Did/do you have a good relationship with your parents?

[squidhead]

You dont have to answer, Im aware its kinda personal but I still had to ask.

Did your parents ever see you as your own person? With your own feelings, thoughts, likes and dislikes and, Im kinda pushing it here, took those things into account?

For me, it was never the case. All they cared about was how I made them look, if I did what they wanted me to, If I embarrassed them and so on. I was always just a temporary trophy to be showcased, so they can feel better about themselves around their peers or other family members.
They`re convinced giving a kid a roof, feed them and buying them pointless things is all it takes to be a fantastic parent. Emotional investment? They dont even have those words in their vocabulary, swear to god.
I dont remember a single time they took my side in anything, on the contrary, they instantly took the side of the opposite party, apologized on my behalf for what I did (or didnt do) and then lectured me on how I embarrassed them. Never even asked for my side of what happened, because I was automatically in the wrong. Not once they supported me, not once did they believe in me. Then again, I suppose to even consider supporting someone, you must first acknowledge they are their own person and not just a slave-toy you give instructions to, so they can follow them and please you. God forbid, your kid gives an answer or says something you may dislike. Completely outrageous, I know.
Additionally, they never cared about my interests, quite the contrary they actively mocked me some more, and made sure I knew how stupid those interests were. Just a waste of time in their eyes.

I used to wonder why they even made me, if they dont give a shit about me, never even hugged or touched me, trying to come up with some grand reason or explanation but the answer is so simple and stupid, it hurts. They just followed what everyone else around them did, they married young despite having nothing in common and hating each other and the next logical step is having a kid. Thats it. Thats all the discussion/thought put into this decision. They just wanted a kid and thats what everyone else did.

Nevermind thinking about silly things like: being able to afford raising a kid, being a mentally stable individual, having a stable relationship in the first place and so on.
Then again, I imagine thats too much to ask for self absorbed, arrogant, imbeciles. One of them is an alcoholic with anger issues and the other is a narcissist, never satisfied with anything other people do and looking down on anyone else. I dont remember a single positive thing my mother said to me, it was always insults and how I was good for nothing.
For example, when I was 9 i got home from school and I made lunch and cleaned the house the best I could from what I saw her do. I thought it would make her happy and give her more time to rest or something. Nop, she comes home and starts pointing out all the things I did wrong and more rants about how useless i was. At least my father was too busy drinking himself to his grave, being mostly absent, watching tv, so i`ll give him that.
Even now, all they care about is when i`ll give them grandkids. First of all, I cant, because it takes two and Im unable to find a relationship, but even if I were able to: You`re fk`ing dreaming if you think im inflicting existence on some poor unborn souls, you delusional, twisted, idiots.

Anyway, back to the actual question. Do you like your parents? Do you have a good relationship with them? Were you able to have discussions with them without being mocked or belittled?

 

[Scacie]

No.

 

[Shadowlord900]

Mother: I like to think I had a good relationship with her despite how much trouble I likely caused her.

Father: Despise him. Caused me so much mental agony that even the nice things he did for me don't make up for it.

Step-Mother: Honestly quite shaky. I want to have a good relationship with her but it seems like she's put up a barrier between her and myself, and I also get the feeling she isn't being completely honest about her feelings of me.

Step-Mother's new partner: At one point I used to see him as a new and much better father-figure, now that's starting to seem less and less as time goes on.

 

[Sulyya]

I'm so sorry you were hurt that way. The fact that you're still someone trying to do good and be helpful is impressive on your part.

My parents are both nice people. I'm just emotionally not close to them or anyone.

 

[yoiyun]

my relationship with my mom is alright, we're not too close because she's very closed off. i try to reach for her but i don't think she understands. i had to get diagnosed myself too when i became an adult because not only could i not talk to her about it, but she's the type of person to believe in mental health issues just not when it's her own daughter

my dad lives in another country. i know he was abusive, but i don't remember well. my parents got divorced very young. he barely tries to reach out

my stepdad is a narcissist and he's abusive. i guess it's gotten better but that doesn't erase what has been done. all in all i'm glad i could escape that

 

[aforestfire]

me and my mom used to be closer when i was a kid, but we grew apart, our relationship is shaky now, the fact that i'm mentally ill doesn't get in her head and i can't trust her anymore. my dad is/was an abusive prick, he's the main reason why i want to ctb to begin with.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

Not only are they not obstacles to CTB, they are motivations.

 

[Death is my goal]

not really

 

[runrabbit]

Surprisingly I had a pretty alright relationship with my dad. He was absent, working all the time to feed me and my four siblings up until I was 12 or so, when he separated from my mother.

My mom wad a massive drug addict, I grew up with memories of her getting arrested on the front porch the day before my birthday, or getting caught with hundreds of dollars worth of stolen shit from Walmart where I was forced to take a ride in a cop car back home where my dad was waiting. She drank, partied, and fucked my sisters boyfriends. Claimed to love me, but was very narcissistic and needy.

