Venting Do I really have to wait until I reach 30?

[heirofvoid]

I was reading an article about mitski and she said on her 30th bday she was glad to be out of her 20s. I've seen the same thing from a lot of people especially when I lurk on reddit. Almost everyone said that their 20s were just the worst time of their lives. That it's mostly just being lost.

I just turned 22 last December and I agree that's it shit. Do I really have to wait until I'm 30 when I already can't stand being alive now? Doing whatever the fuck is this for another 8 years? Waking up every single morning TO THIS FOR 8 MORE YEARS? I already feel so drained and 2022 hasn't even been a month yet. I feel so dead inside. I'm so scared every single day.

I really don't think that it'll get better for me. I only finished one year of college and dropped without my family knowing. It's been 5 years since then. I've lied for 5 years and the guilt is eating me up each day. I don't know if I can still lie. I don't want to live the rest of my life lying but I also don't want them to know because they didn't take it well when I skipped a semester.

"You can still get a job" I got diagnosed with social anxiety last year and jobs here require at least 2 yrs of college. I don't really have any skills to show for and I can barely say anything besides from "yes" or "no".

I just don't think I'll make it to 30 like this but I'm also so afraid of CBT. I am stuck and I feel like this is hell. I feel like I'll have a stronger urgency to do it when my family finds out but I don't even have a method or a location.

I'll just go to sleep again praying that I die tomorrow.

 

[FuneralCry]

You have the right to exit this world at a time of your own choosing, it is your life and your decision and it is up to you when you decide to leave. I understand that it is hard to carry on when you are suffering so much, I also feel trapped as I lack a peaceful and reliable way to exit and there is the fear of failure. More than anything I wish suicide was easier. I do not want to reach 30, I am 21 now and I have had enough. I do not want anymore days or years. I wish you the best.

 

[Istanbulite]

30s won't make you magically healed. Or anybody for that matter. 30s are worse than 20s imo.

You should focus on your wellbeing regardless of your age. Good luck to you.

 

[Samsal112]

The only reason why people say that is because you learn to let a lot of things go as you age and get wise. In my 20s, I was so concerned about what other people thought of me and I didn't stand up for myself. In my 20s, I was the person my parents raised me to be. I am 33 and I am learning not to care if someone likes me and I am more likely to brush someone off. Also, in your 20s, you're finding yourself. You tell yourself that you'll be happy once you graduate and get a career, or you'll be happy once you're married and with kids. I was obsessed with finding a husband in my 20s. By the time I was 30, I wore my singleness with pride and just figured I wasn't made to find a soul mate. If these people are millennials then that explains why they like their 30s. In our 20s, fad depressing diets were a thing, and keeping up with certain appearances was too. Actually, I prefer my 20s. I was happier then and much hotter haha. I also didn't really understand depression.

 

[jimmy7754]

I messed up once I hit 30.. albeit the pandemic hit me right when I turned 30 and the rug got ripped out under my feet.. I also had titanium placed into my feet right before the pandemic started from stress fractures from running marathons.. ended up with too much time on my hands and injured myself again.. basically between injuries and the pandemic.. my 30s so far have been absolute hell.. but here is the thing.. it didn't have to be.. I'm candidate for lasik.. I could've took it easy.. held my jobs when the pandemic swayed and things got back to "normal"-"ish" .. but I ended up getting into a bad relationship and sabotaged my careers.. because my self esteem plummeted and I threw a fit and ended up in the ER.

The whole wiser as you age only makes sense to those who have things "set-up" for them.. honestly every expression is kaput/bullshit when trauma or ptsd is involved.. I have titanium mesh surrounding my skull since I was 9.. bicycle accident.. giant craniotomy scar and that it didn't stop me from being a total idiot with action sports when I hit 30 during a pandemic with my mom getting orthopedic surgery and my father dead with loan debt..

I don't recommend taking chances in your 30s.. my advice would be to tread carefully and really think your decisions through because life is screwed up.. I thought I was going to be fine.. semi-pro tennis player.. I messed that up.. hell if you have two healthy parents that don't tremendously suck.. that's amazing.. I don't.

