H

hopeless08

Arcanist
Dec 8, 2023
492
Omg I'm getting more and more desperate. I want to go in the next few days but I can't I'm living with my mom, can't do the charcoal method here and even if I could it is so complicated and need to get the resources.
Also I'm so depressed I hardly get out of bed, I don't have the strength to go out
and gather everything and would raise big red flags.
It's amazing how hard it is to commit suicide. You can't live and you can't die it makes me so angry at the universe or god or whatever force is out there.
The only thing I have access to is a bunch of medications such as benzos, antidepressants and seizure meds.
At impulsive moments I think maybe I should just try and take them all but then again I know the odds are against succeeding. what the hell do I do?
I was suppose to go to Spain after the holidays, not because I wanted to but because my mom was pushing me, telling me to go and change my mindset since I have very close friends there. On one side I thought that maybe it would be good to go and give my mom a break and be free to let my feelings out, be myself and not have to fake a smile for my moms sake. Now I'm telling myself that I should go and since I'll be in a hotel or Airbnb apartment I'll have the opportunity but the means and method, I have no clue.
Anybody have any ideas/ advice as to this situation? 🙏
 
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