BitterlyAlive

BitterlyAlive

---
Apr 8, 2020
1,635
I suppose it could happen. But because of...er...trauma, I'm really scared at the thought of having to be vulnerable and intimate with someone again.

I wouldn't want to get invested anyway because I want to kill myself and it would be cruel to drag someone into that. If someone does love me then they'll have to do it from a distance.
 
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Marktheghost

Marktheghost

Paragon
Feb 20, 2020
911
I probably might as well give up hope of it ever happening.
 
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mpnf

mpnf

Mental anguish..no more please.
Oct 3, 2019
190
Not in this lifetime.
 
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SunInTheShade9

SunInTheShade9

Just want to go home ❤
May 21, 2020
43
Not in this Hell. Real love doesn't exist here.
 
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Merith

Merith

Member
Oct 24, 2019
97
No, but I'm not looking for it. I'm objectively unlovable (or the concept of "love" must be extremely elastic) and I'm not looking to be loved. I don't keep in contact with people which is an issue on my part. I couldn't give enough attention to any specific person for too long, especially for something like a relationship.
 
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undersea_water

undersea_water

Member
Apr 27, 2020
10
i just thought that if my depression will afect someone's life, i prefer to not have any partner.
I want to that person live with someone who is not depressed and have motivation for living.

Just think about it, if you want someone to love you, you need to work for make that person's a better life.
You need to be strong
 
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OhItsZemblanity

OhItsZemblanity

Member
Apr 12, 2020
22
I did... technically still do, in a weird way. My ex wife. Technically is still my wife as no official divorce. Talked to her a few days ago on the phone...more like cried to her. She was thankfully very kind to me, understood my wish to CtB. She's still not quite sure how to adjust to the thought of me being gone, because despite the separation, we still love each other a lot and care for one another.
 
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Garbage Person

Garbage Person

Eating snowflakes with plastic forks
Jan 17, 2020
305
Yeah, I have many times before. I took it for granted most of the time. I cherish the memories now when I can, other times it rips me to shreds. It all decays, the feelings and memories. I'd also say I have a love and hate relationship with myself, but it just balances out to indifference. Romantic love would never be a goal of mine for times to come. I don't need time to stop for me again.
 
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SpottedPanda

SpottedPanda

I'm all about coffee and cigarettes
Jul 24, 2019
612
I used to have people that felt they loved me, but just as people like a car because it's got mystique and style, I always felt like people loved me because of my looks, or my hobbies, of which I felt I was truly neither. Because of this I never truly appreciated the love, in a sincere sense, and severely resented the fact after my hobbies changed, and my looks faded.

For me, I still want the things I wanted ten years ago, with regards to physical appearance, and youth. In my opinion it would make absolutely no sense for me to be with someone I truly wanted, because I don't live an exciting life, I'm not attractive, and apart from basic conversations, I'm not wildly titillating in the personality department.

It's true that I could avoid dying alone, so to speak, but it's also a reality that I would be settling for less as much as I feel another person would be with me, and to me, remnants of a romantic still left in my heart, that just wouldn't be what love's meant to be.

I've had relationships in recent years, but I hardly count them as legitimate. For me it was just like spending time with a friend, as opposed to a flame.
 
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WarRunner

WarRunner

Member
Jun 3, 2020
29
I had someone that took interest in me, but I forsake that chance. It's not like anyone loves a mentally ill degenerate freak.
 
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Red

Red

Warlock
Apr 10, 2019
744
There are many different types of love, and many different ways of demonstrating those types, leading to millions of combinations of base feelings, combined with varied demonstration, combined with people's interpretation of the two previous steps...

At some point or other, we all will have encountered people that love us in one way or other. However it's not always registered as such, as because it wasn't shown in a way that you recognise or accept, you might not have noticed along the way. Many state that people say they love them, but don't show it, so it can't be true...

What I'm trying (badly) to say is that are many different permeations, and many of us are only open to specific kinds, feeling unfulfilled when we don't get the type we feel is sufficient.

Love is subjective, the perception and acceptance of it is down to the receiver. Some people go through life actively repelling it as a defence mechanism against rejection or abandonment and whether it's consciously or subconsciously, the result is the same.

