do suicidal people usually have habits of constantly distancing themselves from everyone..?

[aludnelac]

hey.. i guess i just figured this is the right kinda people to ask this sort of thing to, since maybe you "get" this a little more than others.. while i don't actually really leave my house anymore, i have had a habit of seeking out a lot of online friends or people to talk to whenever i start to feel a little lonely, but oftentimes shortly after meeting these people i feel overwhelmed and either ghost them or just gradually start replying to them less until we're almost strangers again.. i've done this even with people i genuinely enjoy the company of.. idk if this is something i'm doing to keep them away from me so i don't ever upset them one day either because of how i am or because i kill myself, or because it's just some strange issue i have where i'm no longer able to be close to others for too long.. it feels bad to know a lot of these people seem to have shown some kind of serious interest in me, and some of them have even wanted to help me as much as they could.. i would think that feels good, but for some reason it just makes me feel incredibly guilty, because there's nothing that can truly be done to help me at this point.. i'm too traumatized, miserable, broken, drained, and mentally ill to go back and ever feel safe or okay or even happy.. i keep trying to push against the forces of this world, but someone like me really wasn't meant for it, and it hurts to know that..
i guess i was just wondering if other people have this same kind of reaction where you inevitably just push yourself away from anyone who gets too close, and just continue to do this behavior chronically.. hurting them in the process, and continuing to just further isolate yourself.. idk, maybe i'm just a bad person or get overwhelmed too easily by the smallest of things..
i think i just really want something to feel right or okay again, and i always end up getting this intense anxiety that builds up and i run away.. i've managed to somehow keep 1 friend for a while at least tho, i think part of it is it just gets tiring talking about the same depressing things over and over when misery and suffering are kind of in the forefront of your mind, and you don't want to keep being a bother about it, and also keep reminding yourself, idk sorry for this pointless thread, figured it's okay on offtopic.. :s

 

[littlelungs]

I generally distance myself from other people (aside from my husband, my mom and my narcissistic MIL – the latter I only deal with because of her help with basic survival), mainly because I'm a severely traumatized mess and my physical illness makes it extremely difficult (if not borderline impossible) to maintain interpersonal relationships (I can't speak, can't reply in a timely manner, can't leave the house, people rarely understand it, etc), but being suicidal does contribute to it as well, even before I got as sick as I am. It's rarely personal – it's just that I barely have the strength to deal with my own shit, never mind that of someone else. People just exhaust me.

I also find that it's just a lot easier to keep my distance and keep stuff to myself because I'm so beyond sick of all of the unsolicited advice, the platitudes, the phone numbers (that got me hospitalized against my will every time I used them) and the toxic positivity. I don't want to worry people nor do I want them to pick up on the fact that I'm actively suicidal, because at this point I've made up my mind (a decision that I came to rationally), and I don't want anyone to waste their time and energy trying to "save" me by forcing medication down my throat that I've already tried and reacted VERY badly to, and try to take away my autonomy and right to a peaceful death... again.

I'm so sorry to hear that you're struggling so much. All my hugs.

 

[forgotten15]

I have no friends, but throughout life I had temporary friendships at school/ university. Since i was always a suicidal person of course i have a different outlook on life than people who don't have these thoughts so it happened many times to distance myself from them. Especially when i had a hard time dealing with depression it was not a good thing for me to be around happy and positive people. So I guess there is always a tendency for suicidal people to distance themselves from situations and people who don't feel the same about life. To me pro life people kinda annoy me because i know how different I think and also kinda trigger depression episodes. Don't get me wrong, i am happy they don't think like me and can enjoy this hell of a life and don't torment themselves like I do trying to ctb, but it hurts me knowing i will never be "normal" like them and will never enjoy being here.

 

[aludnelac]

I generally distance myself from other people (aside from my husband, my mom and my narcissistic MIL – the latter I only deal with because of her help with basic survival), mainly because I'm a severely traumatized mess and my physical illness makes it extremely difficult (if not borderline impossible) to maintain interpersonal relationships (I can't speak, can't reply in a timely manner, can't leave the house, people rarely understand it, etc), but being suicidal does contribute to it as well, even before I got as sick as I am. It's rarely personal – it's just that I barely have the strength to deal with my own shit, never mind that of someone else. People just exhaust me.

I also find that it's just a lot easier to keep my distance and keep stuff to myself because I'm so beyond sick of all of the unsolicited advice, the platitudes, the phone numbers (that got me hospitalized against my will every time I used them) and the toxic positivity. I don't want to worry people nor do I want them to pick up on the fact that I'm actively suicidal, because at this point I've made up my mind (a decision that I came to rationally), and I don't want anyone to waste their time and energy trying to "save" me by forcing medication down my throat that I've already tried and reacted VERY badly to, and try to take away my autonomy and right to a peaceful death... again.

