Did anyone else mess up what couldve been a beautiful life?

[ikadasui]

Yeah, thing is a lot of it was due to outside influence like bullying etc. Had I had just been sent to a different elementary school life probably would of been very different for me. Alas, I'm here, fucked and forever miserable in a ruined body with a crippled mind.

 

[victoria91]

Yup :( I'm a massive fuck up but to be honest looking back I was a fu ked up kid anyway so things were never going to be okay for me

 

[Beeper]

I had a beautiful / great life as well, everything a person could want... lost it all in a manic episode

Same here. Manic episodes are no joke.

 

[Thaneem]

I was thinking about this exact thing pretty obsessively last week, reimagining how life would have gone if just a few things had gone differently. I went literally year by year, from the day I was born right up until this point, 44 years later.
At first, it brought me a strange, kind of depressing comfort. I'd be a veterinarian living in a large house in the country, married to probably the only girl who might have truly loved me, with a decent amount of friends old and new.
Then something struck me - in this imaginary, best of all worlds life - I'd still be 44. My youth would still be gone. I'd also be stuck with an adolescent son or daughter and, well, life would still kind of suck. I realized that if I wind up miserable in even my ideal, fantasy life, I was likely destined to just be a miserable f*ck lol.
Nature and nuture work together. If it wasnt mistake A that destroyed you, mistakes B-Z were right around the corner.

 

[nico1420]

i made one big mistake in my life sourrounded by many others that could be called minor in comparisson but considering the context in wich i grew up in it is very hard not to mess up your life, when the root (family core) is rotten.
The thing i hate the most is that i get these euphoria instants when i think i can still make a life for my self but 5 minutes later i am down the drain again... i wish i could at least be one or the other, its so exhausting going back and forth emotionally...

 

[TerminalVelocity]

Absolutely. One accident caused by me crippled me physically forever.

 

[VKVK]

Nature and nuture work together. If it wasnt mistake A that destroyed you, mistakes B-Z were right around the corner.

Brutal blackpill right here. In the end, I feel like what most fucked my life by an absurd, enormous margin were external forces... such as family.
Some of us never had a chance. A frightening realization to come to, but at the very least we try and do what's possible with what we have.
It is what it is, and there's nothing to be done about it.

 

[Capsicum_Corral]

Yes 100%. Completely messed it up, ruined beyond repair and will eventually ruin multiple other lives after I ctb. What a failure!

Ruined beyond repair is probably an overstatement. Sure, you might never become a card carrying member of globalhomo, but there are a variety of ways to live.

 

[Niko66]

My life was fucked from the start with my genes and family. But I did do some mistakes to make it that much worse. I am really sorry for the people here who also trusted doctors and or family and got harmed for it, I feel you...

 

[RappyMaster]

My life was beautiful, until some difficult problems started happening, I didn't know how to handle them which let me emotionally scarred. Last year things started working out again for me, but I ended up fucking it up and now I'm back to the person who's hollow and lost, walking endlessly in desperation.

 

[KidneyStonesSuck]

Coulda been a peaceful and tolerable life, but not much beyond that, definitely not beautiful anyway.

I'd be an autistic, bullied loser with no money and poor health regardless of

Coulda been a peaceful and tolerable life, but not much beyond that, definitely not beautiful anyway.

I'd be an autistic, bullied loser with no money and poor health regardless of decisions.

Yeah, that's me, too. I have no idea how to live. I know I want things peaceful and quiet. But I'm just not good at anything, actualizing any thought I have like having something to drink or brushing my teeth is like lifting a mountain. All I really know how to do is embarass myself, get into trouble without realizing it until it's too late. Autism sucks and I'm so tired of being alive. It makes no sense.

Long self absorbed rant incoming...

If I had just made one or two decisions differently my life wouldve been so different, so perfect and beautiful. At one point I was envied by many in my milieu, but not anymore. I couldn't see it at the time though. Couldn't really see the blessings, and I messed it up by being so hard on myself which caused burnout and fatigue, and not giving myself what I really wanted, then meeting people who abused or exploited me, and neglected the care of my body and my mind, so that I continued to do very poorly academically and then workwise. I was told social anxiety would just go away. It didn't. Its sad because now looking back, I couldve had all the things that I didn't believe I was good enough to have. Family would tell me how amazing I am but I never really believed them.

