Did anyone stop planning for the future when they were younger and regret it now?

[DF90]

I feel like I did nothing with or for myself in school. I stopped trying due to depression. I started attempting suicide at age 15 and tried several times after. I was so set on believing I'd be dead before age 18.. that I didn't do anything to further myself incase I lived. Now I'm 25 and I've done jack shit with my life. I have a shit desk job, no college degree, feel like a failure, etc. My parents never really discussed furthering my education with me, but in reality the only person I can blame is myself.

I'm hoping to go back to school, but I'm STILL in the same mindset as I was in high school. I still think "well I'm going to die soon, so it doesn't even matter." But I know I want to try and live, try to make life better, try to just be content at the end of my days. I don't even know if I am even capable of succeeding at anything. I've always been a failure and my mother always took time out of her day to let me know that I was and an garbage. I'm so depressed and done with life that I don't even have energy to do the easy job I have now, how am I going to work full time and go to school? Part time is not an option for me. I live on my own and have and have bills to pay. Not to mention I continue to sabotage any chance I have of making my life better than what it is. The worst part is that I KNOW when I am self sabotaging, but my dumbass does it anyways.

I'm hopeless.

 

[Samuel]

If I was working and getting an education, I would be much quicker to ctb. If my parents were to kick me out, and I were homeless, I might ctb the next day. I just have it so easy right now. I don't have to work and that's a big part of what's keeping me alive.

 

[typx]

It's a strange feeling to know you are destroying your life and not being able to stop.

 

[Comatose11]

Yes. I didn't try in high school and now I have fucked up my future. It's part of the reason I want to ctb. But currently I try in (junior) college and work just in case I don't end up ctb.

 

[blackbird02]

Yeah, all throughout high school and middle school I was horribly depressed so I never tried. Telling myself that one day I'd just end it all helped me survive in a weird way but also ruined any potential I had. Now, I'm almost 24 and just feel like a failure.

 

[Throwawaysoul]

I'm 40 now and never planned for the future, never had an answer to "what I want to be when you grow up". I wish I was treated for depression and anxiety issues when I was a teen.

 

[skyofAuroras]

Yup. Spent all of high school thinking nothing mattered because I'd be dead before 18. If I had any hope for the future, I probably would have tried harder. I could've gone to a great school if I didn't just stop doing everything. I'm still young but I feel like I really fucked up my chances.

 

[Final Escape]

I didn't think u needed to plan, I figured things would just sort themselves out but they didn't. Things got worse and worse as the years passed and somehow I could not make the adjustments necessary to cope. I felt like I kept stumbling through life without achieving anything worthwhile to live for.

 

[Final Escape]

Yeah, all throughout high school and middle school I was horribly depressed so I never tried. Telling myself that one day I'd just end it all helped me survive in a weird way but also ruined any potential I had. Now, I'm almost 24 and just feel like a failure.

At 24 u still can create a decent life, but I don't know you so I don't know what all is holding u back.

 

[blackbird02]

At 24 u still can create a decent life, but I don't know you so I don't know what all is holding u back.

I just feel so behind everyone else my age

 

[Sidestep]

Yup, completely stopped planning my future. Who knows where I'm going to end up? Not me. Don't know, and frankly don't really care anymore.

 

[QueenEtna]

I didn't go to school from grade 2 to grade 12 I was in trouble with the law a lot from it, threatened with court and I was even taken away to a boarding school (lasted 2 weeks before I got away I think they let me go because I wasn't eating or drinking) I pretty much just sat in my room all day playing games and I'm still doing it to this day but I have 5 TAFE (technical college) certificates and a job working as a administrator / digital designer so I guess I didn't completely fuck my life up xD

 

[Final Escape]

I feel like I did nothing with or for myself in school. I stopped trying due to depression. I started attempting suicide at age 15 and tried several times after. I was so set on believing I'd be dead before age 18.. that I didn't do anything to further myself incase I lived. Now I'm 25 and I've done jack shit with my life. I have a shit desk job, no college degree, feel like a failure, etc. My parents never really discussed furthering my education with me, but in reality the only person I can blame is myself.

