Discussion Did you have a healthy childhood ? #15

[MeltingBrain]

I had a relatively healthy childhood but I have seen many posts here about people having toxic parents and/or environment while growing up. Thought I would ask everyone .
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You can find previous polls here: https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/meltingbrain-all-polls.123887/
Part of : https://sanctioned-suicide.net/thre...st-at-least-1-poll-daily.123125/#post-2051973
DailyPoll
#15
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[EternalShore]

Yes, 4th-5th grade was the best time of my life! :D ofc, it got worse since then. Much much worse :((( I miss the Good Years lots~

 

[OhWellDerp321]

Absolutely not, I think it affects you till the end. If you didn't have a happy childhood, you have never seen happiness. And you probably won't know how to experience happiness.

 

[flightlessbutterfly]

I used to think I did. Not anymore. I want to lie to myself and say that YES! Child me was so happy and carefree, but when I think about it. It really wasn't. Especially if I can only remember parts of it that were good, especially if I forgot everything bad and repressed all of those feelings, emotions and memories til the bitter end

 

[Lost Magic]

My mother had a very difficult life before I was born. She also lost a son before I was born. She, unfortunately, had alcohol issues and she kept some very bad company (some downright wicked people). Because of the fusion of her alcoholism and her affiliation with horrid people, there was a lot of neglect. However, when she was sober (she did attend AA at times) she was the most loving and wonderful mother ever. She took me to lots of great shows and theatres, bought me lots of things, and gave me her undivided love. However, she was a pushover with the wicked people and they started to brainwash her to go back to her former ways. So, all in all, it was a tumultuous childhood, to say the least. I still miss my mother every day though and I always will. She tried her best, despite all the demons she had stemming from her own troubled childhood and life. Anyway, she is with God now. Rest well, my beloved mother.

 

[Sweet Tart]

Until fairly recently, I thought I had a healthy childhood. I was extremely brainwashed by emotional abuse and also experienced dangerous neglect. Becoming more aware of what happened and examining it thru a grown up lens has been horrifying. At the same time, it is a relief to know that trauma shaped me in many ways. I believed I was an inherently broken, fucked up thing but it turns out that my mom projects this onto me, and she is actually the monster.

It is good to have this awareness, but unfortunately, I had to move in with her last year. I am reliving abuse and trauma, and it's depleting me of energy and will to escape. I can't survive this indefinitely.

 

[suicidalloser]

what childhood?

 

[sometimes.sometimes]

No. I didn't even have a childhood, to begin with. That aspect of not having a childhood always messed with me, especially since most people I know had amazing childhoods where they tell fun stories, but the only stories I can cough up are depressing. That's why I usually make up stories.

 

[Forever Sleep]

Mine was mixed really. Lots of close family members died early on- that obviously wasn't good. My Grandma raised me for the first part and she was strict but very loving. When my Dad remarried though- I lived with what I strongly suspect was a narcissist- and my ideation began there. So- overall, not the best start. Not the worst either though. At least I got some love and stability. I know some poor people have had it way worse. But yeah- I think many people here have problems that go back to childhood. It forms the foundation of who we are now after all.

 

[Valky]

My childhood wasn't healthy. But it was something that was and still is out of control of anyone's hands, especially my parents. And I know, that they tried their best to still give me the best childhood possible and I will forever be grateful for that. <3

 

[subhuman metalhead]

My childhood was a worse time in my life than my adulthood. Ever since I turned 18 and graduated high school, I feel that my life quality has improved, but not by much. Never has there been a moment in my 20 years of existence that I have felt at peace and no longer ill. There have been fleeting moments of happiness and euphoria but overall I feel that I've only suffered in this life. I'm not religious by any means so I believe that this is the only life we got and that there is no afterlife, once you're dead, you're dead. It's hard to imagine non-existence but I think it would be preferable to existing in the life I live right now.

Life always kicked me while I was down, even when I was a newborn.

 

[Bronzehawkattack]

My question is somewhere between yes and no.

My childhood was healthy in that I wasn't abused, my father provided for me and my brother, and we had videogames to distract us from anything else.
My childhood was terribly unhealthy socially though. Because we lived in a bad neighborhood and my father was very protective, me and my brother weren't allowed to just hangout with whoever was on the block or whatever, we could only hang out with kids who my father met their parents, and whose parents he thought were good. Problem is, my father worked too damn much, and he was the one person taking care of us for the most part outside of when my grandfather would babysit.

