Discussion Do you believe in the love of the people around you?

[Seele]

I know that illnesses like depression sabotage people, and make them not notice the love of their loved ones, but thinking with a rational and completely sincere look, do you really believe that the people close to you "really" care?
I leave my own experience, I'm sure not, in a fit of reason I could notice that I was just used and deceived, but things like that are rare to happen and I admit that, but I really want to hear your opinion

 

[onbekend]

I do believe that the majority of my family loves me still, and for that I'd argue they deserve better especially given how I've pushed them away.

 

[DeathOfKane]

I only believe in the entirety of one persons love. Everybody else's love either isn't there or it has its limitations.

There's some people I believe love me but don't love me enough to acknowledge my struggles to the extent that they are. It has nothing to do with experience and not getting it. I know some people don't take me serious and as I've worsened they're just realizing all these years of suffering wasn't a fake.

There's people I don't think love me the way they say at all. They've shown that. The things they've done for me as acts of love were not love they were requirements. Ex: Parents who emotionally neglect and abuse me mixed in with occasional physical abuse but materialistically took care of me. That's because they have to in order to remain out of trouble, not love.

Then there's people who claim to love me but never have and never will and they've shown that time and time again.

 

[Seele]

I only believe in the entirety of one persons love. Everybody else's love either isn't there or it has its limitations.

There's some people I believe love me but don't love me enough to acknowledge my struggles to the extent that they are. It has nothing to do with experience and not getting it. I know some people don't take me serious and as I've worsened they're just realizing all these years of suffering wasn't a fake.

There's people I don't think love me the way they say at all. They've shown that. The things they've done for me as acts of love were not love they were requirements. Ex: Parents who emotionally neglect and abuse me mixed in with occasional physical abuse but materialistically took care of me. That's because they have to in order to remain out of trouble, not love.

Then there's people who claim to love me but never have and never will and they've shown that time and time again.

I understand your pain, sometimes I flirt with the idea that love is just a delusion, like you pretend you love me and I pretend I believe it. I'm not saying that's your case, but I'm trying to understand

 

[Alltheywanted]

I belive my family loves me but I just can't understand it in 100%.
Feelings have always been weird to me and I've always struggled to understand them, lol.
Maybe it's because I have asperger's but it's still something to think about.

 

[Seele]

I belive my family loves me but I just can't understand it in 100%.
Feelings have always been weird to me and I've always struggled to understand them, lol.
Maybe it's because I have asperger's but it's still something to think about.

But do you think that depression, if you have it, clouds your understanding?

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

I don't believe it can ever be enough because as all of the invalidating yet objectively true advice is always saying: sometimes we just have to fix ourselves.

No amount of external friendship or love or empathy is going to fix certain types of issues in someone no matter how many spirit bombs they produce.

At least that's the impression I got from when I once asked a similar question in a thread of mine. Even religion will say things like "god only helps those who help themselves".

 

[DeathOfKane]

I understand your pain, sometimes I flirt with the idea that love is just a delusion, like you pretend you love me and I pretend I believe it. I'm not saying that's your case, but I'm trying to understand

Did that with my mom for a while until I stopped saying it back. It was honestly just second nature as I was raised to say it back because I used to mean it. Doubt she ever genuinely meant it. If she does, her love is sick and I wanted no parts of it.

 

[Alltheywanted]

But do you think that depression, if you have it, clouds your understanding?

I'm severely depressed and I'm sure of it, even if just a little. I remember when I was 10 years younger (about 9) I was afraid of losing my mother, so I must have felt something for her. The thing is, I don't remember it well enough to help me understand the problem ;/
Depression changed me so much that I feel like an other person from who I've been back then.

 

[EmptyHeaded]

do you really believe that the people close to you "really" care?

I'm pretty sure they don't.

 

[Seele]

I'm pretty sure they don't.

I understand your words, in a way some people experience solipsism

 

[Myforevercharlie]

I really do believe my closest friends love me. Why? Because if they didn't they would have left long ago. They show it in everything they do. They know about my anxieties and low energy levels and never ever tell me " I should just try'
They make up for so many things.

 

[Seele]

I really do believe my closest friends love me. Why? Because if they didn't they would have left long ago. They show it in everything they do. They know about my anxieties and low energy levels and never ever tell me " I should just try'
They make up for so many things.