People are flawed; selfish, misguided, stupid. They don't do things properly, and yes some really are incapable of showing real love to those around them due to bitterness and hate. If someone is surrounded by a black cloud, nobody wants to get near for fear of being struck by lightning. The trick to seeing love around you is to offer it out without expecting it back in exactly the same form (they aren't YOU!) as you are giving. It helps to be able to accept it in as many of its mutated variations as you can, not allowing your emotions to be controlled by the actions of anyone else but yourself.

My mother abandoned me when I was very young. My father resentfully brought me up with heavy hands and unkind words. For a long time (and still sometimes now when I'm low) I believed that if my own parents, who chose to bring me into the world, didn't give a crap about me, then I had no chance at being loved. I took it everywhere with me, pushing away anyone who got close, and was thoroughly depressed and lonely for a very long time...

It was only when I had a child that I realised that giving love unconditionally to this little helpless person was all I needed to get perspective. I gave that child all the love I never got and felt better for it! Don't get me wrong, he jabs out at me and breaks my heart from time to time, but being the adult that must be the bigger person and not let these things compromise the strength of that love has taught me a lot, to be more forgiving of stuff that initially comes across as downright evil lol it's generally not personal, even if it seems that way - people's unkind actions always say a lot more about them than you.

This has turned into a bit of an essay that I think some people might disagree with but in my mind, when you concentrate on giving love (not being taken for a mug mind you; you can maintain strong, healthy boundaries and still be loving and kind!) and being reasonable, logical and unflappable, it will eventually come. Usually when you're not looking so hard for it.

Not meaning any offence when I say this so I really hope that nobody is hurt by it, for I was once like this too: Bitterness is distasteful, which is why people hesitate to bite.

Much love to those who feel unloved - I understand, and I love you :heart:
 
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¡

¡!¡!¡!

Member
Jan 5, 2020
40
I have someone who loves me i think. But not in a romantic way at all. Found out that they have months left to live
 
Vault of Memories

Vault of Memories

A temporary being in a temporary world
Mar 24, 2020
255
It's all irrelevant until I learn to love myself.
 
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T

Thatdude

Life is temporary, death is permanent
Sep 26, 2019
472
Love has multiple meanings. But to have someone who gets a chemical high from their brain overloading on dopamine and other like chemicals when they see me? I think for most everyone, the answer to this will be a yes. Like it might be stupid hard to find that person, but yes.

Now after the "honey moon" period goes away (where the brain gets use of the chemical levels, and the person starts seeing problems since they aren't "high" or as much. That is a most likely no. Many of the reasons why I want to die relate to why most anyone wouldn't want to be around me after that period.
I mean that is if I'm not the best available option. Keep in mind there is a ton of nut jobs out there, and there is a high likely some would take anyone if it meant that they weren't alone. But you also have to worry about those cheating on you or messing you over since the only attachment to you is maybe that you might be able to make a baby or that they aren't alone and a body pillow isn't the same as a human touch.

The more I think about this, the more depress I am getting. If there was love bots, I would 100%have one. Like not a sex robot, but a robot that can fully mimic or really have a relationship with you.

(BTW I wanted to add this in because it kinda bugs me when people say something like others can't love you until you love yourself. This is total BS. How you feel about yourself has no real influence on others realistically. Like look at how many hate themselves, about drink themselves to death, get high because they can't stand life (like you don't take mind alerting substance because you love life like it is normally). But look at how many are in a relationship. To say something like you have to love yourself for others to, that is a 100% statement. It is stupid easy to point out not only a single data point where that is wrong. But a crap ton.)
 
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lovelypirategirl

lovelypirategirl

I'm not ok, I'm just good at pretending I am
Mar 22, 2020
38
OMG, I completely understand you. I'm 27 years old and haven't found someone ... last time I had a partner I was 14, imagine that. I keep feeling rejected by men and sometimes I just try to accept the idea that probably I will never be loved or have a partner, and it ironically helps a little. Resigning to any hope or expectations of ever finding love, gives me a little piece. I've noticed that it hurts the most when I have high expectations or when I keep dreaming of having a partner and it simply doesn't happen
 
jrums

jrums

Student
Apr 14, 2019
134
At 38 I've had too many problems, physical and mental, to have have had a really serious relationship. I wasn't a bad looking guy and had opportunities but I squandered most of them because of anxiety and/or side effects from medications used to treat said anxiety (ironic). Also got Crohn's from Accutane and floxed by Cipro so none of that helped. Became addicted to opiates and benzos because of all these problems too so was busy with that monkey on my back. I had a couple dysfunctional relationships with narcissistic women and that didn't help either. Now I have PSSD and brain damage from SSRIs and will be dead soon anyway. So bottom line is once I'm dead this question won't matter.
 
