Venting did anyone else feel isolated in high school?

[heisenberg]

throughout my entire time in high school, i felt isolated. i only met a handful of girls i "clicked" with and i only talk to two of them still. i was the person aimlessly looking around the room when we had to partner up for an assignment. one of the last to be chosen in gym, for groups, etc. i often sat by myself in the cafeteria full of people. i was one of the few kids who dressed/wore alternative makeup so i don't know if that had anything to do with it. i was extremely forgettable in high school. half of my junior year and my senior were mostly online due to covid which is the only thing that saved me. i didn't go to my senior prom and i didn't even go to my graduation.

 

[sserafim]

I felt isolated as well, I was a new kid in high school and I ended up in a friend group with the nerds aka the bottom of the rung because I had met my best friend in the library on the first day. She became friends with the nerds and I joined the group as well. The nerds were all from another school and people assumed that I was also from that other school. My best friend moved away after freshman year though. I tried to unsuccessfully social climb, and ended up back with the nerds because that was better than having no friends altogether. My high school was super cliquey, everyone sat with their cliques at round tables during lunch. There were also people who floated between groups, people who successfully social climbed and people who talked to everyone (they were universally liked for being "nice").

I was never able to integrate into the popular group even though I became friends with one popular girl who would sit next to me in math class. She was really nice, she was one of the nice popular girls. The popular group was also very extensive, it was a very large group with several subgroups. I didn't go to prom either because I was "traveling", I did go on a trip, but I was already back when prom was, and I just didn't want to go. I feel like I slowly leaned out of events during my senior year of high school, and this leaning out continued in college. I didn't even go to graduation or have my name put into the commencement programme.

It was interesting for me to observe the hierarchy of popularity in high school. It was interesting to classify people into all of the different social groups. I was aware of the hierarchy, but I wasn't able to succeed in it due to my neurodivergence. This lines up with what another poster said, that you're "on the outside looking in". Lmao, maybe I should've been a sociologist or something.

 

[heisenberg]

I felt isolated as well, I was a new kid in high school and I ended up in a friend group with the "nerds" aka the bottom of the rung, because I had met my best friend in the library on the first day. She became friends with the nerds and I joined the group as well. The nerds were all from another school and people assumed that I was also from that other school.

I was never able to integrate into the popular group even though I was friends with one popular girl that would sit next to me in math class. She was really nice, she was one of the nice popular girls. The popular group was also very extensive, it was a very large group with many subgroups. I didn't go to prom either because I was "traveling", I did go on a trip but I was already back when prom was but I just didn't want to go. I feel like I slowly leaned out of events during my senior year of high school, and this leaning out continued in college. I didn't even go to my college graduation or have my name put in the commencement programme.

this is familiar to what i did, i made friends with "nerds" and that's the people i talked to for majority of my time. i never made friends or went out of my way to talk to anyone else. they're lovely people, but i think associating myself with them kinda cemented me into this pit of being forgotten easily

 

[hikikomorizombie]

yeah. even when i was brought into cliques or friend groups, i was always noticeably the odd 1 out. ppl used to discuss plans to hangout @ school events or afterschool in front of me but never invite me, like i wasn't even there. i didn't have any friends after the age of 16, irl or online (still don't). i was the kid who spent lunch hiding in the library or bathroom, & my car when i got 1.

when i didn't make an effort, nothing changed. & when i did make an effort, nothing changed. isolation's kinda comforting though. being removed from other ppl for so long has really opened my eyes to many things abt them that i never would've noticed if i'd kept trying to be a part of themnow i have no desire for human connection & haven't in a long while; bc ik there's no human out there for me to connect to.

 

[sserafim]

this is familiar to what i did, i made friends with "nerds" and that's the people i talked to for majority of my time. i never made friends or went out of my way to talk to anyone else. they're lovely people, but i think associating myself with them kinda cemented me into this pit of being forgotten easily

Same, people would say that I was "quiet and unassuming". I also felt like I was forgotten easily, I kind of faded into the background and no one really noticed my presence. At least people thought I was nice though

 

[MrFreshTheCat]

back then i was always alone, when we were asked to make groups i just sat there alone looking miserable, at lunch time i just wandered around or sat alone and got weird looks or people made fun of me, literally dropped out of college because again i couldnt socialize enough to get a group and so i couldnt pass some stupid easy subjects and of about 100 people on the class i was literally the only 1 loser who stayed on class waiting and sitting alone, i just couldnt handle it anymore.

 

[dragonofenvy]

I also spent high school sitting alone at the lunch table, being picked last for a partner for partner assignments, if at all. I used to play a little game with myself to see how many words I'd speak during a given day. I eventually had to extend to the week because I would speak as many words as I had fingers per week. I got bullied for being the loner loser and was often called the school shooter, so I ended up eating lunches in a bathroom stall to avoid people. That was fun. I never went to any school events, no prom, no dates, no extracurriculars besides National Honor Society stuff to make my resume look nicer. I did try to make friends, I tried multiple different things at the suggestion of my school counselor and therapists, as well as ideas of my own and advice from the internet. Nothing ever seemed to work. I was still the weird, awkward loner.

