Discussion Digital Self Harm

[umjammertranner]

I've recently started going back on 4chan, specifically /lgbt/ mainly to make myself feel bad and infest myself with brainworms. I would class this as digital self harm, looking and engaging with things online that you know will have a negative impact on your mental state, yet doing it anyway either to reaffirm your own beliefs or because you think you deserve it.

I posted a photo of myself on that board the other day and got a bunch of replies calling me ugly and harassing me essentially, while it felt awful, I also felt the same sort of catharsis I used to when I would physically self harm.

Have you ever engaged with digital self harm? Would you class this forum as a form of that? I think in some aspects it absolutely is but I'm interested to hear others thoughts on it

 

[guayabas]

I've recently started going back on 4chan, specifically /lgbt/ mainly to make myself feel bad and infest myself with brainworms. I would class this as digital self harm, looking and engaging with things online that you know will have a negative impact on your mental state, yet doing it anyway either to reaffirm your own beliefs or because you think you deserve it.

I posted a photo of myself on that board the other day and got a bunch of replies calling me ugly and harassing me essentially, while it felt awful, I also felt the same sort of catharsis I used to when I would physically self harm.

Have you ever engaged with digital self harm? Would you class this forum as a form of that? I think in some aspects it absolutely is but I'm interested to hear others thoughts on it

I'm sorry you're going through this. ppl can be so petty and cruel, and even if you intended to self harm, you don't deserve to be bullied or body shamed <3

I don't think this forum is necessarily self harm. I think it can be for some ppl. I originally came here looking for info on how to ctb, and now I'm mostly in the recovery section. And for me, having a plan to ctb is comforting to me. I had access to some things several years ago and it just made me feel more in control of my life, it made the shitty things I was going through seem so much less shitty. Like, I could ctb rn, but knowing I have the option, I now realize it's not that bad yet. Until eventually I got rid of my supplies.

also, knowing there's other ppl out there who feel the same way can be comforting, like you're less alone. Sometimes ppl just need their suicidal thoughts to be validated. I don't mean like encouraging ppl to ctb, but validating them that it makes sense they feel that way, what you're going through is hard.

I think in a lot of ways, in many cultures, ppl are encouraged to suppress any emotions that are considered negative, and that suppression can make them come up in ways that are very unhealthy or make things worse than before. and these forums can be a way to address those feelings without having to deal with more alienation or the threat of forced hospitalization, etc.

I hope you're able to get something positive out of this forum, but if not, I totally support you doing what's best for you

 

[tuyu]

Off topic but I like your username. Never got to play that game though.

Meh I guess the only "digital self harm" is watching gore like watchpeopledie in the past. But i don't think it's particularly harmful because it just makes me think those ways are awful ways to go.

 

[umjammertranner]

Off topic but I like your username. Never got to play that game though.

Meh I guess the only "digital self harm" is watching gore like watchpeopledie in the past. But i don't think it's particularly harmful because it just makes me think those ways are awful ways to go.

I would count that as a firm of digital self harm but i am quite sensitive to that kinda stuff

Also thank you! Honestly its a very easy game to emulate if you ever feel inclined to play it, only takes about an hour to beat as well

 

[szk]

Hmmmm I've never really encountered forms of digital self harm as for me I don't get triggered by much forms of media anymore. Maybe to others this form might count as self harm though.

 

[TheDizzenter]

I had a moment in my life I was stressed. Used to see gore daily. I was raged, I even did create a page just to swear and post gore.
I was in hate with myself. It was in the same week I almost went CTB by a pill method.
It was a way to attack myself. I envy the others so much.
I hate myself so much.
I watch this misery and I always have the most disgusting thoughts
" One day It could be me. " " That's why happens when you are born like this "
And things of the type.
A way I also try to cause this harm is a bit odd. I have Epilepsy. I keep a long time staring flashy images to see if I can trigger a seizure.

 

[Scythe]

I personally only stick to physical self harm, I prefer to release the mental burden by transfering it into a physical one. Wouldn't call this forum digital self harm. Most people are here for help, whether to vent, to find ctb methods or for the recovery threads.

 

[ivzxkou]

digital self harm is an interesting concept. i do have a few videos i like to watch of other folks ctbing that are extremely distressing to me. i can't say it feels the same as physically harming myself but there's something to it for sure...
seeking out negative attention is definitely something i'm not a stranger to. maybe not the way you're doing it by subjecting yourself to bullying or harmful rhetoric but by sometimes "causing a scene" with friends and loved ones just to get really. any reaction even if i feel really guilty about it. maybe less self harm and more self sabotage

 

[Forever Sleep]

I find all forms of social media a type of self harm! I know that envy is such an awful trait to have and I suppose that's what it boils down to but it makes me feel weird/ worse when I see people I've known supposedly living great/ successful/ normal lives. It's not that I want them to be suffering- it's more that it just makes me feel worse.