I'm so sorry to hear that you're struggling so much. All my hugs.

yeah.. being in a situation like that does sound pretty bleak for you.. :c
it is very hard for people to relate to things that is incredibly outside of their own experience from what i've seen, so it's often not even worth that extra energy, because all they can often offer is some kind of sympathy, pity, or idk, guilt.. and yeah, it sounds like you've already had your fair share of trauma from others trying to "help" you.. things like throwing countless medications that don't seem to do anything positive, or locking someone in a psych ward and sedating them don't really seem to ever improve the life of someone in such a desperate and sad situation.. sorry to hear everything for you has just been continuing to build up and worsen in such a way that it's now becoming too much to bear.. people are difficult and often don't really know what it's like to be so low, you'd rather just die.. :c

I have no friends, but throughout life I had temporary friendships at school/ university. Since i was always a suicidal person of course i have a different outlook on life than people who don't have these thoughts so it happened many times to distance myself from them. Especially when i had a hard time dealing with depression it was not a good thing for me to be around happy and positive people. So I guess there is always a tendency for suicidal people to distance themselves from situations and people who don't feel the same about life. To me pro life people kinda annoy me because i know how different I think and also kinda trigger depression episodes. Don't get me wrong, i am happy they don't think like me and can enjoy this hell of a life and don't torment themselves like I do trying to ctb, but it hurts me knowing i will never be "normal" like them and will never enjoy being here.

yeah.. normies are usually really hard to relate to, and you often just kinda feel like you're some kind of different species than most of them.. it almost seems ridiculous how they can go about their lives so relatively chill and able to just do pretty normal things on a regular basis without any issues.. i think everyone, besides some exceptions, just wants to be understood by some group of people, and we seek out connections by whatever means possible to do so.. if we're surrounded by people who are functional and very distant from ourselves, we'll just feel like an outsider, and find the company too difficult to keep up with.. if we can find others like ourselves, it can be a really comfy experience, however, i think after experiencing a lot of trauma and just starting to become completely worn down by life, maybe even connected with like minded people starts to become a struggle too that you just give up on before it even truly begins.. i understand what it's like to not want to be around happy and positive people, it just makes you feel like some kind of diseased pariah, and it's sad to know you can't have what they effortlessly have just by existing.. i mean, no one's life is necessarily easy, but i think severely suffering and despairing people are on another mental plane, so to speak, by being in such a hurt state so chronically.. it's just two separate world ig..

 

[forgotten15]

yeah.. being in a situation like that does sound pretty bleak for you.. :c
it is very hard for people to relate to things that is incredibly outside of their own experience from what i've seen, so it's often not even worth that extra energy, because all they can often offer is some kind of sympathy, pity, or idk, guilt.. and yeah, it sounds like you've already had your fair share of trauma from others trying to "help" you.. things like throwing countless medications that don't seem to do anything positive, or locking someone in a psych ward and sedating them don't really seem to ever improve the life of someone in such a desperate and sad situation.. sorry to hear everything for you has just been continuing to build up and worsen in such a way that it's now becoming too much to bear.. people are difficult and often don't really know what it's like to be so low, you'd rather just die.. :c


yeah.. normies are usually really hard to relate to, and you often just kinda feel like you're some kind of different species than most of them.. it almost seems ridiculous how they can go about their lives so relatively chill and able to just do pretty normal things on a regular basis without any issues.. i think everyone, besides some exceptions, just wants to be understood by some group of people, and we seek out connections by whatever means possible to do so.. if we're surrounded by people who are functional and very distant from ourselves, we'll just feel like an outsider, and find the company too difficult to keep up with.. if we can find others like ourselves, it can be a really comfy experience, however, i think after experiencing a lot of trauma and just starting to become completely worn down by life, maybe even connected with like minded people starts to become a struggle too that you just give up on before it even truly begins.. i understand what it's like to not want to be around happy and positive people, it just makes you feel like some kind of diseased pariah, and it's sad to know you can't have what they effortlessly have just by existing.. i mean, no one's life is necessarily easy, but i think severely suffering and despairing people are on another mental plane, so to speak, by being in such a hurt state so chronically.. it's just two separate world ig..