Everyday I ruminate about what that life wouldve been like. The dreams I had at that time were screaming at me to get what I wanted and I couldve easily done it. And they haunt me now. If I'd made that one decision then by now I would've been the envy of the world and of everyone in my milieu at the time. Most of the world wouldve killed to have the opportunities and experiences that I couldve had. I would've been a successful man drenched in pleasure and vigour at the apex of the world. And I keep remembering my dreams and the euphoria that video games gave me...And they remind me of what my destiny was. It was to be in that most enviable position. And I did not achieve that even though it was within reach.

Its like my mind was in a fog. I had the very unlikely chance to do psychedelics with someone and wish that I'd seized it at that time. Because people often say that it uncovers childhood trauma they've been repressing that needs to be processed, and that the psychedelics show them what they need to do when theyre confused and in a daze and unhapppy, and they even cure addictions which in my case I had and still have that held me back.

What I needed to do wasn't that complicated. I needed to care for my body and mind, nourish them, give them what they wanted. I needed to follow our ancestors, the hunter gatherers that we are, that our bodies and brains are evolved to be, who lived for 95 to 99% of our species' history. And all that entails is exercise, diet, sunlight, nature, close social relations, attending to your body and its care, giving yourself what your brain is crying out for in your dreams which in my case was being in a certain place, a place where I felt comfortable and that was beautiful and perfect, but which I avoided in part due to social anxiety, in part due to fear...So much fear and anxiety and avoidance in my life, so much hatred of change.

Instead of healing, insyesd of giving myself happiness andsuccess, I added to my trauma and continued repressing it, and here I am now, and now it's physical thanks to one antidepressant pill...

Yeah. No one I've ever known actually benefitted from my life except for my Grandfather. I'm glad he passed away before having a chance to hate me or deal with my Autism and other assorted physiological problems that absolutely no one deserved to be exposed to.

 

[medjooled11]

Yes, although I keep telling myself things will get better. And sometimes they do, but my good strides are becoming fewer and fewer.

 

[Dot]

2 decsns & lfe = ovr. W/o thse lfe cld hve bn amzng.

 

[Dragon's Heart]

I definitely screwed up my life. I often say I would like to start over so I can screw it up differently.

 

[cambrai33]

Life is varying shades of miserable

 

[wanttogetonthebus]

Long self absorbed rant incoming...

If I had just made one or two decisions differently my life wouldve been so different, so perfect and beautiful. At one point I was envied by many in my milieu, but not anymore. I couldn't see it at the time though. Couldn't really see the blessings, and I messed it up by being so hard on myself which caused burnout and fatigue, and not giving myself what I really wanted, then meeting people who abused or exploited me, and neglected the care of my body and my mind, so that I continued to do very poorly academically and then workwise. I was told social anxiety would just go away. It didn't. Its sad because now looking back, I couldve had all the things that I didn't believe I was good enough to have. Family would tell me how amazing I am but I never really believed them.

Everyday I ruminate about what that life wouldve been like. The dreams I had at that time were screaming at me to get what I wanted and I couldve easily done it. And they haunt me now. If I'd made that one decision then by now I would've been the envy of the world and of everyone in my milieu at the time. Most of the world wouldve killed to have the opportunities and experiences that I couldve had. I would've been a successful man drenched in pleasure and vigour at the apex of the world. And I keep remembering my dreams and the euphoria that video games gave me...And they remind me of what my destiny was. It was to be in that most enviable position. And I did not achieve that even though it was within reach.

Its like my mind was in a fog. I had the very unlikely chance to do psychedelics with someone and wish that I'd seized it at that time. Because people often say that it uncovers childhood trauma they've been repressing that needs to be processed, and that the psychedelics show them what they need to do when theyre confused and in a daze and unhapppy, and they even cure addictions which in my case I had and still have that held me back.

What I needed to do wasn't that complicated. I needed to care for my body and mind, nourish them, give them what they wanted. I needed to follow our ancestors, the hunter gatherers that we are, that our bodies and brains are evolved to be, who lived for 95 to 99% of our species' history. And all that entails is exercise, diet, sunlight, nature, close social relations, attending to your body and its care, giving yourself what your brain is crying out for in your dreams which in my case was being in a certain place, a place where I felt comfortable and that was beautiful and perfect, but which I avoided in part due to social anxiety, in part due to fear...So much fear and anxiety and avoidance in my life, so much hatred of change.