Ultimately, I know I want no part of life but until I feel in a situation where I can go- plus- I pluck up enough courage to do it- I feel like there are so many expectations placed on us- from other people and ourselves- and social media just puts it all on display.

 

[CloudyNight]

never really thought of it as 'digital self harm' but ya I do it a lot watch gore I read the goodbye threads all to get a reaction think I'm sick in the head

 

[BruhXDDDDD]

It follows a pretty specific trend in my case.

- Click on something I know people are going to argue about.
- Become fixed in it.
- Find someone I find to be particularly evil.
- Comment something along the lines of "kill yourself" so that they know people aren't going to tolerate their shit.
- Think about how I'm not going to be able to change public opinion to my liking.
- Start searching about suicide to see what comes up OR actively hurt yourself in real life (e.g. ingesting laundry detergent or something along those lines).
- Start feeling bad about the comment posted earlier, wondering whether the person I identified as evil really merited such a response.
- Delete it.
- Hate myself for saying such awful things and continue to feel bad about it for a while. AND/OR direct that hatred toward the culture that encourages such excessive feelings of guilt while insisting that I get help.

I'm wondering if this has something to do with the mindset I've been building up. I used to have a lot of respect for other people, but I've more and more been telling myself that others' ideas are trash and that they can go fuck themselves in order to keep my sanity. I'm wondering how much this attitude contributes toward my toxicity online.

Thanks for posting this thread, though. It was a good place for some venting. I feel much better.

 

[FormerlyFe(IV)]

Would you class this forum as a form of that?

I wouldn't call this forum self harm, but it does allow me to thrive in my negative emotions when I have them. But also it's positive and I learned a bit and I like forum games.

watching gore like watchpeopledie

Same. Reddit's eyeblech, medical gore, watchpeopledie. Extreme depraved and abusive, if not illegal, porn. People who hate their genitals and stick needles and torture them.

Sometimes I just need desensitization. To feed that primal urge for self destruction.

 

[winamp]

I'm surprised and glad that people are discussing this

I do this all the time sometimes involuntarily or passively I can't explain it

for example I could just watch a video about cute stationary box cutters and then all of the sudden I'm looking a pieces of media that discusses self harm which makes me want to go back to it

I can't explain it but it's kind of like when you turn on a video or music for background noise not caring what's being shown or said and then suddenly you can understand what's being seen or a sudden or sentence stands out to you and then suddenly you're engaged and aware

(for me it's anything from looking for or stumbling upon pieces of media that I know will make me want to starve or hurt myself or make me reminiscent about stuff like that)

 

[aGoodDayToDie]

I think most social media is a form of self harm, since there are always abrasive elements. And I guess since this site enables suicide its a form of self harm. But I came here to be able to speak my mind and NOT be criticised for it, so from that perspective I'm avoiding criticism or harmful opinions. So maybe it's not self harm. Then again it seems people here don't like suggesting healthy coping mechanisms either so from that perspective it's harmful. I just come here to feel supported.

 

[Navi]

I've engaged with it quite a bit. Either by scrolling through eating disorder twitter to purposely trigger myself or going through self harm twitter to try to get myself to actually self harm. Also just going through nihilist video essays or watching gore.

 

[liljeep]

I've been in ED communities since I was 11 (before I actually had an ED) and now have one, and still frequent them, so I guess so. I also go on Omegle knowing most people there will hurt my feelings in some way or make me very uncomfortable. But I get bored. I also repetitively watch videos that remind me of my trauma, but most of the time I don't get triggered. They are just 'concepts' that loop in my brain every day and I feel like I have to watch things relating to it. I don't know if that makes sense.

 

[illvoid]

Very late here but I'm an ex-4tran user. Sometimes do revisit the board, and I absolutely agree about the digital self harm thing. I would only ever use it to tear my own self esteem apart and I feel like that's what most ppl on there are also doing. The language used on there quickly turned into more ways to degrade myself and feel absolutely awful about my appearance. I would struggle with neverending dysphoria when I was actively on the forum, whereas normally it would get better after some time. Any positive thoughts I had about myself, I would immediately shoot down with nasty made up 4chan lingo that really didn't even mean anything. I was also one of the few openly FtM users regularly on the board, and chasers were fucking everywhere. Made a huge impact on my mental health that I'm still working towards fixing. Best of luck to you.

 

[CTBookOfLife]

So much digital self-harm. So, so, much. Not this site though.. but "proana" was a huge part of my life. It's re-emerging as well now that I'm extremely underweight.

 

[Seered Doom]

I look at r/fakedisordercringe and use it to aide my negative self talk and imposter syndrome.