Discussion Do my parents care if I ctb?

[todiefor]

Can I ask for some honest opinions please.

so I'm getting a divorce and it's hit me so hard I've been wanting to ctb since 6 months ago when it started.

I've told my parents since repeatedly that I want to die and that I'm wildly suicidal and I repeatedly ask them for permission to die, I did this for months, and it is very unusual for me to do this as I've never said or thought about ctb before.

I've also sent my parents all my money and I have arranged and planned with them to send them the money from the divorce once it is available and they have agreed and planned for this.

I've also recently changed my will and asked them to be my executor.

my parents agreed to all this and yet haven't done anything to suggest they are worried about me, other than they said they will visit me but I said no thanks. I can't understand how any parent would be like, oh my kid is suicidal and sending me all their money and writing up a will, what could possibly happen, seems all good to me!!

Like, should I be confused here? How am I supposed to interpret their behaviour?

(For reference my parents have always been extremely hands off and neglectful and just always relied upon me to deal with my own problems. I've never gone to them for any assistance since I was prob 9 years old, except this one time re the divorce.

I'm also not someone who talks about negative feelings much at all irl, especially to them, this definitely isn't a the boy cried wolf situation, they know I mean things I say I wouldn't talk about this flippantly as a way to get their attention, I've basically never had their attention and totally cool with it, I never do anything to suggest I want their attention)

 

[hikikomorizombie]

Can I ask for some honest opinions please.

honestly, idk what makes parents so nonchalant about obvious signs of suicidal behavior. i'll share my own story to see if it helps u draw any conclusions abt it. to lyk i only have my mom, so i'm even more clueless abt dads.

when i got my 1st diagnosis @ 15, my mom said, "Yeah I always knew u had depression." ??? h u h. then why not intervene & get me help immediately? i didn't leave the house for months on end, have any friends/talk to any1, would stay in my room for days, & could go days w/o ever even seeing her if i timed my exits right. this went on for years, the entirety of my teenagehood, w her not even mentioning it. i ask her about funerals & obituaries & headstones & what she thinks happens after death, & not a single red flag raises. & i've been involuntarily hospitalized twice!!!!

so yeah, u & I should be confused, bc it makes 0 sense!!it's def not a good feeling, but i'm used to it now & it further confirms that kms is the best logical option. they prob don't not care, they just dk how to show they do in a meaningful way. tbh tho, it's shitty, but it makes me feel less guilty. all the alarms were/are going off in her face, & she never even bothered to ask how i am/if i'm okay.

 

[Thanksforeverything]

OP, I can't speak to your unique situation because life comes with so many nuances. Your parents' behavior is odd, to say the least, but in my case, I've noticed how my parents have started to take a far more hands-off approach as I've tried to condition them to care as little about me as possible. I think it's probably because they feel like I need my space and that I want to be left alone.

However, as you mentioned, if you've never brought up suicidal ideation to your parents before and it does not make them bat an eye when you do it for the first time, that's really concerning. I'm sorry about the divorce. Do you have anyone else in your family/friend group that you can talk to about how you feel?

 

[its.all.gone]

after long research into different situations people go thru I have come to the conclusion that nothing is ever really shocking. it is just about how often these situations happen in the general human population. my guess (again just a guess) is perhaps your situation with regards to your parents is 1 in a 1000 kinda thing. for reference I think doing ok parents pimping their own daughters is in my guess a 1 in 10000 kinda thing.

what I am getting at is, you were dealt a horrible hand with your parents. I just can't imagine that based on my normal upbringing. in most normal cases a hit is usually enough for a parent to ask what is going on. in your case on top explicitly saying you actually are keeping them in your last stages of planning. assuming they are ok financially, I just do not get how they can accept that money. I actually do not get how they deserve your money either vs some other better cause.

my honest opinion is, they are surely a significant part of why you are here. it is just sad that such humans exist who just lack basic empathy. I am sorry for your situation and really don't know what to wish for you.

 

[UKscotty]

People often realise there is not much they can do.

Maybe they have accepted this to save themselves the futile nature of fighting to do something they can't.

It's probably not that they don't care, they just know there is nothing to be done.

 

[forum user JJ 23/34]

Can I ask for some honest opinions please.

so I'm getting a divorce and it's hit me so hard I've been wanting to ctb since 6 months ago when it started.

I've told my parents since repeatedly that I want to die and that I'm wildly suicidal and I repeatedly ask them for permission to die, I did this for months, and it is very unusual for me to do this as I've never said or thought about ctb before.

I've also sent my parents all my money and I have arranged and planned with them to send them the money from the divorce once it is available and they have agreed and planned for this.

I've also recently changed my will and asked them to be my executor.

my parents agreed to all this and yet haven't done anything to suggest they are worried about me, other than they said they will visit me but I said no thanks. I can't understand how any parent would be like, oh my kid is suicidal and sending me all their money and writing up a will, what could possibly happen, seems all good to me!!

Like, should I be confused here? How am I supposed to interpret their behaviour?

(For reference my parents have always been extremely hands off and neglectful and just always relied upon me to deal with my own problems. I've never gone to them for any assistance since I was prob 9 years old, except this one time re the divorce.

I'm also not someone who talks about negative feelings much at all irl, especially to them, this definitely isn't a the boy cried wolf situation, they know I mean things I say I wouldn't talk about this flippantly as a way to get their attention, I've basically never had their attention and totally cool with it, I never do anything to suggest I want their attention)

that is extremely fucked up tdf. Ik in China my grandma tell me we keep things in the family, but you should totally tell a good friend about this. Ik it'd be shit, I don't have a friend in mind I'd tell this too atm, but man ik they'd atleast take me out and care about it, and I'm sure your friends would do the same.

On interpretation, maybe they struggle to deal with this news, so they just ignore it, sounds very Asian and feasible. But also honestly who knows, Asian parents forever remain a mystery to me. My parents biggest three rules when I was very little was never lie, never drink tap water, never read Harry Potter. It's like my grandma, she's lovely but things are so complicated with her, I'll never work it out tbh and maybe it's not good to try to. Best, JJ

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

I think that if they truly don't care and are willing to let you get this far it might be more of a blessing in disguise because so many others here would feel it impossible to tell their parents any of this stuff without those parents overreacting and wanting to impede your suicide at all costs even if it ends up adding onto your reasons to want to do so. So many of these end up treating their kids more like actual children when it comes to suicide and not the adults they are. Frankly I bet some members would be kind of jealous of your parents' perceived apathy.

Maybe they just don't know how to handle it though and are trusting that you'll "come to your senses" on your own. Maybe they really don't care in which case that would truly suck and I am sorry if that's the case. Hopefully they don't turn it around after the fact and try to scapegoat like so many other parents have done before.

 

[passivethought121]

I can't say anything absolute because I don't know them. But they seem very pro choice. The entire "I'm worried/I'll visit" seems like they are thinking well and may miss you, but it also seems like they respect your decision and wont force you otherwise. Again, my opinion.