Describing Mental pain to those who never had it

[MoreThanAFeeling]

Someone close to me who knows about my intention to CTB ask me how mental pain feels like. I said hmm good question its hard to describe. I will think about it. Later I told them that mental pain isn't physically painful yet still unbearable. The pain is a warm disgusting feeling. A feel of numbness toward life. You lose energy and the motivation to get better. All you want is stop existing.
I wasn't satisfied with my description. How would you describe the pain you feel to someone 'normal'?

 

[faust]

Hello, there are some ways to describe that on real occasions.
-Do you know what is mental pain?
-No
-It feels like you have lost all your relatives at the same time and can't live without them;
It feels like you lost in the most important competition in your life
It feels like you will never be happy again
It feels like somebody is bullying you
It feels like your heart is broken into hundreds of small peaces.

And they still won't understand the full spectrum of your feelings...

 

[Lethe]

It can manifest in many different flavors. Can feel like you're in an unfamiliar place even though you're safe at home, or feel like you're alone even when surrounded by your family who loves you, etc.

 

[russian_roulette]

I have not yet found the perfect description for myself. But I think it's like drowning, you can see everyone around you breathing and you're not being able to die.
No matter how loudly you scream for help, nobody hears you.

 

[Nutshell]

Someone close to me who knows about my intention to CTB ask me how mental pain feels like. I said hmm good question its hard to describe. I will think about it. Later I told them that mental pain isn't physically painful yet still unbearable. The pain is a warm disgusting feeling. A feel of numbness toward life. You lose energy and the motivation to get better. All you want is stop existing.
I wasn't satisfied with my description. How would you describe the pain you feel to someone 'normal'?

Interesting..
I used to separate physical from mental pain but as I've got older and suffering has continued and worsened I am certain that it is causing me physical pain and has done for a few years. Which makes sense because it's all connected essentially the same machine and it all links up to the same place. Not greatly scientific, but I think I understand my body and some of my mind.

 

[MaybeSoon]

To me my mental pain gives me a lot of physical discomfort, not sure if I'd describe it as pain as such.

It wouldn't be so bad if my body didn't ache because I'm wracked with intense anxiety and a constant feeling of dread, guilt and shame. I also feel like my skull is tight and my brain is like a dried sponge when my depression is at it's worst.

Plus my eyesite goes all weird, like I'm looking through a fog, colors lose their saturation and just look dull.

 

[Dante]

For me it is an illness, imagine being achy and numb all over all the time, having a fever which attacks all your muscles but non of the sniffly nose or head cold. Urges to up your meds and stay in bed all day not having to move. Mentally it's like someone else has taken the reigns, your thoughts arnt your own anymore, rationality and compromise get thrown out of the window and situations prior you would react normally to this new you deal with in a completely different manner. You feel like everyone is out to hurt you, no one actually cares but the "pretend" it is the ultimate feeling of loneliness. Being trapped inside a mortal flesh suit, being trapped inside your own brain, being held to ransom from the minute you wake up until the minute you go to sleep. No one truly understands how you feel because they are not you and that is the loneliest thing about it. Depression is Isolation.

 

[Indieblue]

I think we most likely have other mental problems other than depression? So to me depression feels like you are stuck and there is no way out.

 

[BipolarExpat]

Physically, it's as if I have continuous rash-like symptoms over most of my body. They'll spike without warning with sudden sharp itches or a nerve will start aching at random.
This goes together with constantly feeling dehydrated. I just can't seem to drink enough water.
My back aches along with my head and legs due to inactivity, poor posture and Iphone magnetism.

I don't feel hungry or satisfactorily full anymore. It's either empty, dried out, barren feeling pain or uncomfortably stuffed with pain stabs. I have little to no interest in food at all and have been eating crap as a result.

Mentally, I distract...constantly. This forum, 2 others and way, way too much Youtube.
In the morning (shower - or anytime w/o distractions at hand), I'm bombarded with both tragic (for me) memories and completely useless, superfluous memories.
As these excessive and unproductive memories continuously reel off in my brain, I'm also attacked with guilt, shame and embarrassment attached to them even though they're entirely innocuous.
It makes no sense other than (perhaps) losing touch with those involved in these remembrances (due to isolating) and/or that horrible surge of jealousy for those with relatively "normal" lives.