Yes, I totally agree with you

 

[motel rooms]

i think i just really want something to feel right or okay again, and i always end up getting this intense anxiety that builds up and i run away.. i've managed to somehow keep 1 friend for a while at least tho, i think part of it is it just gets tiring talking about the same depressing things over and over when misery and suffering are kind of in the forefront of your mind, and you don't want to keep being a bother about it, and also keep reminding yourself, idk sorry for this pointless thread, figured it's okay on offtopic.. :s

This isn't a pointless thread. In fact, it belongs on the main forum. Yes, a lot of us distance ourselves from other people, even those whose company we genuinely enjoy. That's why it's so important that a community like SS exists. You don't have to participate in the discussions to benefit from being a member; sometimes just reading about all the unfair shit that all kinds of people are dealing with can make you feel less lonely & even validated.

 

[BottomlessPit]

I have been distancing myself from every single one in my life, even family members I should be close to. But this was a very gradual process drawn out over a period of years, and not the result of a conscious decision. At some point in my teens, I think I was 15, I seemingly lost the ability/need to speak to people. I became incredibly silent, perpetually standing at the sidelines of most social encounters. I completely stopped sharing things happening in my life with my family, again, not because I thought it would be a good idea. It just happened.
After years of this, I was told that I shouldn't come to a certain family reunion because it is clear that I'm not having a good time on those occasions. And they're right. I was also told by those who I should theoretically be close to, that if I don't start sharing more of my life, they will cut me off as well. That was an eye-opening moment for me. But did I change my ways? Of course not. Isolating myself has a sweet taste to it.
And everytime I have regrets about my behavior, I just tell myself that I'll be dead soon enough, so it doesn't matter.
I don't want to change, I even have an aversion to the very thought of sharing aspects of myself irl.

 

[motel rooms]

I completely stopped sharing things happening in my life with my family, again, not because I thought it would be a good idea. It just happened.

It didn't happen for no good reason.

 

[BottomlessPit]

It didn't happen for no good reason.

I don't know what the reason was, but it definitely wasn't the fault of anyone in my life at that time. My disinterest and irritation has no discernable origin.

 

[FuneralCry]

I have been distancing myself from people for a long time. I am naturally introverted and I find people to be tiring. It takes up energy that I do not have, being around others. If I spent time with others I would have to pretend and put on an act. In general I have never had the interest in making friends. I cannot relate to most people. I also feel like I would not be able to talk openly about ctb around other people. Family members would not accept and understand my decision and they would want me to stay alive for selfish reasons.

 

[Snake of Eden]

I have been distancing myself from people for a long time. I am naturally introverted and I find people to be tiring. It takes up energy that I do not have, being around others. If I spent time with others I would have to pretend and put on an act. In general I have never had the interest in making friends. I cannot relate to most people. I also feel like I would not be able to talk openly about ctb around other people. Family members would not accept and understand my decision and they would want me to stay alive for selfish reasons.

Same as me

 

[aludnelac]

This isn't a pointless thread. In fact, it belongs on the main forum. Yes, a lot of us distance ourselves from other people, even those whose company we genuinely enjoy. That's why it's so important that a community like SS exists. You don't have to participate in the discussions to benefit from being a member; sometimes just reading about all the unfair shit that all kinds of people are dealing with can make you feel less lonely & even validated.

thanks, fren for thinking so, fren.. it really is a good thing to have an actual community for people who feel that they've been pushed to their limits, at least we can commiserate in a shared sense of hopelessness.. even if many of the struggles or conclusions of we came to that brought us to this point are incredibly different, it's probably one of the few places that genuinely understands the pain of these kinds of feelings, instead of just trying to quiet you down or just push false hope and forced positivity on you, when it just has no place..

I have been distancing myself from every single one in my life, even family members I should be close to. But this was a very gradual process drawn out over a period of years, and not the result of a conscious decision. At some point in my teens, I think I was 15, I seemingly lost the ability/need to speak to people. I became incredibly silent, perpetually standing at the sidelines of most social encounters. I completely stopped sharing things happening in my life with my family, again, not because I thought it would be a good idea. It just happened.
After years of this, I was told that I shouldn't come to a certain family reunion because it is clear that I'm not having a good time on those occasions. And they're right. I was also told by those who I should theoretically be close to, that if I don't start sharing more of my life, they will cut me off as well. That was an eye-opening moment for me. But did I change my ways? Of course not. Isolating myself has a sweet taste to it.
And everytime I have regrets about my behavior, I just tell myself that I'll be dead soon enough, so it doesn't matter.
I don't want to change, I even have an aversion to the very thought of sharing aspects of myself irl.