 

[Feeding Pigeons]

I turned 30 not so long ago and nothing gets better.

 

[TheAmazingCriswell]

The kind of people who thrive in their thirties are those who spent their twenties gaining experience, building a network, acquiring economically and socially valuable skills etc.etc., and of course luck (i.e. good genes and environment) plays a major role as well. They enjoy the fruits of the labour they put in during their twenties, which is why they perceive their thirties in a more favourable light. Simply waiting things out and hoping that everything is going to get easier once you reach an arbitrary age limit is an exercise in futility.

It must be added that toiling until you drop dead during your twenties does not guarantee success. Many people's efforts are entirely in vain; despite applying themselves to the best of their ability, they are just as lost in their thirties as they were in their twenties. The type of people described above often suffer from some kind of survivorship bias, as they are oblivious to the fact that other people worked just as hard, if not harder, than them and still ended up worse off than they started, be it due to an unfavourable family, economic or genetic background, or simply an unfortunate turn of events.

You ultimately have to ask yourself if the effort is really worth it for you. I personally don't see any point in toiling just for the off chance that it might pay off.
You have to decide for yourself if you consider the winning chances high enough to play.

 

[WhiteRabbit]

My 20's were better because I got sick in my 30's.

Your depression isn't going to magically disappear at the stroke of midnight when you turn 30. Like @Samsal112 said, it's more about not caring as much about certain things when you get older.

If not having a job and lying to your family are your main issues, that isn't going away with time, unfortunately. I'm sorry you're in that situation, it's sounds very rough.

 

[motel rooms]

You ultimately have to ask yourself if the effort is really worth it for you. I personally don't see any point in toiling just for the off chance that it might pay off.
You have to decide for yourself if you consider the winning chances high enough to play.

Have you ever had a job interview? You don't have to answer, ofc.

 

[Lifessocruel]

I messed up once I hit 30.. albeit the pandemic hit me right when I turned 30 and the rug got ripped out under my feet.. I also had titanium placed into my feet right before the pandemic started from stress fractures from running marathons.. ended up with too much time on my hands and injured myself again.. basically between injuries and the pandemic.. my 30s so far have been absolute hell.. but here is the thing.. it didn't have to be.. I'm candidate for lasik.. I could've took it easy.. held my jobs when the pandemic swayed and things got back to "normal"-"ish" .. but I ended up getting into a bad relationship and sabotaged my careers.. because my self esteem plummeted and I threw a fit and ended up in the ER.

The whole wiser as you age only makes sense to those who have things "set-up" for them.. honestly every expression is kaput/bullshit when trauma or ptsd is involved.. I have titanium mesh surrounding my skull since I was 9.. bicycle accident.. giant craniotomy scar and that it didn't stop me from being a total idiot with action sports when I hit 30 during a pandemic with my mom getting orthopedic surgery and my father dead with loan debt..

I don't recommend taking chances in your 30s.. my advice would be to tread carefully and really think your decisions through because life is screwed up.. I thought I was going to be fine.. semi-pro tennis player.. I messed that up.. hell if you have two healthy parents that don't tremendously suck.. that's amazing.. I don't.

sorry to hear about your injury and life woes,My life has been very similar as I was approaching 30 and as the Pandemic struck my life descended into hell. I'm also a keen tennis player and it's the only thing that's keeping me alive but I'm having injury problems so I might throw in the towel if they don't go soon. I can still get enjoyment from tennis and i play without fear because being suicidal and trying to live a normal life is a brave thing to do. It makes me a better player in a strange way. I had a great life set up in front of me but a perfect storm with health and personal issues hit.

 

[VoidDesirer22]

sorry to hear about your injury and life woes,My life has been very similar as I was approaching 30 and as the Pandemic struck my life descended into hell. I'm also a keen tennis player and it's the only thing that's keeping me alive but I'm having injury problems so I might throw in the towel if they don't go soon. I can still get enjoyment from tennis and i play without fear because being suicidal and trying to live a normal life is a brave thing to do. It makes me a better player in a strange way. I had a great life set up in front of me but a perfect storm with health and personal issues hit.

