Did you ever feel like you were destined for something great?

[SectOfValtiel]

ive always felt the complete opposite
that i was always destined to be absolutely nothing... to live an empty life and die alone, rotting in some forgotten corner of some run-down home until some unfortunate soul has to come clean me out of the drywall so they can demolish it

actually, theres a part of me that does believe i was supposed to play a specific role, but its still not a positive one
sometimes i think back to how badly i wanted to CTB when i was still in middle school
thought it was the only way to escape from my emotionally abusive father... but i kinda ended up letting it slip to my best friend at the time that i had a crush on her, and we ended up dating
i think that one moment is the only reason i made it this far
but its been an almost constant downward spiral ever since it wore off
my lifes been worse and worse and worse, nothing truly good happening in idk how long

part of me feels like i was truly meant to die back then- like if it wasnt CTB, maybe my dad would have snapped and killed me instead... and now the universe itself is trying to remedy my cheating of death by making my life hell until i finally do take myself out
hell, sometimes i think my continued existence is the reason so much awful shit has been going on in the world
that if i just CTB now, everything will be fixed and everyone else will get the chance to be happy
at the very least that my death would somehow make my ex's life better... that maybe *she* at least would get the chance to be happy
but i dont necessarily believe in anything as grand as some universal force, or fate
its just a feeling i sometimes have, i guess

 

[Forever Sleep]

I think more oppotunities would have and would now be more open to me if I had more confidence and wasn't so socially anxious. I don't think I have the talent to be great but I think I could have done better on my current path.

If my Mum hadn't died when I was young, I expect my life would have evolved entirely differently. Not sure if it would have been better as such but sort of think I would have ended up less maladjusted.

 

[jessisme]

Yes I have but I also thought that all of my friends were highly accomplished celebrities, politicians and businessmen when in reality I know few people and have no friends. That is where delusions of grandeur get you and that is part of what accompanies my manic bipolar delusions. It is part of the psychosis I enter into when manic and often feel that I can "Save the World." I come up with schemes to do this in company with celebrities that I do not know. It's something I am on medication for and it has actually presented some
problems for me so it's kind of an issue and it's something I actively work to keep in check. At least now I know it's a delusion, though. For a long time I didn't which made it hard to keep a foot into reality that way. Not to mention the people I confused and disturbed when I shared news of my acquaintances and ambitions with them. It has created a set of escalating consequences for me which I find difficult to escape. It's part of what brings me to this site and the position I find myself in, actually. If you feel that you might have mental health issues do yourself a favor and have it checked.