Venting Depressed state is comforting

[Electra]

There are moments when I actively try to reach my depressed state, just so I could feel like nothing matters, and nothing is worth putting too much effort or energy into. It's like I find comfort in depression and even in the idea of suicide itself. It's a way out that I keep close to my heart at all times. Even if I do feel like I'm starting to genuinely do better, I am kind of scared to fully let go and enjoy the ride of life. I feel like crashing is inevitable and I'm not sure how many "pick myself ups" I have left.

 

[non linear life]

I agree, depression is very comforting. I think it might be our brains trying to cope with the stress of life ( idk tho I just think that it's not proven tho)

 

[devils~advocate]

I guess there is some comfort that I don't dream about any of this....its all pleasant things. Thank goodness, Im not sure if I could stand it.
But it does start for me as soon as I wake up though....the thoughts of things in my life, past...my ctb plan...of what it will do to my family...guilt, etc.
It happens throughout the day as well. Sometimes there are gaps of time if my mind is fixated on some task or whatever.

Im going to a funeral this week (uncle)...the day before Thanksgiving. How ironic. It doesnt help my thoughts.
I was hoping to ctb before this family member passed away.

 

[ScaredOfMachines]

Depression is somewhat comforting. The emptiness of realizing just how little everything matters to you and how small you are in comparison to everything makes me feel at peace in a strange way. Guess it makes sense that the knowledge you have no ties to the world would make you happier if you're suicidal.

 

[Defenestration]

Il y a des moments où j'essaie activement d'atteindre mon état dépressif, juste pour avoir l'impression que rien n'a d'importance et que rien ne vaut la peine d'y consacrer trop d'efforts ou d'énergie. C'est comme si je trouvais du réconfort dans la dépression et même dans l'idée même du suicide. C'est une porte de sortie que je garde toujours près de mon cœur. Même si j'ai l'impression que je commence vraiment à aller mieux, j'ai un peu peur de lâcher prise et de profiter pleinement de la vie. J'ai l'impression que l'effondrement est inévitable et je ne sais pas combien de fois je peux encore me relever.

Exactly the same

 

[Electra]

Exactly the same

Do you just let this state "be", or are you welcoming it? I'm just curious how people who have similar experiences cope with it? Or maybe they deal with it by not dealing with it?

 

[passedawayinapril]

There are moments when I actively try to reach my depressed state, just so I could feel like nothing matters, and nothing is worth putting too much effort or energy into. It's like I find comfort in depression and even in the idea of suicide itself. It's a way out that I keep close to my heart at all times. Even if I do feel like I'm starting to genuinely do better, I am kind of scared to fully let go and enjoy the ride of life. I feel like crashing is inevitable and I'm not sure how many "pick myself ups" I have left.

Eternal suffering

 

[TragedyBornCrimson]

Depression is the way sensitive souls cope with the insanity of the world and existence

 

[valium]

i'm in the same boat, but it keeps me in limbo. no planning for the future since i'm sure i'm going to CTB, but time passes and i'm still alive unfortunately. i suppose eventually my inaction will render my life completely unlivable and i'll have to CTB anyway which is fine by me

 

[Electra]

Depression is the way sensitive souls cope with the insanity of the world and existence

Depression as a coping mechanism? It's both poetic and realistic. I like that.