I'm hoping to go back to school, but I'm STILL in the same mindset as I was in high school. I still think "well I'm going to die soon, so it doesn't even matter." But I know I want to try and live, try to make life better, try to just be content at the end of my days. I don't even know if I am even capable of succeeding at anything. I've always been a failure and my mother always took time out of her day to let me know that I was and an garbage. I'm so depressed and done with life that I don't even have energy to do the easy job I have now, how am I going to work full time and go to school? Part time is not an option for me. I live on my own and have and have bills to pay. Not to mention I continue to sabotage any chance I have of making my life better than what it is. The worst part is that I KNOW when I am self sabotaging, but my dumbass does it anyways.

I'm hopeless.

Ure not a failure, but I would not go to any college until u read this book called Worthless by Aaron Clarey so u get an idea what fields to go into if u do go because college these days is about making money off u not wether u actually succeed and understand what you're getting into.

 

[Final Escape]

It's a strange feeling to know you are destroying your life and not being able to stop.

That is exactly the story of my life

 

[Aponia & Ataraxia]

While you have my sympathies for your personal situation, on one hand there is a very real advantage to it (if you can hopefully manage yourself a painless, peaceful, pleasant death). If those who escape this human existence earlier (rather than later, which is the norm) would include at least a side note that "aging is a disease" in their suicide note, now wouldn't that be something...

Regardless of any reactionary responses to "aging is a disease" ...the 22nd and 23rd centuries (as well as enlightened pockets of the 21st) know beyond a shadow of a doubt it is a disease, so your evolution-based cognitive biases will serve no function protesting this brute fact...

It is obvious that nothing is worth that terminal cancer or even just the biological aging alone at the end of your life... aside from taking a full Antifrustrational stance and becoming a scientist or other researcher combating the human condition (putting in your small contribution toward curing cancer, etc.). It may seem harsh, but in reality there are the scientists, technologists, researchers, ethical philosophers, etc. --all other beings are just noise and excess entropy (they add precisely 0 positive value to the human condition at large, on an era-by-era basis). The best thing is in fact to die young ...death is already there, a bitter end to an elongated aging process.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Aubrey_de_Grey#Pro-aging_trance
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Old_age#Old_age_from_an_old-age_perspective
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Antifrustrationism

Both Michelstaedter and Mainlander more or less knew these truths:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Carlo_Michelstaedter#Thought (voluntary rational suicide, 23)

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Philipp_Mainländer (voluntary rational suicide, 34)

*I hasten to add that if you doubt the vanity of human endeavor, feel free to take a stroll through your local nursing home...

To add, OP: there's no point in blaming yourself for a specific temporal circumstance which you did not choose https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Thrownness

 

[QueenEtna]

I just had a great thought. Why don't we all become UFOlogists and research into extraterrestrials, we will all eventually be hunted down by the government and we won't have to kill ourselves.

 

[Deleted_9cKnXB34QG]

Yup, I dropped out of school at 17 and just stayed home playing WoW. I used to joke that the world will end in 2012 so there's no need to worry about anything anymore. I was so sure that I won't live to see my 20's because I will kill myself.. well I'm 26 now and the only thing that's changed is that I'm not playing WoW anymore.
Almost a decade of NEETdom, just sitting in my room waiting for god knows what, I still don't know wtf is happening.

Regret? IDK, I can't really imagine being a wageslave.

 

[QueenEtna]

Yup, I dropped out of school at 17 and just stayed home playing WoW. I used to joke that the world will end in 2012 so there's no need to worry about anything anymore. I was so sure that I won't live to see my 20's because I will kill myself.. well I'm 26 now and the only thing that's changed is that I'm not playing WoW anymore.
Almost a decade of NEETdom, just sitting in my room waiting for god knows what, I still don't know wtf is happening.

