Venting Depression will kill me

[AnxietyHangover]

No matter how many pills I take, what dosages, no matter how many times I visit the therapist and the psychiatrist, this thought of ctb-ing is in my mind.
I always wake up extremely depressed. Even when something good happens I can't enjoy it. I just feel miserable and think about the negative aspects. Nothing is enjoyable anymore. Even food that I used to love tastes worse now. I don't even know why I'm eating anymore. I have the means to end my life in my hands and the vast majority of the day is spent on planning and overthinking scenarios. Doing anything at all is tiresome. I work like a machine, no emotion, just cold emptiness. My poor family doesn't know what's coming. Yesterday I went with my mother to clean our family's grave spot. I couldn't help but think how this was a good thing as they will need it soon. I spent a good amount of time looking at it and thinking, so that's where I'm going to lay. Every day spent living is a day that I have to go through hell.
Depression is going to kill me, I can feel it.

 

[0xdobalina]

I can't take it any more. I just want it to stop right now.

 

[eternal.peace]

I'm so sorry you're going through this, depression is so debilitating. I can relate to what you've described, just this complete sense of anhedonia. For me, it just feels like immense suffering being trapped in a body that cannot feel joy or pleasure. I hope you find the peace you are seeking. <3

 

[WAITING TO DIE]

I understand how you are feeling, it is a living death sentence.
I suffer from chronic depression that has turned into Anhedonia.
I am like a walking corpse, alive on the outside, yet dead on the inside.
I died a while ago, yet people still think I'm alive.
All that is left of me is an empty shell, a husk that is devoid of emotion.

 

[AnxietyHangover]

I'm so sorry you're going through this, depression is so debilitating. I can relate to what you've described, just this complete sense of anhedonia. For me, it just feels like immense suffering being trapped in a body that cannot feel joy or pleasure. I hope you find the peace you are seeking. <3

Debilitating is the right word. Every day is just the same old tired bullshit. Just going through the motions to earn a salary. No enjoyment.

 

[FuneralCry]

It must be really torturous what you go through, it's dreadful how people have to suffer so much in this existence.