My senior year of high school was the first time in my life that I had ever been invited to do something outside of school. It was just to study a college psychology class I was taking, but it was still great to finally experience something as basic as doing something with another person after school for the first time. We did this a few times but I unfortunately started treating them badly the further our friendship developed and she and the other person I hung out with cut ties with me upon graduation. At least from this, I learned lessons to take with me into the future.

I find that having a couple of online friends is all I can manage. I'd like to have different online friends from what I've got but I've never known how to go about it. During high school every so often I'd play video games with someone I knew online and that was the only thing that kept me from going insane from isolation. It's nice to be able to just do an activity and not have to worry about making small talk, you can just talk about what you're doing, and the small talk sometimes just naturally follows.

I do grieve for how lonely I was though. I wish things could've been different. I wish I could've done something better when I was in college. I know being stuck in the past doesn't do anything but sometimes there isn't anything else to do.

 

[Final_Choice]

Yeah, I was part of the nerdy/smart kids group in my high school but I still didn't even really get too close with them either, I mostly just sat with them to eat lunch but didn't really interact with them too much. I tried to get to know more people and form more friendships but it never went beyond having small talk with anyone because we just never clicked. I've always been naturally invisible to it was especially hard for me to try to make an impact on people and no matter how much I tried I still failed. Now in college I've just given up on that and embraced blending in to the background, it makes it easier to CTB and get the materials to do so since no one cares about you.

 

[RosebyAnyName]

I was brought into a "friend" group in high school specifically so that group could watch me up close and laugh at me behind my back. Funny how abusers can tell you are autistic faster than the therapists you're forced to work with while in school due to "disruptive behaviour".

Now I find myself happier isolating from everyone. Other people aren't worth the hassle when they'll only ever see you as a laughing stock.

 

[HollowDrop]

My experience was pretty one on one to yours. With the addition of active rejection and bullying from other kids. Thanks to this I get a mental trauma response to being in any school environments and a lifelong mindset that no one ever wants me near them, making human connections near impossible for me to keep. I was isolated then, and I continue to be isolated now because my childhood taught me no one wants me and anyone who seemingly does is only pretending to make use of me.
School can be a real hell on earth, children can be cruel if they haven't developed the ability to empathize with different people yet and anyone considered out of the norm will be an eyesore to them. Not to mention jealousy among teen girls.

 

[Malaria]

I had a very hard time making friends and connections in high school. I've been a recluse since about age eleven, and it just became very difficult for me to step out of my shell and meet people. I couldn't bring myself to even join afterschool clubs. All I would do is go to school, then go home and mindlessly browse the internet until it was time to go to bed.

One year I tried to fix myself by putting myself out there and trying a relationship, but that turned out bad because my ex was abusive. Honestly, I should have just stayed a recluse, it's better than putting myself out there only to get hurt.

 

[dragonofenvy]

I should have just stayed a recluse, it's better than putting myself out there only to get hurt.

This is how I feel now, though I've never been in a relationship like you. I have, however, been hurt by people who I thought were friends. I have been hurt by "professionals" who were supposed to "help" me. I've been so very distrustful ever since. When you get hurt enough you learn to avoid the source.

 

[papisprite]

throughout my entire time in high school, i felt isolated. i only met a handful of girls i "clicked" with and i only talk to two of them still. i was the person aimlessly looking around the room when we had to partner up for an assignment. one of the last to be chosen in gym, for groups, etc. i often sat by myself in the cafeteria full of people. i was one of the few kids who dressed/wore alternative makeup so i don't know if that had anything to do with it. i was extremely forgettable in high school. half of my junior year and my senior were mostly online due to covid which is the only thing that saved me. i didn't go to my senior prom and i didn't even go to my graduation.

Hell yeah. It was really hard, I always felt ostracized by everyone around me.

 

[ultrasharpy123456]

Not just in High School but also in this very forum. There's things about my life I can't tell anyone about or else I'll get cursed out.

But yes I was lonely in high school but not in the way you might think. I was actually quite popular. I had "friends." I use quotations not because they were bad people but because I felt uncomfortable around them. I felt like I couldn't really talk about what I wanted with them in a way. And maybe that's a good thing because apparently me expressing my real side to my family would sometimes piss them off.

Then there's the laughing and the mimings. I had anxiety. now how I coped with it? I laughed. Anytime I dealt with someone I laughed. And also people loved it when I did these miming things, these little dances. So anytime someone came to me they wanted me to mime out and act out something. And I did! I always just did what they told me. Sometimes I enjoyed it but other times I just wanted to be a normal high school student. And you'd think this wouldn't go on for too long right? Well imagine this was going on for 4 years. Every single day for 4 years. And even then that's a lie because it happened even ever since I was in middle school.

