Did Anyone else not set long term goals because they didn’t want to live this long?

[UtopianSoliloquies]

I really didn't think I'd make it this far. In elementary school (k-7, we don't have middle school here), I thought I would CTB before high school. In high school, I thought I would CTB before university. Now I'm here. When I think about having a career in the future, all I can think of is a soul-crushing 9-5 where I am forced to maximize profit for someone I will never meet whilst doing more harm than good in the process. Every time I hear those around me talking about their future careers or how I shouldn't transfer to a university closer to where I live because this one is more prestigious and will provide me more connections in the future, I am filled with profound anger that I cannot afford to express.

 

[sserafim]

Same, I didn't want to grow up either. I probably wouldn't have even gone to college if my friends hadn't pushed me. I've always been impressed by people who knew what they wanted to do for the rest of their lives at a young age and committed to it

Same, I'm also impressed by them as well. I admire their commitment, drive and dedication. I also admire how they make a goal and stick to it and follow through. I could never be like that, I think I'm incapable of making long-term plans or goals. The problem for me is that I just don't know what I want to do. There are so many things I could do, the abundance of choices is kind of overwhelming. I also find it hard to commit to things. What I want is constantly changing. I also feel like I'd get bored doing the same thing for the rest of my life.

 

[PAfb_640]

A part of me wants to start smoking/vaping because "it looks cool." Even though it's dangerous, my justification: "I'll just kill myself when I get cancer."

(I haven't started it yet)

 

[HollowDrop]

At this point I'm simply too scared to have dreams or think of future in a positive light. I feel safer expecting the worst, then I'll either not be disappointed or maybe even be relieved that I didn't entirely fuck something up for once. Finding those small joys in life, no matter how tiny and meaningless.

 

[cryvinglightning]

i didn't plan on even graduating highschool, my last CTB attempt was in february during my senior year. now i'm doing what my mom pushed me to do simply because i had no sort of plan. i'll definitely CTB before i turn 30 or 40 though.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I had long term goals I wanted to reach for most of my life. Yet they vanished because they're out of reach after my big failure in life a few years ago.

This is actually a bit of a problem for a possible recovery bc what to fight for when it's already clear that the goals can never be reached?

 

[she]

Most definitely. I'm 22 now and have absolutely no plans for my future.
I don't see myself being around this time next year, so why bother?

 

[LonelyKitten]

Always just kicking the can down the road.
I never felt this world had a place for me.

I feel this.

Once my big bad thing happened upon coming out, directly leading me to drop out of school, I lived moment by moment for pretty much everything after that.
I couldn't comprehend surviving very long anymore, always feeling like I'll be gone the next week or day.
Jumped at anything that promised immediate/large gain, even at the cost of long-term stabilities, jumped away from anything that remotely induced any fears.
Ironically, this exactly ended up harming much more in the long run - the same gains could have been made via stable routes.

Long-term goals or ideas could never manifest like this.
I think that fucked me over, to be honest, because there were genuine, good long-term goals I miraculously stumbled into the opportunities to pursue.

Ironically, these chances came to be through this very behavior itself though, so...
I guess it makes sense why I didn't adjust course.
Quit while you're ahead, hm?