From elementary to middle school I had exactly a total of three friends I was allowed to hang out with outside of school, and we couldn't just hang out anywhere, I had to either be at their house, or they had to be at ours.

During summers I really never left my room, either. My father couldn't take us anywhere because he was always working, I would just sit in and play videogames all day everyday. I enjoyed it, but I was only a child, I couldn't know how socially stunted that would make me or how many experiences I'd miss...

It's something I've been thinking about a lot more often recently. How much I wish I could have had a truly normal childhood.
Maybe things would be different?
Maybe I would have formed actual social skills with peers my age, got a girlfriend, and been a normal person.
Or, maybe my pre-disposed ugliness would have led to me being outcasted and turned to suicide much earlier.
You never know. The only problem is, I know with my current knowledge, if I could go back in time, I'd be able to rebel and be more normal with other kids. My father would have relented in his strict rules, he's not a bad person, just overprotective, but unfortunately my personality has always led me to listen to authority figures, especially my parents.

Hell, even in highschool my dad told me he didn't want me getting a girlfriend because It'd distract from my studies. Jokes on him, I never would have gotten a girlfriend anyways because I was ugly as sin, socially awkward, and didn't have money to dress well, AND I would end up dropping out of college during my first semester anyways, so that focusing on school shit didn't matter.

I think ruminating on all the ways my childhood went wrong is part of why I'm so depressed right now to begin with.
I feel I've missed my chance to live a normal life. At 24 years old, an average person's best days aren't behind them per se, but for me, it definitely is, because the amount of time and effort it would take for me to become a normal person, would push into my 30s, and by then, my best years will certainly be behind me.

I'll end it before it ever gets to that point though.

 

[Spiritual survivor]

No, it was crushing. I was raised by a narcissistic mother and no other adults. I was the scapegoat so it was a very bad situation. It felt like I was abandoned and I internalized that I was bad and carried that into adulthood. I never amounted to anything in life. I developed what I think might be borderline personality disorder or complex ptsd. It was never diagnosed and stole my adulthood. I'm still alive but just barely managing in life.

 

[Dark Moon]

Nope, childhood bullying at school. I still get flashbacks what happened.

 

[aGoodDayToDie]

Not particularly. My mum was somewhat abusive and really neglectful. My parents were always fighting. My dad spoiled me and didn't help me develop. My parents kept moving so I struggled to make friends. I was poorly adapted to surviving adulthood. I never learned how to be happy within myself. Now I'm trapped in this existence

 

[Lulzacruel]

even though i had a good childhood, i developed insomnia that hitherto i have not received treatment for, and i have schizotypal PD.

i guess some people are just doomed

 

[betternever2havbeen]

Yeh I had an idyllic childhood up until around 13 when my mum got diagnosed with cancer (she was incredibly lucky to beat it) and then my grandad got cancer and died, then my dad got cancer when I was 15. My parents were older so I feel I had a lot of grief and worry to deal with but I can't fault their parenting skills. I always felt depressed though, even as a very young child-just didn't feel comfortable in my own skin and I realise I was probably depressed as early as 8 maybe but this has nothing to do with my home life or even school life which was fine too, it's just the way I am.

 

[BlazingBob]

My parents hated each other and hated and resented their kids even more. No love, no encouragement. My dad was a violent alcoholic malignant narcissist. I've met ice cubes with more warmth than my mom. She never told me she loved me or ever hugged me, ever. They fought like hell constantly. I don't ever remember them ever getting along. I also had two older brothers who used to beat the shit out of me daily. My dad split when I was ten and after that we were on our own. My brothers started doing drugs and had all kinds of lowlifes around to the point I avoided going home. People doing and dealing drugs, stealing my stuff, never any food. My mom used to leave a 5 dollar bill on the counter for food for the day in the morning before I left for school. I could continue for pages and pages. Definitely not healthy.

 

[FormerlyFe(IV)]

I didn't go to school for all of the 2nd - 6th grades. I was an 8-year old with no friends or socialization to speak other than my parents.
AND I'm on the spectrum. Figures that not socializing for a while makes you weird and out of touch right.

My parent's weren't abusive, they cared, but they didn't know how to. They mostly cared about academics, homeschooling so I could be the child prodigy they wanted me to be. Finished High School math when I was in Middle school. Finished Middle School physics before going back into the school system in 7th grade.