My dad stepped up to the plate and took the kids from her, then raised us on his own. He wasn't perfect, but he supports me in everything I do, including my transition. My mom is dead now, and I have mixed feelings about it, since she always tried pushing her way into my life under the guise of "wanting to connect" and "missing me so much it hurts."

She fucking sucked though. Stole a lot of money from me ($600+) when I was 16 and working to help my dad pay bills. Called me slurs and threatened me all the time and would do her best to try and manipulate me into getting what she wanted. Rest in fucking pieces.

 

[Mimi_]

My relationship with my father is a disaster, he never took care of me. We NEVER hung out together, not even once. He was just good at hitting me when I was a "bad child". I never felt like he loves me. He literally told me awful things like how I should kill myself and how nobody would miss me. It's been a few years I don't talk to him anymore.

With my mom, it is slightly better, we were very close when I was little. She took care of me. Maybe too much, we were always together. But she started bodyshaming me, telling me I would never feel good in my own skin if I was that fat and I was just a big cow/whale. Even my brother was calling me calf lol. Now I just see my body as disgusting, am literally starving myself/ making me throw up.. She never believed in me, telling me I would always fail and be useless. But guess she was right on that at least. Oh, like my father she also told me I should kms and that she should have aborted me. But besides that she's nice and buy me things I like. I don't think she's mean tho she just didn't know how to deal with me.

 

[squidhead]

my relationship with my mom is alright, we're not too close because she's very closed off. i try to reach for her but i don't think she understands. i had to get diagnosed myself too when i became an adult because not only could i not talk to her about it, but she's the type of person to believe in mental health issues just not when it's her own daughter

my dad lives in another country. i know he was abusive, but i don't remember well. my parents got divorced very young. he barely tries to reach out

my stepdad is a narcissist and he's abusive. i guess it's gotten better but that doesn't erase what has been done. all in all i'm glad i could escape that

I understand, thats also one more thing that just makes it hurt even more. Seeing the way they treated other kids and overall, everyone else. They seem perfectly capable of being understanding, caring, loving and supportive... just never with their own child.
Im glad you at least escaped that.

 

[SadScarlet]

No

 

[dump224477]

You dont have to answer, Im aware its kinda personal but I still had to ask.

Did your parents ever see you as your own person? With your own feelings, thoughts, likes and dislikes and, Im kinda pushing it here, took those things into account?

For me, it was never the case. All they cared about was how I made them look, if I did what they wanted me to, If I embarrassed them and so on. I was always just a temporary trophy to be showcased, so they can feel better about themselves around their peers or other family members.
They`re convinced giving a kid a roof, feed them and buying them pointless things is all it takes to be a fantastic parent. Emotional investment? They dont even have those words in their vocabulary, swear to god.
I dont remember a single time they took my side in anything, on the contrary, they instantly took the side of the opposite party, apologized on my behalf for what I did (or didnt do) and then lectured me on how I embarrassed them. Never even asked for my side of what happened, because I was automatically in the wrong. Not once they supported me, not once did they believe in me. Then again, I suppose to even consider supporting someone, you must first acknowledge they are their own person and not just a slave-toy you give instructions to, so they can follow them and please you. God forbid, your kid gives an answer or says something you may dislike. Completely outrageous, I know.
Additionally, they never cared about my interests, quite the contrary they actively mocked me some more, and made sure I knew how stupid those interests were. Just a waste of time in their eyes.

I used to wonder why they even made me, if they dont give a shit about me, never even hugged or touched me, trying to come up with some grand reason or explanation but the answer is so simple and stupid, it hurts. They just followed what everyone else around them did, they married young despite having nothing in common and hating each other and the next logical step is having a kid. Thats it. Thats all the discussion/thought put into this decision. They just wanted a kid and thats what everyone else did.

Nevermind thinking about silly things like: being able to afford raising a kid, being a mentally stable individual, having a stable relationship in the first place and so on.
Then again, I imagine thats too much to ask for self absorbed, arrogant, imbeciles. One of them is an alcoholic with anger issues and the other is a narcissist, never satisfied with anything other people do and looking down on anyone else. I dont remember a single positive thing my mother said to me, it was always insults and how I was good for nothing.
For example, when I was 9 i got home from school and I made lunch and cleaned the house the best I could from what I saw her do. I thought it would make her happy and give her more time to rest or something. Nop, she comes home and starts pointing out all the things I did wrong and more rants about how useless i was. At least my father was too busy drinking himself to his grave, being mostly absent, watching tv, so i`ll give him that.
Even now, all they care about is when i`ll give them grandkids. First of all, I cant, because it takes two and Im unable to find a relationship, but even if I were able to: You`re fk`ing dreaming if you think im inflicting existence on some poor unborn souls, you delusional, twisted, idiots.

Anyway, back to the actual question. Do you like your parents? Do you have a good relationship with them? Were you able to have discussions with them without being mocked or belittled?

sigh, it's confusing. im not necessarily on bad terms with them, i know they love and care about me, im just constantly pushing myself away. it's my fault our relationship is so distant and non existent.. it's sad that i feel awkward around my own family.

 

[squidhead]

Not only are they not obstacles to CTB, they are motivations.

