Venting Decision and Calming Medication

[eiyuu]

So! I've made my decision, and I'm going to ctb on August 15. I have 41 days left to go. Kinda wild that I made the countdown originally at the 200 days mark!

I've thought it over, what I want to do in life, what I'll be leaving behind, who I'll be leaving behind, and I genuinely think it's best for me to ctb. I tried convincing myself that running away would change my feelings, dedication to education, a goal for retirement. But that was all just an illusion of a better deck of cards.

I've deleted most of my social media, all of my instagrams are gone, my facebook is deactivated save for messenger so I can talk to my closest friends. The only actual thing I have is snapchat, and there's only 3 people on it anyway. I'm quitting my job once my final CERB cheque comes in, and then taking care of the funeral preplanning. Depending on how much it is and how I go about ctb, I might just take out all of the cash I have and leave it in a little bag for my Dad.

I'm tied between a few methods, particularly jumping off a cliff, hanging, and overdose. I would just self harm my way out of it, but it's too much of a hassle, and I don't want my Dad finding me. I've decided that with either of those methods, I'm going to go someplace far and call the police, give them the location, and then do it before they can arrive.

But I was wondering, what kind of medication would be good for solving nerves? I stole one of my Dads Lorazepam that would easily put me in la la land before I do the act, and if I happened to survive I would already be in extreme la la land anyway.

But also, if anyone has any recommendations (such as sleeping pills, anxiety pills) to help the process be much smoother, I'll happily take it!

 

[charlottewilts]

it seems you have fully made up your mind about this, so I won't try to sway you. i hope you can find peace either way.

calling the police after you hang yourself or overdose is a bad idea. you could be rescued and sent to a ward, and have lasting physical damage too. and with jumping, what if you decide against it at the last moment? if you want to make sure you're found after, it would be worth looking into delayed messages or e-mails.

calming yourself down, as you said, would be best achieved with benzos. short-acting benzodiazepines would be best since they start working the fastest. moderate amounts of alcohol with it would help.

do you mind me asking, what is it that you're thinking of ODing on?

 

[autumnal]

So! I've made my decision, and I'm going to ctb on August 15. I have 41 days left to go. Kinda wild that I made the countdown originally at the 200 days mark!

I've thought it over, what I want to do in life, what I'll be leaving behind, who I'll be leaving behind, and I genuinely think it's best for me to ctb. I tried convincing myself that running away would change my feelings, dedication to education, a goal for retirement. But that was all just an illusion of a better deck of cards.

I've deleted most of my social media, all of my instagrams are gone, my facebook is deactivated save for messenger so I can talk to my closest friends. The only actual thing I have is snapchat, and there's only 3 people on it anyway. I'm quitting my job once my final CERB cheque comes in, and then taking care of the funeral preplanning. Depending on how much it is and how I go about ctb, I might just take out all of the cash I have and leave it in a little bag for my Dad.

I'm tied between a few methods, particularly jumping off a cliff, hanging, and overdose. I would just self harm my way out of it, but it's too much of a hassle, and I don't want my Dad finding me. I've decided that with either of those methods, I'm going to go someplace far and call the police, give them the location, and then do it before they can arrive.

But I was wondering, what kind of medication would be good for solving nerves? I stole one of my Dads Lorazepam that would easily put me in la la land before I do the act, and if I happened to survive I would already be in extreme la la land anyway.

But also, if anyone has any recommendations (such as sleeping pills, anxiety pills) to help the process be much smoother, I'll happily take it!

Lorazepam is pretty good for the relaxation purposes, assuming you have access to more of it. Note however that you can not use it as an actual overdose method, but only to provide relaxation during another proper method.

As someone else mentioned, don't call the police before your attempt, there is too much chance of you being either stopped from attempting or rescued and saved afterwards.