crimsonsflower
OWN
- Feb 4, 2024
- 7
i've wanted to ctb for over half of my life, and while my feelings about how i'd want that to go down has changed over time, i've found more recently that i want it to be violent and bloody. it feels immature and juvenile but i have been hurting so much with little to no reprieve that it feels like the only way i can get across how badly i've been hurting. it's all postulation at the moment, but i'm finding myself with fewer and fewer reasons to even care about keeping any of this going anymore. i'm not sure why it keeps getting insisted to me that anyone enjoys my presence when i'm so painfully alone that i've gotten to this point again. i see my friends posting online having a lot of fun with each other but i am rotting, no one talks to me anymore unless i'm the one saying something first, i don't know why i keep getting told these things when i just want to stop hurting. everything stopped having a point so long ago but i keep playing along because i don't want to hurt anyone else's feelings even though i'm suffering. i'm just so fed up and tired.
