Discussion do ya'll ever just..?

[soontobec0rpse]

i wanna CTB so badly but i won't let myself. my only goal in life is to be a beautiful corpse. since im slightly overweight and have bad acne i refuse to kill myself until i'm near perfection. i dunno i want people to look at me at my funeral and think something like "god she was so pretty.. how could she kill herself..?" some people might say that means i don't really want to kill myself. or that i'm an attention whore, but i don't really care. i've hated myself during my whole existence, i would die so happy if i was in a beautiful body.. no i wouldn't wanna live if i was "pretty" i simply just think of suicide in a very artistic way. i've always thought self harm and suicide to be the most beautiful, raw, emotional forms of art possible. i'm sick, i know. it's how i feel tho. maybe this whole die pretty thing is to fill in for the validation i never got, either way tho.. i don't know is this weird???

 

[FuneralCry]

I personally think the human body will always be a disgusting flesh prison no matter what it looks like. All that this human body is destined for is to decay.
But I do see beauty in choosing to leave this world, suicide is self care to me as it solves all problems and prevents all future unnecessary suffering, I see nothing more ideal than being able to permanently not exist.

 

[Goodgirlryeo101]

I don't think those things should be put into consideration if you want to ctb. I have been very slim before even though now my bmi is of overweight range but not obese due to medication and traumatising life events. I used to be a strong advocate for health and fitness because I think it's it's important not mainly for superficial reasons but mostly for healthy reasons etc.

Beauty is very subjective as well and I have been called beautiful, attractive, good looking, pretty enough and ugly ( those that called me ugly used to call me beautiful but it doesn't matter to me anymore) as this is not something that I would even think about when completing ctb.

Why would anyone call you an attention whore unless you are telling them that you want to commit suicide. I have seen people who have told people that they wanted to commit suicide and still ended up doing it when people least expected it and also their opinion shouldn't matter when it comes to completing ctb as it a very personal and permanent thing.

If you want a funeral, I can see why you want it that way but then you will be gone anyway so it shouldn't matter since it will turn into decay a few weeks after.

Personally I want to be cremated and I want my ashes thrown next to my favourite beach.

Anyway OP i do wish you the very best with your decision to complete ctb.

 

[kionu09]

i had a bad acne too got rid of it in an year with roaccutne treatment . Now have crystal clear glowing skin. Btw roaccutane increases sucidal thoughts while using for some individuals.

 

[jonghyun]

same! i have always had an eating disorder though, so feeling like i need to be skinny and frail to die is very common within that community i believe

 

[ggetout33]

i had a bad acne too got rid of it in an year with roaccutne treatment . Now have crystal clear glowing skin. Btw roaccutane increases sucidal thoughts while using for some individuals.

Is this over the counter by any chance? I have bad acne myself. Shit body can't get anything right.

i wanna CTB so badly but i won't let myself. my only goal in life is to be a beautiful corpse. since im slightly overweight and have bad acne i refuse to kill myself until i'm near perfection. i dunno i want people to look at me at my funeral and think something like "god she was so pretty.. how could she kill herself..?" some people might say that means i don't really want to kill myself. or that i'm an attention whore, but i don't really care. i've hated myself during my whole existence, i would die so happy if i was in a beautiful body.. no i wouldn't wanna live if i was "pretty" i simply just think of suicide in a very artistic way. i've always thought self harm and suicide to be the most beautiful, raw, emotional forms of art possible. i'm sick, i know. it's how i feel tho. maybe this whole die pretty thing is to fill in for the validation i never got, either way tho.. i don't know is this weird???

I mean... you're gonna be dead so why bother with trying to look good as a corpse? And even if you did look "beautiful" when you died, your body would rot, bloat, smell bad, necrosis. All the dirty shit. Plus you would most likely soil yourself when all the muscles relax, yes ALL of them. It seems like a wasted effort when nature will make your body look ugly. At least you'll be at peace though.

And if you did look better and that caused your life to turn around, would you still CTB then?

 

[soontobec0rpse]

Is this over the counter by any chance? I have bad acne myself. Shit body can't get anything right.


I mean... you're gonna be dead so why bother with trying to look good as a corpse? And even if you did look "beautiful" when you died, your body would rot, bloat, smell bad, necrosis. All the dirty shit. Plus you would most likely soil yourself when all the muscles relax, yes ALL of them. It seems like a wasted effort when nature will make your body look ugly. At least you'll be at peace though.