Thank you for your words, and it's always good to read them

 

[ConfusedClouds]

I believe they do/did, I feel ashamed that I felt nothing in return. Guilt in the case of my parents who I know will have gone through so much (no significant events, just life in general) to raise me.

 

[EvisceratedJester]

Not that long ago my answer would have been no. I believed that those around me didn't truly live but instead loved the idea of me. They loved the version of me that they had in their heads and I believed that at some point that image would be shattered and all that'll be left was the real me. A me that I was convinced that they would hate. I saw myself as a complete burden on everyone around me and, in a messed up way, the caused of everyone's suffering. I viewed me, the real me, as being completely unlovable.

Now, I don't know. I understand that the people in my life care about me, but I do still think that they have a hard time seeing the real me. I'm a bit reserved and closed off so I don't fault them for it. If they say they love me then I'll just take their word for it I guess. At the end of the day, it doesn't matter. The only person that can ever truly understand me and that I can ever truly rely on to care about me through thick and thin is me. Thus, I must learn to care for myself because I'm the only person I can ever truly trust.

 

[divinemistress36]

My parents do and have done a lot for me . I'm bitchy all the time I don't know how they put up with me

 

[Seele]

My parents do and have done a lot for me . I'm a bitchy all the time I don't know how they put up with me

You don't need to beat yourself up, being honest with yourself is the most important thing

 

[Warlord's Pulse]

You used the correct word here, RATIONAL. I can THINK and draw a conclusion that someone objectively likes me, but it's not like I can FEEL it most of the time

 

[leavingsoonx]

I know that illnesses like depression sabotage people, and make them not notice the love of their loved ones, but thinking with a rational and completely sincere look, do you really believe that the people close to you "really" care?
I leave my own experience, I'm sure not, in a fit of reason I could notice that I was just used and deceived, but things like that are rare to happen and I admit that, but I really want to hear your opinion

My mental health has made me believe that my entire family is cloned aliens who are out to hurt me and only show me emotion to continue playing with me as an experiment. Whether they really care or not doesn't even matter anymore because my brain knows the truth: they don't.

 

[general_malaise]

I'm pretty certain nobody really cares. I know my family doesn't, and my few friends are really just casual acquaintances.

 

[Proxycake]

Perhaps some do. Perhaps most don't. The one I have hoped the most to care has faltered from me and is now somebody entirely different, and it is my own fault. There is nobody in my days anymore who holds the ability to love me.

 

[maniac116]

I do believe that some people love me.
My problem is within me.
I have a difficult time feeling the love of others though. I think it comes from when I was young & my mom acting loving at times then getting angry & telling me she wished I was never born.
Very confusing for a child.
I'm an old fart now & still have the same problem of not feeling loved or accepted

 

[ijustwishtodie]

Fuck no, if somebody loved me, they would want me to die peacefully and as quickly as possible

 

[F@#$]

Love is a lie

 

[ConstantPain]

My mother used to but her dementia has gotten so bad that she doesn't even recognize me. My father never loved me and the lucky a-hole is dead now. My husband used to but his alcoholism is severe and has changed him into a hateful narcissist. My best friend used to but we barely talk anymore and live a long way from each other. Siblings used to but they have too much of their own crap to deal with, plus they are the same distance away.
So, I think love is possible but it's just as possible to lose it. At this point in life, no one loves me except the cats. To be fair, the cats are the only living creatures I love too.
Depression definitely doesn't help but I think all of the above would still be true regardless.

 

[brokeandbroken]

I know that illnesses like depression sabotage people, and make them not notice the love of their loved ones, but thinking with a rational and completely sincere look, do you really believe that the people close to you "really" care?
I leave my own experience, I'm sure not, in a fit of reason I could notice that I was just used and deceived, but things like that are rare to happen and I admit that, but I really want to hear your opinion

No not because I am not noticing it but because it literally isn't there. I wouldn't be on here in all likelihood if they gave a shit.

 

[-nobodyknows-]

It's complicated. Do they care? Absolutely. How much they care… that's a bit tricker.

 

[affirmatice]

I know they love me a ton. I know they would love be despite my flaws and shortcomings.

But I am unable to accept that love internally because I am so at war with myself. Their love doesn't boost me like it should. I just look at it with sadness and wish I was healthy enough to enjoy it