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YukiFox

YukiFox

Pastel demon
Dec 8, 2018
320
I questioned my capacity of fall in love. I'm insecure about if I really loved someone. I had 2 brief relationships and I really didn't love them, it didn't last 1 year at last (2 and 7 months respectively). So I'm skeptical about find a loved one, of any gender. Sure, I really have sexual desires, but I don't have patience for men who I consider obsssesed with having sex (Specially if they ask for pics), and with women I'm shy and don't have sex drive with them. I dreamed sometimes in find a person and get married, but I don't have a strong faith that would happen. I'm skeptical in almost everything.
 
B

blalost

Member
May 12, 2020
36
I think these are both interesting points. I know from myself looking back on my youth (at 35) I wasted a lot of energy trying to punch above my weight when I probably missed opportunities with people who I still found attractive, just not as much as others. But what can you do? The heart wants what it wants.

Stupid heart.

What you're talking about is another organ that overrides what your heart wants.
 
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GravityUtilizer

GravityUtilizer

Born to lose
May 22, 2020
737
What you're talking about is another organ that overrides what your heart wants.
Lol. Physical attraction is definitely a part of love though, however much society may try and make us think otherwise.
 
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S

SSlostallhope

Student
May 23, 2020
193
Been in what I thought was love on both parties. But my dad got terminally ill and I was spending my spare time with him instead of my partner and he cheated so I found out and kicked him out 4 days after my dad died. It broke me. Still does. Love isn't all that
 
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Sinai Silence

Sinai Silence

I think I'ma die alone inside my room
Jul 6, 2020
810
Never have been loved, probably never will. I'd rather feel the loving embrace of death than waste someones time and energy.
 
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F

Fullof pain

Student
Jul 1, 2020
124
OH GOD, you are all lovable and deserving of love. Trust me, the right person will see the beauty and uniqueness in everyone. My beloved who passed recently, was seriously disabled [ spinal injury] , he believed he would never find love because of his disability. Well, I loved him and looked after him for 22 years. And now i'll do whatever it takes to be re united with him. There is hope for everyone and love...
 
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CarbonMonoxide

CarbonMonoxide

Marejeo ni ngamani
Oct 13, 2019
369
I have, more than once. Looking at the posts on this thread, I realize just how relative suffering can be. I have someone. We have a daughter. My greatest dilemma right now is how to leave them when I take my own life. My love for them has become my si.
 
B

blalost

Member
May 12, 2020
36
Lol. Physical attraction is definitely a part of love though, however much society may try and make us think otherwise.
It's part of it, but you don't need someone who looks like a photo model. It's also partially about choice. Give a less beautiful girl, but one that you can still be attracted to, a chance, and you might develop a rewarding relationship. In my experience, less beautiful girls are also better at sex. They put in more effort. Beautiful girls know that their beauty has a lot of sexual value so they don't feel like they need to contribute as much.
 
the-eternal

the-eternal

Member
Apr 10, 2018
68
over time it's become less desirable to me as i've realised my many many flaws that would make it hard for another person to deal with me. it would be unwise of me to burden somebody with myself at this point in time. no matter love and intimacy — i just want to depart from existence.
 
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Z

zi99

Member
Feb 23, 2020
95
Guy, that I loved in my childhood wanted me to date with him but I'm too depressed even for some simple things. He is handsome, successful, what we can't say about me, but he doesn't know that I have mental disorder, and he continues writing me, but I dont reply, because It will be too egoistic to hold him in front of me.
 
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F

Final Escape

I’ve been here too long
Jul 8, 2018
4,348
It's highly unlikely.
 
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KleinerWolf

KleinerWolf

Account Wipe.
Apr 30, 2020
2,700
Yes actually, when I'm ready.
I'm not ready. Just not right now.
 

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