Then there's the running. I always ran super fast in the hallways. Why you might ask? Because I was too scared to ask for a pass. And also because in my own twisted way running was one of my only escapes. That's all school was to me. Just a place to escape from.

I remember one time I was walking once. I was late an area (by mistake). And then this one guy came and said, "Hey! Come here!" I said, "Who me?" He said, "Yeah you!" Just like that. You'd think this was an episode in a cartoon. He violently grabbed my arm and dragged me to detention in the cafeteria. The other staff were looking at me disappointed (because they knew my brother and were proud of him, but not to me as usual).

Then after school I had to take the bus. I was always the last one brought home because my apartment was far away. And when the bus didn't come "sometimes" I had to walk. There was a time when I had to stay after school for a club. Those times I was told to wait for a taxi. It never came. Turns out it actually did but the guy waited for me for too long. So I had to walk home from school. It was a long walk. Not to mention there were times I had use the bathroom. But the bathrooms were dirty. But I really had to go. So I walked home.

Then there was time in my after school club that I (against my will) went to a place far off from where I was but guess what? I had no ride home (which I tried to explain). So now I had to actually have someone else drive me home.

And the women. Oh my god the women. Some of them were flirting with me but I had to fight my every instinct to look at them. One of them, Brehal (I think was her name). Oh man I wanted to be with her so bad but I knew I couldn't because I am a twisted individual. Once she saw my member raise in science class and became flirty with me. I wanted to look at her but I knew I couldn't.

Words cannot describe how lonely I felt in highschool and definitely how lonely I feel now.

 

[xmissellax]

100%! I tried so hard to say good morning and hello and talk to people at first, but my mask quickly faded and I burned out hard. I have autism so it was always very hard mechanically socialising. I went from being the friendly acquaintance to everyone to just sticking with the other nerdy types, to missing loads of school and walking the hallways pretending I had imaginary friends and crying at one point as everyone kind of left me behind. I never finished school.

 

[BlessedBeTheFlame]

Yes. And good. I fucking deserved to be isolated. Subhumans like me ought to be shamed and mocked. Anyone pussy enough to actually bother with me should be isolated and mocked too.

 

[whywere]

Heavens, that was so long ago, 50 years, that my mind got isolated over the idea even.

Walter

 

[ijustwishtodie]

I didn't feel isolated. I basically was isolated. I was as isolated as a human being can get. I didn't talk to anybody in my high school even once (excluding teachers when they done attendance or when I was picked to answer a question). I didn't make a friend; I didn't even make an acquaintance. Hell, I didn't even make a single conversation with any of the students back in high school

 

[tsumihoroboshi]

Well, I never quite made it to high school since I dropped out in 8th grade ;; but I felt this way in junior high completely.

I hated gym so much because of COURSE I was picked last for everything. Nobody wanted me around, not to mention my asthma and tachycardia made it impossible to do anything physical task without dying (and without a doctor's note back then to excuse you, you basically get told by the gym teachers to eat shit). I was only good at dodge ball bcus it was easy to avoid being hit, but when you're the last one standing and can't throw a ball to save your life, you get hit and the whole team hates you, like. You guys all got hit before me, you should be mad at yourselves for getting out so early in the game instead of making me feel miserable for being the last one left! Oohhf!!

I've also had people ask me out as a joke, like, as if I ever believed them. I don't know why they even bothered. And I had close friends in 7th grade, but once 8th grade rolled around I no longer shared any classes with them, I never got to see them in the halls or at lunch, and my closest friend befriended the person bullying me which to this day perplexes me since he knew how much I hated that guy.

Group assignments were the worst cus no one wanted to hear my talk anyway (who would really want to...) so I just kept to myself. At least lunch was optional so I didn't have to eat alone, I just stayed in the student center waiting for time to pass. The friends I had in previous schools didn't even remember me and the ones that did wanted nothing to do with me. It became routine since 5th grade to come home crying everyday and sitting in the dark listening to sad music. That hasn't really changed for me I guess.

I was just such an outcast that when the time came that my friends had an excuse to no longer want me around, they took every opportunity to avoid me completely. When I transferred schools in 8th grade it was the same deal. Miserable, but I got my first bf that year (didn't last long bcus I'm socially stunted and couldn't comprehend romantic love) and somehow it got out at that school that I was self-harming and suicidal and I only ever told a teacher this so the teachers gossip about me too?? (Of course that's true, they used to in elementary too). So I had the fakest people ever try to be my friend like "omg let's go shopping" just out of pity.

I was just something to be pitied. That remains the same to this day... I don't know if I'll ever not be an isolated outcast in society.