 

[Privatehell]

When I go through a major dip it feels like complete detachment to everything in life that once brought safety, happiness and contentment. I lose my sense of self, and consequently feel numbness to everyone and everything who once inspired love and hope. It's difficult for "normal" people around you to process those kinds of thoughts. Day to day activities and trivialities no longer have meaning because the anguish I feel from not finding any solace is too consuming. It feels like I'm trapped somewhere I don't belong. Then there is more textbook fatigue, headaches, muscle tension, stomach churning.

Then when I feel the storm passing, I feel lighter, I think and move faster, like I have motivation and purpose. I reconnect with who I really am again. I usually liken it to being fed after midnight and the mean gremlins taking over

 

[nerve]

It feels like you've swallowed yourself and are now being digested.

 

[s1mplem3]

I'd like to know better about mental pain and feelings.

 

[Kumachan]

I feel like i lost the best and most important, precious thing in my life. And memories are still here to remind me about it. Everything is pointless, motivation to go through this bleak existence is gone. Things that used to be fun completely lost their appeal. Waking up in the morning is the worst though, i wake up and remember that...

 

[terry_a_davis]

I would say the delusions I experienced caused feelings of intense anxiety. I also experienced pretty intense physical symptoms almost like I was being drugged up (1 of my delusions was that I was being drugged by a gas).

But anxiety was the main feeling, so i'd ask the person you were trying to describe the mental pain to, remember a time when you were really in fear of something? It's a bit like that but prolonged and for no real reason.

 

[Final Escape]

It feels like u are dying, and that it will never pass in the time while u are experiencing it. It is confusing and disorienting. It takes away my ability to even talk at times. You feel heavy, u think u might collapse if u have to be around people because it's difficult to hide. It shows up physically too. I guess this sounds like I'm describing an emotional flashback or depression. I think it's all intertwined. I had a severe case of mental anguish when I was on a date not long ago. I think the guy picked up on it that I was not right. I was in severe turmoil inside trying to pretend I'm enjoying his company lol! Almost the entire date I felt so unsettled and like I was suppressing myself it was horrible. I think him laying expectations on very fast was at least part of what raised all my insecurities. The guy wanted to date exclusively on the second date and practically wanting a commitment lol! I'm like whoa! I also was not really that attracted, but I was trying to overlook the lack of chemistry hoping maybe it can develop haha! Yea, right. If it's not there pretty immediate good luck lol! I went off on tangent lol! Sorry

 

[marriedindeed]

There was a TV prog about 10 years ago which followed a woman who suffered with Schizophrenia. Recently the TV company did a follow up prog on the lady in question – turned out she had developed terminal cancer. She was asked what was worse: the Schizophrenia or the cancer. She answered the Schizophrenia was worse as she could never forget it – it was constantly there.

I have recently been diagnosed with cancer - when I told the specialist I didn't want any treatment, except palliative care, he just didn't get it.

For me, the cancer is a means to an (literal) end.

 

[Lost in a Dream]

I have recently been diagnosed with cancer - when I told the specialist I didn't want any treatment, except palliative care, he just didn't get it.

For me, the cancer is a means to an (literal) end.

The cancer could still be a very painful way to go. In your place, I would probably just ctb right away after receiving the diagnosis, but maybe palliative care can make the process more tolerable. Whichever way you do it, I hope you find peace soon.

How would you describe the pain you feel to someone 'normal'?

The best way for me to describe it, is that it feels like I'm locked up in a cage inside of my head. It's dark and cold in here and sometimes I want out, even though world outside isn't much better (it's storming outside 24/7). The people who are "normal" might not understand what any of this means, but if they could spend even one day inside of my head, they would.

 

[katyhere]

Like walking on an ocean of happiness I cannot baptize myself in (from a spoken word poem about depression)

 

[MoreThanAFeeling]

people who are "normal" might not understand what any of this means, but if they could spend even one day inside of my head, they would.

