Discussion Do I give life a chance and maybe waste a FSH setup? Or do I end my suffering already?

[sleepingowl55]

I have a lot of mental illness diagnoses. The ones that are most disabling to me are the eating disorder, BPD and depression, and i've been suffering from them basically since I was 5 years old. I had my first anorexia nervosa episode when I was still a kid. I spent my whole teenage years dealing with it. Now in my early 20s the eating problem has shifted: I now deal with emotional eating and food noise. I keep gaining weight and I'm desperate about this.
I have no friends. I'm stuck at home and only leave to go to gym or the supermarket. I still live with my parents.

I'm supposed to move to college in the beginning of next year. I'm very interested in the area and the research about it.
I'm having a lot of ambivalent feelings towards death. Do I end my suffering now? Do I give life a chance?
The problem is that here in my hometown house I have a great setup for full suspension hanging, but I have no idea how and if I could manage it in an apartment in a big city. I'm worried to be fooled by this idea of "giving life a chance" and waste this opportunity to CTB here.

 

[TBONTB]

I have a lot of mental illness diagnoses. The ones that are most disabling to me are the eating disorder, BPD and depression, and i've been suffering from them basically since I was 5 years old. I had my first anorexia nervosa episode when I was still a kid. I spent my whole teenage years dealing with it. Now in my early 20s the eating problem has shifted: I now deal with emotional eating and food noise. I keep gaining weight and I'm desperate about this.
I have no friends. I'm stuck at home and only leave to go to gym or the supermarket. I still live with my parents.

I'm supposed to move to college in the beginning of next year. I'm very interested in the area and the research about it.
I'm having a lot of ambivalent feelings towards death. Do I end my suffering now? Do I give life a chance?
The problem is that here in my hometown house I have a great setup for full suspension hanging, but I have no idea how and if I could manage it in an apartment in a big city. I'm worried to be fooled by this idea of "giving life a chance" and waste this opportunity to CTB here.

Definitely give it a chance! If you are ambivalent it's not time, imo

And is there a reason you couldn't come back to your hometown anchor point? Your parents house is kind of a rough place for CTB, but it would still be there?

 

[sleepingowl55]

Definitely give it a chance! If you are ambivalent it's not time, imo

And is there a reason you couldn't come back to your hometown anchor point? Your parents house is kind of a rough place for CTB, but it would still be there?

Yes, it would still be here, but I worry that maybe because I would be visiting I wouldn't find any time where I would be alone. Even if I CTB before moving to college that's a bit of problem. I have to do it in a day where I would be alone for at least an hour :/

 

[TBONTB]

Yes, it would still be here, but I worry that maybe because I would be visiting I wouldn't find any time where I would be alone. Even if I CTB before moving to college that's a bit of problem. I have to do it in a day where I would be alone for at least an hour :/

I see that.

My vote stays with "give it a try". Best to you!

 

[Seneca65AD]

I'm with the majority on this one. Ambivalence is not the benchmark to decide to check-out. I've wrestled with this question for almost 5 decades and I have seen the effect of impulsivity. One can always find time and place to check out but why does it have to be today or tomorrow? I have circled my decision date so many times on the calendar and I'm still here - not because I am stronger than anyone, but because I recognize my weakness and for me, there is always the question of "what if"....What if my investments pay off? What if my life gets more bearable? After 60 years on this earth, almost all of them with the regret of being born, I do find periods where life is bearable and sometimes even good - a nice steak dinner, watching my daughter compete in her sport, laughing with the wife at a silly joke. Admittedly, those times feel few and far between but they are just enough to keep putting off my expiration date.... at least for now. I am pulling for you just to make it a little longer.