Did you think you'd make it this far in life?

[bed]

I always thought i'd be dead in my early 20s, now am in my mid-20s.

 

[Ame]

I when I was about 15, I promised myself that if I hadn't gotten a handle on my mental illnesses by the time I turned 25 years old, I would kill myself. Obviously, since I am writing this post, I failed to keep the promise that I made to my 15 year old self. While I have been fortunate enough to have met some wonderful people and make some beautiful memories in the time that had passed since then, I cannot say that I am happy with how things turned out. It's strange how time drags on but also passes in a flash...Shrinking opportunities and mounting regrets.

 

[WrongPlaceWrongTime]

'Fake it till you make it' suggests that a person eventually becomes genuinely competent over time. It has helped me get this far, but it has not by any means made me competent at life.

 

[tieiwi]

No I didn't think I'd make it this far. Because of that mentality I've been half ass-ing life and procrastinating things. I just constantly feel like I won't be here for much longer so why put any effort into anything? Ironic because I'm still here and now have to deal with the consequences of my procrastination.

 

[ghost_]

no I made plans when I was 15 and before that I made a promise to die before I was 21. im 20 now so idk.

 

[eternalmelancholy]

I always knew I was going to kill myself. It was just a matter of when. I told myself to make it to 30 but I can't hold on for any longer. Maybe there is a reason why so many celebrities and musicians die in their 20s. People always tell me that your 20s is the best time of your life. That always made me feel like shit, knowing things will eventually get worse.

 

[Snake of Eden]

This thread looks like a beta testing for a Qoura like format

 

[ClownMe]

I'm not too surprised that I made it this far ( im 20, 21 next year), I will be shocked if i end up making it into my mid-20's/early 30's though, my mind is poop and has been for several years now.

 

[wanttogetonthebus]

I thought I'd make it further...

 

[eternalmelancholy]

I'm not too surprised that I made it this far ( im 20, 21 next year), I will be shocked if i end up making it into my mid-20's/early 30's though, my mind is poop and has been for several years now.

I gave myself until the age of 30 to figure things out. But the past few years have gotten so bad I have to go soon. I am close enough to 30 anyway. Not much will change in a couple years to risk waiting around.

20 is still young so there is no rush. Whenever and whatever you decide will ultimately be up to you. If I had realized this earlier in my life I would have been a lot less stressed, even if I was still suicidal.

 

[LeGuitarist]

If things went the way I planned, I would've been dead two years ago. I've tried to ctb multiple times since then, but obviously, all of them failed drastically. Looking back, I was just one of those newbies who thought that suicide would be as easy as books and movies make it out to be. Oh, how wrong I was...

 

[FuneralCry]

No, I have been suicidal since I was very young and I thought I would never make it to 21 but I am still here. I guess I am still here as suicide is very difficult after all. There is no reason for me to stay, I live an empty existence. I spend all my time with the same thoughts of dread and hopelessness. The only thing I look forward to is non existence.

 

[Sherri]

I was a wreck when I joined , I got all the tools I needed to CTB, but finally found a good doctor, and the good days are more than the bad days. I'm still on meds. And probably will be forever , clinical depression, SS also helped me loads some users left and I miss them, by meaning left I mean they left SS. Others well you can guess what happened. And edit, also my company gave me unpaid leave for me to get better, I will never forget about that, another employer would just sack me.

 

[Siegfrida]

I have always been saying that I will not make it past 40. I still have a few more years till then, so we shall see...

 

[Dot]

Thght wld mke it 2 old age.

 

[SuicidallyCurious]

Yes. Always pictured dying before middle age at a time of my choosing in any possible scenario

 

[obliviousatbest]

During my teens I was deadset on exiting by 16. 23 now. All these years after have felt like a bad dream, a dissociated mess of wishing i didnt survive

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

I thought I'd make it further...

Same. I'm even more pathetic than I already thought I would have ended up being.

 

[maakies]

I actually have times were I imagine I make it to my 40s or 50s. Maximum age for me.
But if I'm being honest, I just ordered the SN.

 

[SparkleWater]

thought id kill myself at 18 but meeting my bf kinda ruined those plans

 

[framedfirefly]

Thought I'd be dead by 16, and now I'm 18. wild.

 

[HiImPaul]

Haven't been suicidal until recently, use to wish I could make it until 60 at least. Now I don't know if I can even make it to my next birthday.

 

[idiotstillwantstodie]

I hoped i would eventually find the strength. For over half of my life now i've hoped this. Now i know i won't ever find it. I simply can't ctb with violent, painful means, i don't have it in me, if not under tremendous maddening pressure. Just existing is easier. And existing. And existing....

N is my only hope of achieving some dignity.

 

[VoidDesirer22]

I planned to go by 30 at least. I did think I'd make it as far as I have due to the difficulty of a painless suicide.

 

[Snake of Eden]

No i didnt so now i am thinking i may even go longer which is terrifying thought to say the least

 

[I should go]

No I didn't think I'd make it this far. Because of that mentality I've been half ass-ing life and procrastinating things. I just constantly feel like I won't be here for much longer so why put any effort into anything? Ironic because I'm still here and now have to deal with the consequences of my procrastination.

++

 

[LingeringUnreal]

Nope. At 12 I thought I'd be dead by 15, at 15 dead by 20, etc etc and now that I'm 30 I have no idea what I'm doing and nowhere to go. :x

 

[PeacefulTonic]

I thought I would live a long and fulfilling life and die naturally but nope. Life turned into complete shit

 

[ikadasui]

I thought' I'd be laid out before my 20s and I wish that I had. I know exactly what awaits in my future and it isn't anything to smile about.

 

[avoid_slow_death]

God no. And my mind is a fucking wreck because of it now.