I wish normal people could experience the mental agony suicidals suffer for only a day. I bet after the experience they would be more understanding about our decision to ctb.

 

[BridgeJumper]

Its 70% of an emotional equivalent of watching paint dry, 20% of a suffocating feeling of dread, and 10% of self hatred
I just stare at the wall all day, I cant cry for myself anymore. My body is in physical pain because of stress and anxiety, and I loathe myself so hard.

Like walking on an ocean of happiness I cannot baptize myself in (from a spoken word poem about depression)

I know this poem! 'Explaining my depression to my mother' by Sabrina Benaim. It gives me chills everytime

 

[Lost Magic]

For me it feels like a mixture of dread, loneliness and deep sadness. I am haunted by the past, lost in the now and can't even imagine any kind of meaningful future.

 

[Journeytoletgo]

Imagine your will to live being cannibalized by perpetual sadness everyday. Exhaustion, lack of social interaction, emptiness, sad for no reason, chest aching

to those who lost a love one, imagine receiving the news someone passed on every single day over and over again without a break. Crippling shock, trauma, devastation, sadness, chest ache and emotional torment over and over and over again.

 

[noname223]

I had psychosomatic pain for 3 years of my life due to my bipolar illness. It felt like someone was tearing me apart 24/7. Especially in my feet. It was like 2 horses are bound to my legs and run vertically in different direction and tear me apart. This is not a joke. I think it is an accurate description.

 

[nihilism44]

For me, the worst part is feeling like a complete outsider. I see people genuinely enjoying their life and looking forward to their future. I so desperately want to feel that way. I've had brief glimpses of hope, but it is ultimately destroyed by my dysfunctional brain. I feel so out of control. I recognize that this is a chemical imbalance, but i have lost all hope that it will ever get better. How are these people around me living day-to-day without misery? Looking forward to things? I don't look forward to anything. I dread waking up in the morning. The only time I feel calm and happy is when I am asleep. I can't compare it to physical pain. I don't know how to describe it, really. All I know is that my brain does not function like these other people. I wish I could enjoy my time here on earth like some others do. The current state of society also isn't helping at all.. I think more and more people are feeling this way everyday.

 

[FuneralCry]

For me, it is an empty feeling, like I have already died but I am still conscious and breathing. I feel disconnected from everything. There is an underlying feeling of dread. I never feel at peace and all I want to do is sleep.

 

[Superdeterminist]

I don't think I can really do better than you did, although I wouldn't describe my own experience of it as "warm". It seems impossible to get someone who has never felt that way to really understand what it's like. It's like a religious person telling me about their sense of god - I can imagine believing in a god, but that doesn't really capture the actual feeling of it, and I'll probably never know what that's truly like.

 

[Judah]

Someone close to me who knows about my intention to CTB ask me how mental pain feels like. I said hmm good question its hard to describe. I will think about it. Later I told them that mental pain isn't physically painful yet still unbearable. The pain is a warm disgusting feeling. A feel of numbness toward life. You lose energy and the motivation to get better. All you want is stop existing.
I wasn't satisfied with my description. How would you describe the pain you feel to someone 'normal'?

this describes me, I just waiting for escape, mental pain can be unbearable and is very scary

 

[Seiko]

For me, it is an emotional open wound. But instead of gauzes, sutures, anesthesia, and surgery—there is no cure. "Time heals everything" is a myth. SSRIs may help some, but not all. It affects anyone regardless of class or environment. It's an unfixable, unmistakable emotional wound with tears as blood.

 

[virtually_anybody]

On the bad days, its a heavy soul crushing feeling of everything, every negative emotion ever experienced all at one time pushing against your skull and cutting up your insides.

Its like your mind is external from you and it thinks you are a virus inside your own body. Like your brain realizes it has to eradicate you. But not quickly, that's to easy. It wants to take its time, savor the moment. Death by a Hundred-thousand traumas.

Its like playing video-games, and your fighting the boss without a weapon or protection. No health, no ammo, no nothing and you cant aquire anything.. And the boss has a handicap at his advantage.

Its like trying to scream for help. Without lungs, a voice, tears, body-language, or emotion.