Did your parents NEVER say “I love you”?

[Fadeawaaaay]

Or express physical affection?

 

[MatthewV3]

Never.

 

[markimobzzdeasui]

Never. But yeah they have said and done some of the most traumatic things a thousand times probably.

 

[OldDrummer]

Never with me, but I was sure to break that chain with my son.

 

[CommitSudoku]

My dad never said it, but my mother abused it. Between that, how growing up actually went, consistent depression, etc. etc., I stopped understanding what it meant for a while and once I redefined it I stopped saying it since I decided it was impossible for me to truly love anything or anyone if I couldn't even love myself. I've come to hate the phrase more due to going against my own better judgement and letting myself believe it was possible after all.

 

[Ligottian]

My mother would tell me she loved me. My father, a good and decent man, did not. But I think he showed by his actions most of the time that he did. He also never said he was sorry or that he was wrong. My sister blamed his "pride".

 

[S like Siren]

They did it very rarely like once ot twice but it was not even felt, my family is ashamed and feels a sense of repulsion for sentimentality and showing affection ... in fact if it happens they usually react with caustic sarcasm to hurt you, they are deeply arid emotionally and unable to love, I don't think they know what Love really means.
I hate them so much

 

[looking4escape]

mine never did. i make sure my children hear it once a day. my mother has pretty much disowned me since i got remarried 3 years ago. she treats my ex husband like he's her son and has bad "mouthed" me to my whole extended family which has brought a whole new sense of lost to my life in the last few years

 

[Someone123]

Or express physical affection?

Never hugged me except one feeble, half hearted attempt, said I love you a few times when they felt like they had to, but never meant it, because their actions were cruel and hateful most of the time- they did the bare minimum or less just for show. I once asked my dad why he never touched us and he said in the harshest and most hateful voice "You don't deserve it." And when other people were around he acted so nice, so everybody though he was such a nice guy, but it was all an act.

 

[rationaltake]

Or express physical affection?

How about you?

 

[Fadeawaaaay]

How about you?

Warm people but strangely never said I love you and no hugging. It's hard to understand. It's like encountering a puppy and not wanting to squeeze them. I don't understand the mentality. Seems extremely damaging. Would have traded my entire $ education for an overdose of fierce love and physical affection as a kid. There's a hole in my heart and I loathe myself to whatever degree I can feel anything.

 

[Al Cappella]

Nope.

 

[Catchingdabus27]

Now that I think about it.... don't thinknmy Mom ever said it without me saying it first or unless it was some weird guilt thing.

My Dad I remember as a kid ... I think said it more naturally but tbh I'm pretty sure it was a desperate attempt to satisfy my own desperation of lovebamd affection.

Sighs nothing natural or healthy bout theor love unfortunately

 

[StrangePossum]

Nope. At least, I can't remember the last time they said it. Maybe a couple times as a little kid, but as I got older they stopped. Although, sometimes my mother would say stuff like "you know, I really care about you/want to help you/etc" as some sort of guilt trip or right after having an outburst of anger at me, maybe in a half-hearted attempt to make it less bad somehow.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

Both of my parents did but to me that doesn't matter at all since they didn't love each other which as a child made me realize that I'm probably going to be just like them and completely unlovable by anyone who's not family or a platonic friend.

 

[TheExpression]

Saying "I love you" doesn't mean anything if they're willing to humiliate, beat, intimidate and/or degrade you because they have a weird distorted view of what parenting should be like.

Hugs? Yeah, occasionally.

 

[rationaltake]

Warm people but strangely never said I love you and no hugging. It's hard to understand. It's like encountering a puppy and not wanting to squeeze them. I don't understand the mentality. Seems extremely damaging. Would have traded my entire $ education for an overdose of fierce love and physical affection as a kid. There's a hole in my heart and I loathe myself to whatever degree I can feel anything.

I understand what you mean.

 

[onlyanimalsaregood]

No

 

[Symbiote]

All I knew from my parents was shame, guilt, and pain. Didn't get a hug until I was in college.

 

[Nemeshisu]

Never. Partially thanks to them I am terrible at showing affection to anyone. I have no idea how normal loving relationship is supposed to look like.

 

[Crazy4u]

This is one of the saddest threads I have ever read on ss. My answer is no as well. What a sad world we live in

 

[WearyHSP]

Yes, Yes, Yes...

Unlike everyone else here who I feel terrible for, AND, being told you're loved but not actually BEING loved, is a total mindf*ck. It twisted my ability to have relationships because abuse felt like love, right?

Not at all taking away from adults who were never told they were loved as kids - it's all bad. You'd think parents could AT LEAST do that right?

Still, the gaslighting of being told I was loved with hugs that felt like cardboard made me feel utterly crazy and so I distrusted and blamed myself. THEY must be good so since it all felt bad it must be ME, right? (I'm empathic so I felt everything.)

It wasn't until my mid forties that I realized my mother is a sociopath. Sociopaths aren't like narciscists - they hide the truth of who they actually are, so it never makes sense.

 

[_Seeking]

No, it has made it so hard for me in turn to express love to others without feeling very self conscious. I know people that it comes so easy to, but for me it has always felt weird to be affectionate with others.

 

[watchingthewheels]

My father said it by killing himself when I was four. My mom may have said the phrase at times, to put on a show. But she showed us that she "loved" us by calling us names like "fuckheads", but then gaslit us by saying she didn't mean it, because "you're not literally fuckheads". Oh, and one night she was asleep on the couch while we were eating dinner and made too much noise, so she screamed "I HATE YOU KIDS!!!!". And then abandoned us a few years later.

"Love" you too, Mom.

 

[ClownMe]

Mine never have shown me any type of affection.

 

[combatcuteness]

Mine always did and showed it. The issue is I had a hard time on highschool so that fudged up my sense of it.

 

[Sister of the Moon]

Never, not once. No hugs, no kisses, no encouragement, just criticism and abuse. I shied away from affection in my early adult years because I wasn't used to it. However I broke the cycle, at least I hope so. I hugged my children and told them I love them often. I still feel like I didn't do it or say it enough though. And these days I'm the most huggy, cuddly affectionate person.

 

[LivideLamb]

Only recently. Only my mother. For more than a decade: nothing. No hugs, no kisses, no I love you. Only a climate of hate, frustration, envy, and toxicity. For more than a year now, my mother started to say "I love you" to me. I understand what it means, yet it makes me extremely uncomfortable. I've never heard it in my family growing up, so I guess it's "normal" that it makes me uncomforatble. If I answer it's with "you too". Saying "I love you too" to them seems impossible.

 

[Starryeyes]

I was 34 when my mum passed away and not once did she say she loved me. I would say it to her and she would just grunt. She used to tell my younger sister she loved her right in front of me tho :(
It fucking hurts so bad

 

[AnnyMyr]

We have become adults and must take our lives into our own hands. Yes, many of us have imperfect parents, we were not loved the way we should be, and some of us were beaten or worse. But that shouldn't make us miserable for life. This world is cruel, no one told us that here is paradise, it is more like a prison or a correctional facility. We must go further. Read the book by Edith Eva Eger, she went through Auschwitz, then became a psychologist, it's a very powerful book.