Venting Delaying my death for others

[ma0]

My original date was in April. That date has now passed. Then, I planned to die in September. Nope, delayed it again.

Both times I've delayed my CTB date were because of friends telling me they want me to stay alive. I do sometimes worry how everyone else around me will react to my death, so I'm staying alive purely for them, because I feel bad.

The problem is though, if this keeps happening, me delaying my death for others, there will come a point where I am unable to commit. I don't know how long I can keep doing this. I pray this is the last time someone talks me into delaying it. It's my suffering or theirs, isn't that a cruel choice to make?

I have to leave soon, while I still have the means to do so.

 

[Gamelle]

I go back and forth for this. I'm delaying my death for one particular person. Problem is that delay could be 10 years or more.
My suggestion is that if you're going delay throw yourself into something to distract yourself and make time pass faster. That' my strategy. Personally, I'd rather die with peace of mind knowing there's nobody depending on me then die earlier but in anguish because I know my suicide will cause lots of problems for someone else. So keeping busy, distracting myself makes time go by faster. That's just me though.

But I get it. Like I said, I go back and forth about it daily. We've been handed a cruel fate.

 

[Lazy]

In the end it is up to you, because sadly, as long as people care for you and are aware of your plans, they will allways try to persuade you to stay. I myself am only here because of the pain I woud cause to some if I'd ctb.
It is incredibly unfair, since you are essentially living entirely for someone else, but that someone's suffering would increase your own.

 

[madwoman]

I know this pain too. I'm sad my leaving will hurt others and knowing how much I hurt after my mom took her life when I was a kid. I have been distancing myself from some people - but not solely for this reason my mental health is just bad so it makes it hard. I feel guilty bc two of my family members are going to bring new babies soon too. I don't want to cause any stress or worsen anyone's life. But it's hard being miserable and sad hating being me so there's that too. It would be worth trying to make your own life better and more reasons for you to want to stay, I feel like we should have more than just other people to try and enjoy our life.

 

[eggsausagerice]

i've been trying to cut my best friend off for the past 2 months as a defense strategy but he's the only one that bothers talking to me even though i'm actively suicidal and whiny. i've gotten to the point where i feel like my death will just make the lives of the people around me better or about the same because i've been so depressive and not fun to be around. my friend keeps telling me not to kill myself when i bring up my suicidal thoughts but he doesn't know what to do to help me since he lives in a different city. if i cut him off, then he'll only have to hear about the aftermath of my suicide. i know he'll just want to keep stopping me if i trust him.

 

[SeafoamSkeleton]

I struggle with this too. I don't want to cause other people pain, but I also want to die. I don't think there's a way to have both, so here I sit suffering so they don't have to. Sometimes it gives a purpose to the suffering, but lately I've just been feeling trapped.

 

[EmptyBottle]

My original date was in April. That date has now passed. Then, I planned to die in September. Nope, delayed it again.

Both times I've delayed my CTB date were because of friends telling me they want me to stay alive. I do sometimes worry how everyone else around me will react to my death, so I'm staying alive purely for them, because I feel bad.

The problem is though, if this keeps happening, me delaying my death for others, there will come a point where I am unable to commit. I don't know how long I can keep doing this. I pray this is the last time someone talks me into delaying it. It's my suffering or theirs, isn't that a cruel choice to make?

I have to leave soon, while I still have the means to do so.

Mmmm... true, it is not a fun choice. There is no 'let an AI live for you' option available, though would be interesting if one could wipe one's consciousness and let some superintelligence simulate a realistic version of oneself, so no one knows the swap occured.

 

[bankai]

Others have their own life to worry about. I think each of us have complete say in our own life. If you want to live, live. And if you don't? That's fine too.

Each second is so slow for me at this point. It doesn't feel normal. I wish I could just Fast forward to my old age and just pass on. But since this isn't really a possibility. I'll have to choose CTB

 

[TBONTB]

My original date was in April. That date has now passed. Then, I planned to die in September. Nope, delayed it again.

Both times I've delayed my CTB date were because of friends telling me they want me to stay alive. I do sometimes worry how everyone else around me will react to my death, so I'm staying alive purely for them, because I feel bad.

The problem is though, if this keeps happening, me delaying my death for others, there will come a point where I am unable to commit. I don't know how long I can keep doing this. I pray this is the last time someone talks me into delaying it. It's my suffering or theirs, isn't that a cruel choice to make?

I have to leave soon, while I still have the means to do so.

it's nice that your friends care. This is totally your decision, of course. A question I have is whether the delays were an idea that you liked, once someone suggested? By which I mean is part of you not really to go? If that's true, it's important and good for you to know

But in terms of the friends, of course you will have to make your own decision independently of them.

I struggle with this too. I don't want to cause other people pain, but I also want to die. I don't think there's a way to have both, so here I sit suffering so they don't have to. Sometimes it gives a purpose to the suffering, but lately I've just been feeling trapped.

Right? Other people might not be enough of a reason. Or maybe they are enough of a reason to not die, but not enough of a reason to really live.