Its not funny, but the way your worded it made it chuckle. And unfortunately, same.

 

[hamtaro]

No. They should never have been parents.

 

[Avyn]

No not at all.

 

[thelookingontheway]

Not good as they thought

 

[FuneralCry]

Yes. But that doesn't change the fact that I hate how I was so cruelly forced into this world. Procreation is the most selfish, harmful and unnecessary thing, it's unacceptable to cause so much suffering through forcing life here even if the parents don't treat the person badly, but despite this I don't have any problems with family members. The whole concept of life and just having to be conscious in this hellish world is what I take issue with instead.

 

[hcs]

My relationship with both is terrible. Both were very abusive (physically, emotionally, verbally) during childhood and into adulthood as well. Neither is capable of repair or even acknowledgement of what occurred. I don't speak to my father, and haven't for about 20 years and my relationship with my mother is so strained. It's fine if I do and say exactly what she wants, which is never clear until after I have made a mistake, but if I push back on anything she does, it's unmitigated rage or the silent treatment for as long as she wants. I wish I was never born, genuinely.

 

[girlsboysthems]

Not only are they not obstacles to CTB, they are motivations.

dont mind me just laughing at our shared motivations.
Much like you OP I was just show girl with terrible anxiety, everyone saw that I WAS STRUGGLING and told my mother to get me help and she didn't. that is kindergarten age medical neglect, it only got worser later in life. i was mostly neglected when i was not needed for bragging or show off purposes and yeah. now that i dont interact with them much, they are getting more and more frustrated and its annoying. no i dont want to hear them talking about killing themselves because i know they wont and its just for attention. Long story short not a good relationship from birth to death (either them or me).

 

[Viranamari]

I think so. My parents were never abusive to me and accepted my mental illness. At moments, they did say hurtful things but at least they didn't disown me. They accepted but never really understood my illness so that is probably why I'm not too open with them. At times, I was angry with my parents for making me exist but overall, it's a good relationship. I never had any issues with my family members.

 

[yoiyun]

I understand, thats also one more thing that just makes it hurt even more. Seeing the way they treated other kids and overall, everyone else. They seem perfectly capable of being understanding, caring, loving and supportive... just never with their own child.
Im glad you at least escaped that.

definitely. my stepdad's gotten a lot better since he got his own kid too. which proves he always had the ability to change, i just wasn't worth changing for

 

[HopelessSoul]

Yes until I realized that my parents never intended for me to be my own person and be able to make a living for myself, its not that they are bad people, its that they are CLUELESS when it comes to parenting, they are the typical overprotective/narcissistic parents that want to micromanage everything you do, never teach you how to develop social/life skills (Infantilization), not respecting boundaries and getting offended when you try to have some privacy, pretending sex doesn't exist so they never give you "the talk" either.

To make matters worse, my father fell into deep depression when I was in my early teens, so I was left with no father figure, and to compensate, my mother became even more overprotective. My father tried to commit suicide drowning himself in the sea and taking my mother with him, had her not resisted I would have lost both my parents that day, and she caught him sometimes sleeping with a knife under his pillow, among other things, ironic that now is him the one trying to convince me not to CTB.

I hate them, if that makes me a bad person or selfish, so be it, but I cant forgive that they brought me to this world for my life to be a nightmare, sorry if this is a bit of a rant but I really had to put it into words, this is the only place I feel comfortable sharing this.​

 

[youwantitdarker]

My parents (especially my mother) are the primary reason of why I'm the way I am now. I can't help but mourn what could have been if I was born into a loving home. With all that being said I am actually happy for people with nice families..one could only dream~

 

[hellispink]

With my father, yes. With my mother, no.

 

[AllMyDreams]

My Dad cheated on my Mom when I was little. They divorced and I saw my Dad a couple of times a year until I entered high school and he just forgot I existed.

Every time I tried to text him he just ignored for months/years on end because he does not have the ability to feel emotion or care about other people.

I believe that not having a dad is the reason I lost my virginity when I was 16 to a man in his 50s. And why whenever someone doesn't text me I freak out on them.

 

[ladidabi]

No.
Blame physical, emotional and verbal abuse. Growing up I would be beat to the point where they made me skip school because I was "sick", to hide the fact I would have cuts and bruises all from face, to legs. A single mistake would get me on the stairs or kick me down to pull me around the house by my hair. It only stopped once I was strong enough to defend myself and fight back. I still have scars on my face from nail digging and having sharp things thrown at me as a child. They deny everything and call me crazy. I wish them the worst.

 

[RichardFirst]

I have a good relationship with my mother, but less so with my dad. He never wanted me, and whilst he did his best to support the family, I always felt that i was a burden to him. I don't say this to criticise him. Rather, I just find it sad that he gave up so much for me, and that I caused him so much stress in life.

 

[philmore444]

it's complicated

I just think my mom only wanted me because she was jealous of her sister who gave birth to her daughter.

 

[SunnysSunset]

Love my mom, but it feels more like our roles are reversed. I'm usually the one taking care of her. She's suicidal as well.
Dad molested me. I don't talk to him but I can't hate him either.