Those perfect storms actually seem more likely than it appears. I never trust my life maintaining a positive direction. I really could be the happiest person on Earth (if that could be measured objectively), and I would still be taking time out of my day to research ctb.

I was reading an article about mitski and she said on her 30th bday she was glad to be out of her 20s. I've seen the same thing from a lot of people especially when I lurk on reddit. Almost everyone said that their 20s were just the worst time of their lives. That it's mostly just being lost.

I just turned 22 last December and I agree that's it shit. Do I really have to wait until I'm 30 when I already can't stand being alive now? Doing whatever the fuck is this for another 8 years? Waking up every single morning TO THIS FOR 8 MORE YEARS? I already feel so drained and 2022 hasn't even been a month yet. I feel so dead inside. I'm so scared every single day.

I really don't think that it'll get better for me. I only finished one year of college and dropped without my family knowing. It's been 5 years since then. I've lied for 5 years and the guilt is eating me up each day. I don't know if I can still lie. I don't want to live the rest of my life lying but I also don't want them to know because they didn't take it well when I skipped a semester.

"You can still get a job" I got diagnosed with social anxiety last year and jobs here require at least 2 yrs of college. I don't really have any skills to show for and I can barely say anything besides from "yes" or "no".

I just don't think I'll make it to 30 like this but I'm also so afraid of CBT. I am stuck and I feel like this is hell. I feel like I'll have a stronger urgency to do it when my family finds out but I don't even have a method or a location.

I'll just go to sleep again praying that I die tomorrow.

Yeah that kind of life advice is far from generalizable. This new decade shit is like how sports players have "lucky shoes" or what have you. Superstition, but I guess it is a self-fulfilling prophecy sometimes.

For the same reasons why waiting until New Years to start "resolutions" is likely to fail, so to is waiting until a particular year. We live in the now, so try pick up the pieces wherever you can (not like you have to rush).

 

[Josuyo]

I'm defo not waiting til then personally. I'm hoping to go before I hit 25. Everyone else around me is achieving so much but I can't get a job or a partner. My disability makes everything so much more difficult and people are sorting themselves out so they give fewer fucks about me even though I was supportive to them in their darkest times.
I know I'm also running out of time to ever have a family if I wanted so I'm just quitting before I spend even more time failing at everything and watching everyone else achievie all the things I so desperately want too.

 

[Arot]

It depends on the person. But at the end of the day, 22 or 30 is just a number just like your birthday is only an ordinary day in the eyes of the universe.

I just recently turned 25 and there's no way I will wait till I'm 30 to see if everything is better or not. I joined this forum a couple of years ago and lurked since then. Somehow my life is still as bad as it was back then if not worse.

Honestly, I'll CTB this year at 25 years old and if I knew how bad things were going to turn out when I was 22 well… let's just say that I won't be able to post this reply right now.

 

[lastlife_]

Age means nothing. Society tells us how we should act and feel by a certain age, they also put expectations on what we should have or have achieved by then, too. Age won't dictate how you feel, it's the experience between now and then that will shape your life and your future. You will always feel like you whether you're 15, 30 or 45.

When I was 20 and at the pit of my depression, I made a promise to myself that I was too young to leave without saying I'd tried, and I knew I hadn't truly tried to life until that point. I pushed myself, allowed myself to experience different opportunities and try to find purpose or a reason to live.. because no one is going to find that for you. You have to look for it yourself. I'm 31 now, I gave myself an extra 11 years and while I'm at the point where I'm ready to give up, at least I can say I tried and I gave it a good try.

Edit: I also have extreme anxiety and social anxiety but instead of trying to fit into life, try to make life fit into what you're capable of doing. Also, there's no shame in any situation by stepping out. I worked in luxury retail in a customer facing job and if I ever felt overwhelmed, I just went out back or asked my colleague to step in.. I even re-entered education and went to university a few years ago but found the class environment too overwhelming at times so I explained the situation to my professor and was excused from the classroom.. people understand mental health better these days so maintaining open lines of communication is the most important when you need time out.

 

[CrossroadsCurious]

It's just a number, nothing magically changes.