And if you did look better and that caused your life to turn around, would you still CTB then?

it's a bit complicated. i want to look good in a casket. i want my body itself to look a certain way. it's an odd thing for me. almost a vengeful thing.. i want everything to look perfect before i act. i want everyone to believe i'm perfect and doing well, and that's when i'll do it. and during the funeral (which i plan to be open casket) i want all of my family members who ruined my life to look at my "perfect" corpse. the point is, no one will ever get the closure of my forgiveness or even my truth. i want them all to wonder. to think about the terrible things they did to me, and never have closure. because i never got closure. i want them to feel what i felt. but to add to this, i've had an eating disorder my whole life, intensity fluctuating. i can't really explain why, it would just put me at ease to know i'm skinny when i'm dead.

same! i have always had an eating disorder though, so feeling like i need to be skinny and frail to die is very common within that community i believe

i also struggle with an ED. i think that could be part of this feeling, but i'm glad to not be alone.

 

[rabid_aspie_yokai]

I don't want to be a "beautiful corpse" but I do want to lose weight to become androgynous. I don't want to d!e untill I've lived with my desired body for a while.

 

[rei71]

i think it's understandable. i too wanted to look like a skeleton or lose weight in general before i die, but i gave up now honestly.

 

[winamp]

s this over the counter by any chance? I have bad acne myself. Shit body can't get anything right.

I was on isotretinoin 2 years ago (also known as accutane it goes by many names) and you need a prescription for it and I don't know if it depends on state or country but you have to take a test online if I remember correctly in order to get it refilled along with liver tests, blood tests, etc. also there's a booklet online for more information but it mostly emphasizes on not getting pregnant while taking the medication in both the male and female booklets

 

[ggetout33]

I was on isotretinoin 2 years ago (also known as accutane it goes by many names) and you need a prescription for it and I don't know if it depends on state or country but you have to take a test online if I remember correctly in order to get it refilled along with liver tests, blood tests, etc. also there's a booklet online for more information but it mostly emphasizes on not getting pregnant while taking the medication in both the male and female booklets

Well I'm male... I'm sure I would have no problems not getting pregnant.

 

[blacktulip44]

same! i have always had an eating disorder though, so feeling like i need to be skinny and frail to die is very common within that community i believe

ugh i feel like that so much... if dying of starvation wasnt so painful it'd be my ideal way to go

 

[Forever Sleep]

If those are your wishes- I think you probably need to make sure you either have them registered with a solicitor- with your will- you prepay for your funeral with the open casket stipulation or- you at least write your wishes down. I did see my Grandma at the chapel of rest- before the funeral. I'm not so sure how common an 'open casket' is at a funeral though. I've been to 4 now and none were open casket- you only saw the closed coffin brought in. If you're hope is that all your family will see you- you may need to request for this. I don't know but- might be worth finding out.

 

[soft-flower345]

i wanna CTB so badly but i won't let myself. my only goal in life is to be a beautiful corpse. since im slightly overweight and have bad acne i refuse to kill myself until i'm near perfection. i dunno i want people to look at me at my funeral and think something like "god she was so pretty.. how could she kill herself..?" some people might say that means i don't really want to kill myself. or that i'm an attention whore, but i don't really care. i've hated myself during my whole existence, i would die so happy if i was in a beautiful body.. no i wouldn't wanna live if i was "pretty" i simply just think of suicide in a very artistic way. i've always thought self harm and suicide to be the most beautiful, raw, emotional forms of art possible. i'm sick, i know. it's how i feel tho. maybe this whole die pretty thing is to fill in for the validation i never got, either way tho.. i don't know is this weird???

I can really strongly relate to this, to me my suicide and self harm is both an escape from suffering and a work of art. I keep strict control over my diet, exercise regularly, and get enough sleep just so that when the day I CTB comes, I'll look and feel beautiful in death. Modern developed society, disgustingly and shallowly enough, cares more for and displays more sympathy for attractive looking people. I want my "attractive" body to be a fuck you to the shallowness of human developed society, highlighting the misplaced importance of value on looks, rather than identity. My life means nothing to me, so trading it in suicide to "complete" the canvas that I view my body to be, is a worthy sacrifice in my eyes.

 

[Elysion]

You have never been sick and you are not. You are just different. In the world of black and white, you are a new color, you are a work of art.

 

[leftdreaming]

The corpse part is the end goal, I'd be lying if I didn't admit to neglecting my own future to become one. I don't hope to be beautiful, but I admit that SN is tempting for the cyanosis alone.

Dead isn't enough, I hope to be visibly dead.