Hi,
I am not sure if I will ever ctb or if things will become better, but from my current situation it feels like a big relief to plan how to commit suicide in the case that things won't get any better. I never had any problems with the people around me....everybody always treated me really good and therefore I would like to minimize the pain as much as possible. For me the best would be to make it look like an accident or that I just disappear because I think my family would have big problems in coping with a suicide as they would feel guilty and also really angry with me that I did it. And I want them to have good memories of me and not that their last thought is that I ctb. I was reading a lot through the posts in the forum but didn't find anything about going for a hike and then just disappear in the mountains. I could for example just jump into a ravine and make it look like I just slipped. That wouldn't be too suspicious since accidents happen quite frequently in the mountains and it wouldn't involve any other person as with a car accident for example. It should also be quite safe not to survive. What do you think about this method?
An other alternative I was thinking about is jumping off a cruiser. I have read an article that cruiser companies try to hide casualties that happen on their ships because this would be a bad image for their company and as it is on the sea no country is really responsible to investigate the case. So I could just book a cruise and then during the night jump off the ship so that nobody sees me. After a few days I would then just be reported missing but nobody would look for me anymore because there is no hope in finding a person after a few days in the ocean. The best would be if none of my friends and family would even know that I went on a cruise. So it would be great if booking anonymously would be possible.....
But probably it would also be really hard for my family not to know at all what happened to me. But in my mind just disappearing seems to me the best thing right now. In my current situation I probably could not jump and ctb because I am not ready yet but if my life goes on like that I will probably come to the point where I am ready to do it.
Do you have any other ideas or things I should consider?
I am not sure if I will ever ctb or if things will become better, but from my current situation it feels like a big relief to plan how to commit suicide in the case that things won't get any better. I never had any problems with the people around me....everybody always treated me really good and therefore I would like to minimize the pain as much as possible. For me the best would be to make it look like an accident or that I just disappear because I think my family would have big problems in coping with a suicide as they would feel guilty and also really angry with me that I did it. And I want them to have good memories of me and not that their last thought is that I ctb. I was reading a lot through the posts in the forum but didn't find anything about going for a hike and then just disappear in the mountains. I could for example just jump into a ravine and make it look like I just slipped. That wouldn't be too suspicious since accidents happen quite frequently in the mountains and it wouldn't involve any other person as with a car accident for example. It should also be quite safe not to survive. What do you think about this method?
An other alternative I was thinking about is jumping off a cruiser. I have read an article that cruiser companies try to hide casualties that happen on their ships because this would be a bad image for their company and as it is on the sea no country is really responsible to investigate the case. So I could just book a cruise and then during the night jump off the ship so that nobody sees me. After a few days I would then just be reported missing but nobody would look for me anymore because there is no hope in finding a person after a few days in the ocean. The best would be if none of my friends and family would even know that I went on a cruise. So it would be great if booking anonymously would be possible.....
But probably it would also be really hard for my family not to know at all what happened to me. But in my mind just disappearing seems to me the best thing right now. In my current situation I probably could not jump and ctb because I am not ready yet but if my life goes on like that I will probably come to the point where I am ready to do it.
Do you have any other ideas or things I should consider?