yeah.. i don't really feel up for being around family especially too, it's pretty much impossible to feel like you can engage with them and the kind of mental state they're in, and they're silly squabbles and issues seem really petty and impossible to even have the energy to want to bother with when you can barely take care of yourself or go throughout a day without having a mental breakdown anymore.. it's too bad that they treat your distancing with anger and ostracizing, rather than from a place of understanding and empathy about your situation.. it hurts to feel like you're doing the wrong thing and being "bad" to others just because you no longer have the energy to keep up with their lives and events, and you can't really summon yourself to actively participate when you are around.. but ultimately, if they can't understand that you're doing this because of deep struggles then all you can do is let things play out how they will and become distanced, hoping they'll understand before it's too late.. i guess at least from my experience, family like that just doesn't seem like they'll ever understand, and it's always all about them, even your own suicidality is immediately pushed at you from the perspective of how it will affect *them*, completely disregarding the fact of why you're suicidal in the first place..
it's nice to be able to connect with people if you're able to, but i understand just recoiling at it and closing further inwards.. it's sad to think of so many people dying so tragically alone tho, and i hope you can at least find some kindness before your final moments..

I have been distancing myself from people for a long time. I am naturally introverted and I find people to be tiring. It takes up energy that I do not have, being around others. If I spent time with others I would have to pretend and put on an act. In general I have never had the interest in making friends. I cannot relate to most people. I also feel like I would not be able to talk openly about ctb around other people. Family members would not accept and understand my decision and they would want me to stay alive for selfish reasons.

yeah, it's basically an endless cycle of detachment, isolation, and feeling increasingly like an outsider.. from my experience, it's almost self propagating to a degree, where you feel so alone and outside of everything else, and then you no longer try to engage with others or just push them away whenever they get too close, and by doing so further reinforce the idea that you need to be alone, and just start to only feel comfort in isolation.. similar to how i've sort of conditioned myself to feel more at home in pain and suffering.. most people really don't understand this kind of desperation.. the idea of suicide in a serious manner will often cause most people to go in full damage control mode, and lose track of actually remembering they're talking about something where someone needs understanding and calmness more than ever, but instead they tend to go into flight/fight/freeze/fawn about it, and just try get away from the topic through some kind of forced platitude or dismissing you altogether.. sorry you haven't found much understanding from those in your life..

 

[back_to_oblivion]

I think it's very common. I really started becoming very distant in my teenage years. Sometimes keeping people at a distance made me unintentionally come off as arrogant I later found out. It's not even a conscious choice to do that, it's just something I naturally do. Maybe it has to do with a lot of subconscious feelings: your self image, not trusting people, feeling like people won't like you anyway, people won't understand you, feeling you're too different from everyone else. In that case, keeping people at a distance can make you feel safer and since you're not invested in anyone it's not a big blow if they don't like you. I also need my space, time to be alone, alone with my thoughts, socializing can be very tiring for me.

 

[LaurieOfLife]

hey.. i guess i just figured this is the right kinda people to ask this sort of thing to, since maybe you "get" this a little more than others.. while i don't actually really leave my house anymore, i have had a habit of seeking out a lot of online friends or people to talk to whenever i start to feel a little lonely, but oftentimes shortly after meeting these people i feel overwhelmed and either ghost them or just gradually start replying to them less until we're almost strangers again.. i've done this even with people i genuinely enjoy the company of.. idk if this is something i'm doing to keep them away from me so i don't ever upset them one day either because of how i am or because i kill myself, or because it's just some strange issue i have where i'm no longer able to be close to others for too long.. it feels bad to know a lot of these people seem to have shown some kind of serious interest in me, and some of them have even wanted to help me as much as they could.. i would think that feels good, but for some reason it just makes me feel incredibly guilty, because there's nothing that can truly be done to help me at this point.. i'm too traumatized, miserable, broken, drained, and mentally ill to go back and ever feel safe or okay or even happy.. i keep trying to push against the forces of this world, but someone like me really wasn't meant for it, and it hurts to know that..
i guess i was just wondering if other people have this same kind of reaction where you inevitably just push yourself away from anyone who gets too close, and just continue to do this behavior chronically.. hurting them in the process, and continuing to just further isolate yourself.. idk, maybe i'm just a bad person or get overwhelmed too easily by the smallest of things..
i think i just really want something to feel right or okay again, and i always end up getting this intense anxiety that builds up and i run away.. i've managed to somehow keep 1 friend for a while at least tho, i think part of it is it just gets tiring talking about the same depressing things over and over when misery and suffering are kind of in the forefront of your mind, and you don't want to keep being a bother about it, and also keep reminding yourself, idk sorry for this pointless thread, figured it's okay on offtopic.. :s

Haha yeah, It's normal. Don't feel like a bad person, please. This isn't truly our fault. This world is just really fucked up sometimes. Sending my hugs :)