Regret? IDK, I can't really imagine being a wageslave.

Not playing wow anymore *is playing wow while on the forums*

 

[Deleted_9cKnXB34QG]

Not playing wow anymore

I got bored of it and besides - all my friends quit, it just wasn't the same without them.

 

[Mayfil]

Yup. Gave up 8 years ago never expecting to be around and now it's worse than ever... hoping to ctb late next month.

 

[CRM]

Yep. I stopped planning, but I don't really regret it. I always knew this was where life would take me. Perhaps I just wanted to make it as easy as possible to have no way out. After your school years and early occupational years (18-mid 20s or so), the rest of your life is pretty set in stone, and creating a point where there's no going back makes it easier to kill myself.

It may seem harsh, but in reality there are the scientists, technologists, researchers, ethical philosophers, etc. --all other beings are just noise and excess entropy (they add precisely 0 positive value to the human condition at large, on an era-by-era basis).

This is why I get annoyed when people say our species is great due to our accomplishments. Actually, no, less than 1% of everybody who has ever lived has actually contributed to the human condition. The rest of us are just there for labor and to live out our objectively worthless lives.

 

[solacely]

I'm only 17 and definitely going down this path. I'm hoping to be dead by 18 but I said the same thing before I would turn 16. Was supposed to get my driver's license, take my SATs and apply for colleges for nursing but completely gave up on that idea. Now I have no plans for my future. It's probably not too late to turn it around but I just can't stop.

 

[GiveMeNovacaine]

Yes, but I don't really regret that part because I genuinely don't think I would have been able to make it if I tried. I do wish that, back then, I knew the information I know now. That is, a reliable method to CTB and the right medication(s) that would help me if it's "in the cards" for me to live.

 

[Jacques]

I always knew I would not live past 40. I always saw myself growing up alone with no kids, and that is what has happened. Maybe because I knew I would leave the world this way and didn't want to hurt anyone I left behind? So I didn't plan past 40. Now I am here and I have nothing, having lived like I could always ctb if needed. In that time I have found and lost the greatest love I will ever know, and sadly I found her because of my recklessness and have been separated from her because of it too. I am alone in the world now with nobody and nothing to live for, knowing I will never be as happy as I have been until 3 short weeks ago when it all came crashing down. That's why I am determined to catch this damn bus tomorrow.

 

[sadak_the_wanderer]

I did the opposite thing: I made too many plans. I spent too much time making plans, putting off the fun things while trying to accomplish things, and so forth. I bought tools, equipment, supplies: items for the future. "We buy books because we believe we're buying the time to read them," Warren Zevon said, and I have the boxes to prove it. Now the future is short and I have so much left to do.

 

[couldntthinkofaname]

It's a strange feeling to know you are destroying your life and not being able to stop.

 

[TAW122]

I wouldn't say that I've regretted it as most of my life has been lackluster and disappointing. There has been more sorrow, disappointment, shame, and suffering than there has been of good times. The good times in my life are often far and few, and oftenly doesn't last long, very temporary. I did stop planning for my future about halfway through college due to personal and existential circumstances around me, but then I started to be serious about my future after I graduated college. Come graduate school, I went back and forth between planning for my future to becoming complacent. Now that I'm done with school, I don't see a bright future for myself and would just like to ctb to avoid being homeless as well as the other disappointments in life.

 

[Ssname]

I'm kind of the opposite at the moment. I spent do much time planning for a future that I won't have now. Makes me wish I hadn't wasted that time. Of course if I don't ctb by the end of the year or so I will wish I had carried on planning and doing things.

 

[GeorgeEastman]

I planned for my good years, lived them and now they're over. I'm 35. It's either shoot myself or wait 17 years in hell until I get cancer and have to depend on somebody to change a damn diaper. Not worth it. I had my time. It was all right, but it's really time to go. Longer I stay around, the worse it's gonna get now.