Although I have been hurt a lot by many people, I think the reason why my life is over is mostly due to circumstance and innate mental illness. But for that I really wish my mentally ill parents had used a fucking condom ffs. It was determined from the moment that my genes were selected that I was going to be some kind of fucked up in the head.

Same. First and foremost I blame my genes. Because of that, whenever I replay my life in my head, the outcome always remains the same, even if I could've changed the timeline.

 

[Pluto]

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

Not really. I could maybe blame my father for some aspects of my childhood being traumatic but that's rather cliche and it's not like I can expect him to give me any sort of compensation for how I turned out. Plus lots of other Asians have gone through worse than me and still turned out better so I really have no excuse.

No, I would much prefer to blame myself for what I've become. It makes it easier for me to kill the person responsible for ruining my life when that person is me.

 

[Ironborn]

Took me a long time to realise my parents really had no right being parents.
Father was dismissive/uninterested, mother was a religious control freak.
Spent most of my childhood isolated and got punished harshly for the slightest mistakes, this led to me becoming a habitual liar.
They never taught me anything or took me anywhere, if I was anything more than a silent observer I'd get scolded.
They expected me to build a life but the ground they gave me to build it on was a fucking swamp.
I can honestly say I despise them.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

Not really, I think that the way I am is because of my neurotype which is caused by autism. There isn't really anybody to blame but bad luck... insanely bad luck because I'm the only autistic person in a family of neurotypicals

 

[consider]

*venting
When I am depressed, yes. I really want to avoid blaming my parents in my real life, The only way I can manage that is by not thinking about them at all. it's impossible. My mom says she believes she did a great job raising me and doesn't understand how I ended up like this. I comforted her but was very mad at her secretly. She did nothing when my father abused me. meanwhile, since I don't have a job, I'm expected to become my parents' caregiver when they get older. I absolutely will lose my mind and stab them with a knife if I have to take care of them personally. i think need to get a job and pay someone to become their caregiver. that's the main reason why I have been trying to fix my career recently.

 

[SA1994EC]

I used to blame people including my family. So I totally get it.
But now I find doing so no use. To me, other people are like bad weather, bad economy, things that you cannot change or affect. What you can do is to plan and alter how to act and react on/against them. Of course, you have to analyze how you became who you are and how you got to the place where you are now, and other people are the main component of the analysis. So you have to take them into consideration to analyze your situation. Some people are so horrible that they made your life an absolute nightmare (in my case, my parents are the top of the list). But blaming a tornado that passed through your home does not bring a solution or make the situation better.
We are on our own. Only one whom you can count on is you. Some say unconditional love, true caring exist between people. But I have not experienced or witnessed them in my life time. It is a sad story.

 

[heavyeyes]

I don't blame anyone for my situation except for my ex who was an abuser. Other than that I think I was just dealt a shitty hand in life

 

[coolgal82]

no because no one has really done anything that bad to me i'm just like this and its my fault.

 

[amnesia999]

Do you blame others for how you've turned out?

Well, I'm pretty sure I didn't give myself PTSD. So yes, the person I blame the most is my father. The control freak's control freak whose parenting skills mainly consisted of bullying, intimidation, and a 1/2" thick dowel rod.

Not that blaming him does much of anything for me. He sure doesn't think he did anything wrong.

 

[pthind94]

I think, the older I've gotten, weirdly the more I've started to blame others for how I've turned out. I think it's supposed to be the other way around. I always get the impression that blaming others is seen as a sign of immaturity. As we grow up, we 'ought' to be taking responsibilty for our own lives and, working on the things that hold us back.

I do of course take some responsibility. I haven't made enough effort in some areas but truthfully, I'm at a point where I don't particularly intend to anymore! Why work at a future you don't intend to be here for?

Maybe it's because wanting to suicide and end life is a rejection of responsibility. I'm tired of trying to get over the shit that's happened in my life. I'm tired of carrying on. I'm tired of having to challenge myself to change into a stronger person. I'm tired of all the expectations placed on us. Ultimately- because we didn't agree to any of this shit! We just found ourselves in this situation and were just expected to cope with it. I know the excuse is- it's the same for everyone. But it's like- that's bad right? You saw that that was bad- so- why have children?

I think I'm at a point where I'm like- this person and this situation contributed to me being like this. I can't be arsed to try and change that now. I'm just going to carry on with this boring pity party privately while I carry on trying to high function in actual life.

I think that's the thing isn't it? Pitying yourself, even seeing yourself as vulnerable I guess strips us of power and self determination. So, in 'normal' life or recovery, we're maybe encoraged not to do it but when you have no more fight, or simply don't see the point in fighting anymore, it's maybe just easier to slip in to.

Yes, I blame my family and my environment sometimes. Also the health care system in Canada for f'ing up in my screenings and not catching my disease early.

 

[TheNatureOfDying]

i don't really blame anyone, i just feel broken. i don't really feel angry about the way i turned out i'm just so exhausted.

 

[untothedepths]

it was both, but a lot of things i couldnt control happened to me very early in life and are a life sentence. if i wasnt raised by them and had loving parents, i think i would have been a lovely human being, possibly.

but thats just..not...how...these things work.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

There's nobody to blame for how I turned out or for how my situation is atm.

 

[OldManOfTheLake]

I have been up all night struggling with thoughts crying.

I'm so broken I don't know where to begin. My God.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I have been up all night struggling with thoughts crying.

I'm so broken I don't know where to begin. My God.

I'm so sorry you are in such an awful place.

 

[Thisisnotaname]

Yes! But don't wanna explain why. Old stories by now and talk about mean think about and I don't want to dream about that night if I fall asleep

 

[star.trip]

Honestly, I consider myself a mistake. I have suffered a lot psychologically all my life. My childhood and adolescence was not the best time. Now all I think about is that I should have acted differently so I wouldn't have been so affected by the environment around me. In my case, I don't see the point in blaming others because what does it matter, it doesn't do me any good (well, it serves me to let off steam). Now I am a kind of human who is living in a world in which I don't know how to function well.

 

[charcoalcat]

I blame myself for swimming ferociously into my mother's womb when I was a sperm.

 

[CatLvr]

Oh, definitely. My parents taught me early that the people who "love" you are the ones who will abuse you the worst. I was so fucked up before I even started kindergarten. And that only got worse over the years. And THEN there was the sexual abuse when I was old enough to attract that kind of attention (not old enough to understand. Way before puberty).

It took me YEARS and honestly, it wasn't until recently, that I have come to the conclusion that there is NOTHING "normal" about me and those early, formative years are why.

 

[barely_afloat]

For the most part, yes. Highschool was the worst time of my life. I thought I'd be free after I graduated. Years later and turns out it had a huge mental toll on me that affects me to this day. Anxiety, paranoia, and whatnot.

 

[katara]

For the most part, yes. Highschool was the worst time of my life. I thought I'd be free after I graduated. Years later and turns out it had a huge mental toll on me that affects me to this day. Anxiety, paranoia, and whatnot.

started around 4th grade for me, i always felt like a failure. I would be so nervous and feel sick all the time, it ended up becoming hard to eat. I never got past it, i don't know whats wrong with me. I think it really effected me in ways i cant explain.