Delayed suicide

[despairbrownb]

Hi. Just wanna ask if it is really normal if you felt you want to delay your suicide for a while. Ive been planning mine using SN, and I've already found my supplier. I hope I will be able to purchase one and follow the steps you provided me. Also, thank you for providing me the SN thread and some information about the recommended drugs to be used. The past weeks have been unbearable for me. I've been very depressive and remorseful over what Ive done recently and my trauma over 5 years ago when I was dismissed from my job still keeps haunting me, and anxiety attacks regarding what will be happen in the future and what people have been thinking of me keeps hounding me. If I let myself live, I will only become a monster. Many people already hate me and shun me for who I am. I've completely lost the will to live. Ive been wondering this weeks if I have PTSD and psychosis/schizophrenia, and if Im a narcissist and anti social. There really is no way to get professional help here in the Philippines especially if youre poor and most specially if most people are still uneducated on mental health matters, and the most painful is that even your parents cannot understand you. Ive avoided talking to my parents regarding my mental health issues because they always only end up gaslighting, dismissing, invalidating and victim-blaming me, and that Im only using my mental illness for clout and manipulation. Ive also been contemplating if I have to write a suicide note or not? I still dont know what to write. And I am also worried about my parents, how will they react and will my death devastate them. How does it really feel if you have a relative or loved one who died by suicide? I admit Im insensitive and still oblivious about this because I never experienced it. As much as possible, I want my parents to be comforted and that there is nothing they can do, and I dont want them to feel guilty.

 

[Sea Turtle]

Hey, sorry you've been through so much. It is pretty normal to wait or delay, I do think it's best to be 100% certain of your decision. Personally, I plan on waiting too, as I just want to have it in hand for peace of mind and to have the option. I understand how it's like to have no one IRL who understands mental health, and I hope you're able to find support and people who do understand here. im not too familiar with notes writing, as it is deeply personal and up to each person but there has been a lot of good threads about it and you should be able to search "Note" and see old threads. Wish you the best in whichever path you take!

 

[FuneralCry]

There is no rush to ctb, I do believe that it is normal to delay your suicide, it is your life and your decision after all and we all have the right to exit at a time of our own choosing. I think that in many cases, just having a way to exit this world can be comforting for many people. I am sorry for all the suffering that you are going through, it sounds horrible what you are experiencing. I wish you the best in whatever happens.

 

[CommitSudoku]

As others said, I think it can be normal to delay, especially if you're still living your life and things come up and you want to handle them. Nothing wrong with delaying it, in the end it's whatever is best for you and suicide is irreversible when it works so it's better if you get anything you want in order, and try anything you'd like to first.

Ive also been contemplating if I have to write a suicide note or not? I still dont know what to write. And I am also worried about my parents, how will they react and will my death devastate them. How does it really feel if you have a relative or loved one who died by suicide? I admit Im insensitive and still oblivious about this because I never experienced it. As much as possible, I want my parents to be comforted and that there is nothing they can do, and I dont want them to feel guilty.

You don't have to write one if you don't want to, it's completely up to you. Given what you said about wanting your parents to have comfort, leaving a note could definitely help since unless your death looks like an accident, they'll be overthinking. That happens even with notes, people will in some ways always view things how they view them, some people will always blame themselves. And for death in general, there will always be countless, "what ifs," death is major and irreversible so it is devastating. It's also a part of life though. I'm sorry what I'm writing here probably isn't too comforting, but it's just kind of the way death is unfortunately. As much as we don't want to hurt people, it will happen. Even if we remain alive it will happen. For where to start on a note I'd just put down anything you'd want others to know but cannot say. Or even just anything you want to be known, it's your note so if you write one it's completely up to you and what you want to be in it.