I was raised more by Google searches than anything else. To this day, basic stuff like "how to clean floors" are things I google because my parents had more priorities hoarding than keeping a clean home. No wonder I'd rather go into debt to continue living on my own than return to that hellhole.

My parents weren't role models at all. No friends or social life to speak of. Paranoia regarding working with other people, and they worked home for crazy hours instead. They barely did anything fun, they'd rather accumulate wealth than have nicer living conditions. My mother had zero hobbies and my father just watched TV series on the PC while working and blasting the volume on his earphones.

So much so, that after my parents separated recently, my father has ZERO clue on how to handle himself. He has his own apartment but sleeps on the literal floor with just some foam padding, not even a mattress. No fridge or table and zero regards to personal appearance.

Finally, so much fighting. This is partly my fault, at some time in life (near puberty?) I was getting into verbal arguments every two or three days. So much inane bullshit. When I argued I was either "talking back" or "playing with words". They never could admit that they were ever wrong, yet expected me to do so all the time.

Fuck them.

 

[MrDarkness]

My father never wanted kids, my mom got sick with cancer early on, leaving me all alone for my childhood

 

[mkmk_1]

No, by no one else's fault but my own. I was a horrible child, a horrible teen, and lived life assuming I wouldn't make it past 21. Yet here I am. I made it with no lasting damage to myself besides the guilt and dissapointnent and I genuinely debate whether or not I deserve to be here.

 

[Unattainable666]

I was raised by a narcissist mother. what a bitch

 

[synthcadia]

i did not have a normal childhood.

- experienced grief when i was 3.
- bullied.
- SA'ed by family member (still living with said family member + family victim blamed me).
- depressed on and off since i was 10.
- groomed from 13-17
- dissociation
- went to like… 8 funerals, probably more.
- lost 2 close relatives + mom had stage 3 —> 4 cancer.
- covid

so…. uh… no…

 

[apearl]

Yes, I grew up in a financially stable household with providing parents. My dad looks exactly like Santa so he would go to hospitals on christmas (dressed up as Santa) to be Santa for the kids there. He has the kindest heart.

The reasons I'm fucked up are completely my fault. Also I don't want to live to see my dad die, very selfish but truthful.

 

[sserafim]

I guess so? My family is pretty well-off, but I've come realize that I was probably emotionally neglected. I think my parents tried to care, but they didn't know how to. I honestly don't think that they were emotionally fit to be parents. My parents mainly focused on academic achievement and extracurriculars. I don't think they ever cared about my feelings. I think they only had kids because society expected them to. I also was unfortunate enough to be born with Asperger's/autism and ADHD. Apparently I was a difficult child growing up, and my mom probably has hidden resentment towards me for that.

I never bonded properly with my parents (especially my mom, cause I didn't even grow up around my dad). That's probably why I'm dismissive-avoidant and probably have avoidant personality disorder and am a schizoid. My mom was always closer to my sister, she always favored my sister over me. I don't know why.

I was bullied in middle school, which gave me emotional trauma and PTSD, but idk if that counts as "childhood"…

 

[Dr. Henjin]

I was raised in a hyper religious peudo Christian doomsday cult, so I'd say it was pretty abnormal and left me with a ton of lasting problems. I probably get my anxious attachment style with my partners and fear of abandonment from the fact that I was shunned by my parents at 16 for being an atheist, had to sit in front of the entire congregation of worshippers as they announced my shunning and they no one in that room ever talked to me again. They were the people I grew up with, the only people I knew. My only friends were other kids in the cult and in one split second they all understood never talk to me again. Not even a hi. I'll never forget that.

No association with outsiders, no holidays or birthdays, every day was spent studying the bible, preparing for meetings, going out door knocking and proselytizing. Taken out of school in 7th grade, devoting my life to the cult. Abusive parents, a dead dad at 2 and an abusive step father starting at 8. When I tell people how I was raised their reactions tell me everything I need to know. My mom told me when I was 13 I was worse than Satan and I'd get butt fucked in prison (her exact words) because I was questioning why we couldn't celebrate 4th of July and birthdays. Then my step dad beat the shit out of me and smashed every single thing of value in my room for sucking my teeth at her.

So yeah I'd say it wasn't too great. I'm surprised the split here is essentially 65/35 tho! That's not as bad as I thought