Instead of healing, insyesd of giving myself happiness andsuccess, I added to my trauma and continued repressing it, and here I am now, and now it's physical thanks to one antidepressant pill...

I royally screwed my entire life over by not getting vaccinated for COVID 19. :/ Who knew one mistake like this would leave me disabled. That it would be the end of my life. Life's such a cruel joke I had everything going for me. What an absolutely stupid way to go out.

 

[Bleak]

Yes I had a lot of advantages that I feel like anyone else would have turned into a good life.

 

[Cant go back]

Ruined beyond repair is probably an overstatement. Sure, you might never become a card carrying member of globalhomo, but there are a variety of ways to live.

Agreed. But I'd rather not live with the guilt of leaving someone who has mental illness so ruined beyond repair is pretty appropriate.

 

[Someone123]

I went through a huge amount of abuse but then in my twenties things started to get better- just a couple more insights at that time and my life would have turned out well- I didn't realize which things were most important to work on and which things were just wasting too much time, plus I wasn't as good as I needed to be at telling which people cared about me. It was close- if I could go back and talk to myself for five minutes then my whole life would have turned out so much better.

 

[TravestyJones]

I made mistakes that I regret terribly. I didn't realize the true value of what I had, and I let it slip away. I would do anything to go back with the understanding I have now. My life would not have been perfect - no life is - but it would have been one full of love, joy, laughter, growth, friends, and meaning. Now I'm an empty shell, too tired and unmotivated to find some other way to fill myself up. Those who loved me most are dead.

 

[Fadeawaaaay]

I sabotaged it in so many ways. Took every single gift and opportunity and trashed it. Blindly and pathologically. Some faulty childhood wiring? No doubt.

 

[fullofregrets]

Yeah. Never felt grateful for what I had. Indulged in self sabotage for 5 years and here I am, many times worse than when the ctb feelings initially started years ago. Ruined my skin, mind, health and what not.

I'm full of regrets and can't seem to accept it. In a way, ctb is an easy way out for me rather than living a life with ruined prospects and regrets with health declining day by day. I hope I overcome my SI when the time comes.

 

[Kennish]

No. It was never in the cards. Bad parents, bad genes, bad upbringing. I've tried. All my life. Been a drug abuser and even got 2 education's while on drugs. But still I'm here as an 36 year old and fucked in life. Trying desperately to keep going and turn it around, but even when I get a job a again and an apartment again, I will still be lonely, depressed, without motivation etc.

It will just be surviving, like it always was. Since early teens I've felt like this. People who don't have depression or been depressed their whole life don't understand shit about it.

I envy normal people. I really do.

I'm not stupid. If my genes was just a little different and I had better parents I could maybe have had a better chance at life.

But no. It was never in the cards. I think about CTB everyday.

 

[meetapple]

I messed up at a very young age by not accepting myself. I was on the wrong track and can't get back on the right track.

 

[Belljar]

Yes, I had a loving family, born healthy and attractive, reasonably intelligent. But then I got badly abused and was too isolated for too long growing up. I used to be so happy and vivacious as a child. It's sad.

 

[Snake of Eden]

Yes. I messed up my life with my own hands but because of causes out of my own hands. In other words I really couldnt help it and if time goes back I will repeat the same mistakes believe it or not

 

[Belljar]

Yes, I had a loving family, born healthy and attractive, reasonably intelligent. But then I got badly abused and was too isolated for too long growing up. I became self destructive to the extreme and my life kept spiraling down. I used to be so happy and vivacious and concerned with succeeding as a child. It's sad.

 

[downndone]

That would be me. I'm in a heck of a mess and it's entirely my own doing. Things were good till I behaved like a dumb shit. Now I need to CTB. no one to blame but me.

 

[LoveTakesManyForms]

My problems started with being maimed by a psycho for practically no reason, but if I often feel that if I'd reacted better to it (by doing painful rehabilitative exercise rather than numbing myself with weed), I could have avoided subsequent injuries and made my life into something truly wonderful.
I was only 15 and naiive to what the future could hold. I hadn't developed the strength required to uphold my health, and ended up paying dearly for it.
So yes, I kind of do feel that I fucked my life up, but also acknowledge that it wasn't entirely my fault.

 

[_Minsk]

I can relate to this, i was so naive and stubborn as kid but its all too late now..